Habakuk:
The Body Must Be Free

My nudist and extreme body play friend “Habakuk” lives in the rural Horn of Africa where he is probably the most famous “mzungu” (white guy) in his area for reasons I can’t discuss here — unfortunately large parts of this interview have had to be redacted to protect his identity. But, as with many upstanding and successful individuals, he has many kinky interests that only those closest to him know about. Near his home where he hikes nude — “real old-fashioned African bush the way Livingstone found it… my paradise” — amid game like bushbuck, blue monkeys, baboons, duikers, hyena, and leopards, all harmless to humans, he can exercise, think, and be himself. Among other things, this includes swinging from the trees, held up by nothing but his scrotum.

“The most important thing of all is, I think, to feel your body. I think that many people do not ‘feel’ their body. For most it is just there, and they realize that they have a body when someone touches it for sex, but I experience and feel my body and skin all the time. Clothing messes it up, and that is why I do not want it. Prepare naked for whatever you do. The body must be free.”

Habakuk’s experiences with body modification and body play center around the extremes of personal freedom and the extremes of sensation, and the joys that both of those can bring a person. He has a purity of experience in all things that I admire greatly.

* * *

Shannon: Let’s start by talking about where you grew up.

I grew up in Papua New Guinea, between Papuas of the stone age. I was a mission child in an uncontrolled (by government) area that could only be reached by plane, landing against a hilltop. Those people were the most primitive man eaters, and naked except for a tube on their penis. I saw them eating their own chief and I saw tribal wars with poisoned arrows right in front of our house. Excellent body modificators though — but I did not pick up the idea there.

Shannon: Were you at all exposed to indigenous modifications?

The upcountry Papuas, and to a lesser extent also coastal Papuas, did modifications. Generally they were not sexually oriented, except for the penis gourd. I do not know the exact meaning, but the men started wearing the tubes at puberty, when they were only allowed a short one. Depending on their performance in life and war, they were progressively allowed to wear longer ones. The biggest were for chiefs, and they were sometimes bent to allow them to be bigger. We were the first missionaries who went there, so we knew very little about their sexuality — during my time the first priority was to learn the language.

The women also had a modification which had a sexual meaning that we didn’t understand either… at regular intervals they had one of their fingers chopped short. Of course the other modifications are well known — big earrings, and especially the tusks of swine through the nose. Scarification in patterns was also very common.

Shannon: Do you think growing up in Papua New Guinea influenced your own interests at all, even if just the nudism?

I have no idea whether New Guinea influenced my desire for nudism or pain. I actually think that it was in my genes from the onset. I cannot eliminate the feeling of clothes, so nudism is all important. I cannot imagine doing a suspension with my clothes on — it just would not work. Of course the sensation concentrates in the play area, but the conditions to enjoy it are set by the whole body.

Shannon: Why did you leave New Guinea?

We left New Guinea because my fathers contract with the [redacted] Baptist Mission ended.

We went to [redacted] and I finished my studies there. Immediately after my studies I looked for a way to escape the draft. I enlisted as a volunteer to work in Tanzania as an engineer, which I did for two years, and then went back to [redacted] where I continued my studies and got married. I was then a member of a Naturist (FKK) society, and made it a condition that my wife would agree to adopt a nudist lifestyle. She agreed, but we eventually divorced three years ago.

Shannon: Is that what made you decide to move back to Africa?

I moved back because I could not stand the over-regulated, “I don’t care about the rest of the world”, [redacted] society. They think that they enjoy freedom, but do not realize that they live in a straight-jacket of rules and over-regulation. I always say: they can say what they want but not do what they want. This applies to general life, and to sexuality in particular. In the time I left, sexuality and nakedness were no topics for discussion. In many ways Africa provides much more freedom.

Shannon: And your split with your wife?

My wife gave up on nudism, and made it difficult for me to practice it. I gave in but eventually of course that created big problems in our marriage.

In the beginning she accepted my kinkier interests — only to keep me happy — but she did not like it. She did not want anything to do with masochistic games and modifications. For her it was absolutely crazy, as it was for most “normal” people. It was a part of the reason for the break up of my marriage, which I delayed for fifteen years because of my children. Her jealousy, nagging, lack of any sexual fantasy, and eventually almost total absence of sex were the other reasons.

Shannon: What does your current wife think about it?

My new wife knows about it, but does not really understand. I have an agreement in the sense that she allows it, but does not want to see it. She says she is mainly scared about permanent damage or other negative effects. I am working on her, but basically my relationship with her is a “normal” one, except that she loves to be naked too. She loves walking in the bush and to shake her little fat backside in front of me, and at home she is usually naked.

We met through friends from [redacted] who had more or less adopted her and paid for her school fees. They asked me to look after her when they went home at the end of their contract. I guess I did it a bit too well! I had known her already for five years before things started to develop. In the beginning, we just talked about life. I guess the thing that really made me think about her romantically was the ease with which she took her clothes off when we went for a walk in the [conservation area near where we now live in Africa] together with our friends from [redacted].

Shannon: Do you mind telling me what you now do in Africa?

[redacted — sorry, because it’s quite fascinating!] … what keeps me busy right now. I have a small manufacturing company, where we make pumps, windmills, and steel window and door frames.

* * *

Shannon: Tell me about what you do to relax…

As far as I am concerned, to be free in nature is the most important thing in life. I am a fanatic nudist. I love body modification and certain kinds of pain — you know what I mean. I do not think that I would relish the pain of dying of cancer, as I saw my father suffering.

Shannon: And your interest in pain is linked to your sexuality?

You know that is a horribly difficult question, because I do not know the right answer. As a young boy of seven or eight I had no idea about sex, but I had all these ideas about being tied up, locked up, whipped, and so on. I remember that I made an automatic tie-up machine out of Meccano in my wardrobe. Why is that? Freud probably would have had some fancy explanations, about some youth syndrome or something like that… but they would not fit. I had a most liberal free upbringing. Sure, in those days adults would not tell you about sex, and you had to find out for yourself, but I do not think that gave me any trauma.

So why do I — we — want this? I simply do not know. I guess I was just born like that, as you are born with certain other abilities and drives. All I know is that I like it, and that I have outgrown all my guilty feelings about enjoying what I want.

Shannon: Did you ever consider as a child what your interests “meant”?

When I was a kid playing with myself, I did not have any idea why or what it meant. I did it mostly privately, but not completely. My brother was sometimes involved, and my parents were asking what the hell I was doing in the wardrobe — I did not really hide it at that time. Guilt came later when I discovered sexuality and masturbating. My parents never said anything, but gave me that little church book… You know, about hell and damnation if you touch yourselves. I did not even dare to talk or ask about my desire for sexual pain. I knew that everyone would say it was bad and that I was crazy.

* * *

Shannon: You don’t have any permanent modifications, correct?

I have pierced myself for years, but I cannot have permanent ones yet. My new wife may allow me some in due course but she is scared of these things. I have made a special ring design around the root of the penis going through the skin just above the scrotum and I also have designs for permanent 4mm stainless steel pins — not rings — through the nipples to be connected with a string of beads to the penis rings. Maybe one day…

Shannon: But temporary piercings you do perform…

I used to pierce my skin with needles. At first I was scared to do more, but when I learned that no harm was done, I grew bolder. I did not use surgical needles because they are too sharp and cut the skin and cause bleeding, and at the same time they do not really hurt. I push homemade needles, up to 4mm in thickness, pointed like a normal pin through the skin slowly. It is much more effective than surgical needles because they do not cut the skin, but open it and spread it. I started using surgical needles when I started not just piercing the skin but going right through the body of the penis, nipples, and scrotum, mainly because I wanted to be sure about sterility.

Shannon: How do you make the needles?

I make needles out of stainless steel piano wire. It’s very simple — just sharpen the end and bend the other end in a loop. I made the thick needles out of ¹/₈” brazing rod, as well as hairpins.

Shannon: Is your bed of nails part of the same sort of play?

My nail bed fits in the general pattern. The relation between pain and sex is interesting, but not clear to me. If I am very blue, I long for pain, but sometimes after a long session of self-torture I just do not need sex any more. It seems that the pain session has replaced the need for sex. On the other hand, if I do masturbate after a pain session it comes with a vengeance. It also depends on whether you are really relaxed — and whether you used some Dutch courage or not.

What is clear is that I prefer the slow build-up of pain. The needles fit this pattern, the suspension does, and the nail bed fits in as well. I can lay on it and feel the pain, fierce in the beginning, then beginning to settle and burn, and eventually it replaces everything else.

Shannon: Let’s get to the main thing and talk about your scrotal stretching and play.

The scrotal stretching came about a long time ago. I was a boy of maybe seventeen when I tied my balls to a rope and a water pipe in my room and bent over backwards to pull. It was just the need for pain. I had no idea of stretching and scrotal suspension, although it was probably in the back of my mind.

After seeing pictures of stretching and suspension on the web, I started experimenting. I started with ropes, then with a wooden block, and finally I made metal rings. I wear this ring permanently. My wife knows and has accepted it, but unfortunately this is a very conservative country, and not much is openly possible. I would love to meet like-minded people and show off!

The actual stretching is caused by regular exercise, not by the wearing of the ring — the tendons holding the testicles have developed much more strength. My stretching is now subjected to the law of diminishing profits: At first my balls would stretch 1cm per month. Now it is reduced to 1cm per half year, but they still stretch.

In the beginning I used the wooden block with a hole of 32mm (1 ¼”) and it worked well at first but gradually I had swelling problems with it. When I made my first metal ring I had to increase the size slightly since it looks like with exercise the internal tissue thickens when strengthening. Also interesting is that the skin of the sack feels thicker, especially the part that covers the balls outside the ring. When I take the ring off, that skin pulls together and feels leathery, showing that the contracting muscles of the skin of the scrotum have strengthened. I think that this shows the need for exercise, gradually increasing the strain, to build strength.

Shannon: When you actually suspend, how do you prepare?

I do a warm-up before any pain session. The main issue is to relax, to concentrate on what is going to come. I usually arouse myself sexually, but not always. I may have a gin and tonic, mainly to forget everything else. I may play with my balls and tell them to get ready for suffering. Physically I lubricate the skin with some talcum powder or Vaseline.

I usually suspend for as long as I can bear it. At the moment that’s about three minutes, which I repeat two or three times afterwards. I hope however to extend how long I can suspend to fifteen minutes — the problem at this moment is not the balls as such, but my body. The limitation is set by my stomach muscles. It slowly improves, because I am learning to let the body bend over backwards more freely. I can hang straight upside down, which is more relaxing, but the limitation is the blood pressure building up in the head.

Shannon: What does it feel like to do a scrotal suspension?

When I hang there my mind concentrates totally on controlling the body and the pain. On achievement. Afterwards you feel totally satisfied, relaxed, and tired.

Shannon: Have you had any complications?

I read with interest about the little incident you had when someone almost lost a testicle [Editor’s note: this is in reference to Roy from “Roy’s Nut Hang” whose scrotum once split open during a suspension and exposed and almost caused the loss of a testicle]. I have had no complications. The reason is, I guess, that I built up slowly. I took my time to build strength. In the beginning I could not even bear 5kg. I carefully experimented with rings and blocks to give the balls sufficient support. The trick is that the ring must be tight, and well shaped. The problem with that is that it restricts the circulation, and the balls start swelling, so you cannot wear such a ring permanently. If the ring is too loose, you can feel that the epididymis is squeezed out under the ring when force is applied. This organ is the one that causes the pain when you are kicked in the balls, and consequently this is very painful, and not a “pleasant” pain. Adjust the size of the ring and now the actual testicles start squeezing out. I solved the problem by making the ring less loose and stuffing it with some foam rubber during a session to keep the epididymis in place.

It’s important to listen to the body. After all, the function of pain is to warn the mind to prevent damage to the body. I learned that from Lawrence of Arabia, who said “Pain does not matter and is useful. The trick is to know how much pain will indicate the start of real damage”. Balls are not designed to dangle from, and you have to develop their strength gradually — but it is amazing how fast this happens.

Shannon: Does it feel better to do the suspensions outside?

The best environment to play in is in the bush in the open air. Obviously most people will do their game inside because they do not have any other place to go. What we do can generally not be done in public… yet. But in my experience, do it outside whenever you can. It is much more relaxing and exciting. The sun and a little wind on the skin enhances the awareness of your body.

The most important thing of all is, I think, to feel your body. I think that many people do not “feel” their body. For most it is just there, and they realize that they have a body when someone touches it for sex, but I experience and feel my body and skin all the time. Clothing messes it up, and that is why I do not want it. Prepare naked for whatever you do. The body must be free.

Shannon: Does the suspension experience change over time?

Yes, the experience does change as time passes. The thing is that in normal life the brain is always busy with something, but when you suspend that is all gone. There is only one thing: the balls with the body hanging from it. Afterwards you lay down — do nothing. Maybe repeat the exercise after a few minutes. Maybe masturbate, but if not, you feel as if you had an orgasm… the same feeling of total satisfaction. As time passed, and the initial fear for damage or injury disappears, I enjoy it more. It is more relaxing.

Shannon: Is there a recovery period?

There is a short recovery period, allowing the circulation to reestablish. The scrotum is wedged tight in the ring, and you have to pull it back, but after a few minutes you can do it again.

* * *

Shannon: Can you describe some more what the pain-pleasure experience is like?

Just imagine the pain wracking your body, when you are hanging on a rope tied around your balls, and enjoying it! “Absolutely crazy”, so-called normal people will say — when I was a young fellow I worried a lot about that. However, the fact was that I had a much nicer and better orgasm, “helping” myself if I thought of being tortured — my body just begged for it. Naturally I tried it out. I whipped myself. I hung weights on my balls. I tied them hard. I experimented with needles, electricity, you name it. The excitement of just planning something, making my dick as hard as the handle of a hammer, was already a joy, but the kick of the actual pain of a thick needle slowly driven through the foreskin cannot be described. Before you do it, you can already feel the pain of the tip of the needle on the skin, slowly increasing, building up the pressure. The skin breaks, and stretches. You need all your power to drive the needle deeper. The skin on the other side stretches, turns white under the pressure, until the tip of the needle breaks through. You have done it. Then comes the reward of an extreme orgasm…

Nuts? Yes, sure, but I have now learned to enjoy being crazy. It took me time to realize that I was made this way, and that I did not create myself. If I have been created enjoying pain like that, well, I better enjoy it. To hell with what the rest of the world may think of it.

Shannon: Did you have other worries about what you were doing as well?

One thing — “Am I alone?” I wondered how far I could go? I dreamed about driving a needle right through my dick or balls, and I dreamed about hanging by my balls. I dreamed of having permanent needles through my nipples and dick, but the question remained: could this be done without undue risk and danger? What will happen? There was no one to ask, and I had a partner who did everything possible to stop me.

Then came the computer, and with that the Internet.

It was great discovering BME — after all these fake wishy-washy SM sites, finally something real. There it was: Needles right through the dick. The balls. Nails, cutting, rings, everything. I went right through the whole library. The biggest surprise of all: a guy dangling upside down by the balls, which were stretched out a foot or so. It could be done!

I hardly slept, and went to work straight away.

But how? I am an engineer, and I know a thing or two about stresses. I realized that just tying a rope around my balls was possible, but the stresses would be born by just a few strands of skin. The skin would be torn easily, and the stress would never be on the same place. I needed something else to distribute the force of my weight evenly over the skin and internal structures of my balls. At first I tied a curtain rope around my balls, which I protected with a piece of cloth in such a way that there was a loop in the rope on each side of the testicles. This distributed the weight quite well.

I hung a block and tackle from the ceiling, with a weighing scale in-between, and started exercising. That was tough! In the beginning I just managed to pull with ten pounds or so… This was going to be a long haul! By increasing the force a little bit each day I made progress, and after a month I could bear 30kg for a few seconds.

Shannon: What was it like as you started to approach bearing masses equivalent to your body weight, and could actually suspend?

The strain on my balls was enormous. Sometimes blood was oozing from the skin, but I came closer and closer to my goal, and finally that big day came when I released my hands from the rope that held up my upper body weight. I was dangling freely with a 12kg weight on my feet, stretched horizontally — 92kg in total. My balls were dark purple and the strain stretched the skin like a drum skin. They looked as if they were polished. The pain was enormous, but that did not prevent my dick’s reaction. The bastard knew what reward would be his!

I only managed for a few seconds, but I had succeeded! When I came down I had an orgasm like never before. Guess what? I am not so young anymore, and over the years the volume and strength of my come had been reduced. It would just lie there on my belly, at the end of my dick, but now, after all this exercise, some essential muscles have apparently been strengthened, and I came with a quantity and force as never before! Right up to my face.

The days, weeks, and month after, I continued exercising to be able to hang longer, but I also wished to hang without the weight on my feet. This took me another two months, but eventually I was dangling hanging by the balls, with my body leaning backwards. My balls stretch up to 25cm below my crotch or 10cm above the kneecap.

I finally replaced the wooden block with a permanent brass and stainless steel ring. It is a beautiful ring with my coat of arms on it. The ring keeps my balls permanently lowered to about 15cm below my crotch. It makes me aware all the time of the presence of my balls, when they dangle between my legs, whether I am dressed or not — usually not!

* * *

Shannon: You mentioned that you were a missionary child… Do you mind if I ask about your religious views?

I do not mind talking about it. As you can understand, I had a Protestant Christian upbringing, but because of where I have been, I have been in touch with many other beliefs. It makes you realize that it is so futile to claim that we Christians are the only correct ones. If I had been born a Muslim I would probably a fanatic Muslim by now. But then there is the question “is there a God?” We have absolutely no proof — it is just a belief. So I decided to die spiritually, and to be born again. I tried consciously to ban all of what I had from my mind, and I started reading — the Bible, yes, but also the Koran. I studied Bahia, Hinduism, and Buddhism.

My conclusion? I think that there is more to life than substance. I cannot prove it, but I can sense it, and see it in the way evolution is regulated and used as a laboratory for development. There must be a power which we do not know yet. The rest of religion is crap. What would such a power wish us to do with our lives? Well, the ten commandments are a good start — they just make sense — and it basically repeats in all faiths. And that is where my religion stops.

About our nakedness? Well, this big power, God, created us naked, and he saw that it was good. He never told anyone to dress up. Christ, that great prophet, died naked on the cross. It is only some church idiots who insist on always drawing a piece of cloth in front of his dick.

I am very curious to find out when I die what the truth is.

Shannon: Finally, anything you’d do differently if you could do it all over again?

Unfortunately my exploration of my interests comes a bit late, because definitely I would have done things differently if I had been in touch earlier. I am almost sixty, and I am not as randy and strongly masochistic as I was before. It is too late to find a partner with similar ideas. If [BME and greater awareness of this subject] had existed when I was eighteen, my whole life would have been different.

Shannon Larratt
BME.com

On Pins and Needles:
A Lifetime of Play Piercing

Shannon: Tell me a little about yourself.

I’m in my early forties, was born in Colorado, and moved around the country a lot as my folks were in the military. We finally settled in the deep south of Mississippi in 1981.

I’m an A+ certified computer technician with an extensive background in holographic imaging for over fifteen years off and on, and I’m an amateur artist who sings classical choral music and opera. I love classical music as well as all other forms of music like new age, light rock, pop, disco, and so on. I’m heavy into science fiction as well as science fact. I’m also heavy into video games to the extent that I’m building an arcade machine for my living room. I’m considered legally blind from birth.

[Editor’s note: Thomas is currently involved in a number of fascinating projects that are quite public; unfortunately they can’t be talked about here without risking revealing his identity.]

Shannon: Legally blind?

Legally blind means that I have some vision, but not enough to drive, fly a plane, or recognize people at a distance. I also have limited fields of view, and some blind spots. In my case, I only see bellow the horizon, and my side vision is very poor. My vision in the left eye is only finger count at four feet, and the right is only correctable to 20/100 with lenses, but still both eyes have the field of view loss, and blind spots. This condition is called bilateral coloboma. It’s a congenital birth defect that involves the lack of cells that make up the light sensitive retina in some parts of the eyes, and is often mistaken for detached retina by less experienced eye doctors. The condition also affects the shape of the iris which gives me a “U” shaped pupil. Fortunately, I have brown eyes which hides this a bit. The United States Air Force medical division even did a medical documentary on my condition using video footage of me trying to read a book demonstrating another eye problem I, and many others have called “astigmatism” or something like that in which the eyes can’t fixate on a target very well, and move around too much to be able to focus properly.

I chose to make holograms because there is no focusing involved. You just bounce light off carefully placed mirrors, subject matter, and film. No camera is involved. Just a dark room. But I’ve been out of the holography business for a few years due to financial reasons. Hmmm… How about a hologram of a piercing for the cover? I only wish I were set up do industrial holography for mass production. Oh well, it was just a thought. I couldn’t do a live subject, it would have to be a small replica or something. It’s a physics thing.

* * *

Shannon: Tell me about your play piercing interest?

I frequently enjoy sticking pins into myself as an adrenaline rush as well as the satisfaction of an idle sadistic curiosity, I suppose. It’s also a kind of “mind over matter” thing. It really gets my heart pounding when I’m piercing my breasts and or nipples. It sometimes enhances sexual stimulation.

Shannon: How did you discover this interest?

I got started with this sort of thing more than thirty years ago when I was a kid. It all started when I accidentally crashed my bike into one of those trees that has all those long three to four inch thorns on them. Some of them stuck me very deeply in the arms, legs, and even my chest. The strange thing was that there was almost no pain, and I noticed I had become a bit aroused by the strange sensation of a dozen or so of these thorns stuck in me. Ever since that day I found my self experimenting with just about every pin and needle I could lay my hands on, and I also got extremely fascinated by images of acupuncture being done, or injections being given.

The next thing I knew, I found my self stealing my mother’s pins and needles and sticking them just under my skin in my fingers, and arms at first, and then a few months later, I started experimenting with inserting them into my breasts. The sensation of having pins stuck deeply into my breasts was awesome, and very arousing. I’m sure my mother wondered what was happening to all those pins she noticed missing from her sewing box!

Shannon: What specifically do you enjoy about it?

The sexual thrill, the rush, sexual, rush, and curiosity drove my obsession with needles and piercings.

Shannon: Do you think being blind plays a role in it at all?

There may be something to that, as tactile sensation does play an important roll in the life of someone with visual problems… Yes, it certainly played a major roll in my piercing sessions.

Shannon: When you started play piercing, did anyone know what you were doing?

All of this was happening while I was still in grade school, and I wasn’t even ten years old yet. I tried my first deliberate self inflicted piercing back in 1975. It was not much, just under the skin of my hand, and a friend of mine and I would freak out the girls in our class by showing them what we had mastered.

Shannon: Did you continue to “share” your interest?

Back in 1975, I really kept to myself, and only showed one close friend this activity. I think my mother was aware of my activity back then when she noticed a small scar on my left breast — she is a nurse, so she would know these things. My friend’s reaction was “You are weird!” But, he got over it, and I never pressed the issue with him. Even today, only about three other friends of mine know about my play piercing activity. Sometimes I’ll tell this to those I want to run off that I don’t want to be bothered by relationship-wise if they don’t get the message. It works well.

Shannon: How did your play piercing interest escalate?

For about twenty years or so I mainly stuck to shallow insertions just under the skin of my belly, and chest, and then gradually worked my way up to experimenting with the more dangerous straight in, and deeper piercings. I damned near punctured a lung with one of these stunts, but the sensation I felt of a needle that deep was awesome. But I came to my senses and never went quite that deep again.

Shannon: When did you start doing play piercing in your nipples?

It wasn’t until just a few years ago that I started exploring the intense sensation of pushing a needle deep into my nipples, and giving them a light twist. Even then, I still had not tried going through the nipple like one would for putting in jewelry. My first nipple piercing was of course straight in, and deep. This was an awesome sensation, and I did it frequently for a long time. I tried my first full breast skewering just within the last couple of years. I have slowed down my piercing activities recently as diabetes makes it take longer for the body to repair itself. But I still engage in it from time to time. A few years ago, I wanted to use very long needles for full breast skewering, and deep penetration, but could not find any anywhere, so I experimented with making my own needles from 18 to 20 gauge steel rods or wire, and a dremel with a sharpening stone on it. These actually worked better than the common straight pins I had. But I got tired of making my needles, and actually found a source for long hat pins through Manhattan Wardrobe Co in New York City, and a few other sewing supply houses that sell nice two and a half to three inch corsage pins as well. I suppose that in my time, I’ve used everything including common straight pins, safety pins, tacks, push pins, home made pins, hat pins, corsage pins, and even acupuncture needles, of which I was even able to find six inch versions although these are so flimsy you really have to work to use them. The only type of needle I have not used yet are the injection type needles. I won’t use these for several important reasons. Most importantly, they are not cheap. Second most important, they do a lot of tissue damage because they have an off axis tip which does more cutting than piercing. Third, they are hollow, which can serve as a a vector right into the body for bacteria. Also, I’ve noticed most piercings done with these needles tend to bleed. So I stick to pins and needles that do as little damage to tissue as possible. I have yet to try suspension, and probably won’t because I’m a diabetic. Diabetics have thinner skin than healthy folks, but I may at least try having the hooks put in, and do a light pull, just not a full load suspension. Who knows.

Shannon: Tell me more about the deep play piercing…

Very deep play piercing has its price. It’s highly risky if you don’t know your internal anatomy, and don’t pay attention to pain. I have a nice deep scar in my left breast which was caused in part by a very deep piercing which tore a muscle when I did not do the piercing right. I simply went all the way through the muscle, and well into the rib cage. That’s when I almost punctured a lung. Turns out I was very close to the heart, because I could see the needle swinging like a pendulum. It didn’t hurt and I didn’t realize how deep I had gone until I saw it beating.

The docs say there is nothing they can do about it without making the scar much worse. A pissed off iguana did not help matters by making the original scar area worse by tearing a nice gash in me when I was trying to force feed it after it had gone off feed from being sick. I neglected to get the injury looked at in time, and the resulting infection left the scar you now see. A friend said to me, “Well, that’s what happens when you breast feed an iguana!” These days, I’m more careful about not going into muscle tissue now that I know more about the fact that damaged muscle fibers won’t grow back. I stick to deep penetration, but stay out of the muscles. I’ve never been asked by a doctor about the scar. I also have noticed my nipples now have permanent holes where I had been going into the same part of the nipple repeatedly. After a few months of rest, they are finally starting to close up. As for the through and through breast skewering, this was partly inspired by the Slave Misty gallery, and I wanted to just try this for myself. I have not seen or experienced any ill effects from having done this, other than one bleed out that got my attention. No muscle tissue was affected by this. It was an extremely intense experience which really did not hurt at all. I did have one nasty experience where after getting twelve five inch hat pins through one breast, and taking all those pictures, and after taking the pins out, I closed out my imaging program before saving, and had to redo the whole shoot on my other breast. That’s why in some shoots you see a needle scarred breast in the first shots.

Shannon: What does the sensation feel like to you?

Actually I feel no pain other than a slight pinch on entry. I learned very early that you will only feel pain if you go into a nerve packed area and ignore the burn.

In case anyone is wondering, I don’t jam the needles in fast — I have found that it’s better to insert slowly. This lets me listen to my body, and if it does hurt, I can pull out, and try another site. Also, if you jab, you run the risk of breaking blood vessels, or hitting nerves, to say nothing of the risk of going through the ribs, and hitting an organ. By inserting slowly, the tip of the needle will simply glide around blood vessels, leaving them intact for the most part.

Shannon: Are there ever issues with bleeding or other complications?

Actually, in all the thirty years I’ve been doing this, I’ve only had about three or four bleed outs that really got my attention. Two of them can be seen in some of my later submissions which show about a dozen or so five inch hat pins inserted all the way through the breasts. Most of the times I luck out, and don’t get a single drop. Other times I might get a tiny drop of blood, what we call a micro bleed. Most often, the bleeds I do get happen between the nipple, and the arms where there are blood vessels found closer to the skin.

Shannon: Let’s talk a bit about different kinds of needles — it looks like you often use simple push-pins, rather than something medical?

Nothing is more frightening than to try to pull a pin out of your body only to have the head of the pin come off in your hand. This happened to me once, and I’m glad that pin had not been inserted all the way to the head of the pin like I used to do. If it had, I could very well have been off to the hospital to have it removed. The pin was in my nipple, but knowing how hard it is to pull a pin from a nipple, I made sure to leave a little pin hanging out so I could grasp it easily. As it turns out, that was a good thing, because the head did come off the pin, and I had to use a vice grip to pull the needle out the rest of the way.

So, when using pins with plastic, or other heads, don’t insert these all the way in, and avoid pushing them in so deep that if the head does come off, your flesh will envelop the needle. Leave enough needle hanging out that you can easily get at it if you have a problem.

Shannon: But you still prefer those needles over injection-style hypodermic type needles that seem more popular these days for play piercing?

I prefer to use pins over injection needles, because the tip of a pin is perfectly centered, and does not have the cutting edges found on injection needles. That’s why injection needles go in so easily compared with pins, but it’s why you tend to bleed more with injection needles. I find I have far fewer bleeds with pins, than with injection needles.

The other thing I don’t like about injection needles is the fact that they are hollow. This presents three problems. First, the hollow tube can act as a vector for pathogens to be transported right into your body. It’s harder for this to happen with pins, though not impossible. Second, the hollow tube can contribute to a frightful bleed out, if you don’t pull the needle out of whatever blood vessel the tip has intercepted. Finally, a hollow needle is more prone to bending or possibly even breaking than pins of the same gauge.

I first met Leen about seven years ago in one of the Voluntary Amputee mailing lists where he was inquiring about bloodless ways to amputate his left leg, at the time considering dry ice. Not long afterwards he contributed photos of his recent toe amputations and other body modifications to BME, and a few months ago induced an infection in one of his toes (by, among other things, standing in dirty fish ponds and soaking it in motor oil) which eventually led to half of his foot being amputated by his doctors.

Outwardly Leen is a “normal” guy — other than his limp, without seeing his feet you’d never know of his interests. He’s a straight (and married) forty-two year old construction worker in Pretoria, South Africa, where his hobbies include motorsports, nature, working out, and reading — and still slowly working toward his dream of a LAK (“left above the knee”) amputation.

* * *

Shannon: When do you think your amputation interests first developed, and how?

As a child I was always fascinated by people that looked different. I loved to look at amputees just to see the stump dangling and not really doing anything… I just loved that. My mother always told me not to stare at people with disabilities, and that made me wonder even more what it would feel like to have just one leg.

Then at school we had a girl with one underdeveloped leg and one good leg because of polio. She had a prosthetic leg, but the best part was when the leg had to go for repair, as she use to come to school on crutches — those where good days at school. We also had a student teacher who had four fingers amputated on her one hand — she only had a thumb. It was always nice looking at her carrying her briefcase and writing on the blackboard.

Shannon: When and how did you come to realize that you actually wanted to become an amputee?

I was about five years old when I first tried to cut my two little toes off with a pair of scissors. I was unsuccessful of course. Also, when we would play doctor doctor, when I was the patient I always tied my one leg so that I would look like an amputee.

Shannon: That seems early… And when did you actually do the first successful amputation?

I did my first amputations when I was thirty-five years old.

Leen’s feet in early 2002.

Shannon: Did you ever see a therapist or wonder if you might be unstable?

No, I never saw a therapist. I always knew this was the right thing to do. There was no “internal struggle”… nothing like that.

Shannon: While many people into voluntary amputation are only into amputation, you’re into a broader range of body modification — I know you have a subincision, as well as having done a partial castration… Are they linked interests, or separate?

I just love to be different. Thanks to the internet I was able to see what other people do and try some of those things myself.

Shannon: How did the partial castration happen?

I was just exposing my testicle, playing with it — I struggled to get it back into my sack, but couldn’t so I just cut it off. There was a lot of bleeding, but I managed to stop it. Later I tried to do a partial penectomy, but ended up at the ER.

Shannon: Why did you go to the ER that time?

I was losing a lot of blood. I knew I had to get to the ER — as soon as possible! I fainted twice on the way there because of blood loss!

Shannon: I’m glad you’re OK — I assume that the penectomy and similar play means there’s a sexual aspect to your modifications in general?

Not all of them. I think to have a partial penectomy would be interesting — not to be able to have penetrative sex anymore, but still be able to cum by masturbating or from a blow job.

Shannon: It’s my feeling that as a generalization amputation and body modification is sexual behavior, almost like the extreme mating dances that animals do to attract each other… To me this also helps explain why these extremes are almost always male behavior rather than female… What are your thoughts on that subject?

I agree with that.

Shannon: You’re into CBT as well?

Yes, I am into CBT… Every now and then I love to torture my dick.

Shannon: What’s the motivation?

It just feels good.

* * *

Shannon: You mentioned in the past that you don’t want to lose a lot of blood when you do procedures… Is that why you chose to induce an infection for the toe amputation rather than doing it by just cutting it off?

Yes. I think toes and fingers are easy, but anything more gets a bit tricky. I do it on my own at home, so if anything goes wrong I could bleed to death. Thus the infection route is better.

Shannon: How did you do your previous toe amputations?

For most of my previous amputations I put my feet in a bucket of ice for twenty minutes, and then I use a cable tie. For the first ones I just used a chisel and hammer and chopped them off. On later amputations I used a scalpel to cut right up to the bone. Then I pull back the flesh, and use the chisel and hammer to chop off the toe. Finally, I stitch it up. I take the stitches out after ten days.

On one toe I was just “playing” with an old chisel I found… I put it on my toe and pushed too hard and it went right through the bone — I then just had to push harder until the toe was amputated. Of course, an infection set in because the chisel was dirty and I had to go to hospital where they did a ray amputation [note: a ray amputation is where the bone above the toe is removed as well — this is what caused the “hoof” type split in Leen’s foot].

Preparing to chop off a toe.

Shannon: Which method would you recommend to others — a chisel job, or cut and stitched?

It heals much faster if you stitch it up. After ten days the stitches can be taken out and it is basically healed. The other way takes about two months to heal completely.

Shannon: Have you done any amputations (or other modifications) that are visible to the public, or are they all relatively hide-able?

None of them are visible — I just walk with a slight limp. Most people I meet ask me what’s wrong. I then just tell them I had a midfoot amputation.

Inducing the toe amputation, and the results of the first intervention.

Shannon: With the most recent amputation, where the infection got very bad and necessitated further removal, how risky was that?

My life was never at risk. I still went to work the Friday and Saturday after they did the midfoot amputation.

Shannon: What did you think of the “surprise” of getting a midfoot rather than a toe amputation?

I was in the hospital for two days and then flew into Africa for my Christmas holiday. I am happy with half a foot, but the first doctor wanted to do a below the knee amputation, which would have been first prize! Unfortunately he sent me to an orthopedic surgeon, and after more X-Rays and an MRI, they decided on a midfoot amputation.

Shannon: I’d make the argument that it’s probably more dangerous to use the induced infection route due to risks of septicemia and so on, versus the blood loss and shock risks of a “chop it off” method…

I’ve done both methods. Blood loss in my toes is not that a big of a problem, but if you cut off more, or start on something like your penis, there are big blood vessels so the loss of blood becomes an issue. The last two toes I did I struggled to get the stitches in, so I thought that going the infection route might be better. Since I am a diabetic, I just go to the diabetic foot clinic and they prescribe antibiotics which help against septicemia — I just make sure that my toe doesn’t heal and eventually they will amputate.

Leens foot stitched up after being shortened.

Shannon: What would you say to people who believe it’s an abuse of the system for people to “force” taxpayers to cover an amputation by “tricking” doctors into doing it?

I have private medical aid and the monthly contributions are quite high, so why not make them pay for the amputation? It is safer when a doctor does it, and it makes me happy. The doctors and nurses think it is fantastic that I don’t get depressed after an amputation, so I don’t waste tax payers’ money [with rehab or counseling].

Shannon: And how is the mid-foot amputation healing? Is it still maintaining that split “hoof” appearance?

It is completely healed now. The hoof split is because of the ray amputation I had a couple of years ago.

Shannon: When the stumps heal, what does it feel like?

In the beginning they are a bit more sensitive [than normal body parts]. After I did my big toe, whenever I woke up in the morning and I looked at my foot, it was still there! I think it is just imprinted in your brain, but after a couple of weeks it disappears. I do get phantom pains in my midfoot amputation — some days I can still feel my toes hurt.

Leen’s left foot, showing the healed ray amputation.

* * *

Shannon: Unlike other modifications, I think a lot of people have a guttural response to amputation and have difficulty convincing themselves it’s not always negative — that it’s universally “wrong” to induce a “handicap”…

Amputation is not like piercings and tattoos, which are more of an art form. Most people see amputation as a disability, and yes, you will struggle to do certain things, but to we who want amputations that is part of the fun! We know what to expect from life with one leg or arm — disability is all in the mind.

Shannon: So your amputations have been a completely good thing?

I love my amputations; I talk about them and show interested people my stumps… I go to gym, shower, sauna, and to the beach, and I don’t care if people look at my modifications.

Shannon: Any negatives?

Not many negatives — just the bleeding risks during the procedures.

Shannon: Are they your favorite body modification?

The amputations are my favorites. I get such a high amputating a body part! The feeling when the chisel cuts your toe off, and it just lies there, unattached to your body, and goes completely white… I just love that feeling!

Shannon: Do you think you have a specific end goal, or will you continue to do procedures to keep getting the high?

There is an end goal. I want to be a left above the knee amputee. I won’t amputate fingers.

Shannon: How do you explain the amputations to people?

People at work think I am unlucky!

Shannon: And the doctors?

The doctors believe what I tell them. For example, for my missing testicle — since I live in South Africa where there is a lot of violence and crime, I just told them that I put up a fight when a couple of guys wanted to mug me, and one of them fell on top of me and stabbed me in my groin area. They believed it and asked me if I wanted to go to the police — I said no, it was dark and I didn’t get a good look at their faces.

Shannon: Has anyone gotten suspicious?

Nobody has gotten suspicious. They may think that I have been unlucky, but even when I went to the ER they believed all my explanations. It also helps that I have had diabetes for twenty years, so it is normal to get infections in your feet that don’t heal which result in amputations. Nobody knows that I help the infections along and make sure they don’t heal so I can have amputations done professionally by a doctor.

Shannon: And what does your wife think?

She does not know.

Shannon: Wow… so you’re not “out” at all — how would you feel if people found out your amputations were voluntary?

I don’t really care if people find out they were all voluntary. They will get over it — there are more important things to worry about.

Shannon: Are you interested in meeting others with this interest? Assuming you weren’t married, if you were looking for a partner, would you seek out someone with this interest?

It’s easier if you have things in common — partners should have the same interests… and I would like to touch and play with women with amputations.

Shannon: With the majority of amputee groups being very fantasy/fetish oriented, does it make it difficult to meet others with the same drives?

It is difficult to find somebody to talk, to but there are a few in those groups that will answer your questions and give advice. The most I have learned is by reading the articles on your website BME [Editor’s shameless plug: if you find this interesting and want to hear more stories and see more pictures, get a BME membership and visit the full galleries].

Shannon: What advice would you give to people who feel like this is what they need to do?

If they believe that this is what they want, they must do it, no matter what society or their friends say or think about it. They must just be 100% sure that this is what they want, because if you amputate something it is gone forever!

Shannon: What are your future body modification plans?

I am going to amputate one segment of my middle toe on my right foot, just to get the proportions right for now. I am still going to become a left above knee amputee — that is my long term plan, my dream… Also I’ll do a glansectomy or partial penectomy.

A current photo of Leen’s feet healed after the midfoot procedure.

Shannon: Finally, something that I’ve heard brought up repeatedly by others is that voluntary amputation is an insult to people who’ve had it forced on them by fate — do you think that statement has any validity, and what would you say to someone who feels that way?

It has no validity at all. Voluntary amputations are just away to get our bodies into the shape we want them to be.

Shannon Larratt
BME.com

Droid Master

Earlier this year I was watching the Discovery Channel‘s “Daily Planet”, a science news show, as I did some programming or BME work or whatever it was that my primary focus was supposed to be. The show caught my eye when I noticed they were interviewing someone with a fair chunk of facial piercings:

It turned out to be Alvar Saenz-Otero, a scientist leading a team developing a series of networked microsatellites at MIT that have been undergoing testing in the International Space Station. The space program has certainly attracted its fair share of unique and expressive individuals, notably Erl Van Aken who is not only credited with inventing the bridge piercing, but also helping create the lunar rover. That said, because there continues to be a strong social stigma against the heavily (or visibly) modified individual, I’m always fascinated by people who are exceptional enough in what they do to be able to succeed in highly demanding fields while continuing to express themselves in the way that makes them happy or comfortable.

The easiest way to explain the SPHERES project is to say that they are reminiscent of the “battle training droids” that Luke Skywalker uses in Star Wars — these very small, relatively autonomous utility droids able to self-organize and navigate on their own, both independently and in formation (so multiple satellites could work together on a larger task). Here they are being tested both on the ISS and in a zero-gravity flight (sorry about the luddite screen caps — these are just photos of my television — there are much better pictures later in the interview!):

As you can imagine, I was absolutely thrilled when Alvar (or should I say “Dr. Saenz-Otero”?) agreed to do an interview! The interview is in two parts, beginning with a discussion of his modifications themselves, and them moving on to some information about the SPHERES project.

Part One: Body Modification

What first drew you to body modification, and when did you first start getting piercings?

Alvar with his main piercer, Owen

I would say that since sometime in elementary school (4th or 5th grade, I think) I thought it was very interesting for boys to get piercings… it was somewhat breaking the rules, although at that point I never did it (after all, I do admit I was the “nerd” in the class). It also really was not “body modification” for real, but just the idea of an earring that was not supposed to be there by “standard” culture. I got my first piercing (earring) on 10th grade, and from there until sophomore year in college it was only earrings.

For some extremely unknown reason to me during sophomore year one day I just said, without knowing anything about body modifications in general, “there should be other places that can be pierced” (or, in my original translation from Spanish “where I can have earrings”). The nipple was an extremely obvious place, but at that point it was more like play-piercing, since I would never keep any of those piercings.

After that I spent a summer working in Atlanta, and during the 4th of July parade I saw a guy without a shirt with a nipple piercing (and a very impressive skull tattoo in the arm)… that told me “it really can be done”, and that’s when it all got really started. I got my first real body piercings a few days later (right nipple & tongue, which I noticed elsewhere). And a couple weeks later was the first time I saw BME (it was quite new at the time!)… this was all during 1996.

After 1996, when I discovered BME, I began to see other people with large-gauge rings (like 10ga or 8ga) both in real life and online, and that really caught my attention. In 97/98 I began some stretching and a couple other “beyond earring” piercings (septum – which I used a ratainer for, and still do, it’s very “intrusive”, and tragus, which I retired for a while because of sports).

Originally I thought I’d never go beyond 10ga. Then around 00, after seeing lots of stretching on BME, I began real stretching, up to 1/2″. I also started with the facial piercings. I like symmetry, so while I began with only the right eyebrow, I ended up with both pierced. The bridge was fun: I had a trip to Europe (aerospace conference), and after that travelled around Europe a little bit… and decided I really wanted a new piercing, so I got the bridge in Frankfurt (it’s my only “metric” piercing… BTW, using Teflon bars for a bridge is incredibly amazing! It heals fantastic, and as the piercing healed (and the swelling reduced), I simply cut the Teflon to make the barbell fit). It all happened reasonably gradually, with about 1 new piercing every six months (the main thing is that I have not really retired many, or at least they come back).

How did your family and friends respond?

I really don’t remember how they reacted to the first earring. I’m quite sure my mom said something to my dad like “we’ve always told them to experiment things with their body if they want to”… and I’m sure my dad just groaned by did nothing major about it. Both were ultimately truly understanding, and it was very clear they cared a lot more about my values that my physical decisions. As long as I was a good student and good person, they never pushed me otherwise.

Still, the ’96 summer I really never let them know. Somehow I actually kept both piercings hidden without them knowing. I’m not sure why I cared so much… except that even from then I began to have the attitude that they were my piercings, I did it because I wanted them for me and not anyone else… and that if they made a big fuss about it then it would become something not just for me, but about others too.

My mom never cared, she always laughed or simply did not care. My dad was a little harder… he actually very directly told me that he did not like some of them (like the earlets) but he liked others (the eyebrows) – and I guess others he did not care either way, like the industrials. So sometimes when I went home, to make him happy (but never because he forced me), I would take out some jewelry and keep other in (once when I lost an eyebrow barbell he actually asked me why I took that one out, he liked it!).

So, it was a two-tier thing: first, it all happened gradually over multiple years; and second, my parents were truly very understanding.

About friends — MIT is an amazing place that way, and because I always did tons of things to be around people because of academic or social reasons, while they sometimes reacted to the piercings with “wow” expressions (both good and bad), the fact that I did not let it bother me meant it did not bother them, and things went on. I never looked for anyone else to tell me what I should do or not, I did it on my own time when I wanted to.

Alvar’s ear work

I assume you had summer jobs and “normal” jobs before doing your current research — did your piercings affect that experience, and if so, how?

Unfortunately not having US Citizenship made having an engineering summer job basically impossible for me, so on this one the answer will not be extremely helpful.

My 1996 job was somewhat annoying, in that they did make me take the piercings out (which meant my first eyebrow piercing never had time to heal). But since the other “new” piercings were hide-able, they survived.

After that I always worked at MIT. While I did have some “customer jobs” (I managed a grill/restaurant a couple years), again, it was the fact that I really made them a non-issue and that people saw my character rather than the piercings, which made it never matter.

As you got more piercings, how did teachers and fellow pupils, especially as your education became more advanced, respond?

The more I got the less they responded. I think the most response always came from stretching the lobes, and always from fellow students (or administrators)… professors never told me anything about them in any serious way (one professor did point out when I had a clear-acrylic 1/2″ plug: “be careful, that looks like a magnifying glass, don’t burn yourself!”). I think that was the best part in that sense, professors (the people who I guess I trully ultimately looke up to) never told me anything about them. They saw my work, and that’s what they cared about.

I have to admit that by staying in the same place it made it a lot easier, because I did make a reputation for myself. I did have to work with new people (like Deans) coming in, but the reputation did follow me a little bit, and I did personally feel very secure at that point. I am sure it would be different for someone who tries to go to a new place every few years, and I don’t have the experience to give any good feedback on that one.

Do you find your piercings are accepted more in Mexico or more in the United States?

I do think in a very objective way that the US (especially the coasts, like MIT/New England) is more progressive than Mexico, so there is some truth to being more accepted in the US than Mexico.

For a while (especially early on) I seriously felt as they were more accepted in the US. I felt like the piercings did not fit in Mexico, so I made myself feel like I should take them out while there… they were something I did in the US, so they should stay there? And looking back, I think it was more of a personal thing…

Today I’ll go to schools/universities in Mexico and walk among both professors and students there, and while there may be a quick “shock”, I quickly make them realize I stand by my MIT degrees and I mean business, and they realize that I don’t have to be dressed “business casual” to mean it.

Because people face prejudice toward both race and chosen appearance (such as pierced people being banned from employment under dress code rules and so on), people sometimes compare or even put the two in the same class. As someone who has experienced both, do you feel that suggesting that pierced people receiving the same protections as other protected groups (ie. just like you can’t fire someone because you find out they’re a religion you don’t like) is a valid or invalid statement? And how has being heavily pierced affected interviews and so on in the professional world?

This is a very tough question. Trying to be rational (that’s why my life is about at MIT anyway):

• You are born with a race/color, you don’t choose it.
• You do choose to be pierced/modified.

In that sense, no, the same protections are not the same… of course, then you go deeper and say “is being gay a choice or not?” In that case, whether a choice or not, I strongly believe people cannot be discriminated against for it. So, then, if you choose to be pierced, should people be allowed to discriminate?

In the ideal society, no. The truly intelligent society will exist when there is no discrimination based on any physical characteristic (choice or not) whatsoever, but only on the mental and moral values of people. A person in a suit who lies and steals is way worse than someone with dozens of piercings who makes an honest life piercing others. In blunt and condensed terms, in my opinion the piercer is a much better human being than the liar in a suit.

In the real society, I think it is a battle we need to fight, and one that basically comes from us showing the rest of the world that discriminating on looks is counter-productive to human kind.

My attitude is:

• I will show up to interviews, conferences, and meetings (e.g., including with Deans at MIT) with my piercings.
• If people decide based upon on them that they don’t want to work with me, then in my opinion it’s their loss.
• I come very prepared to every meeting — if the piercings shock them, I make sure that I shock them way way way more with my performance at the meeting.

Saying that “it’s their loss” is arrogant, but I go beyond that by truly sticking with the third point: I impress them with what I do, not how I look (many times we end up laughing at the looks, but in a very friendly way once my real point has gone through).

Should someone have to work harder because they’re pierced? No, not at all… you should simply always work hard. Being pierced/modified should neither give nor take any rights from you — you deserve the same treatment, and you are free to look different.

Alvar with his advisor David Miller and the first astronaut that operated SPHERES aboard the International Space Station.

What advice would you have to people who want to choose to look different than the average person, but still want to have a successful life?

If you choose to look different, do it because you really want to do it, and do it for yourself. That’s what I did. These are my piercings; they are not there for someone else to look, they are not there to attract attention of random onlookers (I’m sure almost everyone out there hates it as much as I do); they are there because I want them.

When you make them your own, then when you go meet others you act as yourself, and any smart person will be able to see who you are.

So, to that, I simply say: be a good person.

Don’t get pierced and say that therefore you have to be X or Y; don’t let your friends think you’ve changed because you are modified. That was really important, as I got more piercings, my friends began to see it as part of me, and not as something that was changing me!

You want to succeed and go to MIT? Be good at math, don’t be a stereotype (MIT really does not like them!), take many AP classes, and show that you are well rounded (sure, be on a band, why not!) When you apply to college nobody will look at your picture and decided from it if you are in or out, they’ll look at your accomplishments. So, accomplish things.

I have mostly kept my “professional” and “modifications” lives completely separate. At work I really don’t let them bug me, and when anyone tries to point them out, I very quickly make it clear that’s not the point. Similarly, I really never talked about anything “work” related with any piercing/tattoo staff for a really long time.

I’m not saying this is good… it’s not really bad either, although maybe a little bit. It does make you feel “lonely” when something that is clearly part of you is only part of you for part of the day.

Around 2001 I began to be a “repeat offender” of Chameleon Tattoo & Body Piercing in Harvard Square (Cambridge MA, close to MIT). It really wasn’t until I met Owen there that I had shown anyone who I ever did any “mods” with anything about work. But finding Owen was good, because he kinda showed me that the “mod” circle can also be very open (I was always scared of saying I was from MIT and people either not believing or, more common, simply saying “oh” and not saying anything again!). I took me about a year of knowing Owen to take my laptop over to the shop and show him (and others there) videos of the SPHERES stuff (I do want a plug for Owen and company: for mods in the Boston/Cambridge area, definitely go to Chameleon!). This attitude really kept me from really joining any “mod” circles too, because I’ve been always somewhat scared that I’ll be the “nerd” again (HS was somewhat painful being the nerd)… and you wanting an interview I hope may be a turning point (just like you were shocked at getting a response from me, I was in shock to learn that you saw “Daily Planet”, paid enough attention to get my name, and then the time to find me and contact me!).

So, in this sense, I hope that me “opening up” with a BME interview allows others in very “professional” circles to also open up (without needing a BME interview for it), and at the same time to even further kill any myths that the mod-community is not open to “nerds” too!

Part Two: The SPHERES Project

I’d read that one of the design inspirations for the SPHERES project was the little floating droids in Star Wars — is that a fair way to introduce them to help people who haven’t seen anything on them conceptualize them?

Three SPHERES undergoing testing abord the ISS

I think you need a mixture of two things to conceptualize SPHERES: yes, the first is that each of our satellites is like that droid in Star Wars, it floats around inside the space stations and moves in all directions (although not that fast!).

The other thing is to think that there are many of them (in our case up to three), and that they work together. That is very important, we built them so that we can understand who many satellites can work together to replace one bigger one. One example relevant to today is the idea of going to Mars. We are going to need a very large spacecraft, larger than what we can put in space. That means we’re going to have to send many parts, and then put them together in space. We’ve done that: the ISS… but it’s very expensive! We need to get the parts to assemble themselves in a cheap way without all the expenses of the ISS.

One of the really hard thing for people to understand is: if the droid in Star Wars floated on its own already, what’s so big about this? SciFi inspires us, but it also makes the life of us scientists harder: it was humans who moved the droid in Star Wars, and which tell all those robots in movies exactly how to move… on SPHERES, the satellites are figuring out on their own both where they are and how to move!

What is your primary job in the SPHERES project?

I’m the “Lead Scientist”, in other words, the every-day manager of the project who makes sure (or tries 🙂 that the science that needs to happen does. We have many contracts with different government groups, with private industry, and with other universities. I need to make sure that the tests we run on the space station will meet the needs of the government and industry, while at the same time allow other universities (and our own “self motivated” research) to have some tests. To do this I manage a group of 6 to 8 graduate students (and 2 to 4 helper undergraduates) so that between all of us we program all the software and prepare for the tests. It also means interfacing with NASA to make sure they give us test time (and NASA is not easy!).

What do you see the main roles of satellites using the technology you’re developing being initially, and later as the technology matures?

The earliest roles will be, I belive, to “service” satellites — in other words, to be able to launch satellites that re-fuel or repair other satellites (e.g., the next generation of the Hubble will not need the shuttle to be repaired, we should be able to design it so that a “service” satellite does that).

In the long term it will help to find other planets. We are going to make huge telescopes by using small satellite sin special “formations”, and we will be able to say : that planet really looks like the Earth!

What are the challenges in developing guidance systems on Earth (where I assume you can’t really test in three dimensions other than in a simulation) that are intended for use in a zero/microgravity environment? As you moved from simulation and lab testing, to parabolic flights, to the ISS, how much did your code and hardware have to change? Or is the design of the code such that when perfected it will operate fairly adaptively to whatever gravitational fields are affecting it?

You’re right, on Earth we can’t do everything in 3 dimensions (3D), we have to do everything in 2D.

We began the project fully aware of the need to operate in 3D, therefore everything we built was originally designed to work in 3D and then “downgraded” to work in 2D (although sometimes not enough — we actually ran into a problem that should only affect us in 3D in the 2D tests, and made things very hard!).

That said, your last point is the closest one to what we do: our goal is to show that the algorithms are very “robust” — that they will work even when we had lots of simulation/modeling errors. None of the real satellites that use the science we’re working on with SPHERES will look like SPHERES (they will be larger, different shape, have different components, etc); but if we show that the algorithms are very “robust to uncertainties” in SPHERES, then as long as we know the new real satellites “well enough”, the algorithms will work.

Do the SPHERES have Earth-based applications as well? (ie. autonomous micro-blimps for military and media use and so on, or even high powered ones — I’m asking this in part because of DARPA’s interest?)

DARPA’s interest in on the “servicing” missions, they actually have one going on in parallel with SPHERES.

That said, our algorithms will be able to help ground-based applications in the future too, especially because they advance the science of controls, which is needed everywhere. I don’t have a specific example right now, though.

Can many current satellite roles be better performed by microsatellites or formations of microsatellites, or do SPHERES create an entirely new niche and set of possibilities?

Currently we’re advancing both. Today microsatellites usually work on their own, so they can’t yet fill the role of an existing large satellites — we and others are working separately on making microsatellites do everything they need to replace existing technologies.

But they also open new possibilities: for example, even with very advanced technology we’ll never make a space telescope that is 1km in diameter (we can’t build such a mirror, at least not for many decades). Formation flight will allow in less time, I believe, for us to simulate such a telescope in space and obtain the same results as a real one. Other interesting one is on space radar. All the movies that show us the military finding a card and then reading the license place are using dramatic license to make it happen… it can’t today. But by using many satellites to make a “synthetic” radar, we might be able to. The satellites can start aligned so that they cover a very large area, and once they find a “blurry” target, change their formation shape so that they can see the license plate.

From an engineering and programming point of view, was it more difficult designing the initial stability/motion code, or is formation flight the more difficult challenge?

In my opinion the hardest thing so far has for the satellites to figure out where they are. This is what we call “metrology” (the science of measurement). For an object like a satellite to know where it is, it’s a very hard problem. Many people think “but GPS knows”… except that it does not work for two reasons on SPHERES: first, GPS is good for distances of about 1m, but since the satellites are only 0.22m, it’s not good enough; second, GPS does not work inside the ISS.

Of course now that we’re starting to do formation flight, we’ve had our share of challenges there too. Wireless communications between multiple satellites is actually a hard problem when you want them to be synchronized to milliseconds of each other! A human speaking on the telephone does not mind a short random delay… but the satellites do, so we have to research a lot of “coordination” between them.

Do you see a much wider range of applications for the underlying technologies (ie. automated docking of larger vehicles, etc.), or is this optimized for much smaller devices?

I think this goes with what I said above: SPHERES is to test the robustness of the algorithms, such that they work on larger “real” satellites.

Shannon Larratt
BMEzine.com

So what’s it like having magnetic vision?

If you don’t already know about magnetic implants, you may want to read our previous articles on the subject, including the original interview about Todd Huffman’s magnets, a six-month retrospective on mine, as well as a magnet risks article with a follow-up by Jesse. In short, magnetic implants are small, encased magnets designed to be implanted in nerve rich areas in order to give the patient heightened sensitivity to EM fields — that is, magnetic vision. Because the magnets vibrate very slightly, the wearer’s senses begin to extend, giving them an awareness of electromagnetic fields and radiation.

Just like iron filings want to align themselves with a magnetic field, magnetic implants also want to align themselves with magnetic fields. This motion can be felt on an intuitive level by the fine nerves in the fingers, tricking the body into feeling like it’s touching a physical object when it interacts with electromagnetic fields of all sorts.

In this interview I wanted to talk about the “day-to-day” aspect of having implanted magnets — “what’s it like?” Magnetic implants are still quite uncommon, with possibly less than a hundred people having them. We’ll talk to eleven here — in order of when the magnet was implanted, Todd Huffman ([email protected]) had his done in January 2004, a stack of six magnets in a single case, implanted by Steve Haworth and made by Jesse Jarrell (Mr. Bones), who had a silicone case molded 1/16 length X 1/8 dia N45 NIB installed by Steve a few days later. Steve Truitt‘s magnet was self implanted in mid-2005 (and removed about a year later), and my (Shannon’s) magnets were done at about the same time by Steve Haworth. Also by Steve, Quinn Norton‘s magnet, since removed, was implanted in September of 2005. Jymmi‘s magnet was done in September 2006, and Powder‘s was done a month later, both by Steve Haworth. Fred has a 1/16″x1/16″ neodymiuym magnet implant in a custom made titanium casing (all the others here are in silicone), implanted by Nickk Leading. Anton and Dean were both done in January of 2007, and KYO got his most recently, in April 2007.

Jymmi having his implant done by Steve Haworth

When and how did you become aware of being able to sense things with your magnetic implant?

Fred: For the first month I thought this was a failure; my main goal was to be able to sense things and I hadn’t sensed anything so far. I work for a company where we manufacture a number of electronic things, and one day my friend was testing a large 230volt power supply with a huge transformer in it so I walked up and waved my hand in front of it and got that cool vibrating sensation in my finger tip. Immediately after I just started putting my finger up to several things I knew had transformers, clocks, cell phone chargers, and microwaves. So far my nebulizer, which I use for my asthma seems to have the strongest field.

Steve It was probably two weeks into having it that I started sensing things. I could feel my microwave stronger than anything.

Jymmi: I could feel small things at about a week to two weeks, like an electric shaver and a one inch earth magnet. After about three or four months I also could feel the electric fields in my non-magnetic hand. It’s not as strong as my magnetic hand — it’s more of a general feeling. About a month ago I started feeling the vibrations in my feet.

Powder: A few days after I had the implant done I was standing in my father’s garage near a large running engine. I felt what I thought was a light breeze on my hand but realised it was only in my implant finger. I started moving my hand closer and farther from the engine and felt slight differences in the sensation.

KYO: On the sixth day I picked up an electric sharpener and had a weird sensation — then I realised it was actually the magnetic implant reacting to the electro magnetic field from the engine.

Jesse: I tried static fields from large magnets fairly immediately after insertion, but the first really astounding sensation was provided by a power drill.

Todd: To quote from my blog, two days after getting the implant:

I experienced my first "in the wild" implant sensory experience. I was in the library checking my e mail, and as I walk out there is an anti theft gate thingy. When I stepped on the pad I felt my implant oscillate, and quite noticeably so. My initial reaction was surprise, since I wasnt consciously paying attention to the implant. After the initial adrenaline rush I walked back and forth through the sensor gate, and it is quite interesting. So far my interactions have been planned, i.e. putting magnets and metal near my implants to see what happened. Todays event was rather significant, it was not planned, nor was it forseen.

Dean: The first thing I noticed was while drinking a can of Coke. The magnets themselves obviously weren’t strong enough to pick the can up, but I could feel a slight sensation when holding the can itself. The best way to describe it is a tingling sensation. To date, I am the only person out of the three i know with the implants to get this with a can.

Quinn: Right after the implant, Steve passed a magnet close to my finger. I felt it move, and jumped. After that I wasn’t sure which sensations were the healing process and which were the magnet, but as time went on, I was able to distinguish more.

Shannon: The first thing I noticed was the drives and fans in my computer. I think I remember a vague buzzing in my fingertips, wondering what it was, and then moving my hands around and realizing that I was sensing definite fields and from that point on it snowballed (although I think they may be becoming less senstive over time — I don’t know if this is due to scarring or demagnetization).

Fred’s magnet picks up another small magnet.

What range of sensation are your magnets capable of?

Anton: I can feel rather faint magnetic fields and also electric currents at times, depending on how strong they are.

Fred: I can’t feel store security poles, but I have felt a metal detector as I walked through — surprisingly it didn’t go off like I thought it would. I have to have my hand less than a foot away from whatever I’m attempting to feel.

Jymmi: I am more sensitive to electrical currents. Sometimes the implant will vibrate or twitch depending on what I walk by. We have these big space heaters at my work, about fifteen to twenty feet up in the air and my whole hand vibrates when those turn on. We also have electric forklifts, and when I get close to the battery chargers it feels like an electric current running up my arm.

Steve: I could sense some electrical currents on certain things, especially larger things like my stove or dryer. I could feel certain types of security sensors at some stores. I was never able to feel anything from my computer though.

Powder: I can feel different amperages in various cables. I can also tell when a metal is a ferous or not. My favorites are the fields around microwaves (a couple of feet out), AC transformers (a few inches), and fans under the keyboards of laptops (about half an inch above and while typing).

KYO: range is hard to define since I find new things on a daily basis. But I’m basicly able to feel the magnetic field around magnets, my computer, some speakers, the oven, some fields around the electric wires (I can actually detect the flaws since the lower protection allows the field to get trough).

Jesse: On the lower end I can feel higher power draws through standard 120v insulated power cords (wall power), various functions inside computer equipment(from a distance), magnetism in the more magnetic alloys, on to stronger things like various components of high voltage equipment used in my machine shop, including insulated high voltage leads from a foot or more away, transformers, motors and magnetrons wherever they may exist, store security devices, the stove, and so on.

Closeup of Jymmi’s magnetic implant being installed.

Todd: Static fields are pretty uninteresting, and need to be pretty large. Oscillating fields I can sense at much lower amplitudes, and are more interesting because they occur more frequently in the real world for things I find interesting. I’ve never quantified the exact range, but I can sense a current running through an insulated wire if there is enough of it. Whatever a power cable to a hair dryer pulls I can sense, and probably about three quarters of that current.

Dean: The magnets themselves aren’t that strong, although I am able to pick up tiny pieces of metal and can also use them for various magic tricks in conjuction with my magnetic wedding band ring. The most sensation I get though is when walking through magnetic fields — those sensors they have by shop doors. Again it’s like a tingle within my finger, almost like a sixth sense.

Quinn: I felt about three different sensations from my implant. I can’t really describe them very well, but one of them I got consistently from my laptop, and another from electrical cords. The third I felt very rarely… And of course, a fourth: other magnets pulling on my finger. To this day one of the oddest things I have ever felt was the magnet spinning in my finger in response to circling it with another magnet. I tried to practice with it everyday, bring it close to things I thought would be sensable and concentrate on the sensation. After a while it became a comforting and even enjoyable thing. I would pass the magnet over parts of my laptop, and feel them consistently. After a while it helped me feel kind of like all was well with the world. I enjoyed concentrating on the feeling more than I thought I would. I was pleasantly surprised when I would run into unexpected sensations.

Shannon: I can barey feel static magnetic fields unless the field is very powerful (such as a large magnet). Vibrating EM fields ranging from spinning magnets in engines (power tools, the fans and drives in a computer, and so on) to any A/C or otherwise fluctuating electrical fields are very easy to feel. Powerful fields like you find in some security systems (especially the type that need to deactivate tracking tags) can actually be quite painful, but essentially an EM fluctuation is just like a physical vibration. So for example, a power cord will have a “buzzing” halo around it that I can feel without touching the cable itself. The size and tone of this field make it fairly obvious what I’m touching.

Paperclip trick by Powder.

What are some day to day ways you use your magnets?

Anton: I work in a hospital (in the ER) and I can tell if the MRI is in use about fifty feet away from the room. Needless to say, I can’t go in there when it’s on, or it will rip the magnets clean out of my finger — I guess that’s one way to remove them.

Fred: I actually use my magnet quite a lot, mostly just to see if stuff is turned on. I am able to locate transformers inside objects and thus detect if they are on. I work in production where I make tons of different electronic components. It’s fun because Im around a lot of huge transformers so it’s interesting to see how strong each of them are. I found a magnet under my bed once by feel alone, even though I wasn’t even looking for that and couldn’t see it.

Jymmi: I like to walk around work or through a store or just from room to room in my house and find different places that give off electric feilds — like air conditioners, tattoo machines, and refrigerators. I use my laptop everyday and there are still a lot of fields that I can’t figure out where they are coming from — the disc drive is kind of going bad and everytime it spins trying to read discs it puts off a crazy field. There is a small field around the steering wheel on my car — I can’t figure out if it’s from the metal vibrating. or if there is a magnet somewhere in there. Some cars have it, some don’t.

Steve: I didn’t really have any day to day uses other than just being able to sense things. Now that it’s been out for over a year, I can still sense the same magnetic feilds, just not as strongly.

Powder: I have used it to find hot cables in a bundle, and sometimes use it to test reed switches in some of the electronics I repair.

Jesse’s magnets being installed.

KYO: Working at McD, there are the fries that beep once the cooking is completed, and the magnet allow me to know about a second ahead that they will beep since there is a diffrent field that appears to make the alarm go on. Also, my imitation iPod tends to turn off by itself or simply go on pause, and the magnet allows me to know if it’s on or not without taking it out of my pocket. My cellphone is on vibrate, and I’m never sure if it’s my cell or not, but by holding my finger about half an inch away, I can tell for sure if it’s actually the cell that’s ringing. Finally I had used my magnet to troubleshoot a laptop, being able to detect something strange under the keyboard, and the tech did change a card that was located exacly in the area I had spotted the irregularities.

Jesse: Immediate awareness of high voltage is very comforting in a lot of ways — there is a reasonable amount of it around me in the shop where I live. Determination of ferrous alloys is frequently handy without having to go look for a magnet. Circuit tracing inside various equipment is often aided by it. Common shop dialogue: unenhanced individual: “Hey, what the hell is thing I pulled off that old assembly line?” enhanced individual: “I don’t know, but its got magnets inside the case here, here and here, I’m guessing the two along that guide rod are for positional sensing, and the one over here is probably a transformer.”

An interesting note is that I sometimes get “noise” from it — moving fields with no apparent source. Some of it may be the magnet just “righting” itself after being moved by a previous field or physical force and slowly settling back into a position that fits better with the tissues in my finger, but there have been a few occasions that were not so easily explained away, where I sensed apparent moving fields in open air with no visible source.

Todd: Occassionally I use it for diagnostics. For instance, in airports often the power plugs on the walls don’t have power, and I can test them out by just plugging in my power adaptor and feeling for the field — I don’t have to get my computer out. One time I was trouble shooting a water pump, and I could tell that the motor component was working just by feeling the fields, letting me know that the problem was with the pump-shoe thingy. I can also feel my laptop’s hard drive stepper motors, and I like knowing when my computer is moving out of RAM and dropping down into the HD for info.

Dean: I usally get most of my day to day use out of the magnet when going in and out of stores. It also helps to tell when certain things are turned on if there no other signs to tell you so. Like my computer monitor… the standby light has broke, but I am able to tell if it’s on standby of not by placing my hand on the screen. Then again though, it really is an old messed up screen. I really should replace it.

Quinn: A couple times, in determining if something was live or not. Once, I was able to work out that a demo wasn’t realistic based on the sensation from a cord.

Shannon: I’m very aware of power, so for example it’s easy to tell if something is plugged in because I can feel the power leaking out of the extension cord (and I can tell how much power is being drawn — and also tell the quality of the cable assuming there’s a frame of refernece). In day-to-day life, my electric stove has bad connections in some of the burners, so the amount of heat that a given dial-setting generates is different from day to day. Now, instead of using the dial, I just hold my hand an inch or two over the burner and “feel” for the right setting by sensing the amount of power that’s leaking off the coil. It’s actually quite fascinating how EM-saturated our environment is.

Jymmi’s powerful magnet picking up a couple of safety pins.

Does your magnet have functional (as in non-sensation) uses?

Fred: Sadly, I am only able to pick up other magnets and only small things like staples.

Anonymous: I’ve gotten laid a number of times directly attributable to the implant. Occasionally a girl on the fringe of my social group will be all like “are you the guy who put a magnet in his finger?” (swoon).

Anton: I can pick up very small, very light objects, and move the compass on my keychain — it’s great for bar tricks.

Jymmi: The most I can do is pick up screws, paper clips, and bottle caps — or spinning lighters. It really freaks people out when they hold your finger and you move the implant around with another magnet they can feel it moving around under the skin.

Steve: It didn’t hvae any functional uses for me, other than some “party trick” type stuff like picking up paper clips or things like that.

Powder: I use my magnet to pick up small screws I might drop while working on various electronics. I have used it to single out a cable in a bundle of cables. I mostly use it to do small magic tricks like playing with my compass or rolling other magents around without touching them. When I’m bored I’ll play by swinging a paperclip back and forth.

Todd: It has functional use in that it helps me reconceptualize the world around me, and every now and then I say something smart, and that is what people pay me to do. I got into my PhD program solely because of the implant. I was at a conference and some dude was all like, ‘there’s this dude who put a magnet in his finger’ and I was like ‘oh thats me’ and he was like ‘no, really’, and I was like ‘no really’. Then he made arrangements for me to get into my PhD program. Which I promptly dropped out of for sociopolitical reasons but it was pretty cool at the time.

Dean Newman I suppose the most use i get out of the magnets again would be when using with magic. Stopping a compass, or sometimes even a watch although that is a lot harder. After a while i was able to use it to “palm” certain objects although nothing bigger than a paperclip.

Shannon’s silicone-dipped magnetic implants being placed.

Why do you think some people report magnetic sensations without the magnet? (Both in new areas, and after removal)

Jymmi: I’ve been wondering if you need to have the implant to feel the electric field — if you can train your body to feel it without the implant. It would probably explain why I can feel it in both hands and feet, or maybe i’m just a freak. I think it is real. I’m not sure if it’s nerve density or something biological like high iron in the blood?

Todd: I sometimes percieve the magnetic sensation in two fingers, my left ring and pinkie fingers. However, I only have the impant in my left ring finger. I’ve thought about this phenomenon, and here is what I have believe is occuring. In the course of normal finger operation your pinkie and ring fingers often percieve things in parallel. For instance when you grab an ass or run your hands down a woman’s back those two fingers are feeling pretty much the same thing. Your nervous system has limited resources for transmitting information, and uses clever tricks to up the amount of information processing per calorie. Since those two fingers often run in parrallel, at some point for efficiency the nervous system constructed a compression algorithm. The dual finger perception with only one implant is an artifact of that compression. The phenomenon isn’t 100% consistent, I’d estimate 10% of the sensations come up dual.

Shannon: I can’t currently sense EM fields in any place other than the fingertip that contains the magnet stack (and the ones that have been removed don’t appear to retain any sesnation), and don’t have any “crossover” between fingers.

Quinn: I suspect this is a matter of learning to concentrate. Before I went to Phoenix I designed a test just to make sure it was real, picking out a live wire from 4 choices. We did it double blind back in California with unmodified controls. People actually could pick out the live cord better than the stats would have had it. When I sat down to try it, I could pick out a live cord about 80% of the time, about twice the other controls. We were all surprised, but after talking to some people that worked with electronics, it turned out this was not at all unique. I think it’s entirely reasonable to think that learning to concentrate on AC would let you do it with your skin even without a magnet; though not as reliably. We are, after all, conductive.

Please note that magnetic implants are still highly experimental and the underlying encasement technologies and so on are not yet mature. If you want one, please be sure to research and understand the risks in advance!

Quinn’s implant (note the discoloration) just before removal.

Shannon Larratt
BME.com