BME: Body Modification Ezine

My passion for eccentricity goes back to early childhood. Even as a small child, I was greatly unsatisfied with the ordinary reality, and though at that age I couldn’t fully realize how vile the world is, I already found it senseless and dull. At the same time, I was very much attracted to visual eccentricity. I clearly remember that when I saw unconventional looking people, I thought they were fantastic creatures who lived in a totally different, wonderful and exciting reality. I immediately knew that this was what I wanted to be. Obviously, I’m not nearly as romantic about it now as I was at the age of five, but I’ve carried that fascination throughout my life.

I already had quite a lot of piercings and I was a cutter, but I was really confused because cutting was always viewed as something negative and associated with masochism and depression, and I knew I had a totally different reason for doing it. Reading the book confirmed my belief that what I was doing was not something negative and self-destructive, but a wish to explore the effect that pain and body sensations have on the mind.

Also, at the time I was in search of an alternative spirituality. I don’t want to say I’m a spiritual person, but I always felt the need to have it in my life. Modern Primitives made me understand that body modification and body rituals can be a spiritual thing, and I can use my own body for spiritual growth, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

Suffice to say that for several years I was totally into this book. But as I grew older and as I re-read the book over and over again, I started to disagree with a lot of things written in it and my general opinion on it changed, but I still feel grateful for the huge impact it had on my life. It really expanded my horizons.

I’m still very much into indigenous cultures, but I separate aesthetics and spirituality from social order and the way of life that existed in them.

I feel that some people who were interviewed in the book were being conservative and almost close-minded because of their fixation on tribal cultures, criticizing certain types of modifications that were not practiced in them.

And finally, I don’t like the idea of putting all people who do body modifications under one tag — “Modern Primitives” or any other, as a lot of them wouldn’t identify themselves as such.

When I was up in the air, I was totally amazed and astonished by what I felt: there was hardly any pain (or rather, I found it easy to ignore), and I had an out-of-body sensation and the feeling of floating. I always pay lots of attention to the environment where I do my body rituals, and for my first suspension, I chose the seashore and I could feel a positive energy around me. At some point during the suspension, I started to think of different problems and hardships I had in that period of my life, but these thoughts were replaced by the certitude of me being able to live through them. I was surprised by how staggering and deep the experience was: I hadn’t expected that doing a suspension could get me into such an altered state of mind. I felt very strong and full of hope. My first suspension was pure joy!

By far, I found it easiest to transcend the pain in a suicide suspension. It was a bit harder during my coma suspension, but I enjoyed it a lot. What I really love about suicide suspension is the movement is less restricted and you can swing. I like to swing a lot and it strengthens the sensation of floating.

I still haven’t done all types of suspension: I still have a knee and superman to try, and I hope to be able to do them soon.

I don’t have particularly good feelings about that experience, but it remains important because it was the first time I did a play piercing, and because of it, I immediately knew it was something I wanted to continue to explore.

To be honest, before doing play piercing and suspension together for the first time, I didn’t know if I would be able to handle it. So in a way, it was quite a challenge for me to explore my limits. It was a wonderful experience and I got more confident in my potential and the next time I added chest play piercing to facial play piercing and suicide suspension. With body play piercings it’s the sensation of the piercing that makes the strongest impact, and though it’s an important part of facial play piercings as well, it’s surely the visual result that is the most striking.

My right arm tattoo design just came into my mind at some point, quite spontaneously. Because it’s a smile design, I had no problem explaining my idea to the tattoo artist, whose name is Yann, and who does some very original and stunning blackwork.

I’m a person that needs to be progressing in things I do. The same goes for my body: I really enjoy changing, modifying and playing with it, and not doing it makes me feel like I’m stagnant. I’ve always had an urge for creativity, and body modification is one of the ways I can be creative with my Self. I can’t predict the future, but I really hope I will never loose this urge and will never stop transforming, or in a way, creating myself.

In the body modification scene, most of the people I meet don’t understand nor care about the ideas and motivation that are behind the things I do, and I’ve had some disappointing experiences when body modifications artists lose interest in helping me when they find out that I’m not going to do performances. I’m not a performer, and I find it really upsetting that so many people in the scene can’t imagine things like facial play piercing done not as performances.

I perceive myself as a seeker and not a teacher because there are too many self-proclaimed “gurus” who don’t practice what they preach. I’m not even close the spiritual level I hope to be at someday for me to consider being a teacher to anybody, and honestly, it doesn’t really interest me. Plus, speaking specifically about body modification and body rituals, I think there are some things that are impossible to teach. For example, I often meet people who are very scared of pain, and it’s hard for them to understand that not everyone feels the same way as them. I don’t think they can be taught by anybody else but themselves not to have this fear. I think that the ability to explore, control and transcend intentional physical pain is something you naturally have or don’t have and it cannot be taught or discovered by somebody else — they have to learn about it themselves.

But I’m always willing to share, not teach, the things that I know in terms of body rituals and altered states if I see that people are really interested.

In the early 80s, I had met a woman who had a beautiful full-back tattoo of a huge dragon. There were no flames, no water, no secondary design — just an enormous dragon. I hadn’t seen many heavily tattooed women, and certainly none with a large image like hers. I was captivated, and I decided I wanted a single-image, full-back piece of my own. I started to think about possible designs and when the idea came to me, I spent a year thinking about it (every day!) before I went ahead with it.

What I asked Bob for was, “full size, detailed neo-classical black-work angel wings that cover my whole back.” I wanted them to conform to my body and enhance my curvy, feminine shape. I think Bob really came through for me with both requests.

Original ideas and custom artwork are great, and there are lots of different winged creatures out there from which to derive inspiration. I guess as more people have more different styles of tattooed wings it will be harder to created original wings for your self. As long as someone is coming up with their own vision and it’s different from mine, I’m all for it.

Kathryn is a 21 year old welder from Melbourne, Australia. She plays the cello and has been getting modified for the past four years.

I’ve always had a fascination with the human obsession with flying, which seems to have been going on for as long as we’ve kept any kind of written records. Da Vinci designed flying machines, we invent fairies for our children’s bedtime stories, the majority of our gods are considered to live in sky, and Greek myths and legends talk about Icarus and Hermes. Flying is considered the paramount and unobtainable freedom.

I designed my wings myself, and have always described them as “vaguely tribalish fairy-wings.” I think they’re unique, so it doesn’t bother me that other people have the same theme for a tattoo. I chose this specific design because I didn’t want anything particularly complicated that would make me spend hours in the chair, and I wanted a simple design so that when I’m older it doesn’t look awful.

I haven’t gotten any negative feedback from people on my wings, probably because those people who think they’re passé have had the good sense to keep their thoughts to themselves.

Désirée Fawn Kretschmar (IAM:givmewings) is a 19 year old from Peterborough, Ontario where she attends Trent University in their Cultural Studies program. She has a deathly fear of anything medical, like needles, doctors and nurses, and once she punched a nurse who was trying to take blood. That fear, however, does not enter into the body modification spectrum and she is comfortable with piercing and tattoo needles.

I got my wings on August 1st 2004: the end of the summer, my last year of high school and in the next month my life was going to change. I’d be starting university, all my friends were going their separate ways and I was having a really hard time coping. My summer job was stressing me out to the point of tears every morning and night and I was going through relationship problems too. I decided I needed to quit being such a baby about all these problems, face the changes, and change myself. Earlier that year I’d gotten my labret done, and thought about getting another mod of some sort. However, piercings didn’t seem fulfilling enough, so I began thinking about tattoos. At the time, I thought I was going to cure pain with pain, and wings seemed the most appropriate symbol. I thought if someone gave me wings I could fly away and everything would be fine. Call it corny, call it cliché, call it whatever, but I call it freedom, expression. and it’s what I love.

A year or so before, I’d seen lots of pictures and read articles on BME about people with wing tattoos and I’d always found them gorgeous and fascinating. On the evening before my appointment, I sat up the entire night drawing out designs. I knew I didn’t want my tattoo to be picked off a wall, or out of a book, I wanted it to be completely my own creation. I finally came up with a simple design that I fell in love with.

After getting my tattoo, I was happy with the way they’d turned out, but a few months later I realized that they were done terribly, and I was really upset. They were uneven, the red shading was much brighter than I’d anticipated. I knew I needed to have them redone, so a little while later, I went with a friend who was getting a tattooed by a woman named Tammy. I was so impressed with her work that I got her to check out my back to see if she could salvage them. She ended up working on them, and now I have wings that I am truly proud of.

I had such a feeling of euphoria after having them worked on both times. They really helped me get through my year. I feel like my wings are a huge part of who I am right now. To me they are beautiful no matter what other people may think about them. They are also the most feminine thing about me apart from my anatomy. I’m a bit of a tomboy, my friends are 99% male, and I’ve always been considered “one of the guys.” For me, they let me express my femininity without being outwardly “girly’ which I loathe.

Some people have commented that they’re common and trendy, but c’mon guys! What mod is there that doesn’t go through some kind of “trendy’ stage? Everything is popular at one time or another, and I don’t think I was following any fads by getting my wings.

Mike Johnson is a 45 year old self-described Aries/Rat who lives in Charlottesville, Virginia. By day he does layout and design work for a local newspaper, picking up freelance work when he can, from business cards to CD designs for local bands. By night he’s a drummer who plays in alternative, hard rock, punk, or gothic groups, depending on where his head is at the time.

As an artist, the idea of using the body as a personal “canvas” had appealed to me for a while before getting my tattoo. It seemed that the problem I had was actually coming up with an image that I’d watn to keep for the rest of my life. Two things came together that make me decide I wanted a wing tattoo: I tend to be a “guardian angel” to the people around me, as I’m a very loyal friend — always there for people to talk to and rely on, and I saw an advertisement which featured a great photograph of tattooed wings (of the feathered variety). With that, I finally had the basis for a design. Plus, wings look better than a wearing a superhero cape! I worked with my tattoo artist, and we came up with the idea of “flaming wings.” I went with this idea because, to me, it signifies the image of a fallen angel (after all, I’m not a perfect angel, by any means). Even though wings are popular, I took a different approach than most, and we also went with bold as opposed to detailed to give the art more impact.

Nicole is a preschool teacher from Orlando, Florida who’s been modified for the past five years. She says that road rage is her worst habit, and she strongly dislikes it when people watch her being tattooed.

Originally, I thought wings were just a representation of something beautiful, but the longer I waited to get them done, the more they ended up meaning to me. I waited two years to get them, going from artist to artist, looking for someone who I could trust to do such a large piece. After the passing of both of my grandmothers, the tattoo turned into a tribute piece. It gave me peace of mind knowing they’d always have my back. As for the style I chose, I wanted something light and flowy. Harsh lines were out of the question from the beginning. My wings are similar to those of an angel — as style I liked because angels are delicate.

Knowing people are getting wings more and more, I can get frustrated. I think I hold my tattoo on such a high pedestal that seeing them get popular almost demeans their worth.

Jenn (IAM:osiri) is a 23 year old from Surrey, British Columbia. She works in a customer relations job, and is pagan.

In October of 2003, I had a full spinal surgery to correct a 67 degree curve in my back. Before the surgery I had been told that there was only a 24% chance I would ever walk again, so when I woke up in the recovery room, the first thing I did was ask the doctor how I’d done. He looked down at me and said, “Well, let’s put it this way — you certainly earned your wings.”

Strangely enough, even though my doctor’s words had stuck with me, I’d never seriously considered getting wings tattooed on myself. It was only when I was sketching aimlessly one day and came up with a design that I decided that I wanted to have as a tattoo. My drawing style is chiefly influenced by anime and manga designs, but the main reason why I chose my design was because I wanted something simplistic and almost childlike. My tattoo has a cartoon feel, which, to me at least, makes it fun and youthful. That was also the reason I chose to have it done in a teal-blue color rather than something darker — it was my way of making them a little more uplifting (pardon the pun).

I’ve always had a fascination with things with wings, and to me, having a pair was a way to sort of “fly away” from all the hardships and headaches caused by four years of abuse at the hands of an inept medical system. I’m pretty sure my doctor never thought he would plant the idea in my head, much less think it would stick while I was in a morphine induced vegetable-like state, but somehow it did — and as a result, I have the wings that I feel I rightfully earned.

Marisa Terres is from Lompoc, California and is a 21 year old student. She’s interested in contortionism and wants to be able to sit on her own head someday.

I got my wings as a symbol of a new stage of life, where before I felt like I was a caterpillar hidden and held back. My parents had gotten divorced and I got to live with my father, which was something I was very happy about. My mother had always made all my decisions for me, and treated me like and inferior, but my father was opposite: he always has allowed me figure things out for myself. I ultimately went from a person who did everything that everyone else told me to do, to a person that thinks for herself and has self worth. It felt like I was set free and I could do anything I wanted to, even fly. When I had this opportunity to change and set my real self free, it was as though I had become a butterfly and changed into a more beautiful person.

I designed the tattoo myself, and wanted to keep the colour scheme as realistic as possible, so I looked for four months before deciding on butterfly wings. I had initially wanted a full, but small, butterfly, but the more I thought about it, I decided I wanted a set of wings for myself.

Pops (IAM:y2k_Pops) is a 22 year old man from London, England. He has given up a possible career in media production because he wants to get into piercing and tattooing. He says that because of his bands, body modifications and character, he’s drawn a following in his area.

I had wanted a tattoo which would cover most of my back and I went through a few ideas, making sure that what I chose would be meaningful. One of the ideas was the Colossi of Rameses, because I really like ancient Egyptian history and it would have looked really good, but in the end, the idea of wings won out.

I suppose on some level wings could signify the presence of escapism in someone’s psyche, but in my case I see wings as a symbol of beauty and the beast. Wingscarry a certain amount of poetic beauty, but there is also raw power and something otherworldly about a physical appendage that can defy gravity. To me, it’s a combination of a gentle (angelic) beauty and unnatural (demonic) physical power which defies natural law.

The shape and form of my wings a traditional style: they look like the wings of a large bird or angel. They’re not completed yet, but when they are finished, they will have tribal style tattoos on each feather and smoky shading around them, to compliment the vampire mouth I have on the top of my spine. All of my tattoos follow a kind of demonic or vampirism style. I have a few designs that I did for my legs that are a bit different from demons and vampires, but they are all a bit “dark” and somewhat gothic. It’s not that I am a massive vampire fan, but I do like the ethos of so called “demonic” beliefs like sex, sensuality, darkness of character and so forth.

Most of the responses from people upon seeing my tattoo have been about the pain I must have endured while getting it. I haven’t actually had a negative comment yet. As for the popularity of the theme, I don’t really care about it. I hadn’t even thought about other people’s wing tattoos until I booked the appointment with my tattoo artist. After that, I went through the BME and a few tattoo magazines to find other wing tattoos and it was at that point that I truly realized how popular wings are.

I just hope these wings will carry the memory of me becoming a piercer and tattooist: spreading my metaphorical wings and committing my life to a career I have always wanted.

Emily (IAM:XxdoodlexX) is from DeKalb, Illinois where she works at a Podiatry center as a doctor’s assistant and secretary. She gets her modifications because she likes to be noticed.

Although I’m not a very religious person, I’ve always wanted a spiritual tattoo. After looking around BME for tattoo ideas, I went to my tattoo artist and we worked together on the idea of wings. I was dismayed at first, because all of the drawings I had showed unrealistic looking wings, and I knew I didn’t want a butterfly or fairy design. When he came up with an angel wing concept, I was really excited because they were so different than anything I’d seen before. I have never seen another pair of wings that look like mine, and that’s what I wanted. My tattoo symbolizes my belief that there is always an angel with me, and in some ways, I am even an angel.

When people see my tattoo, they say the expected stuff like, “What are you going to do when you are older?” “Why would you want something like that permanently on your body?” I tell them that if thought I’d end up being ashamed of them I wouldn’t have gotten them in the first place. I have no regrets, and they have significant meaning to me.

On the other hand, sometimes the popularity of wing tattoos bothers me. I think some people are just getting them just because they think it looks cool. Angel wings are very spiritual and symbolic, and should have a meaning or purpose behind them.

Sandra O’Conner (IAM:Sandron) is a 19 year old who comes from Irish and Malaysian roots. She’s been all over the world because her father works for a large oil company. She has lived in The Netherlands, Malaysia, Singapore, and the Philippians, and she’s currently studying in Sydney, Australia.

The initial reason for getting this specific tattoo was the result of being expelled from boarding school in Singapore. I’d gotten in trouble at school many times, and when they did a drug test on me, the results proved positive for MDMA. I was then told that it’d be best if I left the school, so I packed up all of my stuff, and the next day I was on a plane to the Philippines where my family was living.

I worked really hard at school in the Philippines, graduated high school with an IB degree, and was then accepted into a university in Australia. The wings stem from my life as a traveler — I hope someday I’ll be able to make a permanent home somewhere, and the wings are there as a memo that I’m looking for the place I’ll be able to call home. They’re also reminiscent of the places I’ve lived, the countless cultures that have influenced me (being in international schools my whole life, I’ve been exposed to a myriad of cultures and nationalities), and at the same time they represent my urge to continue travelling.

My wings are designed with Celtic knots in them, so as to match one of my previous tattoos. Being half Irish and never having lived there, it was one of those desperate attempts to grasp onto whatever culture I thought I was entitled to. I don’t mind that my tattoo is a popular theme, because they’re versatile to so many different emotions and inclinations — each set of wings on each person is going to mean something different to each person wearing them.

After the traumatic haircut, we went to the doctor’s office (because that was the only option back then — there weren’t even piercing guns). I was very nervous as he asked me to lie down on the exam table and he placed a small cork behind my ear, then he took the eighteen gauge needle and he shoved it through my lobe. He then slipped in the gold stud that my mother had brought, as a small flow of tears slipped down my face as I braved myself for the next ear. Again the doctor put a cork behind the second ear and shoved the needle through. When I finally sat up and saw my new earrings, I knew the haircut and the pain was worth it. Even now, many years later, I think about that sacrifice whenever I get pierced.

I have several tattoos signifying my current marriage. There’s a dragonfly on my thigh which represents my life with my husband and the freedom to be me, of being light and air, love and security, beauty and acceptance.

After I graduated with my AA (Associate in Arts — Liberal Science) degree, which I’d been working on for ten years, I wanted something very special, so I got Guy to do some bright “new school” tattoos on my shoulders and arms: one side is a lotus blossom with an eyeball in the center, and the other side is an abstract tentacle blossom with another eyeball in the middle. To me, this symbolizes that no matter what, someone is always watching over me keeping me safe.

Once I got Guy to do my chest piece, which included another eyeball, the meaning behind the eyeballs transformed slightly. Now I see them representing the past, present and future and how they all watch over me. The way I look at it, during all the abuse, things could have been worse: I could have been murdered as well. Something or someone is always watching over me and helping me live.

And they feel good too. After the operation, and for ten years, I had no sexual drive. That is until I got the piercings. Almost immediately, I noticed that I was thinking about sex and that I had the warm feeling “down there” that most women get when they are sexually excited. I really feel that the healing process awakened my sexual drive again. Although it was short-lived, the sensation was so amazing that it made me consider getting more genital modifications. After four years of researching it and thinking about it, I decided to split my hood.

I put the EMLA on, spread it around the jewelry and put it in the hole so that both sides were covered. I was a bit nervous and wondered if I was going to be able to go through with it. I had decided that a scalpel wasn’t right for me, because from reading other experiences, the girls had to cut four or five times to get through the skin, and I wasn’t up for that. The quickest, smartest way for me was with a pair of surgical scissors.

After ten minutes, I wiped off the EMLA cream, because you can’t leave it on mucus membranes for any longer than that. So I took it and I snipped, and I thought, “is this even going through?” and I looked and it was bleeding, and I’m like, “oh shit” and so I snipped a little bit further, and that’s when I could feel the pinch, and I said “okay, you have do it, you’re halfway there.” Another snip, and I was done.

(Click thumbnails to zoom in)
Tools, Before, and with EMLA	After doing the split	The first day of healing	Five days later	After doing the second split

On the other hand, after doing the split I definitely have more feeling down there, so I’m happy with the outcome for that reason too.

It’s really sad and I shouldn’t be saying it, but I don’t really care: a lot of people pierce as a hobby, and some people just do it for the money. Then again, even if they’re really, really bad, they’re still learning and they’re trying, so I’m not going to knock them.

Laws are good because it means that piercers will learn what kind of tools to use, and what an autoclave is and other important things. It’s unreal what some piercers don’t know. There are a lot of states that do have regulations and lot of them are tough, too.

When I was on the state committee, I was dating this girl who had two kids, and I thought it would be a good idea to help make it safer for them when they get older and want piercings or tattoos. I wanted to make sure that if I ever have kids, piercing is going to be safe for them: these laws will ensure that if they don’t want me to pierce them, they can go to someone else who’s qualified and knows what they’re doing.

I got my nipple done, and wow do you want to talk about pure pain. He couldn’t get the needle in, even after three tries. Bam, took it out, bam, took it out, bam, took it out. I was sitting there with a Budweiser can in my hand, and was like, “what the fuck are you doing?!” I had gotten tattoos before, but this hurt! Joe came in and he ended up doing it for me instead. It was painful, but it made me want to do piercings and make it a good experience for somebody.

If you come in to my shop and get pierced, I don’t want you to have a bad experience because that’s a memory. I mean, you don’t want to mess with someone’s memories. That’s all you really got in the long run: if you’re a vegetable and you can’t talk or anything, all you’ve got are your memories, so I don’t want to mess with that.

I’d pierce for free, but then I couldn’t afford to eat. I’d love to spend my life going fishing, taking photos and piercing people for free — that’s what I’d do if I could, but I can’t. I’ve got to pay my rent, my internet bills…

I’ve also had some weird offers for sex. I don’t really like to get sex like that. I’m not like that. I get really offended if I’m at work and someone tries to grab my nuts and says, “Hey, after this, let’s go.”

I think it’s flattering to an extent. Once, a friend of mine wanted his nipples done, but then decided on a PA instead. Before I pierced him, he said, “Hey I need to ask you a question before you poke me, are you straight or gay, because I want to take you out to dinner.” And he knew I was dating a girl at the time. I like females, they’re soft and cuddly and warm, and they have woo-woos.

I really think it’d be cool to get married. That’d be a cool tip: as long as I say that I want to get married, instead of them telling me that they’re going to marry me.