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The Start of My Addiction

I've been doing this for years. Since I was 13 years old to be exact. When most people were trying to find alone time to jack-off, I was trying to find alone time to do what felt like surgical procedures. My first time was when I noticed a growth on my upper right buttock (almost on the meat of my hip.) My mother said that it was a mole, and that it wasn't anything to worry about. For some reason, having that thing on me really bothered me. I don't know why. I planned to remove it myself, and again ... read more

Another first

So there was this boy... It seems as though a lot of stories (not bme stories, but actually stories i tell to my friends) start in that way. Basically, I am young, and I fell in love for the first time. He was so many firsts for me...in many many different ways. We broke up after he cheated on me. We tried working things out and getting back together but after that anything I felt was dead. We ended it one night just talking about all the amazing memories we had, and it was a funeral for the good times. ... read more

A little humor goes a long way, dudes!

Finally out of bodymod sleep-mode. Since I got my original cutting by John Joyce in Syracuse, NY at Scarab Body Arts (a series of hearts cut down the center of my chest) - I sat in a dull, body-modless state for a couple years. A month or so after my first cuttings, I took out my 4 gauge septum, my 8 gauge tongue, my sternum surface piercing, and my belly button barbell. I was okay with letting go of the piercings, I felt like I was done with myself looking overtly-flashy, my new scarification secretly hidden underneath my clothes. On ... read more

No Offense

Absit Invidia-Let envy be absent or No offense or No ill will intended. Or most literally Without envy Envy is a so called mortal sin. Envy is one of the squirming things Pandora lets out of the box in Greek mythology. Envy is a word Josh (scar artist) cut into some girls nice flat stomach a few months ago in fancy script.Invidia is the latin word for envy. ABSIT INVIDIA is my 6th cut. At first I was just going to have Invidia done as a standard cutting. We came within minutes of it one night and then for some ... read more

fun with fire

That was until earlier this year when me and two friends were bored and playing around with enscence sticks. One of them took an enscent to their wrist and jokingly pretent to burn herself. Suddenly it turned into more. She tried to do it but just couldn't make her hand move the last inch. So or other friend quickly offered to help. He held her hand down as we all watched. The second he pulled away it looked as though her skin snuck in before a small white spot rose to the surface and quickly spread leaving a red area ... read more

How I Got My Wings

For a long time, I've been interested in different body modifications. When about 8 or 9, I remember watching a TV show with my mom about people with the different body modifications. The show featured implants and transdermals as well as piercings and tattoos. Mom thought is was abnormal and told me a person would have to be out of their mind to do it. Now, I'm 22, and my mom thinks I've lost my mind. When I was in high school, I went through a great phase of depression. I was a cutter. I went through periods where I ... read more

What Happens After

I'm not writing this to get attention. I don't want sympathy for what I have done to myself. I'm writing this only to share my experience with others who understand. I first cut myself when I was in the sixth grade. I had watched my cousin cut her arms and after talking to her about why she did it I began to understand. She said that when she cut herself, a feeling would come over her that no drug could substitute. She called it her release. My first cut was a small scratch right below my waste line, hardly more ... read more

My Wing Scarification

I will never forget the day I got my scarification. It is actually on May 30th, when one of my close friends was having a house party. So anyway, I went down to Acid Crue on Tuesday, and I was so excited because I thought I was gonna have my scar done on that day. Turned out Shane only wanted to discuss about the scarification, not do it on that day. And as I was really eager to get it done, I told him I want to do it the next day which is on May 30th. Shane is really ... read more

Patchwork Heart

I sat there one day, about a month after my fiancée broke things off with me, feeling completely worthless. So I began writing. I came upon the idea that my heart had been ripped out, and was torn to pieces. I spent a month in depression, drinking away my sorrows and overall pining for my lost love. I began my obsession with scarification during this period, and did several by myself, having yet to find and artist to do them for me. My friends were concerned, but I eventually swayed them to my side, and a few have joined me. ... read more

My first sexual cutting

For a long time now I have been struggling with the sexual aspects of my life. Being bisexual and having non-mainstream erotic fantasies, specifically blood play and cutting, have not always been major parts of my sexual character. The duration of my sexual livelihood has been consumed by fuzzy memories of meaningless vanilla intercourse followed by an overwhelming feeling that I had just been used by someone I had absolutely no connection or attraction to in the first place. This had made me bitter and apathetic towards sex and people in general. It is only within the past year that ... read more

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