Good morning Don! Do you mind if call you Donatello, just for fun?

Ha! You’ll make me sound like a cross between a pizza and a flavour of ice-cream, but sure… why not?

So Donatello, tell me a lot about yourself..

Well, let me see…

♦ I’m English. I’d better not say ‘proud of it’, which would make me sound like a football hooligan, but for all its faults there’s nowhere else I’d rather live.

♦ I’m a biker: currently riding a Honda NSR125.

♦ I got my first mod (a PA) at the age of 40: I was a ‘late developer’, you see.

♦ I have a wife, a dog and a cat, none of whom are modded (unless you count the animals’ microchip implants, of course).

♦ I started my IAM page on Bonfire Night 2000 but it hasn’t (yet) gone up in flames.

♦ I was for many years a librarian, but have also at various times been a builders’ labourer, a barman, and a football pools collector.

You’ve been a long-time reviewer of experiences for BMEzine.com, what was it that got you started? And more to the point what kept you going?

As I recollect, experience reviewing started off life as one of Shannon’s ‘toys’. I gave it a go to see what it was like, found I liked it and more than somewhat to my surprise that I was good at it, too.

As for what kept me going I’ve simply enjoyed doing it!

It’s still fun, but you learn a lot, too: I think I can safely say I now know as much about female genital piercing as most people who’ve actually got one! I’m now coming up to twenty thousand experiences, making me BME’s No 1 reviewer in fact. Which is cool — I think everyone should aspire to being Number One at something.

20,000! Cor blimey, how many “Don hours” do you think it’s taken to reach that amount?

According to my logfile, I take an average of 275 seconds to do each one. That works out at… *goes and gets calculator*… a little over nine weeks altogether. Of course, I do go off and get the occasional cup of coffee now and then!

Did you know that at nine weeks a developing baby is no longer an embryo, but a fetus.

Anyway, there’s obviously a huge chasm between knowing the theory behind a specific piercing procedure and having the practical abilities to carry one out.

How do you think the exeriences on BMEzine.com should be viewed? As recreational reading, an informative yet fun way to pass the time, or hints and tips for the wannabe piercer?

It’s very much up to the authors, but some of the best ones — the ones we feature — I think incorporate elements of all three.

There’s a definite chasm between acquiring the know-how and putting it into practice safely and with a satisfactory end result, yes. I often wince at the mental image conjured up by these authors who write about buying a piercing kit and an instructional video off eBay and cheerfully assume there’s all there is to it. And of course now with YouTube, everyone and his dog can be a piercer after watching a few five-minute video clips. I don’t want that to sound as if I’m knocking DIY piercing — I’m not, but I do think people should wise up to the fact that it’s not by any means as easy as it looks, and I hope some of the scarier stories we publish on BME illustrate that.

Have you ever been asked or tempted to perform a modification on someone else?

No, I’ve never been asked and I’d say no. I wouldn’t want the responsibility if anything went wrong.

Can you drag up a particularly doomed experience from the recesses of your mind, and the lessons you learned from it? Theoretical lessons of course..

I don’t know that I can: what comes across a lot of the time is that the human body sometimes reacts in the most unpredictable way.

It’s a shame sometimes that more authors don’t wait until they can give a longer-term assessment as to the success (or otherwise) of their mods.

As for “doomed”, I need look no further than my own abortive attempts at getting a guiche: five times altogether, with the right “theoretical” attention to reputable studio, qualified piercer, careful placement, proper aftercare… the works. And each one rejected! Sometimes your body just isn’t having it no matter what.

How about piercing yourself?

Again, no. The only scenario in which I might be tempted is under the instruction and supervision of a properly qualified piercer.

Safety first eh! How does it make you feel therefore when people submit experiences where they obviously don’t have the expertise to carry out a piercing, but feel they do from reading experiences you may (or may not have) approved? Knowledge in the wrong hands can sometimes be a dangerous thing.

You should see some of the experiences we throw out!

Seriously, though, there’s a limit to the extent to which we can shield people from the consequences of their own foolishness. “But it won’t happen to me” is one of the classic lines of all time. Realistically, the most we can hope to do is to say “Look, this is how it’s done: these are the risks. It’s up to you whether you’re willing to accept the consequences”.

What was it that inspired you to add a Prince Albert to your wang at forty years old?

I read about one day it in a library book! Seriously — that’s how it happened. The book had a chapter on genital piercings, commenting “Some people find the whole idea totally revolting, and if the very thought of it makes you cringe, this is not for you”. On the contrary, I found the whole idea a complete turn-on, and of course there was only one way to find out….!

That’s fantastic! Do you think that chance encounter brought the inevitable forward slightly, or that was the sole catalyst in your decision?

Oh that was it, pure and simple. Whether something else at a later date might have happened to have the same effect I’ve no idea but nothing springs to mind.

Now, regarding these book things you mention. You’re a librarian (not to be confused with a lesbian), is that correct?

Was — I’m officially retired now, although I still work Sundays just to keep my hand in. And since you’ve asked, I’ve always found that interestingly enough it’s one of the most tolerant and accepting of occupations as far as sexuality goes.

That doesn’t surprise me really as your career is
centered around literature, which by it’s very nature is all-encompassing.

That’s true up to a point. The landmark publication of Lady Chatterley’s Lover back in the 1960s heralded the end of literary censorship as such in the UK. But that’s not to say everything’s freely available now. I can’t imagine any public library in this country stocking the BME ModCon book, for example. And when a few years back we got hold of a couple of books of Tom o’Finland artwork on special order for a customer, they came in sealed brown paper wrappers and we were instructed to hand them over unopened!

Have you ever encompassed someone passionately in the anatomy section?

I wouldn’t dare — not with the all-seeing all-knowing CCTV watching me! Actually, its main purpose is to watch for thieves: I’m sorry to say that books on tattooing and body piercing suffer from a particularly high loss rate.

Do you have thoughts as to why that might be?

I haven’t got a clue, to be honest — I’ve never come across any proper research into it. Before anyone starts drawing any analogies with lawless tattooed biker types, let me just point out that one of the other most “sought-after” categories of library books is religion.

Make of that what you will!

I’m dying to know, when you lay down to sleep at night and gently close your tired eyes, do you fancy yourself as an old-age mutant ninja librarian?

I don’t know that I do, but I think other people have been known to latch on to that concept (ROO: And there I was thinking I was being original).

Some of my bosses have not been slow on occasion to see the potential for a pierced biker librarian to project an image geared at attracting younger users for whom libraries have not exactly had a huge element of street-cred.

I’m not saying this would work for everybody, but if you’re worried about the effect of visible mods on your job prospects, it’s worth researching what clientele your employer is trying to attract, and making sure you sell yourself on that basis.

A point well made if I may say. Can you give us an example of how you’ve had to ‘shift your image’ during your time as a librarian/bar tender/labourer?

In one library where I’d just started working, the other staff were quite friendly and receptive towards my mods: at the time I’d got almost thirty, the majority of which were hidden. There was quite a good deal of friendly banter surrounding their attempts to find out what I’d got hidden away. As it was getting near to Christmas, I got as far as coming up with the bold idea of a mock-up Advent Calendar, with pictures of the mods hidden behind the little windows and ‘opening fees’ with the money going to charity. Perhaps fortunately, I left before the plan reached fruition.

But then in the next library I worked, the contrast couldn’t have been more marked: none of the staff said a word about mods. I can’t say I detected any hostility, and I suspect part of it was just that no-one else had any — or if they did, they kept them well hidden. It was then that I started wearing my septum CBB visibly: it fell down one day and I “forgot” to tuck it back up out of harm’s way. But again, nothing happened, and no-one appeared to even notice. Strange… but you just have to adapt to the different climate.

The Advent Calendar idea was wonderful, personally I think it’s a shame it never happened. Which piercing would have been under the 25th? Your baubles? Can you remember where these two libraries where geographically and did the surrounding neighbourhood have a bearing on the attitude towards your modifications?

You’re too kind! The 25th was to have been the PA: the jewel in the crown, so to speak.

Where was I? Hope I’m not going to incriminate myself too much by naming names… Rugby and Stratford-on-Avon. Rugby’s an average English industrialised town much like many others mod-wise: Stratford of course is Shakespeare’s birthplace more or less to the exclusion of everything else — and that just seems to eclipse mods (and many other aspects of modern society) completely. But then places like Brighton, or Camden — or even Birmingham — seem to be different again, although people who live in those places may well disagree with that comment.

Not so much these days but libraries have always had an air of, how should I put this, solemnity about them.

Have you ever encountered any ‘prejudices’ in these settings surrounding your modifications?

Oh yes, the image of “Shushhh” with the dragon ready to pounce at the sound of a pin dropping still lives on in peoples’ minds, whatever we do and however hard we try to dispel it.

I’d say I’ve only experienced prejudice indirectly.

The worst example that springs to mind was a woman one day who quite obviously avoided me serving her and went to one of the other staff instead. I found out afterwards that this woman asked my boss on the way out why they employed people with piercings, and to her credit my boss simply told her that my piercings were my business and not hers. She said she was surprised at the woman’s rudeness and she too was curious as to whether it happened a lot. It doesn’t really: sometimes you can sense a definite undercurrent of unease, for want of a better word.

But there’s a still whole generation of older people, particularly, who were firmly brought up in the belief that it’s extremely rude to make personal comments to people about their appearance.

I totally agree. Although ‘kids’ can sometimes be a little rude I often feel it’s genuine curiosity that they’re they’re not quite sure how to put across?

With young kids, I’m sure a lot of it’s just natural curiosity. They just ask or say whatever occurs to them, sometimes to the acute embarrassment of their parents.

ROO:

Hi Pauly, to kick things off tell me a few things about yourself you consider boring..

PAULY:

Well my name is Pauly Unstoppable — that’s what I go by on a daily basis so the name I was given at birth isn’t really important. I’m twenty-one and was born July the 18th, 1985, and for the most part I was raised in Indianapolis, Indiana, but I’ve lived all over the place. My hair is brownish, my eyes are greenish and I’m about six feet tall and weigh roughly 140 pounds.

ROO:

And now something riveting?

PAULY:

I used to weigh 280 pounds.

ROO:

Did becoming a vegan play any part in that?

PAULY:

Well I was already vegan when I lost the weight. Just being vegan doesn’t make you automatically healthy, you can still be vegan and eat like shit! It was more of a lifestyle change that helped me shed the extra tonnes.Basically I started eating food with really low fat content — fresh fruits, veggies and so on — and exercised like a demon. I rode my bike for eight hours a day and did so many sit-ups and push-ups that sometimes I could barely move the next morning… I really need to get back in line with that though. I’ve been a little out of shape recently sadly.

ROO:

You’ve told me about your wang on many occasions — eight or nine inches long by six and a quarter inches in girth if I remember correctly. What makes it hard?

PAULY:

Pretty boys with tattoos!

ROO:

And what makes it flaccid?

PAULY:

Scary vaginas and Margaret Thatcher!

ROO:

It’s unlikely I’ll be seeing you skipping hand in hand down the street with her in the near future then?

PAULY:

Haha! I don’t imagine so, although I will be in London in December so who knows? I don’t much fancy ladies and boobs just don’t register with me at all — it’s like I have anti-boob vision or something… and besides, she’s old! [ROO: 81 at the time of publishing.] I am trying to stay a kid for as long as possible and I don’t want her aging disease to rub off on me.

ROO:

Tell me more about your chin tattoo’s, rumour has it they’re BME related?

PAULY:

Well, it wasn’t meant to say “BME” — at least I didn’t do it consciously. At BMEfest this year Philip Barbosa noticed that it resembled the word BME, and once he pointed that out I could see what he meant, sort of. They’re actualy a mixture of Maori design and North American tribe designs. I drew it when I was fifteen and just sat on them. I’m descended from Maori ancestry though my skin colour doesn’t show it at all.

ROO:

That’s one thing about you I didn’t know! Is your family tattooed?

PAULY:

Of the family I know personally none of them have any Maori tattoos at all. I’m really not sure how far back it was because most of my family older than my grandparents passed away a long while ago, so I didn’t have the chance to meet them or ask any questions. They were a far cry from how I look — I’m pretty pale but they were all very tanned with black hair and dark eyes. My dad is like that too, but not me.

ROO:

Apart from your mum who does your hair?

PAULY:

Just me…My ex did help me once, bless. The hair he helped me with was for BMEfest this year, it’s very hard to describe and was mildly ridiculous… basically I shaved two stripes down the top of my head, much like if you were going to start a mohawk and then decided to just leave all the hair on either side. It ended up looking like mullet with long fake side burns, and then a blonde strip dyed down the middle.At the moment I have a sort of fake rat-tail thing going on, I had to shave part of the back of my head for my new neck tattoo.Anyway, I talk too much.

ROO:

I know you’re gay because you’ve got a soft spot for me, but have you ever had sex with a ‘real’ woman?

PAULY:

Haha yeah, I have actually! I was in a threesome with my friend and his girlfriend. I guess basically she felt she needed to “break the gay boy” or something. That was the real first time, and I actually totally forgot about it for a while. Then I had another experience with a girl and started telling people about that instead. I’m a flake like that.

ROO:

You describe yourself as ‘Commie Scum’ — care to elaborate?

PAULY:

I hold socialist/communist political ideals. I believe in a government of the people, run by the people for the people. It’s just funny to refer to myself as “commie scum”, because in the hate mail I get I tend to get called that fairly often, so I chose to embrace it.That’s why I also refer to myself as a “faggot” on my IAM page. It takes the bite out of it for people.

ROO:

Is there anything in the world that could stop a Pauly?

PAULY:

I’ve been shot, stabbed, run over by cars, fallen out of high buildings, been set on fire, overdosed by accident, and on purpose. I’ve been flatlined by a drunk driver, comatose, beaten, maced, tasered, shot at with rubber bullets and was legally dead for eight minutes!Despite all that I’m still here, so I guess not.

ROO:

Does having flatlined change the way you see ritual at all?

PAULY:

I wouldnt say so, really… I mean, I am an atheist — a pretty hardcore one — but I do have a spiritual side. It’s just not the religious type. With me, rituals such as bloodletting and suspending and play piercing is a very spiritual thing, but it’s helping me to harness the energy that I have in me, and feed off of it and to put me in better touch with my mind and body and my surroundings and such. The fact that I have died and been brought back has really only strengthened that energy, but doesnt make me see it any other way. It definitely woke me up and changed my perception of a lot of things about life, and as morbid as it might sound, it made me a better person in my eyes. It sort of helped me to become who I am today, and I really love who I am today.

ROO:

Does the way you look help or hinder you in finding relationships?

PAULY:

A bit of both I suppose… I mean it obviously limits my dating circle somewhat, but my preference is geared more towards pretty tattooed boys anyway. My nostrils are what turn most people off, which is ok with me I suppose, although there is one person I wish didn’t mind so much, but that cant be helped.The thing that hinders my relationships most of all seems to be distance.

ROO:

Take a deep breath because now I’m going to ask you the question you most ‘dread’. During the planning of this interview you mentioned that you’d rather not talk about your nostrils, at least not make them the prime focus, which is understandable — does it bothers you that people see you as just “the guy with the giant nostrils?”

PAULY:

Well, it doesn’t bother me really. I would be very naive to think people wouldn’t notice giant fucking holes in my face! I’m quite aware that they’re much larger then anyone’s gone before, I’m not stupid and expect people to ask questions about it.Honestly, I don’t mind people being curious, I am a nice guy after all. If you are nice to me I’ll show you the same courtesy. For a while though I felt the focus was only on my nostrils — like they were a separate life force, they could have almost had their own fan club and its still sort of like that.For example if I post a picture on IAM or Myspace, I get like literally thirty messages asking me “Are you nostrils smaller?”, “What happened”, “Are you giving up?” et cetera. It’s not that I think that’s bad, I’m just not used to so much attention. As funny as that may sound I’m a fairly reclusive person, even now. Until pretty recently I was in the shadows of BME, that’s how I felt anyway, then I finally got a good camera and it blew up! [ROO: I think Pauly’s referring to his popularity, not the camera, hehe.] Some will say I probably milk it a bit, after all I do post lots of pictures and bulletins on various sites these days, but it’s only to please the requests I get on a day to day basis. That said there’s still one picture I wont make public no matter how many times it’s requested, and that’s one with all my piercings taken out, sorry but it’s just not happening, hah!

Anyway, back to the point, if there was one. The area I live at the moment is very conservative, so I don’t really venture out much, not on my own anyway. I do my grocery shopping at night because its utterly impossible for me to do it at like three or four in the afternoon, it would take me three hours just to find an amusingly shaped carrot because I get stopped every few minutes and so forth.

I’ve had more exotic piercings and tattooing for quite a while now so I’m quite used to being in public, and I don’t notice the staring and pointing at all. Unless they are blatantly rude and in my face I don’t see them or care in the slightest. It’s funny because it tends to be my friends that get pissed off with the attention when they walk around with me, because they’re not accustomed to it. I just have to tell them it’s part of my life and they’ll get used to it. It’s really not that big a deal and slowly but surely they’re becoming less emotional about things.

Simply put I’m a pleasant person so when people ask questions I answer them to the best of my ability. I know if I saw someone wandering the streets looking like this I’d want to look and ask questions. If it’s done nicely and they aren’t rude or condescending I’ll quite happily sit with someone for half an hour or however long they want and talk to them about body art! Nice people I meet outside of the piercing and tattoo community make me feel warm inside, it also makes me happy there are still open minded people out there.

ROO:

You must admit they’re an impressive pair of stretched nostrils — I feel like I’m complimenting you on a fine set of breasts, hah. Do you find the size they are now affect nasal health, nose hair growth, or anything like that?

PAULY:

That’s a question I’m asked lots, also in comments I see regarding many of my photos. To put that baby to bed, so to speak: I’ve had no ill effects in regards to the size of my nostrils whatsoever, the insides are still healthy and nice and I breathe just fine through my nose.If anything I find breathing even easier with the plugs in, they just seems to open everything up for the lovely oxygen.

ROO:

I’m sure you understand that many people reading this article may well see you as a trend-setter or role model. Some of those people may also have followed your changes over the past few years, but not yet be of age to start themselves. What advice would you have for them?

PAULY:

I started really young. My lobes were pierced at age seven, and by the time I was eleven I was already stretching them. I pierced my septum and PA at that time too, so I can understand the drive. I would say if you want to get work done at a young age, I would have it done right first time.. doing it yourself in your bathroom with a safety pin will just hurt you in the long run.As far as the more advanced stuff goes, I really can’t comment. I have friends who are much younger than I am, I guess I might have had some part in inspiring them to start things larger, and I know and trust they can handle it so that doesn’t concern me in the slightest. I really don’t think it’s my place to tell anyone what they should and shouldn’t do with their body, as I don’t think anyone should. People are allowed to make their own mistakes. That’s how we learn.I also don’t believe it’s right to tell people they’ll regret things in the future. I live firmly in the present, not the future, the only sure thing is the past and the present. The future is what you make of it. Sure having stretched nostrils or ears will close a lot of doors for you but it doesn’t mean your life is ruined. If you want to make life grand you can, you just have to want it enough.I tattooed my face at age eighteen, in part because I wanted to make sure I did what I wanted to with my life. I used it as a tool to force myself to strive for my dreams, and not buckle into society’s standard of living, because I don’t agree with it, and don’t care to live that way in all honesty. I couldn’t be happier with my life as it is now.

As far as being a trend-setter goes, I suppose that statement just makes me blush! I didn’t ever think it would matter that much to anyone what I did with my body. It’s not really something that crossed my mind, I just do these things because they make me happy. It’s just how I want to look, and how my mind told me I should look.

Don’t get me wrong I am glad that people can see some stuff I have done, especially if it helps them to push themselves to do what they really want to do, because it’s a big step in our culture to choose to something so outside of the ’norm’. I don’t think of myself as a trend-setter or anything like that, I am just a regular person who’s doing what makes him feel pretty.

ROO:

Has there ever been a time when you’ve regretted your modifications?

PAULY:

The only thing I have ever regretted is not starting something bigger or not knowing enough about stretching lobes when I first began.. If I knew then what I know now I definitely wouldn’t have had my lobes pierced with a gun — I’d have had them pierced with a needle, and a lot higher too. That makes the process of stretching so much easier in the long-term.

ROO:

Finally, for this subject at least. How do feel about the changes you’ve made to your face?

PAULY:

I honestly couldn’t be happier with the route I’ve taken in life, the only thing I don’t like is I’m not done yet, but that’s half the fun, haha! It’s the same old story really, I grew up as ‘the fat kid’ and due to that I’ve been left with plenty of emotional scars and really had trouble feeling happy about my appearance.Because of tattooing and piercing and so on, I feel beautiful.I also feel stronger than I’ve ever felt, despite receiving death threats and hate mail on a daily basis. They don’t phase me anymore though. Instead I giggle because I’ve come so far in taking back my appearance from the one I hated growing up with to the one I now hold and the one that puts such a huge smile on my face when I look in the mirror every morning.

ROO:

We’re all dying to know.. How many crushes do you have? If you’re feeling brave you can name names!

PAULY:

I have a few, I make sure everone I crush knows about it, haha. You never know! [ROO: After a bit of gentle cajoling I managed to needle some names out of him.] Jay_Veganxxx, Vegan Jarret, oilchange&wifebeaters (of course), you Roo, loving devotee and miketheshoe… On second thoughts I don’t want to list everyone or play favorites. I’d hate to leave someone out and upset them!

ROO:

What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done? Favourite memory?

PAULY:

I don’t really have a particular favorite memory… Road trips across the country make me smile though, and living in Canada has it memories. There is so much much I miss about Canada.. it’s where I lost my virginity and my heart. And the parks and vegan restaurants are incredible! On thinking about it here are some of my favorite memories of my time in Canada……Hanging out at Buddhas [a vegan restaurant] after BMEfest, talking with Phil and Jason and then playing like twelve block games of grab ass!…Where it progressed so far Brandon was screaming so loud it was scaring people passing us in cars, haha….Electric butts with Ian, Howie, Efix and Oli and the rest of the Quebec city crew (no Howie, I wont have sex with this girl!)

I think the fondest memory that will stick with me the longest was when I lived in Montreal with Nye, it was one of the best times in my life and I’ll never forget it. I miss it dearly sometimes.

ROO:

Tell me what being a member of IAM means to you, do you think you’d be the same person if you weren’t part of this community?

PAULY:

Well, IAM and BME has pretty much filled a void I had in my life! I have been into body art for as long as I can remember. When I tell people how I got started, they are like, “what, you pierced your penis at eleven?!”I didn’t know what I was doing it just seemed like it should have been there all along. For a long time I felt very alone, and still sort of do because there aren’t many people around me with the same interests. IAM definitely helped me feel like I could talk to people who understood, the friends I’ve made here are like family to me. It gives me a place to go and a place to talk freely about my interests and for the most part people are supportive and share the same sentiment, so it makes me feel at home and not so ’weird’.I am a strong person and really nothing anyone can say will make me change my mind or skip a beat in my life, but its still nice to have a community of people you can come to anytime you need to, and they always make you feel at one with them.

ROO:

It’s been lovely as always Pauly, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.I think I hear Maggie calling you from the bedroom. Run Pauly, Run!You wouldn’t want to suffer the wrath of the Iron Lady.

PAULY:

It was my pleasure!