A black-and-white photo of a person mid-air in a Superman-style body suspension pose, supported by multiple hooks in their back and legs, smiling joyfully toward the camera. They are suspended horizontally in a large indoor space with high ceilings and visible rigging. A group of onlookers—some seated, some standing—watch with expressions of admiration, amusement, and support. The atmosphere is lively and communal, capturing a moment of shared experience and transformation.

Big Superman Fan!

It says “Krytonian” in, you guessed it, Krytonian. This geeky tattoo was done at Inkslingers in Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK. It got me thinking — how would you tattoo Superman? I mean, if dude can get shot in the eye, then it’s not as if a tattoo needle isn’t going to just bounce off the skin, and even if you could temporarily weaken him enough to get the ink under his skin, would it last?

Jeez, I feel like I’m in Mallrats even thinking about that.

Brodie: It’s impossible, Lois could never have Superman’s baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it’s strong enough to carry her child?
T.S.: Sure, why not?
Brodie: He’s an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom, but that would kill him.

Comments

22 responses to “Big Superman Fan!”

  1. peteD3 Avatar
    peteD3

    easy, he has to get all his tattooing done off-planet. somewhere that doesnt have a yellow sun. then his skin returns to normal!

    good to read you are feeling better, sorry its been such a drag lately. my thoughts and heart go out to you.

  2. gingerchris Avatar
    gingerchris

    My superman obesessed housemate has asured me that it would be possible, as supergirl got a tattoo in Supergirl volume 4 issue 6. And then he showed me this http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v283/gingerchris/Supergirl-006-page_002.jpg

  3. Jenna Avatar
    Jenna

    You have no idea how much I love you for posting that mallrats thing!!! I LOVE that part! 🙂

  4. verucassault Avatar
    verucassault

    They kinda swiped that bit from Larry Niven. He has an absolutely funny essay/story about potential biological offspring of Superman.

  5. Dorian Antes Avatar
    Dorian Antes

    You could do it if you kept superman in an underground room for a week or so.

  6. Trevor Avatar

    I can’t believe I’m saying this but…
    Even if it were possible to tattoo superman by weakening him somehow would it stay intact or would the ink just shoot right back out when he was back to full strength and power?
    Nice tattoo though.

  7. Jay.O Avatar
    Jay.O

    haha, omg, what a discussion!! :))

  8. Sitara Avatar
    Sitara

    Now I want to see what Supergirl’s tattoo was! I never followed the comics.

    I lvoe the colour of the Kyptonian tattoo though – it looks more brown than black, almost burnt onto the skin.

  9. gingerchris Avatar
    gingerchris

    Supergirls tattoo – http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v283/gingerchris/Supergirl-006-page_003.jpg

    which I’m reliably informed is kryptonian for hope
    😉

  10. Bumble The Snowman Avatar
    Bumble The Snowman

    I often think what would happen if wolverine got a piercing. Would it just reject immediately or would it just heal immediately?

  11. Mike Avatar
    Mike

    Not to be an arse, but it’s spelled “Kryptonian”.
    I’ve never seen so many misspellings. *giggle*

  12. Marshall Astor Avatar

    As said above, that whole bit of chatter from Mallrats is totally bitten from Larry Niven’s 1971 essay Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex, which Larry has very kindly posted to his website for all to read. I came across it as a young lad in Omni editor Ellen Datlow’s excellent anthology, Alien Sex.

  13. Shannon Larratt Avatar

    Marshall — Thanks for that link! I was searching for it but couldn’t find it because all that kept showing up in my searches was the bit from Mallrats.

  14. lilish Avatar
    lilish

    What do the Mets, Knicks, Yankees and Krypton all have in common?

  15. BabyShaker4000 Avatar

    I always wondered the exact same thing about Wolverine. And, if the piercing did take.. could he ever stretch his ears, or would his piercing close right away after he removed the jewelery?

    I think if someone shot a taper at him with a gun it would work.

  16. Phill Avatar

    Wolverine pierces the back of his hands with his own claws every time he uses them, and they heal right up again. He could probably stretch his lobes, but he’d need to be quick about it. I don’t think he would reject, but I really got no idea.

  17. I Wish I Were A Dragon... Avatar

    I’m quite sure Wolverine could have piercings. he probably wouldn’t need wait more than 10 seconds between gauges 😛

  18. VeganZombie Avatar

    In Ultimate X-Men, there is a scene where Wolverine tells Storm that he gets tattooed all the time to impress women, but that they heal and disappear in a few hours.

    As far as piercings go, perhaps he could just form a fistula practically INSTANTLY. The world may never know. Admittedly, the world may also never care, but pfft, the world is a silly place, heck with it.

  19. TooExtreme Avatar
    TooExtreme

    Meh on the tattoo, but Mallrats is an AWESOME movie, but superman is ok too.

  20. Todrophenia Avatar

    Wolverine would reject any piercing. I say that based on the movie Xmen 2 when he gets shot in the head and the bullet works its way out and the hole heals instantly. Thats my theory.

  21. Cris Avatar
    Cris

    The “R” (the second character) in the tatoo is WRONG. The good news is that it’s easy to correct, all it needs is a line at the bottom off-set to the right.

  22. clark Avatar
    clark

    you spelled kryptonian wrong the “R” isnt right

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