BME: Body Modification Ezine

A tattooed person suspends from hooks, laying flat, one leg higher than the other. Their head is back, and they seem to be smiling, dark hair dangling like an anime character.

Celebrating body modification culture since 1994.

Category: Features

  • RTFM: Keith Alexander

    Written by

    Jordan Ginsberg


    “Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.”
    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Keith Alexander’s presence in the body modification community has been felt for nearly fifteen years now, both online and in the physical realm; from rabblerousing on USENET to organizing events such as 1998’s promotional party for Dee Snider’s film Strangeland — dubbed the Night of 1000 Scars — on which Keith served and is credited as the Bodyart and Fetish consultant. If one were to throw a penny in the air at any BME event, it’s almost a certainty that they’d hit someone who has either been offended by Keith, learned something from him, or in all likelihood, both.

    Currently a technologist in the interactive world, Keith has done piercing and scarification work out of Gauntlet, his own Modern American Bodyarts studio and others, as well as toured as a guitarist for Dee Snider’s SMF — an intimidating range of experience to be sure. Factor in an ostensibly brash, sarcastic personality, and a conversation with Keith can seem like a complex waiting to happen — and to the weak of heart, it may very well be; he is an educator though, and maintains that even the worst of his ball-breaking comes with a message. Continuing his tradition of being in on the ground floor of BME’s new ventures (he was the first person ever interviewed for BME, as well as one of BMERadio’s first phone interviews), Keith recently spoke to BME about being a successful member of the modified workforce, his issues with the term body modification itself, and his reputation for being an abrasive, RTFM-type personality.

    * * *

    BME: Let’s talk transitions. You’ve, occupation wise, sort of been all over the place from veritable rock star to body artist and now you’re in the corporate world. So generally, how does your past affect you? The corporate world is not really known for being the most accepting of a more liberal lifestyle, and tends to be seen as more of a conservative kind of environment.

    KA: You know, the word “corporate” is kind of used in too broad a sense. There are a lot of corporations out there; Modern American Bodyarts was a corporation, so you could say it’s less a matter of what the structure of the business is as far as a legal standpoint and more of what the mindset of the business is. So, I never worked for IBM — I interviewed for them and actually, I got a call-back but I had accepted a position before them. It’s really… you’re just talking about physical aspects?

    BME: Well, physical, and as well, some people may see that, well, this guy was a touring musician and then he cut people for a living for a couple years.

    KA: I’ve always said I have more balls than brains, and my enthusiasm has always carried me through. One job I got in the interactive industry, the woman who hired me, after she hired me she said, “Oh, by the way, I just want you to know, I was on one of your sites today,” and I thought, “Oh no, shit!”

    BME: [Laughs]

    KA: I said, “Which one?” And she said “Modern American,” you know and she said, “and the first picture I saw was of a pierced penis, and that was my introduction to you.” And she still hired me. So it’s really … I hear so many people just whining about, “My quote-unquote mods keep me out of jobs,” and I really don’t buy into that. If you have a full facial tattoo and you got it when you were sixteen and it’s shitty art, then maybe that is working against you, but I don’t have much sympathy for you. So again, I’ve never really had a problem, it’s always just a matter of setting the goal and going for it. I’ve counseled and helped so many of my friends with going through transitions like that because I’ve done it so many times, and the advice that I give them is to just pick what you want to do and go for it.


    Corporate
    Koiporate

    BME: And I think there is a trend these days for a lot of younger people getting heavy work done without really thinking it through and then a couple of years later they’re trying to get a job in the workforce and going, “Well, what the fuck happened?” And a lot of these people I find can be very holier-than-thou about it, to say, “I had this work done and in spite of that, you have to hire me,” and it can be a dangerous thing.

    KA: It’s such bullshit, because the bottom line is if you can do the job, and your resumé and experience and so on carry you through, people will be willing to overlook a certain amount of work. But if you have a certain amount of work and you aren’t good enough, then what do we need, affirmative action for people with facial tattoos?

    BME: Oh exactly, I think it can be used as an excuse—

    KA: Right, and it often is. I think 99% of the time it’s an excuse, and I think there’s some serious emo component to it — whiny personality types, sometimes over-medicated, they’re obsessed with the meds that they’re taking; I’ve met more tattooed assholes than not-tattooed assholes.

    BME: Right. But there are probably more assholes in general than not-assholes.

    KA: [Laughs] Yeah, but you know, back to the transition bit, I’ve… I’ve done so much, like when I was fourteen I was working on Wall Street. My dad was a bit of a big shot on Wall Street and also a bit of a musician, so I think I kind of get it genetically because he had a foot in both worlds as well, as did my mom. But you know, I was working on Wall Street from when I was fourteen to eighteen; I worked at 2001 Odyssey, I was a DJ there in the height of disco fever — that’s where they filmed Saturday Night Fever — so I’ve always found myself right before these trends, for lack of a better term. I’ve always found myself in a bit of a position to help push them along a little bit. So it’s almost just a matter of being in the right place at the right time. And to use a bit of a cliché, a Joseph Campbell riff, it really is about following your bliss, it’s about identifying what gets you hard and going for it.

    BME: Now, do you think as years progress, obviously today a higher percentage of people have at least visible work done than they did ten years ago—

    KA: True.

    BME: And do you think another ten, fifteen years from now, will corporate worlds and business worlds have to start making concessions and acknowledging that there’s a critical mass and that the potential workforce is overwhelmingly modified?

    KA: Oh, I think so for sure. I mean, just generationally — the older generations dying off and the younger generations coming up, and the majority of them have work. But, we overuse the word “modification” a bit too much too. It’s one thing to have a tattoo on your arm, but it’s another thing to have your ears stretched up to three inches and a labret at triple-zero gauge. So, look, we’ve reached critical mass as far as public awareness goes: Everybody knows there’s people like us and people crazier than us doing these things. So, they’re aware of it, it’s just a matter of your resumé and experience being able to back it up. I don’t think that, given the choice between a person who is somewhat qualified and not pierced or tattooed and a person who is extremely qualified and pierced and tattooed, I think that the business environment is such these days that you have to make the right choice to go for the person that’s best for the job, visible work or not.

    BME: [Agrees] And as far as what you were saying before, about an eyebrow piercing or whatever being different from a facial tattoo or a sleeve, even — I know that you take issue with the term “body modification” to an extent and have even done workshops on it, so is body modification something that is more of a permanent thing?

    KA: Well, the whole point of that workshop is to get people to admit that there really are no answers. I mean, I certainly have a bias, but I acknowledge — I can step back and say, well maybe it’s not everything to everybody, and it’s nothing to everybody, there’s no right or wrong. My beef with that word is when people who just have a tattoo say, “Check out my mod.” It annoys me. It annoys me from a standpoint of, they’re co-opting, I hate to use that term, they’re identifying with a subculture that they’re not a part of. You’re a tattooed person — you have a tattoo. Is it a modification? Sure, we can split hairs and say it absolutely is, you’ve modified your body, definitely. But … it’s a tattoo. You know? It’s not a modification, it’s a fucking tattoo. Your eyebrow piercing is an eyebrow piercing — it’s a piercing. Those things taken together, you’re pierced, you’re tattooed, and somewhere along the line somebody came up with the term “body modification,” and, boom! People took to it like the trendoids that most people are. So I have a problem when people say, “Oh, check out my mod,” when they could just as easily say, “Hey, check out my tattoo,” and they wouldn’t be revealing that trendiness. It’s almost like a signifier when somebody says to me, “Check out my mod” and they show me their PA, it tells me that they got their PA to be part of something that didn’t come from inside them. Personally, if you’ve got a PA, just say, “Check out my PA.”

    BME: So for you, body modification would be more, like, look at Erik Sprague or Cat, who actually undergo an overall body modification?

    KA: If pushed for an answer, I would say that body modifications are amputations, you know, things that are out of the norm. A branding, a cutting, a piercing or a tattoo, to split hairs, are modifications, but to me they’re just brandings, cuttings, tattoos and piercings. It’s the stuff that falls outside of that that’s a modification. And there’s definitely a bias there, it’s somewhat naïve, and I realize, I’ve argued for hours with people about these things and facilitated those workshops for many hours and I’ve realized that my point of view is narrow. [Laughs] It’s definitely narrow. But I’m not trying to be part of anything. Anything that I’ve done or gotten into, I’m into because I’m into it! I’m not into it because I want to be a part of something. I didn’t start riding bikes like I do now because I want to hang out with the racers; I’m riding bikes because it satisfies a need in me. So people that look to without for satisfaction are people that, number one, I feel sorry for and I have a certain amount of contempt for. I’m sort of like the exact opposite of Shannon, where Shannon will be very nurturing and try to help people and show them the right way; right away, I’m on the defensive and I don’t want anything to do with somebody who has what is in my opinion the wrong motivation.

    BME: Well, I suppose if you’ve spent enough time in the community, in any community, you can find yourself on either end of the spectrum. You can be a Shannon type where you are open to just about everything and you want everyone to experience everything to the fullest and love it, or you can be more like you and, like you said, immediately skeptical and—

    KA: [Agrees] But on the other hand, I’m extremely compassionate to the people that have, what is in my, again, narrow point of view, the right motivation. To get a piercing from me, or to get any work from me, not just these days but for a while now, you go through, like, an interview process in a sense via email that most people wouldn’t deal with. When I get emails, I just reply to 90% of them, “Sorry, I’m a little bit too busy to do it,” but the other ten percent, I’ll ask them, you know, “Why do you want this?” or, “What is it you’re doing this for?” And I just did some piercings in an S&M situation, and the guy was kind of a little upset that I was talking right to the girl, because the dynamic is the master/slave thing. I don’t give a shit what you guys do outside of here, and I understand the dynamic, but I’m touching her, not you, so why don’t you just wait over there while I talk to her? To ascertain that she wants it for herself. So I’ve always been very … look, it’s karma! And if I’m doing something to somebody who doesn’t want it, that’s on me. So it’s in my best interests to really ascertain the reasoning behind the motivation.

    BME: People have to understand that there are lifestyle decisions that people make, but at the same time, when you are bringing someone else into that, you have to be—

    KA: Yeah. And most people are. Like, I get called an elitist and I want to argue with that, but it’s really not hitting the nail on the head. It’s more of, I’m so protective of my karma; I mean, coming from somebody who just breaks balls mercilessly—

    BME: [Laughs]

    KA: But I’m still … I would say there’s almost always a lesson in my ball-breaking, that I’m doing some form of teaching in that. I know it sounds really weird to somebody who might be on the receiving end of it, but my motivations are almost always coming from a good place.

    BME: That’s what my observation is. From, say, RAB [USENET’s rec.arts.bodyart], or on IRC channels or even in IAM forums, you do very much have a “read the fucking manual” personality to you, but if anyone takes a second look at it, you’re obviously speaking from experience. You know that information is out there.

    KA: Look, I’m getting into skiing now, so I know that I’m going to ask a few questions in a few forums that are definitely, you know, “read the fucking manual”-esque, but I am going to Google for it and I have started the educational process. But, when I see people who are so blatantly, didn’t even Google the keyword once, that tells me more about them than anything else. Granted, I speak of karma, I should really just, move along, move along, but there’s something in me that feels it’s of value to say to somebody, “What the fuck?” There’s definitely some value in kind of like, slapping somebody awake a little bit like, hey, if they’re not asking these questions on their own, they’re not asking questions in life.

    BME: And you are an educator; you do teach classes, you do these sorts of workshops and there are different types of teachers. There are some who will just be very nurturing to the slowest kid in the class and hold everyone else back, or ones who say, you know, you’re not an idiot, as much as you’re making it look like — you can do things on your own.

    KA: Absolutely. I mean, that’s the thing I love about digital communication! That like, Google is a cut and paste away. My biggest beef online is, well, among many of them, is when people say, “What should my next piercing be?” That blows me away. Words fail me when I see those kinds of questions. And at times I wish I was a bigger person and I would just say fuck it, you know, move on, and I usually do — I don’t go for all the low-hanging fruit. But every now and then there’s a personality that I really just need to connect with for whatever reason.

    BME: And people can see that as you being an asshole, but if you think about it for a second, it’s really you being more compassionate and not holding this person’s hand and saying, you know, “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine—”

    KA: Exactly, and I’m really glad you see that, because it’s funny, on RAB or IRC, more IRC because it’s real-time, the majority of people at first blush hate me, and then as they stick around or observe me a little bit more, they see that there’s a method to the madness. And I see it happen every day. I see people that the day before were saying, “What a dick,” are now saying, “You know, he’s right, listen to him.” Like, there’s a few women on IRC — they’re kind of young — and I’m very straight with them whereas most people would be, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s okay,” I’ll give them the link to read the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. You know, when somebody’s just whining about wanting their boyfriend’s company, all suffering comes from desire, so I’ll paste that. And if they ignore it, well, you’re happy being miserable. And then all bets are off and now you’re fair game. BME is supposed to be very much a safe place, and I agree with that, but the world is not a safe place, and I’m not evil at the root of it, but I’m definitely a little… me and some people don’t really get along. And I think it’s really important that when a person is ready to walk, you let them walk. You can’t walk behind them with a fuckin’ mattress everywhere they go.

    BME: No, absolutely not. And you have to draw a line between compassion and just being realistic. There is too much sensitivity and political correctness as of late; everyone needs the chance, everyone needs a voice — well, they do, but you’re not entitled to [respect] just because you’re breathing.

    KA: Right, exactly. That’s a great point. And that’s something that I really see come to the fore in digital communications — there’s a lot of noise out there, and one of the reasons that I’ve made the in-roads that I have over the years is because the choice of words I use are generally… I’ll answer a question with one sentence whereas other people will go on for like three fuckin’ paragraphs and say the same thing, if they even answer the question at all. So I’m kind of lucky in the sense that I know how to interact online, and a lot of people don’t, so they get frustrated and right away, you know, I’m an asshole or you’re an asshole or whoever’s an asshole. Instead of taking the time and lurking a little bit and seeing how things can be worked most effectively, they foam at the mouth and… and that’s when the fun really starts. [And] I know that there’s a living person on the other end of the computer screen, but at the same time, it’s still just text. So, like, on RAB in particular, especially with certain people whose names I don’t even want to mention, I will call names, but to me it’s almost like poetry, to say “Hey, cocksucker” is the same thing as saying “Hey, [your name],” you know?

    BME: [Laughs] No, I know what you mean, and it really just comes back to this, I forget who it was, I think it was… it was a Bill Maher comedy special and he went on about the pussification of America—

    KA: Right, totally.

    BME: And I mean, I’m not saying we need chauvinists and people just berating others for the sake of it, but people are being babied by this culture a lot, and whether it’s telling someone in a boardroom that their idea is stupid and flawed or telling someone who comes into a piercing shop and saying, you know what, maybe this isn’t for you—

    KA: Exactly. What’s the word, the feminization of America. Guys aren’t allowed to be guys — you know, there are a lot of masculine traits that are bad. I truly believe that the reason we have so much war and all these things is because of testosterone, you know, but we are definitely not allowed to express ourselves that way. I talk with my girlfriend a lot about that I curse a lot. And to me it’s just a matter of, it makes the language more colorful, it adds emphasis. So you know, I say “God damn it motherfucker!” — that says as much as saying “Oh wow, it’s really a drag that I, you know, whatever.” I remember when I was a kid, Dee Snider — I would see him when I was really young, like fourteen or fifteen, and I read an interview with him and he was asked why he curses so much, and he said, “Have you ever talked to cops or firemen? You know, people curse. And when I’m onstage, I’m talking to my friends, and people curse to their friends. So, I curse onstage like a fireman or a cop would talk at a bar; we’re all friends here, so I feel comfortable enough to curse.”

    BME: And on your personal website, I read one article you linked to that basically just said that there are no bad words.

    KA: Well, that was, uh, I used a bad word at work, and I got called on it. The fucked-up thing about it was when I said it there was nobody around me, nobody was in the fuckin’ room. Someone was outside the room and I said it loud enough that they heard it, and they reported me two months after I said it in response to me calling them out on something, and the next day I get called down and it’s like “Holy crap!” I was laughing, I couldn’t believe it! I was just like, blown away, like, “Yeah, I remember saying that word but I know there was nobody around and I know the way I said it” — I said cunt. [In my office] I totally broke down and was like “Fucking cunt!” and you know, I didn’t call anybody a cunt! It was just hilarious. It’s just a fucking word.

    BME: And especially that word in particular has such a stigma to it with some people. Now, abruptly switching topics and to backtrack a little, you mentioned doing piercings in an S&M situation a little while ago, and being that you are in the quote-unquote corporate world these days, what is your current relation from a business standpoint or a practitioner’s standpoint to body modification, if you want to call it that? I know that it’s appointments only—

    KA: Yeah, and that’s basically it. First of all, you have to be intriguing. If you just write to me and say, “I want a guiche, how much?” I’m not going to do it. But if you write to me and say, “You know, I’ve been doing some research online, and your name came up a couple of times, and you seem like you’re gay-friendly, and I’ve been thinking about a guiche but I ride bikes a lot, and I don’t know if it’s the right thing for me,” I’m going to send you my phone number. But, you know, “I want a PA, how much? Does it hurt?” We’re not going to work. There’s a great little studio up here that I use when somebody does intrigue me enough that I want to work on them, but to be totally honest, I really miss my shop. You know, we opened up in ’96, and it was really just Gauntlet, Venus, and us, there was nobody else, and I was the first one in Brooklyn. If you talk to anyone who was in my shop, it was really magical; the colors that we chose, the music that we played, every single [thing]. It was a small place, only like four hundred square feet, but every little thing had so much thought and love put into it, that you would walk in off this pretty gnarly street in Brooklyn and people just go “Holy crap! This is like an oasis!” So I miss having that, because now when I go work in somebody else’s shop, you know, they’re very respectful and they let me do whatever I need to do as far as music and lighting and so on, but it’s just never going to be the same — it’s just not the same place. So part of me really wants to find a partner, maybe a jewelry-maker; I’m not too hip on a tattoo artist because I don’t like the noise of the machine going all the time, but I would love to find somebody where I could open up a small little space and just maintain that environment the way I’d want it to be. But it’s not going to happen any time soon.

    BME: Now, what initially caused you to move away from it? Was it a business thing, or—?

    KA: No, I got so into the Internet. I mean, www.modernamerican.com just did unbelievable things for my reputation — not even my reputation with clients, but my reputation with the press. I was getting, you know, a dozen calls a week to be on talk shows all over the world, there were more interviews than I ever could have imagined, and I thought, this is all because of my website — because that’s how they’d find you! So what I did is, I think in ’98 I made the decision to start phasing it out and start looking for a job in the interactive industry. My dad would come into the shop and take appointments for me, and I would spend less time in the shop and more time over at Fox, Rupert Murdoch’s organization, in digital publishing. I took an internship over there, and at thirty-five years old I beat out all these college kids for this internship — it was my enthusiasm; I really saw the future, and I still see the future of what digital communication is going to be. So I was really lucky in that I got that job, and as time went on I just realized — it’s funny, because I also quit Dee’s band on the eve, the proverbial eve that they were leaving for Spain and Italy, to stay at Fox. And everybody at Fox was like, “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re not going to Spain with Dee Snider to play Twisted Sister music because you want to be an intern at Fox?” And I told them that at the time, and still to this day, that was as exciting to me as playing in front of 20,000 people. The ability to FTP into a server in Australia still gives me goosebumps. Like, I cannot believe the magic of this whole sphere.

    BME: And it’s different for someone like you because younger kids these days, they’re growing up and they know the Internet and digital communications from day one, whereas someone who’s been around and can see the progression from a computer that you could, you know, house a family of four in, to—

    KA: [Laughs] Exactly, right. So it’ll be interesting to see what turns those kids on. And what I think it’s coming full circle to is that at the end of the day it’s really about what you have to say. The technology itself should always be transparent; unfortunately most of the time it’s not transparent, it’s broken or it’s too big or whatever, but it’s going to get to the point where it’s so transparent you can’t even see it, and all that’s going to count is what the headline is, what it is that grabs this person’s attention. So it’s a cliché, but it’s really about the content.

    BME: And just to backtrack once again, obviously you were at Gauntlet and then you had Modern American but from a practitioner’s perspective, you’ve seen the community expand and become so saturated and to open up a shop like you said, you would like to get a partner — opening up a shop these days could be a very hit-or-miss endeavor and enterprise. Would that be a concern, or do you think that your history and your work would speak for itself?

    KA: You know, it speaks for itself. I mean, without sounding like a totally conceited asshole, I get a dozen requests a day. I mean, the work is there for me, it’s just a matter of do I want to take it on. I mean, it wouldn’t be a street-level shop, that’s for sure; it’d be appointment only. And there are requests coming though — I wish I was getting the requests back then that I get now. I even have form letters at this point that I send out to turn people down — I cannot believe the amount of requests for piercings that I get, so no, I wouldn’t be too worried about that.

    BME: Okay, because I know that locally for me, even Tom Brazda just recently had to close down Stainless Studios and again he moved it to just a more or less one-man, appointment-only operation. And it wasn’t, I don’t think he was tired of running a business, but the business aspect just wasn’t happening [as a standard shop]. And then, you know, you walk down the street and there’s Jimmy’s Tattoo Emporium and Café—

    KA: Oh yeah, that’s one of the things too, is that tattooing was illegal in New York City for a long time — like, ’62 until very recently, I think ’97 — and when they legalized it, all of a sudden, every tattoo shop that opened up threw a piercer [in], so there was definitely a saturation at that level. But you know, I’m definitely kind of like two levels above the average piercer and reach the people that really care about it the majority of the time. I get, certainly 25 to 30% of the requests I get are the usual misspelled, “Will you peirce my naval?” kind of shit. But those are just people who search and randomly come across me, those aren’t the people who really care; the people who care will find me.

    BME: These days though, do you think that people who want to be a body piercer or a tattoo artist or do scarification work — it used to be just a labor of love but now you have to be a shrewd businessman to do it as well. You look at guys like Brian Decker (IAM:xPUREx) who do incredible work — but he looks like he’s starving; he just can’t get the clientele and he struggles to make it happen professionally sometimes it seems.

    KA: Well, there are a lot of levels going on. What you said in number one was all true, but there are various levels of cause and effect there that make these things happen. Number one, a guy like Brian who’s talented beyond belief — he’s young. At least he appears young. I don’t think he can do it all on his own, I think that’s why he uses Shawn Porter a lot to run interference for him, but me and Brian went at it for a little bit, because to me it’s like, you live and you die alone; if you can’t stand up for yourself and do it for yourself, you know — you just have to be able to! And I don’t think that Shawn, and I love Shawn, you know, I’ve done work on Shawn, Shawn and I go way back. [But] a guy like Brian, he really needs to stand on his own and then I think he might be more aggressive about it. I get requests fairly often, maybe one or two every couple of months saying, “I want to break into the business, I love body modification more than anything else in the world, can you help me?” And I usually write back a little along the lines of how it’s not really a viable career choice, and it’s not. Number one, the market isn’t there; if you take any business classes they give you the example of the hardware store, and you figure out if Town X can support another hardware store based on the population, the median income, and those kinds of things. The chances are, the town that you live in isn’t going to support you as a piercer. So, as a viable career choice for the future, it’s probably not there. Short term, if you want to spend the time and learn, you know, you could make some money but you’re not going to buy a house on it. So it’s really a matter of your goals. Some people are very happy living on rice and beans, and they might say at 25 that they’d be happy doing that at 65, but I think that as you get older, your concept of what success is changes. To me, success was always doing what I wanted to do, so I could die tomorrow and I’d feel extremely successful. But the truth is, I don’t have much money in the bank; I don’t have many assets; my net worth is nowhere near what it should be — but I consider myself extremely successful. So if this person who is eating rice and beans and opened up a small piercing shop but truly loves it, that to me is the lynchpin, the fulcrum; if you’re just getting into it because you think it’s cool, fuck you. If you’re getting into it because you think you’ll make some money, fuck you as well. But if you’re getting into it and learning it because you love it, you know, more power to you, and those are the kinds of people that I help, and it’s relatively often.

    BME: I think that when someone is very new to this and all of a sudden they find BME or they find spc.Online or whatever and all of a sudden it’s this whole new world that they’ve never known before, it’s very romantic at first—

    KA: [Agrees]

    BME: I know that I, me personally, after going to hacks and verifiable psychopaths for my first piercings I eventually became friends with Blair, and—

    KA: Blair is probably the best in the world—

    BME: Exactly, and spending time with him and actually developing something of a friendship with him… it’s very romantic to want to do this for a living and be as content as Blair, you know, who wouldn’t want that?

    KA: Blair is the exception.

    BME: Exactly. It’s a very different… that’s Blair’s personality.

    KA: And why do you think he’s so successful? He loves it so much, he kicks ass at it. If you get into it and you’re not as passionate as he is, or as I was back in the day, or Tom for that matter, you know, you’re doomed to failure, or you’re doomed to mediocrity at the very best.

    BME: And even Blair — he worked at a host of different shops before he eventually bought Passage with a partner, which is in the heart of Toronto’s gay community. So he gets lots of business, but he even had to institute a pervert tax, essentially—

    KA: [Laughs]

    BME: Because guys would come in and they would book consultations with him and hit on him the whole time, or drop their pants and be like, “Well, how do you like this?” So he raised his prices dramatically for that sort of thing. But if someone came in and they were obviously with it and weren’t going to sexually harass him on the job, they wouldn’t necessarily be “taxed”. [But] a lot of people aren’t in that position to be able to make concessions like that and be like, “Well, you’re sort of a dick. I’ll pierce you, but I’m not going to talk to you afterwards, but you know, here’s an apadravya for two hundred dollars.” I’m exaggerating, but—

    KA: Yeah, that’s one of the problems I had; I would charge the same for PA as I would for a nipple, and I’m not saying that Blair does this but I’ve seen a lot of other piercers that will charge like three times the amount for a genital piercing! Like, nothing could be easier to do than a scrotal piercing — it’s the same thing as doing a fucking earlobe, basically, but you’re charging three times as much. It never made sense to me, but I can totally relate to what he’s saying. I’ve had it happen to me a shitload of times at Gauntlet, and at that time I wasn’t half as comfortable with sexuality as I am now. You know, I’ll never forget the first time I did a PA — it freaked me out! I had never touched anybody’s dick other than my own, and I was like holy crap, that was the weirdest thing I’d ever done! I did it, I aced it, I was psyched about it, but it was like, wow, that’s bizarre. And you know, there was definitely a pervert community [laughs] that gets off on piercers like that.

    BME: And I think that some people who want to get into the business, they don’t take into account that they may not be as comfortable with other peoples’ bodies as they are with their own. And you know, you’re a piercer and all of a sudden a 300 pound woman walks in who wants a hood piercing, and are you going to be able to handle that sort of thing?

    KA: Totally.

    BME: Still, I talked to Blair, I hung out at his shop for days on end, and there were very minor rumblings of apprenticeship, and after a while I was like, you know what? Learning the skills would be incredible, but at the same time, as far as an actual profession goes, I don’t know if this is actually for me. And I think that’s where a lot of people get mixed up.

    KA: Yep. Well, you know, you’re obviously self-aware, and the majority of the people in this world are not self-aware, and they’ll go whichever way the wind blows or what have you… it’s your personality. Whether or not you’re into the things you’re into or not, it’s your personality that sets your course in life. And if you don’t have the right personality to get what you want, you never will [get what you want], or you’ll just take whatever comes your way.

    BME: But you know, at the same time, when I would go and talk to Blair, we would hang out and I’d learn… he’d teach me how to take care of biohazard or how to operate the autoclave, and there were things I learned, but at the end of the day it was not for me. And I think people who romanticize it to the point where they will just get facial tattoos right away or stretch a huge labret—

    KA: It’s not a sport, I say that all the time, it’s not a sport. How big can I stretch, how quick? But you used the right word, that’s the perfect word is romanticizing it; you make it seem like something that it’s not. You know, it’s like girls, or anybody for that matter, who want a tongue piercing. I tell them all the time, and they’ll wink like, does it make oral sex better? And my line is, if you can’t give head without it, having it’s not going to help. You know, a PA’s not going to make you a great lover if you weren’t a great lover to begin with; it certainly shows a certain mindset that’s admirable that you’re willing to go to places to make your sex life better, but really it comes down to personality type. The best thing to do is just live your life and lead by example. You know, that’s what I like to do; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in big presentations, I’ve just given a great presentation, everyone’s just kind of blown away, and then I roll up my sleeves and people are like, “Holy shit, that’s a lot of work,” and you know, I’m totally aware of when I do it, how I do it, why I’m doing it, and so on. So you just have to set an example by the way you live your life.

    Whether you’re pierced or not or you’re tattooed or not or whatever it is, you know, because too many people talk, you know how it is, this is how you should do it, this is how you could do it — show me, don’t tell me. And just live your life the way you think it should be lived. And like Blair is doing; he’s living the authentic life, and I feel strongly that I am, and you sound like you are; I know Shannon is, and Shawn for that matter. You have to live an authentic life, and then you’ll be happy. If you’re living an inauthentic life, it’s going to show.

    Please consider buying a membership to BME so we can continue bringing you articles like this one.



  • Rites of Passage Suspension Family [Guest Column]

    Written by

    BME

      

    Rites of Passage

    Suspension Crew Family


    “Rituals have the power to reset the terms of our universe until we find ourselves suddenly and truly ‘at home.’”

    – Margot Adler


    Rites of Passage is currently one of the most active suspension groups in America with six chapters across the North East comprising eighteen members. I was able to speak with ROP founder and current leader of the Michigan chapter, Emrys (    IAM:along those lines), as well as New York chapter members Brian (IAM:xPUREx) and Cere (IAM:cere).

    BME:  What was your experience in the body modification community before getting involved with Rites of Passage?
    BRIAN:  Before I began working with suspensions with ROP I was heavily involved with practicing modification work in Connecticut. I worked with piercing, implants, scarification, and many other more “pseudo-surgical” aesthetic modifications at the time.

    CERE:  I was a body piercer of about five or six years and then I left piercing due to the fact that in New York even the best piercers can’t maintain a high enough standard of living (for me). Afterwards though, I remained “in the scene” by working on friends only, and going to conventions, clubs, and so on. EMRYS:  I’d been a body piercer for about two years at a local studio in my home town and served an apprenticeship under a traditional Fakir-trained piercer. I’d experimented when I was younger (nine-ish) with branding myself, cutting myself, and carving words in my skin as a relief of tension. I started stretching my lobes at around thirteen as a result of meeting a Kenyan tribesman that came to my school to give a speech on his culture. I also had a decent amount of tattoo work for someone under the age of eighteen, including a memorial tattoo crowning my head in dedication to my mother.  
    Cere’s first suspension being watched over by Brian (front)
    and George (back), with Emrys working in the background.

  • Mothers with Mods [Guest Column – Stepping Back]

    Written by

    BME
      

    Mothers with Mods

    “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

    – Frederick Douglas

    The image of what a Mother is has drastically changed in the past fifty years. Many years ago, mothers only wore dresses, stayed home to rear the children and take care of their husbands. Then they began to get jobs, laws passed to allow women to get paid the same wage as men, women even started loving other women in public!
       
    Monica Beyer (IAM:Orinda)

    Now it’s commonplace for mothers to not have husbands, to never wear dresses… and some… some have tattoos! Piercings! The shame! How can they be good role models for their children? What a terrible disgrace! What has the world come to?

    Obviously this point of view isn’t shared by everyone, but is still dominant in our society. Everyone who has visible modifications has probably, at some point, been discriminated against, or at least been stereotyped by someone unmodified. Is it worse for a pregnant woman who has visible modifications?

    A social shift in what is acceptable and unacceptable is currently underway, and we’re never going to be able to please everyone. Modified mothers and fathers can be equally fit parents as someone without modifications; tattoos and piercings don’t automatically lower someone’s intelligence or make them abusive. Pregnant women or mothers toting around children have enough to worry about, the last thing they need is to justify their lifestyle to those who don’t understand.

    Monica Beyer (IAM:Orinda), a successful entrepreneur who owns and operates SigningBaby.com and SigningBabyShop.com, has created a forum for members of IAM to discuss anything and everything they want to while pregnant. She initially started the forum because she couldn’t find anywhere else online where she really fit in. After two failed attempts (they just didn’t catch on) at the forum, she now has 141 members who actively participate in topics ranging from nipple piercings to circumcision to labor. It is a closed forum, so those of us who aren’t pregnant are not allowed to join in the conversation, however anyone who is pregnant is welcome to participate, but you will have to contact Monica in order to view the forum, of course.

    Initially, the forums were public, but because of some unforeseen drama (one member used what was said in the forums against other members in order to tarnish their reputation and to ultimately hurt their feelings) and excessive posts by members who weren’t pregnant, Monica decided to make them private. She wanted to keep the forum a “safe place where people can feel free to talk about whatever they want to talk about.” She and other members didn’t think it was necessary to involve people who didn’t have anything worthwhile to contribute. It is a place for support, understanding and the ins and outs of becoming a mother.


    Monica’s eggwarrior tattoos
    Left one designed by Corbin (age 5), right by Dagan (age 8)
    BME:  How long have you been with BME?
    MONICA:  I started my original IAM page in February of 2001.
    BME:  Can you briefly explain what SigningBaby.com is about?
    MONICA:  Well, when Corbin (my middle child) was a young baby I saw a news report on television about a mom who signed with her child, and I wanted to learn more. I bought a book and started signing with him at eleven months, and a month later, when he started signing back, I was hooked. There was an unusual lack of information on the web about signing with babies so I decided to start a website about it. It has had tons of different looks but the goal has always been the same — to share basic information about baby sign language and showcase photos of signing babies (including mine)…
    At around the same time I quit my job in late 2003 I was approached by a company who offered to sell me their products at a discount and I would then be able to sell them online and make money by doing so. What a novel concept! The Signing Baby Shop started out with about two books and two videos and I had to learn “on the job” how to start a business, collect sales tax, get a merchant account, get my money out of the merchant account, and have great customer service. It’s been over a year now and I think that I’ve worked out all the kinks but there are always a few situations that come up that I’ve never had before.
    BME:  Have your mods or your babies had more of an influence on the decision to start your forums? Or has it been a little of both?
    MONICA:  The forums were inspired simply because I was pregnant.
    BME:  What are some of the topics covered?
    MONICA:  Anything and everything. Recent topics include: size of bellies, insurance issues, job loss, location of kicks, throwing up, veganism, La Leche League meetings. Other recent topics: circumcision, labor, prostaglandins in semen, artificial prostaglandins being made of pig semen, birth, nipple piercings, squirting breast milk, necessity of induction, c-sections, pelvic organ prolapse, epidurals, drug-free labor, recovery, stitches, and sex.
    Circumcision is an extremely hot topic. It never goes over well. You might be surprised to hear that quite a few parents in my forums feel that circumcision is not a problem. Many of us (me included) feel that it is an involuntary surgical body modification that should not be done on a non-consenting minor. But an alarmingly large number of parents feel that they should do it so their son “looks like dad” or so they won’t be embarrassed in the locker room. I never thought I would hear a person in this community saying something like that. After all, how concerned are we with “fitting in” with the rest of society?
    BME:  Do you know of any medical professionals that take part in any of the conversations?
    MONICA:  To my knowledge, none.
    BME:  What is your favorite topic discussed on the forums?
    MONICA:  I really like talking about myself. It’s true! The pregnancy forum of course is full of pregnant women and since I have been pregnant three times I enjoy sharing my experiences. I’m not sure if I will ever grow tired of telling my birth stories. It’s kind of like, “Wow, I did that, it hurt more than anything else I have ever experienced, and I lived, and I’m going to share the details.” I doubt that it is simply me that feels that way either. I think most pregnant women end their birth experience with a need to share it.


    Monica and Lauren
    BME:  When pregnant, what was some of the feedback from friends, family and strangers about your modifications? Did people see you as being too immature to be a parent (opinions based strictly on their physical appearance)?
    MONICA:  It is sometimes hard to read how people are reacting to you — I was 21 when I had my first baby and was condescended too often by people outside of my family, including medical personnel. Was it because of my age? My lack of a wedding ring? Or my tattoos? The more babies I had and the older I got and the more married I became, the more respect I seemed to garner, even though I was considerably more tattooed during my third pregnancy than my first.
    My mother had major issues with my getting tattooed at age eighteen. I’ll never forget visiting her at work (first pregnancy) wearing a sleeveless maternity top, and she was horrified that I was exposing tattoo work to her co-workers. I was embarrassed and humiliated. She never made judgments about parenting, but her feelings seemed to be very apparent and hurt me quite easily. This is also something I’ve seemed to outgrow — I’m not sure if it’s the fact that I no longer care or she’s grown used to them (after twelve years I should hope so).
    Now — I have had a recent experience with a medical professional that still makes me quite angry, and it’s not directly related to pregnancy or being a mom, but it is a result of having babies. I am having difficulties due to childbirth and I went to see a local physician. You realize that in an OB/GYN examination room you are pretty much naked and vulnerable and at the mercy of the person examining you. This woman walks in and starts feeling my tattooed skin, saying how fascinated she was with it and other meaningless nonsense, which was extremely irritating to me because I am undressed and need an answer. She proceeds to tell me that I will regret “all of this” when I am eighty and did I know how it would look then?
    Mostly the reactions I get are grounded in curiosity or surprise. I have had two epidurals and one spinal block. These are anesthesia given through the back and I have a large tattoo on that portion of my body. The first doctor didn’t say a thing (it was the spinal block and I had a c-section so it was a more serious situation). The second doctor, a man from India, immediately starting asking all sorts of questions. Keep in mind that the tattoo is of a Hindu god and I am in deep labor and I wanted the epidural quite badly and also I couldn’t say a damn thing because I was having back-to-back contractions. The man is asking, “So, did you get this done in California? What made you get this? Wow…” and I was not answering any of his questions. The third doctor was really pleasant and he made the typical medical joke that “I must not be afraid of needles so this shouldn’t be too bad.” In that case I was also in seriously hard labor and was spraying amniotic fluid out with each contraction so I wasn’t talking then either.


    Monica at 26 and 27 weeks
    BME:  Is there anything you’d like to tell the people that scoff at you for being modified? Now’s your time to vent.
    MONICA:  If you would have asked me this question ten years ago or even five years ago I would have been able to write volumes. I’m not sure if this is an attribute that comes with age or not but I no longer get negative comments on what work I have on my body. Stupid comments (stuff like “Hey, I like your tatties, look here at my asshole-baring Daffy Duck!”) are probably going to be omnipresent in my life, but I can’t remember the last time someone said something publicly negative about my body. I seem to get more respect now and I’m not totally sure why — is it my age, like I said, or is it the pack of kids I bring out with me?
    Also, I also have developed the ability to be far less offended when confronted with stupidity. I don’t feel the need to justify myself any more. I used to have a big spiel on my IAM page about being a college graduate and having a ‘professional’ job (I worked for a college for two years). I don’t any more. I do care what other people think to some extent but I don’t feel I have to prove my worth over and over again. My justification comes from my kids. They are the biggest reflection of me as a person.
    BME:  What do you think is the general consensus about the new parent’s child growing up and wanting tattoos and piercings?
    MONICA:  I will happily accompany my children at age eighteen to make sure that the tattoo studio they choose is a high-quality one with high-quality artists (an advantage I definitely didn’t have). Same goes for any piercings they might want. I will agree with whatever local laws dictate as long as my children have demonstrated personal cleanliness and I know they will give their piercing the attention it needs.


    IAM:Keebie meets Lauren at the KC Bowl Fest BME BBQ.
    BME:  Do you think it’s possible that tattoos and piercings will go “out of style” by the time your children are adults, and they’re going to be embarrassed of the work you’ve gotten done to your body? If this happens, how will you deal with it?
    MONICA:  I’m sure that my children will not always think I am 100% cool like they do now, regardless of if I was modified or not. I think most kids go through the “mom’s a dork” phase and refuse to be seen in public with her. My nine-year-old son was thrilled with my latest tattoo project (he thought it was a Pokemon) and I wonder how long he will be excited about things like that. I may be wrong and he may always think I am cool but perhaps not.
    I started getting modified before it was as popular as it is now (twelve years ago) and will continue to do so. And if the kids think I am a dummy or a freak of course there isn’t anything I can do about it. I don’t believe I will regret any of my tattoo work.
    BME:  Has becoming a parent changed your point of view on mods?
    MONICA:  I can’t say that it has.
    I still feel the need to get modified and I have so many plans to do so.
    BME:  Do you feel that being modified makes you a stronger mother?
    MONICA:  I think the lessons I learned as a youth (once I began getting modified at age eighteen) make me a stronger person in general. I learned that you cannot please everybody, that no matter what I personally do I will always be viewed a little bit differently, and I learned to take comments (rude or constructive) in stride. When you are a mother you are put on display almost instantly, and once your child goes to school you have others rating your parenting skills. It’s overwhelming. But having been through a period of time where I was treated differently for the way I looked definitely made me a stronger person.
    BME:  How do modifications affect mothers in their post-partum state? Do you see a lot of people getting tattooed or pierced to make them feel better after having the baby?
    MONICA:  I think that getting modified any time makes one feel so much better (for me that is true!), but when you spend nine months not getting tattooed or pierced it can be something you think about quite often and when you finally get something done you feel almost normal again, like you’ve regained your body. I had to interrupt my half-sleeve and was quite dissatisfied about that. But the first session out of my pregnancy was amazing.
    BME:  Can you elaborate on why it felt amazing?
    Was it better than any other time you were tattooed?
    MONICA:  I constantly crave getting tattooed, and abstaining for nine-plus months was a really intense period of time. It’s not all I thought about, of course, but I did have several dreams about getting worked on and when I was able to continue work on the interrupted project it was better than ever. For those nine months I felt incomplete (as far as tattoos go).
    During the other two pregnancies it was very different. I didn’t have a major tattoo project pending.
    BME:  Do you think that the image of what a mother is has changed in the past fifty years?
    MONICA:  I think the image and attitude of women in general has changed as well as the image of mothers. My grandmother was the typical woman and mother of the 50’s. She stayed at home with the children and waited on her husband. I stay at home with my children too but the situation is entirely different. I refuse to succumb to the “mothers are martyrs” attitude — that you must sacrifice everything for the good of your family. I’m not saying that I never sacrifice — I do it daily — but I refuse to give up the idea of me.
    I know there are those who would prefer for women to do it all regarding the home and the childcare, but husbands and partners are expected to pitch in more and more. When my husband brings up the point that I am a stay-at-home-mom and the house should be clean, I bring up the point that when I worked full-time I still had to do most of the housework and childcare.
    It’s been quite a challenge to change his way of thinking — his mother was also a waitress on his family — but we are slowly coming around. After all, it’s not just my home and children! I don’t think it is too much to expect a full-grown man to throw away his freaking dirty napkins or put his dishes in the dishwasher, or to bring the laundry up or down the stairs because I have a lifting restriction.
    Single moms are probably the most maligned group of parents. If a single dad (or married for that matter) goes to the grocery store to buy food and has his child with him, he is hailed as a goddamned hero, but take a single mother who is trying to better her situation by going to college or who works full-time and they can be treated like they are less than a mother. I have been one — I know how it is.

    Lauren, Corbin, and Dagan

    It’s hard enough to deal with society on a day-to-day basis, but throw in morning sickness, weight gain and water retention and you may be dealing with a hormonal monster! Give the girl a break!

    We are an ever-changing society, and the image of what a Mother is will likely be completely different by the time the children of the mothers of this generation start having babies. We’re constantly breaking ground — it’s a very exciting time to be having kids, and with the support from other modified mothers and fathers, it’s getting easier and easier.

    – Gillian Hyde   (iam:typealice)

    Gillian Hyde is a Canadian writer with a passion for design, ocean, travel, and fonts. If you enjoyed this article, be sure to also read her journal, This Was My Gambia about five months spent teaching in The Gambia.

    Online presentation copyright © 2005 BMEzine.com LLC. A number of the photographs in this article are © 2004 Sam Lerner. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online January 10th, 2005 by BMEzine.com LLC from La Paz, Mexico.



      


  • The Salaryman’s View: BME/Japan [Guest Column]

    Written by

    BME

      


    “To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive.”

    – Robert Louis Stevenson

    The alarm rings diligently on the floor next to his face. It’s barely 6 AM but already he is up and has stumbled into the small, plastic box of a shower room. Emerging from his steamy awakening soon after, he pulls out a smart, black suit, white shirt and purple silk tie. Darting out the door as the sun rises over the tops of the tall, modern buildings, briefcase trailing 45 degrees behind him, it’s only a short trot to the next stop on the way to oblivion. As the doors automatically swoosh open, he takes a ticket, sits quietly on the small, round stool, crammed in a line with the other bodies and begins the morning slurping ritual that descends upon them all — rice, raw egg, noodles, coffee. As they pile out and into the river of people that has developed quickly on the street his eyes are met with a myriad of weird and wonderful sights. Red hair, short miniskirts, garish, pink signs advertising rooms for sex, grey suits, lots of grey suits, convenience stores in garish yellows and greens, people, people everywhere. The sounds of outside simmer briskly above his head. He doesn’t even notice the fact that 80% of the people around him are male. Like a salmon returning to spawn he glides into the big building and down, down, down towards the labyrinth of tunnels and tubes that he knows like the back of his smooth skinned hand. For someone who doesn’t really like crowds it still amazes him that he doesn’t scream in the face of the tidily dressed man wearing a pointed hat and white gloves, who is busily pushing him backwards into the tightly crammed train.

    “Nobody talks to each other anymore”, he laments. It’s all thumb movements and hand covered conversations with technology. People choose to doze their way through the pain; others project themselves into worlds of superhuman animation. Dyed blonde hair, thick brown make-up, pierced lips and ears, unbuttoned shirts, rolled up minis, gum, perfume, attitude, oozing sex appeal, the high school girls giggle at his conservative glare. He grieves the loss of respect and traditional values that his parents instilled in him when he was growing up. His society is changing, slowly but surely. Young women are marrying later, travelling more and becoming more independent. They can keep their jobs after becoming pregnant, men can get childcare payments, and shock of all shocks, some men actually help with the housework! He spat out an indignant spurt of air. “Not him”, he angrily thought.

    At the office an hour later he has everything unpacked and assigned to its space on the tiny beige desk. Hazy light spills in the window, competing brashly with the fluorescent bulb overhead. The routine sights from the car park only inspire him to dream of a life not his own. Comic book imagery drawn by manic student artists night after night catapult him through the numbness and transport him into a time where people are cutting their tongues in half, tattooing their faces, hanging from meat hooks and piercing themselves with large steel needles. This is an alien world to him, thousands of light years away from the subordinate housewife, cleaner, cook and raiser of his children that his post-married life is made of.

    His soul thrusts through hyperspace at breakneck speed, colours swirl like a giant kaleidoscopic hurricane, his chest tightens with a mixture of anxiety and unbridled excitement. Old, traditional culture, the one that he grew up worshiping melts in and out of sight… two old philosophies dominate the skyline here; Confucianism and Samurai thinking, a world derived from the Chinese Confucian heritage which values the group over the individual. The group, be it a family, or society at large, is greater then the individual, and group needs take precedence over individual needs. And so it is here that women took their historical place in the home and as inferior, subservient citizens. Swords and soldiers. Warriors and warlords. Tatami and tattoos. Criminals and men of distinction come forward, coloured and confidently like some bizarre, ghostly visitation. He thinks only of Yakuza and instinctively cowers into the foetal position, begging to be spared. As he cries to be saved, suddenly he finds himself dumped on the floor of a dark and pumping room. Music blares and shakes the very marrow of his bones, nubile young bodies gyrate in unison, lights flash, steam rises, all he can see are legs and sneakers. Young males and females alike breathe equality into the air, in fact, in some cases, the females appear to hold their puny male audience in some kind of spell. He just sits there and marvels.

    For him, this is the world only seen in his comic books. Standing upright he moves sheepishly to the bar, feeling greatly overdressed and wonderfully overawed. Nobody seems to notice him and this makes him wonder if he really is a part of this strange new world or not. Not knowing what to do or say he opts for a seat at the neon-covered bar, orders a sublime, single malt from a country far, far away and drinks it quickly to calm his shredded nerves. The gravity of the situation now consumes him. Head in his hands he thumps on the bar and sobs for the stability of his drone-like existence, one where men and women both knew their place and the surroundings were as sterile and uninviting as his best company suit.

    The music stopped abruptly and snapped him out of his trough, a last tear dried as he spun around to see only the backs of bright, spiky heads, young heads, all looking skyward. Naively he followed their line of sight and was utterly speechless at what greeted him. A beautiful young slip of a woman was suspended from the darkened roof by what looked like ropes from her back. Remembering comic book confusions explained the apparent superhuman feat of spitting ropes from your skin and attaching to something more solid, a la Spiderman in his finest web-slinging adventures, but then slowly and effortlessly the heroine of the moment spun round and around and as he squinted over the top of his thick, square salary man spectacles, a flash of silver pierced his eye. “Surely it can’t be so!” he squealed to himself, grimacing uncontrollably. Her back had hooks in it and she was hanging from them. Nobody appeared to be helping her. He sat there motionless, in emotional pain. But no matter what his instincts were telling him about the girl dangling from the ceiling, he couldn’t help but feel a burning desire to seek her out. She was smiling a lot and that made him itch for her company. He needed to talk with her, to interact with her, to probe her psyche and motivations. He just wanted to help her. A lonesome word echoed through the annals of empty space in his head… “why?”

    The word had barely completed its lonely journey through his neglected neural pathways when with a “whoosh!” the young heroine was sitting opposite him, on a stool at the bar. Everyone else had vanished in the same instant. She had a strangely welcoming smile on her face. “Her name was Dita” she said and she believed he had some questions for her. He quickly scanned her friendly face and noticed firstly that her bottom lip was tattooed, subtle with a small narrow black line. His first question was of her heritage, “was she Ainu?” he asked nervously. The indigenous Ainu women of Japan tattooed their lips with a special spiritual significance, to ward off evil spirits. Dita laughed when she replied that “no, she was not Ainu”. The energy emanating from her kept her smooth, dark hair away from her small face and around it he saw various colourful adornments — a silver ring, large circular holes in her ear lobes, petit heart-shaped studs.

    Almost without hesitation he blurted out “What does your mother think of all this?! And your husband too?!”

    “My husband didn’t like my modifications at first. As time goes by and he understands how much I like body modifications, he wanted to get some for himself. . Now he’s started full tattooed sleeves and is planning to get his back tattooed as well. I think my friends and I are a good influence on him. My mother never told me to stop what I do and enjoy. Now I think she knows all about me and my modifications and accepts what I do.”

    Dita’s arm and the centre of her chest start to bubble gently, like some hot volcanic mud, pushing up three, four, then five small spheres from underneath her skin. She sighs as she lets out “I’d like to get implants done but not so badly. Just thinking. My first plan is tattoo.” And with that they too submerge and are gone.

    The room starts to spin violently again, no colours this time but huge Vaudeville type letters of red and yellow and green swirl clockwise above his head: T A T T O O T A T T O O T A T T O O. First one then two frogs jump in from the left, before long they have multiplied out of all proportion, jumping all over him. He recoils back into his familiar foetal position when, without warning a large enveloping womb begins hovering above his head like a mother ship. It extends its elegant fallopian tubes and descends to wrap him safely in its womanhood. He feels safe and warm and loved. Out of the corner of his eye, a pink Cheshire Cat sits perched in the corner, grinning inanely at this new surreal sight, tiny white stars on its forehead sparkling in the dark air.

    He opens his eyes to see Dita holding a baby. It is leaning contently against her bosom and she is stroking its soft, dark hair. She starts to speak, her words pre-empting his next query.

    “Being a mother has only changed my plans for physical reasons, like I have to wait until I stop breastfeeding. That actually gives me more time to think about my future modifications. Also saving money. I don’t hide them, as I said above, and I don’t really show them off. Some people might treat me as a bad mother just because I have these modifications, but thankfully I haven’t experienced it yet.”

    “I think I’m lucky to be a woman when it comes to modifications and their reaction. I haven’t really had any negative reactions. The only negative reactions that I’ve had are from my relatives and my boss. My relatives said that tattoos are stupid. My boss told me to take out my piercings at work. The reason why I don’t get many bad reactions is because I don’t tend to show off my modifications often to people who would take offence.”

    He spat out the questions anyway but knowing that they had already been adequately answered. All his upbringing seemed to be influencing his thoughts in the direction more of, what other people will think of how you look, rather than how you want to look, regardless of how other people think. This is the way he was brought up and this is the way he brought up his own children, roughly the same age as this well-balanced, down-to-earth girl and mother. She reminds him of pioneers, trailblazers, and strong-minded people, people alien to him. He was in their world now and they welcomed him. Embarrassingly he knew deep down that he would not be so welcoming to them if they had entered his world. Dropping his head in shame he falls to his knees on the floor in front of mother and child and begs their forgiveness. Of course it was instantly forthcoming and as she beckoned him up from below, Dita playfully stuck out the tip of her tongue at him, both her tips!

    Turning around, he realises that they have both been sitting in the back of a shiny black truck for the last twenty minutes. It must have happened before but he was sure he had been sitting on a stool. Dita hops over the front of the hood in one short Potter-like burst and begins to pull the truck, hooks still in her back, skin stretched tautly on her back. He shouts at her to stop but all she does is turn around and blow a huge plume of bright orange flames into the air above him, while laughing merrily and skips into the darkness. Happiness flows from her whatever she does. On the floor, there he is alone again but for some small movement on his right. A pretty little baby crawls over to him and into his space. He bends over to pick it up and as he does so, it gets to its wobbly feet. With his head next to the baby’s it whispers softly in his ear, “Only if I want to. She won’t tell me to get modifications or not. She’ll be happy if I want, because it means that I would understand what she enjoys so much.”

    Another plume of flame and the baby was gone.

    He stands dazed and confused. A light comes on and lights up a long stairway in front of him now. With trepidation leaking from his shoes he timidly creeps up towards the top to a small black door. Tentatively he pushes it open and peeks outside into the retina burning daylight that stands like a wall of intensity, blocking his entry to the next adventure. He eases out of the doorway, interested to have a look at what is going on next, only for his eyes to see a door into Clonesville. Aghast he steps into the river of people that surges past his tired face and with that he was gone. Gone down the street, miles away from the doorway, towards the big building under the ground along with all his fellow ant workers.

    Just before he heads for the descent, he passes a busker outside of the crowds. She is dancing in circles, fingers clicking delicately in small brass cymbals. He is mesmerised as are others watching her show. She seems strangely familiar but annoyingly he can’t quite place her. He thinks it weird that a young girl would be dressed in such vibrant red costume and skipping around outside for the entertainment of others. The more he watched however, the more he was finding himself being drawn in, a slight foot movement here, a tiny hip sway there. It was invigorating for him to feel positively influenced by this girl. She was doing something that no one else was but he was doing something that everyone else was doing.

    “Some people lead, others must follow”, he mused to himself as he slid down the moving metal staircase and into the abyss. He was back in his world again. Back on the seat. Back on his way to his daily banality. Before he sits down, he picks up the new glossy magazine lying there, left by the person before him, “2BME”, and stuffs it into his vinyl briefcase, to be read once he gets to the office. Maybe this one will take him back to that place… for once, he was looking forward to going back to the office.

    – Ferg   (iam:bizarroboy)

  • Luvpain99: Well, it was quite a year [Guest Column]

    Written by

    BME

      


    WARNING: This interview contains graphic photos.

    LuvPain99:
    Well, it was quite a year.


    “Practice yourself, for heaven’s sake, in little things; and thence proceed to greater.”

    - Epictetus

    Matthew A., a 28 year-old network administrator from Warren, MI goes by the handle Luvpain99 both on IAM and elsewhere. Matt lists his hobbies as “model trains and rockets, chatting online and programming.” Matthew is also a very staunch patriot, a born-again Christian, and involved in a long-term relationship.

    A quick perusal of either Matthew’s journal, however, reveals some other, more “specialized” interests; his site on IAM in particular outlines a fascinating story of the journey Matthew undertook during the past year: over a period of twelve months, Matthew’s penis was subincised, his glans was split, a scarification project was began on the head of his penis, and three attempts were made to remove Matthew’s testicles, culminating in a successful bilateral orchiectomy (full castration) on April 9th, 2004.

    The last attempt at self-castration resulted in a hospitalization, psychiatric commitment, and having to come out as both a homosexual male and a male desiring castration to his parents. He left a note in his apartment in case anything went wrong during the procedure so anyone finding him might have a better idea of what was motivating him.

    Matthew epitomizes the “DIY” ethic (Do It Yourself) — although some might say a little recklessly. Aside from the last two operations to remove his testicles, Matthew completed all of these modifications himself, usually alone, with no assistance other than his own knowledge and boundless inner strength. While he still has struggles to face, Matthew is now a happy eunuch who maintains high visibility both on IAM and the Eunuch Archive.

    In this interview we briefly cover what Matt’s been through this year — watch out for a full interview with him in one of BMEbooks’ next releases!

    BME:  First, why do you perform such intense surgical mods on yourself?
    MATTHEW:  Well the reason I do most of my mods myself are many — I’m a little cheap, and I would love to become a piercer or practitioner down the road but I don’t like experimenting or messing up on others. I’d rather make a mistake on myself and learn from that than on someone else. Plus it is a feeling of accomplishment being able to do something on myself.

    BME:  I know you had some difficulties with the head split and castration attempt in particular, leading to Emergency Room admissions both times. How did you find the strength to keep going?

    MATTHEW:  Well castration was something I have wanted since I was thirteen and I finally knew I was ready and had to do it no matter what. It wasn’t easy — the failed self-attempt was a major setback. I ended up being psychiatrically committed. I knew I would do it again — I tried talking the doctor into finishing it up. I kept telling them I would do it again when I got out. In hindsight, after I completed the headsplit (with a cautery pen), if I had just laid down in bed I’d have been all right, but I was afraid of falling asleep still bleeding. I decided it was better to be safe than sorry and went to the ER for bleeding control.

    When I attempted the castration though I was unable to control bleeding and had complications relating to scar tissue in my scrotum from prior experiments and play. Once I saw I would be unable to finish it myself, I tried to do enough damage to both testicles that the doctor treating me would have no choice but to complete the castration. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Later, I had a cutter perform the procedure on both my partner and I. His went off with no problems, but during mine only one testicle was removed as there was equipment failure during the procedure. Again, I was really frustrated. It seemed like I would never be able to achieve my goal.


    BME:  Why was castration such a big goal? Is it a turn-on?

    MATTHEW:  No — it never was a turn on. The goal was to solve what I considered a problem. I wanted to get rid of my sex drive.

    BME:  Why didn’t you want a sex drive? No offense, but you’re a young, physically healthy guy… why eliminate your sex drive?

    MATTHEW:  That’s a very difficult question to answer, and over the years there have been many different reasons for my wanting castration. I think that question is more suited for a book than an interview but I’ll try to do my best to summarize some of the key points for this interview.

    To start out, castration has been a desire of mine since I was about thirteen years old. My memory is a little fuzzy about the exact time and order of events. I think I should probably give a little background about myself first before proceeding. First, I grew up in a very strong Christian Baptist family that was very active in the church and I went to a Christian school. I had a lot of health problems as a child — heart problems, asthma, allergies, hernias, and so on, so I was in and out of hospitals and doctors offices a lot until about third grade and had a high pain tolerance, as having blood drawn and other tests just didn’t bother me after the first few hundred times.

    I believe what really started my interest in castration was realizing I was attracted to other guys — with my Christian upbringing I felt it was wrong at the time (I’m still unsure about it being right or wrong but that’s another story). It was around that time I started CBT (“cock and ball torture”) and using sewing pins to pierce my testicles as a form of atonement, but I soon found out I enjoyed it. I know at that time I wasn’t being sterile as I didn’t have the proper equipment, but I was playing it safe using 99% alcohol to clean a new needle and wipe the skin beforehand. I was very lucky then that I never got an infection or caught something. Being ashamed of being gay was probably my main reason for the longest time. However, that was no longer a reason when I finally did accomplish my goal.

    The second reason I can think of would be “bad thoughts that hurt others”. The people that know me know that I’m a caring guy; one that likes to help others. I try to live by the Golden Rule — “do unto others as you would have them to do unto you” — I hate hurting someone intentionally or using them or taking advantage of them. This one is hard to explain but it deals with trying to get rid of urges to do things. I am very good at my controlling urges, but am always afraid of giving into them. I gave into some of those urges as a teen and still regret it today.

    That was still a reason at the time of accomplishing my goal, and I’m very glad to say that accomplishing the goal of castration really did help with this issue.

    The third reason I can think of is lowering and totally getting rid of my sex drive. I know that might sound strange to most, but for me I really didn’t get any pleasure out of masturbation or sex. I get pleasure from cuddling and being with someone, but not from sex. For me, getting off was just a release my body needed and not a pleasure. I think my body had two settings: normal and pain (with maybe a slight pleasurable sensation here and there). I just got tired of having to get off all the time and work hard at it for basically no enjoyment. I figured without a sex drive there would be no need to get off. That was a major reason for obtaining my goal. It has been seven months now since I have gotten off.

    The fourth reason, which never really was a reason for me until after my castration, but many other people have used it as a reason for their castration, is being calmer. I’m not sure if it is just the castration or a combination of the medications I am on right now, but I’m definitely feeling a lot better… more at ease and at peace with myself and others.

    The fifth and final reason I can think of, which wasn’t a primary reason, but something I had hoped for and managed to have come true is I was able to be castrated along with my partner. It has always been a dream of mine to have another partner that was a eunuch, as sex is not important to me. I really don’t know how to describe it other than it was awesome having my partner there when I was done, and being there for my partner when he was done. There is so much symbolism there that it is just unbelievable, at least to me, and how I look at things.


    BME:  So you’re happy with the castration now? Any downsides, or things you weren’t anticipating? I know you’re taking calcium supplements to prevent osteoporosis.

    MATTHEW:  I’ve hardly had any hot flashes — currently I’m trying to figure out what’s causing the severe headaches I’ve been having. I actually think it might actually be the calcium, which brings up a concern. I have no plans to undergo testosterone replacement — I like not having a sex drive too much to change that…

    BME:  There are weekly tablets now like Fosamax and Actonel you could investigate…

    MATTHEW:  I’ve only been off the calcium for a week, but with being sick lately with the flu it’s tough to tell exactly what’s causing the headaches.


    BME:  You mentioned growing up in a conservative Christian environment. I know your faith is very important to you — how does it affect your choice of modifications?

    MATTHEW:  My relationship with Jesus does affect mods as I do try and keep my mods positive and displaying my beliefs, as you can see from my tattoos!

    BME:  Was coming out to your parents, both in terms of your homosexuality and desire for castration, as hard as it sounds like it would be? I mean, under the circumstances, you were pretty much forced to do so, having just been hospitalized due to doing serious damage to your own testicles…

    MATTHEW:  Well, it was done in the hospital, and luckily I had written a letter stating what I had intended to do in case something happened. I just gave it to them to read.

    BME:  That had to be a load off your chest at the same time, too.

    MATTHEW:  Luckily they have been real supportive. They don’t understand everything but they care and are supportive of me.

    BME:  That’s really a fortunate (and rare) thing.

    MATTHEW:  Of course the big thing is, even with people outside my family, is people doesn’t understand my reason is more to be “sex-free” — everyone thinks it’s more of a desire to become a female.

    BME:  I know just from knowing you as well as I do that you don’t desire feminization; you just want to be a castrated male.

    MATTHEW:  Right now things are improving, but it is too soon to say how my situation will be as I’m still fighting for disability and other issues.


    BME:  Hopefully there will be fewer ER visits for mods gone wrong! Are you a supporter of doctors and other medical professionals offering these procedures, so people won’t have to continue relying on cutters or doing the job themselves?

    MATTHEW:  I’m a supporter of informed people having the right to choose if they want a doctor, cutter, or to do it themselves. That being said, I do think there should be a license for cutters so we can find qualified people into body mods able to do these things, and have access to more supplies than a normal person but not have to take tons of classes.

    BME:  Do you have plans for future modifications?

    MATTHEW:  I’ve got lots of ideas — I want full genital bifurcation and would like to fill my now empty scrotum with beads.

    BME:  Are you planning on doing those mods yourself as well?

    MATTHEW:  Yeah, I am!

    BME:  So no fear then?

    MATTHEW:  Well, I just learned suturing, and got a nice new tool this year that I haven’t tried out on myself yet, but I have tried it out on dead chicken and it works fine for cutting and such…


    BME:  I’m guessing that’s a hyfrecator? [A hyfercator is an electric cautery tool somewhat similar to an arc welder for flesh.]

    MATTHEW:  Yeah, it’s nice. Also, it doesn’t put out too much smoke like the battery powered cautery pens I’ve used in the past. I’ll see how that works for finishing the glans split and for the penis split hopefully.

    BME:  Whom do you admire as far as modifications go?

    MATTHEW:  IMG:moddick68 has done some awesome work, and IAM:subcision has a beautiful sub.


    BME:  So in your opinion, how was last year for you?

    MATTHEW:  It has been a trying year full of ups and downs. I’ve managed to survive it and when I get back on my feet again I’ll be ready to do more mods and support BME and the EA (the Eunuch Archive, located at eunuch.org).

    BME:  Were you glad when you found BME? Had you felt isolated before?

    MATTHEW:  BME and the EA both help me out a lot and showed me there were others like me. I used to think I was strange and only one like that.

    BME:  Are you still involved with the EA?

    MATTHEW:  Yeah, a little — I’m trying to get more involved again.


    BME:  So how would you sum up where you’re at during this point in your life?

    MATTHEW:  Hmmm… it’s hard to say. I’m just a normal behind-the-scenes guy that loves doing mods on himself, wants to become a piercer, wishes he could legally be a cutter, and loves helping others, BME and the EA…

    BME:  …and one of the strongest people I know!

    MATTHEW:  …and you should probably add “shy” to that… not shy shy, I just don’t talk much.

    I’m sure in the coming year Matthew will continue, shy or not, to boldly make his mark in the body modification world…perhaps not with words (although this interview puts that notion to rest) but surely with scalpels, needles, hyfrecators and whatever else he can get his hands on!

    Hopefully Matt will talk to us again and fill in the rest of his story, as we’ve only just scraped the surface with this introduction. Matt has been a regular contributor to BME and you can see many of his pictures both in BME/extreme’s castration and genital modifcation sections, and in his bonus gallery in BME/HARD.

    – Chris Clark   (iam:serpents)


    Chris Clark is a 32 year old farmboy, journalist, and musician actively involved in heavy body modification and ritual. He is also a Parkinson’s Disease survivor (and thirver) and is currently writing Matthew’s biography for BME/Books.

    Online presentation copyright © 2005 BME.com LLC. Photos copyright © 2004 Matthew A. and LuvPain99.com. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online January 8th, 2005 by BME.com LLC from La Paz, Mexico.


      

  • Ryan Ouellette: Lord of the Blade [Guest Column]

    Written by

    BME

      

    Ryan Ouellette

    Lord of the Blade


    “I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want — an adorable pancreas?”

    - Jean Kerr

    There’s something quite profound about scarification that marks it apart from other forms of aesthetic body modification. Whereas tattoos and piercings augment and decorate the body by adding ink or metal, a scar is created merely by interacting with what’s already there, harnessing one of the peculiarities of the skin and channelling it to decorative ends. By using a scalpel, branding iron or cautery pen, it is possible to create intricate patterns in the skin, which, when healed, form distinctive and permanent scars. I really see this as body modification in its purest form — the body itself is producing the artwork, sealing over the inflicted wound and leaving an enduring mark that is actually part of the skin, not an inorganic addition.

    Unfortunately, the idiosyncratic nature of an individual’s healing often makes the results of scarification fairly unpredictable, and as such the designs attempted have usually been fairly simplistic. In the West, scarification has tended to be either pieces made up of single line scalpel incisions for fine work or large, heavier scars produced by branding. Over the last few years, however, a number of scarification artists across the globe, feeling artistically constrained by the limited results and narrow range of designs that can be produced by single-line cuttings and the unpredictable and brutal scars left by brands, have begun to experiment with skin removal techniques, using their tools to actually remove areas of the upper layers for skin to produce larger, bolder and more predictable results.

    Fresh skin removal scarification Healed skin removal scarification
    Fresh and healed skin removal by Ryan Ouellette

    Skin-removal really is in its infancy, and this article is in no way intended to be a how-to or instruction manual on the intricacies of this invasive and potentially dangerous procedure. Please do not try this at home. Instead, I hope it will illustrate what it is possible to do with the human body’s largest organ and germinate a few ideas in your head. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to interview one of this community’s most prominent, prolific and talented scarifiers, and this article is in many ways both a portrait of him and an introduction to his often astonishing work.

    Although not the ‘inventor’ of this technique by any means, Ryan Oullette (IAM:The Fog), a twenty-five year old artist working out of Precision Body Arts in Nashua, New Hampshire, is widely regarded by his peers as one of the best scarification artists currently practising skin removal. Photos of his scars were recently showcased in National Geographic magazine, the patterns and motifs he produces are brave and original, and his work — both fresh and healed — is simply stunning. Chatting with other scarification artists, Ryan’s name comes up again and again when they’re asked whose work they particularly admire.

    Ryan Ouellette Ryan Ouellette at work
    BME:  Where are you from originally, Ryan?
    RYAN:  I grew up in a small rural town called Pepperell — it’s just over the border in Massachusetts only about a half hour from the little city I live and work in now, Nashua. BME:  What got you interested in body-modification in the first place?

    RYAN:  I have no idea to be honest. It was never a choice, it just felt natural. Like shaving or eating. I ‘play-pierced’ myself a lot when I was younger, with sewing needles and things like that. I used to do crude scarification on myself with needle heads in my bedroom. I never thought it was unusual behaviour and I didn’t see it as ‘self harm’ or anything. It just felt natural. I started getting actual piercings in my mid teens and it just grew from there.

    BME:  How long have you been ‘in the business’ as a piercer and practitioner?

    RYAN:  I’ve been piercing professionally for about five years. I had hopped around part-time at some shops for another year or so before then but I would say that was more of an amateur thing. I took over my shop about four years ago and I started cutting maybe six months after that.

    BME:  Did you apprentice?

    RYAN:  I’m completely self-taught as far as technique goes, although I’ve done a lot of formal training for piercing (Association of Professional Piercers anatomy classes, aseptic technique, and so on). I got some little pointers here and there from talking to guys like Lukas Zpira over the internet. I try to soak up all the ideas I can from watching videos and looking at pictures of other artists’ work. But mostly it was just trial and error.

    One of the bigger things that sticks out in my head is reading an interview about Blair and his branding. He talked about how a lot of branders were scared to hit the same line multiple times and he said something along the lines of “work it until you’re satisfied”. And that really influenced my cutting style. Instead of trying to get a perfect line in one pass I hit and re-hit the same multiple times until I got it looking exactly how I wanted it. My cuttings are actually influenced most by Blair’s brandings if that makes any sense.

    BME:  When did you start doing cuttings, and how did you develop?

    RYAN:  Aside from the little chicken scratches I did as a teen I started professional cutting about three-and-a-half years ago, early 2001 I think. Originally I only bought scalpels to do work on myself. I never intended to work on other people at first. I did some small pieces on myself over the course of a few months. After that I did one on a guy I worked with, then my girlfriend. Gradually, it grew to regular customers, and once word got out on the internet I started to get a lot more people coming in asking about it.

    BME:  Do you perform other forms of scarification such as branding or electrocautery?

    RYAN:  I only do cutting. I’ve never even attempted any form of branding. At first I looked at scarification as the name for any scar procedure and I looked at things like scalpels, cautery pens, hyfrecators, and so on as different brushes used for one kind of art. Now that I’m experienced with a scalpel I see cutting and branding as two completely separate art forms. I might get into branding in the future but right now I feel most comfortable with a blade.

    BME:  Why and when would you choose skin removal as a method of scarification as opposed to simple scalpel cutting or any other methods?

    RYAN:  It all depends on the design. My earlier work was basic geometric designs — lines and curves. No solid or bold sections. After a while, I got bored and I felt that in order for my designs to evolve I needed to have larger sections, so that’s when I tried out flesh removal. My first one came out terribly. I cut it the way I would a single line piece and it ended up being way too deep and it healed really unevenly and didn’t look good at all. I gave up on flesh removal for about a year and then decided to try it out again, this time on myself. I changed what I thought was wrong with my last one and the piece came out to my satisfaction. After that it just felt as comfortable as anything else, so I incorporate it into most of my designs these days.

    BME:  How do the results differ, in your view?

    RYAN:  I just like the bold sections more than single line work. There is only so much you can do with single line pieces. After doing single line pieces for a year or two I was getting a lot of requests for designs that just couldn’t be done without flesh removal. Also, it’s easier to get a nice distinctly healed scar with flesh removal. I seem to get more consistency with them. I try to push myself each time. I think I do my best work when it’s something that looks too complicated for me.

    Skin removal scarification by Ryan Ouellette Skin removal scarification by Ryan Ouellette Skin removal scarification by Ryan Ouellette
    BME:  Can you talk me through the procedure, from start to finish?
    RYAN:  Well it’s actually pretty similar to a tattoo for set up. The skin is shaved when needed, cleaned (sometimes with iodine, sometimes with Technicare), and then I put on a stencil. After all the prep stuff I usually make a quick pass over the entire design with a #11 blade scalpel. I basically consider it guide-lining. It’s not very deep, and it looks pretty uneven at first. It’s basically just opening up the skin over the whole piece very shallowly; the depth isn’t evened out until the next step.

        Number 11 scalpel blade
    11
    		 Number 15 scalpel blade
    15

    Next I’ll usually change blades to keep it sharp, and then I’ll go back over the design and slowly even out the depth and width. The depth and width varies depending on the design. If it’s single line I tend to go a bit deeper and wider. If I was doing removal I would go a bit shallower because I’ve learned that if you do flesh removal too deep it tends to blob out and heal unevenly. For removal sections I get my outlining done and then I use some haemostats to basically just pull up a corner. Then I use a #15 blade and slowly separate the tissue up and away while I lift with the clamps. I try to go as even as possible because you obviously want a uniform removed section for good healing. I try to make my removed sections as small as possible because I’ve noticed that if you try to remove too large of an area the center of it tends to be excessively deep. I’ll often split a removed area into smaller sections or strips and remove them individually instead of just on one large hunk.

    As far as the depth goes I’ve talked to a lot of very good scarification artists and their techniques all vary. Depth is really just whatever works for the individual. Generally you’re going into the tissue below the cutaneous layer but not through the fascia. And I’d say that good flesh removal is typically slightly shallower than single line scarification. You really want to keep it uniform. You don’t want to see pits and valleys because that means different tissue layers, hence different scar production.

    Ryan Ouellette at work

    In terms of blood control, basically I just pat my field with paper towels as I work, again similar to tattooing. I really like to keep my lines clean and as dry as possible. Some people bleed more than others, obviously, so sometimes it’s hard to keep things as clean as I like but I generally don’t like blood to leave my immediate field. I don’t just let it drip all over the place like some people tend to do. It’s partially for contamination control but it’s mostly just so I can clearly see the cut depth and width clearly. The bleeding tends to stop within five minutes of finishing a line. So by the time I move on to a new line my previous ones are usually dry.

    I’ll occasionally clean the field during the procedure, typically between steps. So maybe once after all the outlining is done, and then again when the piece is completed. I typically clean the field with green soap solution, again like a tattoo. After I’m done I’ll bandage the area with a sterile non-stick dressing. I usually tell the person to keep it bandaged for at least four to six hours. Sometimes, particularly for flesh removal, I’ll just have them keep it bandaged overnight. As for removed skin it’s basically nothing by the time I’m cleaning everything up post-cutting. Without blood supply it shrivels up within just a few minutes.
    BME:  What are the benefits of skin removal — what can be done, and what are the limitations — what can’t be done?
    RYAN:  I think the main benefit with flesh removal is additional control. With a single line cut you make a cut and basically just widen it out and change the depth. So if you make a slight error all the cuts from that point on are going to have to work around that one mistake or even it out. With flesh removal you can control both the outline and center of all lines and sections. If I want to do a grouping of small tight lines, especially with angles or curves I’ll almost always do it with removal. If you do single line you are basically splitting the skin open so that can sometimes limit what you can do right next to a line. With flesh removal you are going shallower so the skin tends to open less. So I can do tightly compacted lines and feel confident that they’ll heal where I put them. If I tried to do lots of small lines within an eighth of an inch they would tend to scar outward and probably blend together during the healing process. The lines are more straight down and tend to heal in their original location unless they keloid a significant amount.

    As far as what can’t be done I guess I would push people away from very large sections of removal. If someone wanted a removed section bigger than maybe two inches wide I would probably try to change their design or flat out turn them down. As far as complexity I’ve never had to turn something down because it’s too complex. I’ve had to rework designs to simplify them slightly in order to be able to cut it into someone. Obviously you can’t do shading, so I have to redraw things to make them bolder, kind of like a solid black tattoo.

    There are some areas I would prefer to not work on like hands, wrists, necks, and so on. But I’m sure if someone really wanted a piece there I could figure out a way to do it safely. I’d just have to do it a little shallower than average. I did some flesh removal stars on the side of my girlfriend’s hand and it was very difficult. Two little coin-sized sections took me about two hours because I had to be so careful with my depth and remove the tissue at the exact same shallow level.

    Skin removal scarification by iam:The Fog Skin removal scarification by iam:The Fog
    BME:  What are the risks?
    RYAN:  Risks are similar to any comparable procedure like tattooing or branding. The biggest risk would be infection but I’ve never had a problem with that. I give very clear aftercare instructions so it hasn’t been an issue. That’s the only thing I would call a risk. There are more complications that could come up like uneven healing and scarring mostly. Occasionally a person can get kind of a rash around the piece, depending on aftercare. It’s usually from wrapping it the wrong way or not cleaning it often enough.
    BME:  What aftercare do you generally recommend?
    RYAN:  My basic aftercare is that they keep it covered with plastic wrap and Vaseline for about seven to ten days. It keeps the body from forming a scab which makes it heal more from the bottom up instead of from the sides inward. It’s just important with wrapping that you keep the piece clean and somewhat dry. So I tell the person to unwrap and clean it throughout the day. I usually just have them use an antimicrobial soap like Satin or Provon. If they don’t clean it often enough the fluid under the wrap can cause irritation or a rash. The rashes are more frequent if I have to shave the person before the cutting.

    I basically just worked out my aftercare with trial and error. I also talk to a lot of other artists about technique so I steal a lot of ideas from them. Sometimes I’ll suggest using a mild irritant like lemon juice mixed with the Vaseline. It can tend to make the body heal with either a darker hypertrophic scar or, with a little luck, raised keloid tissue.
    BME:  How long is the healing period, generally, and what are the stages of healing?
    RYAN:  Complete healing varies on how they take care of it. With the wrap I’d say that the body will form a new layer of skin over the whole design within around two weeks. If they keep it unwrapped the body will scab slowing the healing process to maybe three weeks. If you add in agitation, picking, or scrubbing it could lengthen it out to a month or more.


    healing skin removal scarification
    2 days old
    healing skin removal scarification
    5 weeks old
    healing skin removal scarification
    3.5 months old
    BME:  What kind of results does skin removal produce — what do the resulting scars look like compared to other forms of scarification?
    RYAN:  With my removal it’s not really making the body heal in a specific way. It’s really just emphasizing the way an individual’s body will heal a cut. I’d say on a whole removals tend to give a better more distinct scar. But it’s very difficult to force the body to heal one way or another. Keloid tissue is more of a raised pinkish tissue. It’s basically what most people hope for with healing but it’s actually not that forthcoming in a lot of pieces. I’ve notice that the body heals more commonly with hypertrophic tissue. This tends to be more of a darker granulated, less raised tissue. What I shoot for with aftercare is either a very dark distinct hypertrophic scar or an evenly raised keloid scar. I never guarantee a certain look though, that would just be impossible.

    As for how it looks compared to other scars I’d say flesh removals don’t scar outward as much as some other techniques. Brandings tend to heal outward a lot more due to the heat damaging surrounding tissue. A lot of single line scarification tends to be deeper than removal so the line can heal a little wider due to it having a tendency to heal in more of a V-shape then wide U like some removals.
    BME:  Is there anything else you’d like to add?
    RYAN: 

    Yes! It’s really important that people remember that these procedures can be extremely dangerous if not done by a skilled professional with a decent amount of anatomical knowledge and experience working with skin. If not, people could end up in hospital! The difference between single line and removal can be compared to the difference between punch-and-taper piercing and transdermal implants. They might be similar but the latter is a lot more advanced and dangerous.

    If you’re interested in getting work done by Ryan, his shop Precision Body Arts is located at 109 West Pearl Street, Nashua, New Hampshire (or call 603-889-5788). You can also see more of his work in his gallery on BME (and of course you can view other artists working in similar styles in the general scarification galleries as well).

    As scarification techniques evolve, designs which previously would not have produced good, clear, dramatic looking scars become possible. The only limits are those of your imagination and of your artist’s skill. Choose wisely.

    – Matt Lodder   (iam:volatile)


    Matt Lodder is a 24 year old native of London England. He wrote his Masters dissertation for the University of Reading on “The Post-Modified Body: Invasive corporeal transformation and its effects on subjective identity”.

    Thanks so much to Ryan for agreeing to be interviewed, and for being so eloquent and forthcoming with information. Thanks also to Quentin (iam:kalima) and Vampy (iam:vampy) for their help in answering my questions, and also to Shell (iam:stunt_girl) for her last-minute assistance!

    Online presentation copyright © 2005 BMEzine.com LLC. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online January 7th, 2005 by BMEzine.com LLC from La Paz, Mexico.


      

  • BME 2004 Year-End Awards (Top Contributors of 2004) [The Publisher’s Ring]

    Written by

    Shannon Larratt


    2004 Year-End Awards

    “Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”

    – Special Olympics Motto

    For the past few years (2002, 2003) I’ve cataloged the top contributors every year. I don’t know if it’s related, but every year since doing that the number of contributions from the top people has escalated — it was absolutely staggering just how much some people helped out. This article recognizes those people who went above and beyond in contributions to BME, as well as giving public thanks to the many “pseudostaff” members that actually keep the site alive and running… and as I finish up this article, I already have thousands of submissions in my queue for the 2005 awards. Let me begin by showing you what the people on this page got for their work (other than warm feelings of course, but that won’t keep you clothed).

    One of the prizes for making it to the list of people in this article is that you get a staff shirt. These staff shirts are utterly unavailable in any other way and are never reprinted or offered for sale. So if you see someone wearing one, they’re someone you can say “thanks” to (either that or they killed someone you can say thanks to and stole their clothes).

    The shirt is meant to be reminiscent of a classic sacred heart, although in truth, like most things on BME, the reality is much dirtier. If you won one, if anyone asks, I’m sure you can concoct your own “if you don’t know, you don’t want to know” answer, but in truth it’s a rendering of the amazing Enpassant’s heavily modified (and in this case saline inflated) genitals that appeared on the cover of BME. You can visit his BME/HARD gallery as well if you’d like.

    If you are on the list of people on this page, you should have received a message on IAM and via email explaining how to get your shirt (and possibly other prizes). If you didn’t, drop me a line ASAP to make sure your shirt is in the print run!

    And now on with the awards!

    		    

    Experience Review Team


    2004 saw 9,081 new articles and experiences posted to BME. Before being added to the site they are moderated (reviewed) by a panel of IAM members — they read everything that’s submitted, and then decided which should make it to the site. A total of 1,386 individual IAM members took part in the review system, but the following reviewers approved the most number of experiences to the site in 2004 (this doesn’t include the ones they rejected).

    Note: Links go to IAM pages and/or BME/HARD galleries as relevant.

    first place second place third place

    IAM:Don
    Don, rather appropriately a librarian from Coventry, UK, does much of the running of the experience review system for me. With 2,666 experiences personally approved this year he’s reviewed almost a third of all experiences added.

    IAM:BlueStar
    BlueStar, a twenty year old Photonics Engineering student from Niagara Falls, Canada approved 2,348 experiences this year.

    IAM:deadly pale
    Deadly Pale’s 1,917 approvals this year put Poland on the top-three map as well, so you won’t be hearing any “but you forgot about Poland” coming from BME’s competitors.



    IAM:Cerra
    Cerra is in the #4 spot, representing Halifax, Nova Scotia with 1,631 approvals.



    IAM:xPurifiedx
    Rounding out the top five with 1,525 approvals is Buffalo, New York’s xPurifiedx.



    IAM:rebekah
    Rebekah (who’s also the queen of the BME newsfeed) places sixth with 1,497 approvals.


    IAM:purrtykitty4m
    Just squeezing past a thousand is New Orleans’ Purrtykitty4m with 1,046 approval reviews.


    IAM:drip
    With 1,010 reviewed stories posted this year, Drip ensures that iam:Christian is well represented in spot number eight.

    The folks above are all in the “over a thousand” club in terms of successful positive reviews for the year. Below are the runners up (who also deserve a lot of thanks for their help) — each of them reviewed over five hundred approved experiences this year:

    1. der_narr (903)
    2. The Stolen Child (891)
    3. WasabiTurtle (694)
    4. instigator (679)

    1. Fuzzybeast (635)
    2. seahorse girl (613)
    3. Bear151556 (551)
    4. Uberkitty (539)

    1. Shit Disturber (520)
    2. Doldrums (509)
    3. cuthalcoven (505)

    Top Experience Authors


    Those 9,081 experiences had 7,277 distinct authors, many of whom wrote more than one story. The top BME authors of the year 2004 in terms of number of stories written were:

    first place second<br /> place third<br /> place

    IAM:Uberkitty
    Chapel Hill, North Carolina’s Uberkitty wrote a truly staggering thirty one experiences for BME in 2004. That’s more than one every two weeks!
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

    IAM:Dawnie
    Dawnie, a charming (and kind of pervy) Southern Belle, is responsible for a total of twenty five experiences, many in BME/HARD, putting her in second place.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25

    IAM:BlueStar
    Rounding out third with an incredible twenty two stories is BlueStar, who’s also a medal-ranked winner on the review team.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22



    IAM:der_narr
    With seventeen stories written this year, Duisburg, Germany’s der_narr ties for fourth place.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17



    IAM:mythernal
    Also with seventeen stories this year and tying for fourth place is Michigan pagan Mythernal.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17



    IAM:purrtykitty4m
    Placing fifth with a still impressive sixteen stories written this year, Purrtykitty4m ranks as both a top writer and top reviewer on BME.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16



    IAM:cuthalcoven
    Placing sixth with fourteen stories in 2004 (plus an interview she did with her mother) is Toledo’s Cuthalcoven.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13



    IAM:porcelina
    Ranking lucky number seven is Porcelina from Perth, Australia.
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

    The runners up for top experiences are as follows (many are tied, thus the repeating numbers):

    8. Flutterfly (11 stories)
    8. KoLdFroNt (11)
    8. Cerra (11)
    9. hunterjackson (10)
    		 9. The Stolen Child (10)
    9. Marsdweller (10)
    9. rwethereyet (10)
    9. DirtyPrettyThings (10)
    		 10. JuanKi (9)
    11. Orilind (8)
    11. Asurfael (8)
    11. SadisticSarah (8)
    11. Shamus Greenman (8)

    Top Image Submitters
     Warning: This part of the article contains some
    adult photos!


    This is where things really get crazy! Of course the largest section of the site is the image galleries; this year 130,319 pictures were added by a total of 14,668 separate people. The top submitters donated truly staggering quantities of images, and competition was tight and fierce. Skipping over Kokomi’s almost ludicrous quantity, the next three were separated by only fifty images! The top BME image submitters of 2004 are:

    first place second<br /> place third<br /> place

    Kokomi
    Writing anonymously from Germany, Kokomi has this year submitted 3,170 new images to his popular bonus gallery in BME/HARD — and he’s ranked every year we’ve tracked submissions!

    IAM:rwethereyet
    Not only did Walkerton’s rwethereyet submit 1,881 images to both his bonus gallery and other parts of BME, but he also designed a BME shirt based on his interests!

    IAM:KIVAKA
    A generous person and talented piercer, as the number three image submitter and the top piercer for 2004, Kivaka represents Lockport, IL’s Tattoo City. 1,844 images have been added by him this year.



    IAM:MWM416
    With 1,828 Marty came so close to the top three, and were it not for being fired for refusing to pierce a minor, he’d be there. He currently pierces at Worcester, MA’s Piercing Emporium.



    Bea & Lehni
    With 1,368 new pictures added to their gallery, these kinky German swingers stay quite popular!



    IAM:nobcatz
    Perhaps tired from submitting well over two thousand images last year (he was the top contributor of 2003), with 1,366 pictures in 2004, Japan’s Nobcatz again ranks among BME’s most prolific photographers.



    IAM:HeadlessLego
    With both a popular bonus gallery and images in nearly all sections of the site, Andie has sent us 1,288 photos this year.



    IAM:Efix
    With 1,277 photos this year both in his ritual gallery, his scarification gallery, and across the site as a piercer, D-Markation, Quebec City’s Efix is eighth on our list of contributors and the third piercer on the list.
     



    IAM:dispel
    With 1,227 photos this year, this UK photographer (watch out for him at conventions!) has extensively documented BE and Vampy’s work.



    Ars
    Having added 1,124 to his creative bonus gallery in BME/HARD, Ars rounds out tenth place on our contributor’s list.



    IAM:perk900
    Always gonzo, Philadelphia’s Perk900 has added 1,084 pictures to BME this year, the last on our list to crack a thousand.



    WenchyBev & Neil
    With 933 new pictures resurrecting their gallery in 2004, WenchyBev and Neil’s bonus gallery in BME/HARD continues to grow.



    IAM:dsw
    At the core of Brasil’s +3 suspension team, dsw has contributed 821 pictures over 2004.
     



    IAM:x31337x
    Photographer x31337x has contributed 784 images this year, many of them documenting Rites of Passage.



    IAM:Cerra
    The only person to be a ranking experience reviewer, top writer, and image contributor for 2004, Cerra added 821 images.



    UrbanSoul
    My kinky friend UrbanSoul from Italy has added 671 new pictures to his BME/HARD bonus gallery this year.



    IAM:Asurfael
    Scandinavia’s Asurfael has contributed 670 image in 2004, injecting some much needed rock’n’roll into BME/HARD via her bonus
    gallery    .



    IAM:VEAL
    The naughtiest housewife I know, VEAL has added 652 images to her bonus gallery and elsewhere in
    2004..


    The runners up for top image submitter were as follow:

    1. Codezero (644 pictures)
    2. jonathanpiercing (640)
    3. AlmightyStudios (629)
    4. MontanaPiercer (623)
    5. Joao_Malabares (587)
    6. lilfunky1 (552)
    7. stainless (551)
    8. j_scarab (540)
    9. Cenobitez (536)
    10. shadow (523)

    1. babakhin (505)
    2. (anonymous) (490)
    3. glider (467)
    4. Kirsten (451)
    5. Vex Hecubus (427)
    6. theSearcher (422)
    7. MiZ C (413)
    8. inksation (412)
    9. Alcan (387)
    10. hypermike (379)
      vampy (379)

    1. Big Rick (362)
    2. Sicklove (360)
    3. Foxx (341)
    4. LargeGauge (331)
    5. mac13mac13 (318)
    6. brian (303)
    7. ScabBoy (285)
    8. PiercedPuff (283)
    9. peco (281)
    10. la negra (279)
    11. luvpain99 (269)

    BME/News Team


    BME/News is one of my favorite sections of BME. It includes a number of columns and articles from the top body modification writers (and doers) around the world, as well as a newsfeed which tracks articles in the mainstream news that are of particular relevance to BME readers. Below are some of the people who more actively made BME/News possible in 2004.


    The Lizardman
    The incredible, amazing Lizardman, Erik Sprague, writes both a monthly column for BME and a regular “ask the Lizardman” Q&A. Visit him on IAM or at his website for more on his adventures (and his tour
    schedule)

    Jim Ward
    Jim Ward, founder of both the world’s first piercing studio and piercing magazine, documents that history in his fascinating Running the Gauntlet. Visit him at Gauntlet Enterprises.

    />
    Fakir Musafar
    I’m deeply honored to have the legendary Fakir Musafar, who should need little introduction, writing for BME. Visit him at BodyPlay.com to learn more about his many other projects.

    (The late) Cora Birk
    You feared him as yttrx and then cried with him as he transitioned to a woman under the name Cora Birk. This gender swap, documented in his Shapeshift column, was ultimately cut short as he became Jamix.
    Stay tuned?

    Marisa Kakoulas
    Marisa’s new column Legal Link addresses legal issues for the modified community, and is a companion to her upcoming book on tattoo law. And yes, she’s a real NYC lawyer, so don’t mess with her.

    IAM:rebekah
    While other people help as well, Rebekah’s contribution of 2,256 stories to the BME Newsfeed were absolutely essential in keeping it running (and put her nearly two thousand stories ahead of any other person).

    QOD Staff


    BME’s “question of the day” service remains hugely popular, having been asked thousands of questions over the last year. Not including me, the following staff members helped out this year by each answering over two hundred questions a piece from readers:


    IAM:Vampy
    This years most prolific QOD answering, slightly exceeding “of the day” with 387 answers in 2004, performance and body artist Vampy is currently best known for her work with UK
    suspension team Body Evolution.

    IAM:Lori St. Leone
    One of BME’s many expats, Alaskan Lori St. Leone owns Darwin, Australia’s Vogue Body
    Piercing    . She’s answered 375 questions for BME readers (and her fans) this year.

    IAM:Derek Lowe
    Derek Lowe, APP piercer at Saint Sabrina’s in Minneapolis masculinizes our top three
    by answering 238 QODs in 2004.

    Additional work was done by Gary, Sean Philips, Monte, Shawn Porter, Rachel Larratt, Phish, and Ryan Worden.

    Other BME Staff


    Finally, the people below are some of the core individuals who kept BME running in 2004.


    IAM:>glider
    Hey, it’s me! I think you know what I do already, right?

    IAM:Rachel
    My beautiful and brilliant wife Rachel writes and photographs for BME, handles all of our
    finances, and is the publisher of her own magazine LOOSE.

    IAM:Jen
    Jen handles all of BME’s online customer support, out of a cold, cold office in the Maritimes.

    IAM:CT
    Apparently having forgiven me for endangering his wedding ceremony, Mike takes care of many of the emergency technical issues on BME and IAM and helps keep everything online (either that or he’s planning the greatest revenge of all time).

    IAM:Dita
    For years now Dita has worked hard to maintain the BME
    Japan     portal and has brought BME to hundreds of thousands of new readers through it.

    IAM:1101001
    Jon has written (and maintains) many of the software tools on BME like the link engine and
    iam.crush2. He’s also one of the core forces behind Fishing Fury.

    IAM:Badseeds
    Ryan and Corrie Worden run BMEshop start to finish. I don’t know if that makes them “staff” or not, but they deserve to be here!

    IAM:Vanilla
    Not quite so “vanilla” in real life, Danielle not only provided essential help on IAM management in 2004, but she also maintains the wonderful IAM:INFO help site.

    IAM:badur
    Hailing from exotic Madagascar, Toronto designer Badur is responsible for the better looking
    parts of BME’s look, was half of the BME Road Trip, co-organized BMEFEST 2004, and more.

    There are a lot of people I’ve missed I’m sure (and if you think I missed you and you want
    your shirt, don’t be afraid to write me — I’m talking to you, Blake, co-organizer of BMEFEST 2004).
    You’ve seen the numbers though — you know that this is only the tip of the iceberg when
    it comes to BME’s nebulous staff of hundreds of thousands of contributors around the world. I
    wish I could thank every one of those people here, but clearly that’s not possible. However,
    BME stands as a legacy to their efforts, and everyone who’s helped make it happen deserves
    thanks.

    See you in 2005!


    Shannon Larratt
    BME.com

  • Forty is the new twenty. [Guest Column]

    Written by

    BME

      


    Forty is the new twenty.

    By Mandi Konesni

    My mother is my hero, and she’s the greatest and strongest woman I know. Having said that, most people are probably rolling their eyes and thinking of their own mother. That, and a lot of you probably think I’m biased, which I more than likely am.


    “Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are cheese.”


    – Billie Burke

    Mother and Daughter


    “The Backstory”

    My mom was taken away from her mother when she was young, and was pushed from foster home to foster home. Sometimes, they weren’t exactly the nice place they were thought to be.

    She emerged from high school to set off on her own life, but was plagued by chronic asthma so bad she could hardly walk out of the front door without having an attack. The doctors put her on Prednisone, a corticosteroid. After years of being on it, she weighed 370lbs. Rather than hiding because of her asthma, she was hiding because of her weight. It hurt that she wouldn’t come to our school performances and things that were important to us. We didn’t see what she saw when she looked in the mirror… we saw a loving and caring mother who would do anything for us.

    My mom swore when she was younger that if she ever hit three hundred pounds, she would commit suicide rather than live a life of relying on others for daily tasks. After she hit almost four hundred pounds, she hit rock bottom. She got depressed and suicidal, and my dad called hourly just to make sure she was still alive. When I think of how close we came to not having her here, I still get tears in my eyes. Then on Christmas Eve she had a massive asthma attack. She almost died in front of us, and it took four paramedics to carry the stretcher to the ambulance. She was mortified, and came out of the hospital determined to find a better life.

    After a year of waiting and going through tests, she was finally approved for gastric bypass surgery. It took two years for her to lose the weight, but she now weighs a hundred and forty pounds and looks absolutely amazing. However, she still has the excess skin to be removed, and because of that, she still feels that she doesn’t belong in her own body — that she’s a prisoner of her own flesh.


    “Modified Mom”

    Mom found an outlet for herself, a niche that allowed her to be happy with the way she looked when she saw herself in the mirror: Mom got pierced.

    Her first piercings were her nipples. She got them done at Juki’s Tattoo in Toledo, but had to take them out to get tests done at random times because of her asthma and upcoming surgery. Finally she got tired of spending money on re-piercing them, and ended up learning to do them herself. My mom has pierced her own nipples five times each, and has kept them open for years. Then she decided she wanted her hood pierced, but was so embarrassed by the excess skin that she didn’t want to go to a piercer to do it. I bought her the supplies she needed as a birthday gift, and she pierced her own horizontal hood. After a week, she decided that she didn’t like it and wanted it vertical — promptly taking it out and re-piercing it. A week later she had to re-pierce yet again because the bead popped out and the ring was lost. A self-done navel piercing, two self-done cartilage piercings, and a professional tongue piercing soon followed; as well as three tattoos.


    Looking at my mom now is amazing. She’s a totally different person. She smiles and laughs, she has the confidence to show off her modifications, and help other people decide if piercings and tattoos are right for them. She allows her children to find their own way as well, knowing that her modifications became such a huge part of her life that she couldn’t possibly restrict that happiness from us. She’s my best friend and I know I can tell her anything and she’ll understand. Finding herself has led her to re-discover her long-lost childhood and has helped her to better redefine herself as a woman, not as a forty-something year old housewife and mother.


    “Mom Speak”

    After getting gastric bypass surgery, what made you decide to modify your body further?

    I’ve always found piercings and tattoos sexy, but my weight kept me away. I was afraid people would say rude things and make fun of me if I tried looking “sexy” at 370 pounds. At thirty-eight years old, I figured that if I didn’t get the things I wanted done soon then I wouldn’t do them at all. Unfortunately, it worked too good and I couldn’t stop. Besides, now, I can look down and see my piercings!

    Do you have any specific reasons or meanings for the modifications that you have gotten?

    Tinkerbell was kind of a “Neverland” thing. She’s magical and cute, reminding me that just because I’m not a child anymore doesn’t mean I can’t still have that naivety and innocence that I long to keep. My heart tattoo was a celebration of losing the first two hundred pounds. I felt brand new, and decided to get my tattoo as a permanent reminder of how far I had come. The Leo sign was honestly a compliment to Tinkerbell when I got it, but now I see it as an embodiment of myself — a true Leo in every way, shape, and form.


    My birthday present tongue piercing I did it mainly for the shock value. I’m a 42 year old woman with a tongue piercing, and I absolutely love it. My nipples I got done before I had lost the weight. I did them to feel sexy, to feel that I had something special about me that other people couldn’t see. I always loved the look of them, and felt they made me more womanly. My hood piercing was inspired by Marilyn Chambers. She’s a porn star, and in “Behind the Green Door” she had a hood piercing and I was captivated by it. I wanted one ever since! Also, because I pierced it myself, it’s deeply personal and symbolic of my inner strength that I never knew I had.

    My navel was a spur of the moment thing… I thought it was cute, but never thought and overweight woman could have one. Once I lost the weight, I decided to go for it, even with the excess skin kind of covering it.

    When people first find out about your piercings and tattoos, what is the first reaction? Is there a different between age groups?

    The first reaction is probably disbelief and shock. People don’t think that a forty-two year old housewife would have modifications, and don’t believe that I do. When they get over that, they always want to see them, even the more private ones. The people who know me almost expect it of me — nothing about me is what you could call “average”! To be honest, there isn’t really much of a difference between age groups. People who are in their teens react the same way as people who are sixty or seventy years old. It’s very accepted nowadays, and people are truly interested in the decorations I have.

    If your husband or family complained (as in the recent Dear Abby column) what would your response to them be? How would you feel if they said you were too “old” for such things?

    I would tell them that it’s none of their business. Honestly, my piercings and tattoos are highly personal and symbolic of how far I’ve come. No one has a right to tell me what I can and can’t do to my body, especially because I’ve worked so long to like myself in it. What does age have to do with it anyways? I’m a woman, not a corpse! As a human, we have the basic right to sate our curiously and make ourselves happy. No one should come between that. A husband should support his wife in any endeavor, even if it’s not something he particularly enjoys.

    What would be your advice to the woman (not the husband) in the “Dear Abby” situation?

    If she got the piercings for herself to make herself happy, there’s something to be said when your husband won’t support that. It’s the same thing as in the sixties when women burned their bras. Men in relationships don’t want their wives to suddenly be liberated. However, he pledged to love her and support her no matter what when he stood on the altar. A bit of metal doesn’t change the person he married, but his reaction says volumes. I say, more power to her! My husband didn’t necessarily want me to get the piercings and tattoos that I’ve gotten… but he supported me. Now he refuses to let me even think of taking them out, because he loves them so much!

    What role did your weight loss surgery play in your decision to get the piercings and tattoos that you wanted?

    Everything. I felt more sexy and more womanly inside, and wanted to express that wanton abandonment for all to see. Most of my piercings are sexual in nature, and I did that on purpose. When you’re over forty, it’s hard to feel sexy in your own right. Every little bit helps! Without the surgery, I probably would have still gotten everything except the Leo tattoo and the navel… only because I wouldn’t have pulled my pants down to get the tattoo, and I felt I was too big for a navel piercing. I’m so glad that I’m not limited by those misconceptions anymore, and I feel good enough about myself that I can change my body however I want to, without worrying about what others will think of me.

    After your kids watched you struggle with your weight, and the consequences of losing it, how does it make you feel knowing that they look to you as a hero, and are following in your modification footsteps?

    I am who I am because of the things that I went though. I wouldn’t wish my past on anyone, but I wouldn’t change it either. It’s made me the person that I am today. I’m nobody’s hero, but every mother wants her kids to look up to her, and if my children think that I’m a hero it makes what I went through all the better.

    Following in my footsteps, you know… I didn’t realize that’s what they were doing. I made it “ok” for them to express their own individuality. I’m not one of those mothers whose kids are too afraid to ask for a piercing, so if they wanted something like that, they knew they could ask and I’d probably let them. Well, I suppose I should say “within reason”… otherwise that’ll probably come back to bite me in the ass!

    Any further comments you’d like to share?

    Yes. I think that people in this world need to grow up. As a forty-two year old woman, I want to tell Dear Abby and all columnists like her that the times are changing. If you’re writing to the public you need to open up your eyes and mind. Not everyone fits into this “cookie-cutter” mold you seem to have surrounded yourself with. I’m happy, and I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my surgery and subsequent modifications. You can’t tell me that my happiness should be forsaken just to fit into society’s misconceptions. I’d rather be a happily modified woman than another suicide statistic.


    Mandi Konesni (iam:cuthalcoven) is is a full-time student studying English and Abnormal Psychology. She spends a lot of time rehabilitating wild animals and rockhounding, as well as reviewing experiences for BME. She plans to eventually teach psychology in Toledo, Ohio.

    Online presentation copyright © 2004 Mandi Konesni and BMEzine.com LLC. Requests to republish must be confirmed in writing. For bibliographical purposes this article was first published online December 19th, 2004 by BMEzine.com LLC in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.


      

  • Dear Abby, You Still Suck [The Publisher’s Ring]

    Written by

    Shannon Larratt



    Dear Abby, You Still Suck

    It is a sad commentary of our times when our young must seek advice and counsel from “Dear Abby”.

    – Abigail Van Buren

    The following letter appeared in today’s “Dear Abby” column. This isn’t the first time I’ve commented on one of America’s most widely syndicated know-it-all know-nothings, but her stupidity continues to escalate and it really must be commented on once again. To put it into deeper context, the column prides itself on having “common sense and a youthful perspective.” See if you can find these, because I can find neither.

    DEAR ABBY: My beautiful wife, “Doreen,” turned 41 a couple of months ago. Since then she has had extra piercings in her ears and has taken to wearing thumb rings, toe rings and ankle bracelets. Yesterday she pierced her navel. I am embarrassed for her. We have a 13-year-old daughter who is also embarrassed for her. How do I tell Doreen she looks silly? — NOT SO HIP IN CALIFORNIA

    DEAR NOT SO HIP: Your wife’s fetish brings new meaning to the term “heavy metal.” It shouldn’t be necessary to give her a lecture. Just walk in carrying a powerful magnet. That should send a message.
    Yeah, it’ll send a message alright. It sends the message that Jeanne Phillips (aka “Abby”) is no metallurgist — no jewelry commonly used in body piercing is in fact magnetic. That said, let’s look at the hatred in her letter more closely.

    You’d think she’d be more open minded, especially considering that on November 8, 2002, Jeanne told a mother to support her daughter’s involvement in pornography. But in today’s letter she begins by calling a couple extra earrings and a navel piercing a “fetish”. It’s not a fetish. At that level it’s barely even a fashion decision, and there are easily hundreds of thousands of other women over forty with navel piercings. It’s far from a lifestyle change, let alone a drastic one that could shatter a thirteen year old’s view of their mother. Overreact much?

    The second part of her response isn’t just typically ignorant; it’s hateful. It in effect denounces the wife’s obtaining of a navel piercing as so repugnant or foolish that it doesn’t deserve a spoken response, and finishes by making what is in effect a joke about violence and wife abuse. Let’s swap in virtual Anne Coulter to illustrate Abby’s response in a new context.

    DEAR ANNE: My beautiful niece, “Doreen,” turned 16 a couple of months ago. Since then she has been wearing revealing clothing and talking to boys. Yesterday she wore a tube top to school. My son is embarrassed for her. How do I make it clear to Doreen that she looks like a slut? — CONCERNED IN CANADA

    DEAR CONCERNED: Your niece’s whorefest gives new meaning to the term “McTrampsalot”. You shouldn’t have to tell her. Just have a buddy of yours rape her. That should send a message.

    Extreme and distasteful example? You bet. But don’t deny that Ms. Dear Abby is being very clear in her message — body piercing, even of the most minor sort, is unacceptable behavior deserving of derision and abuse, and that this abuse and derision is a “common sense” response by reasonable people. Because of her continued ignorant and hateful statements Jeanne Phillips is directly responsible for introducing pain into the lives of both young people and adults, and the newspapers that syndicate her column share in that blame. It’s time for the media to stop unquestioningly printing hatred and abuse like this.

    Pauline “Abigail Van Buren” Phillips, Jeanne Phillips’ mother and the founder of the “Dear Abby” column once received a letter from a reader concerned that a gay couple had moved into their neighborhood, and wanted her advice on what they could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood. “You could move,” Abigail famously replied. It’s a sad reflection on the Abby of this generation that Jeanne lacked the moral strength of character to tell this husband to respect his wife’s freedom of expression and zest for life.

    I said it in the title, I’ve said it before, and I’m saying it again here: Dear Abby, YOU SUCK.

    		 BME is filled with the stories of many forty- and fifty-somethings (and older) telling their stories about body modification. Below are links to a few stories written about navel piercing by older women. My hope is that Ms. Dear Abby takes the time to read these and perhaps learns something. Just Do It!!!!! (43)
    “I told my husband that after all this time of doing what is expected that I had a wild child inside me just waiting to be born. He said he hopes this is as wild as the child was going to get. I think it looks great and it makes me feel good about myself and if the truth be known, the ‘old guy’ likes it too!”

    My Navel at 43
    “I feel much better about myself than I did before this piercing. I had always thought I was fat and now, I feel like my stomach is beautiful and I don’t always need to hide my figure.”

    My commitment to nurture myself (43)
    “The routine of bathing and taking time to cleanse and maintain my piercings reinforces that I need to take time for my own needs. I love the way my body looks with my jewelry. I am well and I am beautiful.”

    My 51 year old wife – got to love her
    “To her, I have to say ‘WHAT A GIRL’ she was great and at 50 and still willing to be ‘out there’ looking good — you have to love her for it and I do.”

    Suburban Mom takes the plunge (40)
    “I’m 40, a mother of three, and a corporate attorney. A few months ago, I started joking around with my 10-year-old daughter about having my bellybutton pierced. She was horrified by the idea. Moms just don’t DO that!”

    You don’t have to be young! (42)
    “I took off another 10 lbs, and decided to give myself the impetus for the last 5 by making my tummy the star attraction.”

    Not too old to rock ’n roll (46)
    “I had admired navel piercings on others, and I thought, why not? At 46 and after 2 children, I certainly didn’t look like I did at 20, but in my mind I’m FAR from over the hill. You’re as young as you feel!!!”

    A mid-life crisis navel piercing. (47)
    “On the 10th of February, my girlfriend and I were both turning 47 and in a fit of mid-life crisis, she decided that we should both get our navels pierced.”

    Never Too Old (44)
    “Yes, my teenage son is completely mortified and I have yet to tell my mother. I haven’t decided if I’m the coolest mom on the block, or the biggest dork this side of 40. Then again, what you think of me is none of my business.”



    My “old” friend Amy, 44 years old, mother of two, granny of one, happily married, full of life… pierced and painted. Visit her on IAM.


    Shannon Larratt
    BME.com

  • Pierced Eyeglasses [The Publisher’s Ring]

    Written by

    Shannon Larratt



    Pierced Eyeglasses


    “People should think things out fresh and not just accept conventional terms and the conventional way of doing things.”

    – R. Buckminster Fuller

    The idea of hanging eyeglasses from a piercing or a combination of piercings or even transdermal implants is something that a lot of us have toyed with — as I was writing this, my old boss Tom Brazda reminded me that almost ten years ago we made a set of them built around a 10ga bridge piercing (with both left and right-handed threading to make it adjustable). That said, I don’t think we ever took pictures, so maybe I’m making it up because I want to steal James Sooy’s thunder. He’s who sent me this gorgeous example of a piercing-mounted set of eyeglasses:
     

    James is an artist currently designing and painting for Texas-based Magnificent Egos, a minatures (as in gaming) company. Art consumes all of his time, professionally and personally, and much of it is centered around character design, which gives him both time — and money — to fantasize about mods on fictional characters. With the help of his friend Oliver (who many of you know as one of the founding members and guerrilla engineers of the suspension group TSD) this fantasy was made real.
    BME:  How did you come up with the idea of attaching a pair of glasses to a piercing?
    JAMES:  I’m not sure… some time during the drooling days of high school the idea came to me. I kept it in mind over the years and got the bridge piercing this July and then started looking to make it happen. Maybe it had something to do with not being able to wear contacts.
    OLIVER:  I had originally considered making a pair of glasses that hung from a bridge piercing for myself about ten years ago. It was just one of those things that seemed so obvious that I was surprised I hadn’t seen it done. I never got around to doing it then, since I wasn’t too keen on getting a bridge piercing. When I got a call from James inquiring if I could help him with some jewelry he wanted to make, and then he mentioned he wanted to do the glasses as well, I jumped on the opportunity. He already had the piercing done over at Obscurities, here in Dallas, so I knew he was more serious about it than I ever was.
    BME:  And how did you guys formalize the design?
    JAMES:  Oliver and I sat down for about five minutes one night to think over what would need to be done and he got straight to work making the brackets out of aluminum with a small mill in his garage!
    OLIVER:  Originally we were discussing and sketching ideas that would have been considerably more involved to produce. The ones that we ended up making aren’t necessarily the final product, but seemed the best and easiest way to test the viability of the idea. The brackets were machined from aluminum, roughly to shape and then drilled and tapped on my little tabletop Sherline mill — a machine that’s far more suited to this size project than what I normally use it for! After a fair bit of tweaking and polishing with files and abrasives we ended up with what you see. The part you don’t see is a barbell from Anatometal.
    JAMES:  The threading on the barbell was 1.2 mm, which happens to be a relatively uncommon and expensive thread (as far as screws go). The screws ended up delaying the project about a month. We used some lenses out of an old pair of glasses I had at first, but I decided to get some new lenses once everything else was finished.
    BME:  What’s it like actually wearing it? What does it feel like?
    JAMES:  They feel exactly like a regular pair of glasses, actually. I put the nose pads on to keep them from swinging around, so all the pressure is placed there, just like any other pair of glasses. Since they have no frame on the side I can wear them while I sleep and still roll onto my side.
    BME:  Good thinking; so the piercing is more of a balance point than something structural. Does that make it more than just a “show piece”, and into something that you wear for real?
    JAMES:  I’ve only had them for about a week now, but I’ve been sleeping and showering in them. I hadn’t taken them off in four days when one of the brackets cut me while I was asleep; I’d forgotten to sand the edges and they were still razor sharp. They’re back on now and seem reliable enough to take on a two week trip over the holidays; I doubt I’ll need to take them off during that time. Taking them on and off is a bit of a hassle, as it involves taking a tiny screwdriver and unscrewing them while they’re on my face — about a 5 to 10 minute process — which I suppose is about what you’d spend with contacts.
    BME:  I hope they don’t get caught on anything… I suppose that could tear them out rather unpleasantly. Any thoughts on how the engineering might change for the next model?
    OLIVER:  This pair isn’t quite what I was looking for both in design terms and in terms of fit. I don’t think they sit at quite the right angle to his face and we both want them to sit a little closer to his eyes, so we’ll probably make another pair in the near future. Much as there are so many designs and styles of eyeglasses currently being manufactured, I think there are a number of ways this design could be improved upon. I certainly think they look neat and ended up being far more subtle than I thought they would be. I didn’t even realize he was wearing them when I saw him a few days later, and he mentioned that most people don’t notice that they are only attached to the piercing.
    BME:  What’s next?
    JAMES:  I suppose I could try to make marketable version if I had ambition to do so — something easier to take on and off. As for me I only have run of the mill tattoos and piercings planned right now, but seeing how some of my friends and family are in the community and looking to push the frontier, it means I have the manpower at hand to try out what comes to mind, so I’ll keep trying out any of my feasible ideas. Being young and unsure where my future will lead, I’m quite reserved about anything permanent and visible, which limits what I’m willing to do right now… As well as not having the time or resources to work on any major projects, so it’ll just be the ones that steadily work their way in, like the glasses.
    BME:  Since people are going to ask me, I have to ask… are these for sale?
    JAMES:  As far as money I only spent about $10 on screws and $75 for new lenses. And I bought Oliver a meal.
    OLIVER:  I don’t have any intention at this point of pursuing the idea commercially but it’s not something I’m averse to doing. If others were interested I might work something out with them. I certainly wouldn’t mind seeing a more developed version of these glasses from the existing body jewelry companies. I know there are any number of people here on IAM that could probably do a much better job both in the design and execution.

    Be sure to visit James over at jamessooy.com, and of course you can visit Oliver at iam:antagonist. Thanks to both of them for taking the time to talk to BME, and for thinking creatively about body modification… Too few people understand that it’s OK to try something different or new.

    Finally, I apologize that an article on the creative application of piercings has such an uncreative title.


    Shannon Larratt
    BME.com

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