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Take My Pain Away.

For about 4 years, I've been cutting myself. I don't remember why I did it. It was kind of like my drug, my addiction. I needed something to keep me sane and alive. I never cut deep enough to break an artery, but there were times when I thought the blood would never cease. I guess I didn't really care if it did or not. In the fourth grade, I went through different transitions. I was near the end of the elementary school career and I transferred to a private school with a bunch of stuck up snobs. I felt ... read more


(Voiceover as we fly high above the Vegas strip:) Okay, I admit it. I'm a Do-It-Yourselfer. From piercing my nipples to tattooing my stomach, I've always trusted my own hands above those of a professional. First because I was underage, and later out of habit, I have decorated my body both in ways I admire and ways that I regret. (We have arrived in a suburb in the southeast corner of the city. Camera pans to a house landscaped with rocks and desert plants; then in through a side window. We are in a tidy bedroom with a calm decor, ... read more

Morta ou Coisa Melhor...

Comecei a mutilar-me aos 14 anos. Tudo começou por acidente: parti um termómetro e ao apanhar os vidros do chão cortei-me nas mãos. Nesse dia cortei as mãos com um X-acto... Na verdade, a minha vida de adolescente não corria nada bem, o que propiciou ainda mais o início da minha auto-flagelação. Achava-me horrível, abominava o meu corpo... Tudo em mim era odiável. Sofria na altura de bolimía e anorexia, deveria estar de facto muito deprimida, apesar de não dar conta. O meu irmão tinha acabado de morrer e eu ainda não tinha aceitado a situação. Sentia-me extremamente culpada por ... read more

The thousandth lotus

I attempted to retrieve some modification today; I felt in the need of constructive pain instead of the endless knot I was travelling in grief, of false abandonment and a liar's linear perception of reality. My familiar is dead, a week before this, and her ashes had arrived today in a silken blue bag. Unfortunately, the local tattoo shop was closed, and the local piercing place said they just didn't have time to do what I wanted [a surface star] today; I went home dejected, and even my stretch to 2g didn't work out, as I'd lost the 2g taper ... read more

The lines to freedom

Recently I have started to cut. Doing it for the simple fact that it helped me release some pain. I have cut before but not like this. I didn't want people to know what I was doing. I liked having it personal. Keeping the marks I placed upon my body under my clothing where only I would see them. I keep asking myself why is this such a good release for me. I personally cannot answer that question. I do not see myself as being destructive. I find it beautiful. I do not want to die. I am not suicidal ... read more

Selling My Soul

In 1990, I was a lonely, hurt, angry 15 year old in 10th grade. I had moved to a school that seemed to have nobody I could relate to, and I was shy, having been picked on all my life. I had no friends, and was a year away from the instant cool I would achieve when I got my first car and could give rides to people. The joys of marijuana and alcohol and hanging out with other misfits would not be discovered until that summer. I had, the previous spring, renounced God, cursing him for making me such ... read more

My Own Stigma

I've always wanted to be a vampire for a longtime. I'm not sure how long I've been wanted. Now it's time to do it. Blair is coming to Japan. That's why I had to get a bite on my neck. You know, He is very famous as "The Prince of Branding" but at first I have planed to get it via skin removal not branding. It's a little bit important for me to bleed. I've seen Blair's self skin removal with a dermal punch on the web. It looks good. All I could have do is read scarification FAQ and ... read more

My new heart

My experience starts out like most others, I've been cutting for about two years now. I have decided im done cutting I don't like it, I don't like having to explain myself to others. But I do enjoy the aesthetics of scars, so rather than just slicing pointless lines into my skin like I would normally do, I chose to take up scarification. I have only recently entered into this new realm of art, but im pleased with the results, sort of. Just like my cutting, my boyfriend doesn't seem pleased with my decision, that's why I haven't told him ... read more

love the heat

I love fire. I was afraid of it as a child, but as I grew older and began to challenge myself to other new and frightening experiences, I decided it was time to meet flame and make a connection with it. A few years ago, in the middle of a bad relationship, I watched my lover breathe a huge fireball. In a very unsafe and exaggerated manner. But Oh! it was beautiful, billowing out of his mouth. I was hooked. I learned through friends who had been doing it more carefully-to look up into the sky and send the breath ... read more

Hearts on my Sleeve

The first time I had an inkling of what my scarification would eventually become, I was sitting on the floor of a South coast piercing studio smelling an old university friend getting strike branded. I had been playing around with the desire to get cut for two or three years, drawing up design after design for various parts of my body and loving them all, but ultimately rejecting them after never really getting the gut feeling that any one of them was truly right for me and my body. Until that day last December, when possibly in a mild trance ... read more

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