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My addiction - self harm

I felt like my life was out of control. I felt numb. I felt like the most worthless being in existence. I didn't want to feel this anymore and that is why I self harmed. I don't believe anyone can truly understand what someone who self harms goes through until they experience it themselves. For me it has been the only thing that I have been able to rely upon, the only thing that has been a constant support through some of the most turbulent times of my life. I started self harming initially at the age of around 13 ... read more


Arrived in London on Saturday lunchtime and made my way to the meet. It was really nice to see people who I hadn't seen for a while, and also met lots of nice people for the first time. I signed forms, paid, and then sat around and drank coke and chatted until food was ready. I was a bit scared as I knew that at some point over the weekend I was going to suspend for the first time. I'd always wanted to and I thought that this would be a good time to do it as I would be ... read more

The Fetus Suspension

The "Fetus" Suspension: The fetus suspension originated at my friends' wedding a few months ago. A couple of us from Holy City Suspensions were talking about stupid suspension ideas and I said, sarcastically, that I would hang from my knees and elbows. My girlfriend said, "You would look like a fetus." and that was that. I spent a week or two thinking about, concluding that we couldn't have a suspension that has a name and have no one on the team who had done it, so I figured I would go for it. It took quite a bit of thinking ... read more

Play piercing is wonderful

Adeptes de pratiques sado-masochistes de moins en moins soft, ma petite amie Milena (25 ans) et moi (28 ans) avons déjà essayé réciproquement nombre de choses liées à ces techniques de douleur dans le plaisir : bondage, fessées, flagellation, brûlure à la cire de bougie, élargissement anal avec godemichés de plus en plus grands, urophilie. Nous avons effectivement pu constater la rapide inflation de souffrance et de désir nés de ces pratiques librement consenties. Notre jouissance n'aboutit aujourd'hui qu'en allant toujours de plus en plus loin : au départ, le pincement de tétons était un must quand nous faisions l'amour ... read more


Bob and I have been planning for nearly a month to have me (a.k.a. "Professor Torture Master") experience a true suspension - my 1st. (Again, B.M.E./staff for contributing to my new alias). We will lay out the design for the rigging. And it will be my responsibility to fabricate it. After all, teaching physics for 30 years, I should be able to build a simple rig for this ordeal. We felt that a combination type suspension - 2 point chest and 4 point back was in order. While the rig was under construction, Bob and I both decide that there's ... read more

Every scar has a story

I remember the first time I had seen and talked to someone who had cut themselves. I remember thinking how bad it was and how could they do something like that. Before long I myself found out how such a thing could happen. My first experience with cutting was when I was eleven years old. It was a stupid childish thing. I had cut a boys initials into my arm. I honestly don't remember what I used or if it even hurt. Over time it faded and there are no marks of it. If only I had known what that ... read more

Cortes que me llegaron al alma

Bueno primero quiero decirles que esto me paso con mi pareja, a la cual conozco hace ya 10 años y con la que estoy saliendo desde hace 1 año y 6 meses. Por suerte con ella tengo muchísima confianza. Nosotros dos somos personas a las q les gustan los body mods y q llevamos algunos en nuestros cuerpo (yo tengo tatuada mi pierna izquierda, perforado mi pezón izquierdo, la lengua y estoy ampliando mis lóbulos mientras q ella tiene un medusa, un nostril, sus dos pezones perforados un tatuaje en el pecho y 1 en cada muñeca). Nos encanta probar ... read more

be careful

I've seen a lot of stories about self harm on here recently and it's shocking me to be quite honest, how open people can be to talk about it. I have been a 'cutter' for several years, in and out of psychiatric units because of it. The most recent time was only a few weeks ago and perhaps this could even be a slight warning to some of the cutters on here. By all means, do as you please but be aware of this story as it may help you to reconsider your method of self injury. There's absolutely no ... read more

An accident led to so much.

Blood. On my arm. Did I do that? No, surely I didn't. I'm not crazy. Only crazy people cut themselves... don't they? Look, there I go again... more blood... more pain. Oh god, what am I doing? I was 16 years old. My life had just been turned upside down. My mother had just kicked me out of home; I had no money, no food, no friends, and no job. I spent all my time sleeping, trying to stop the pain in the pit of my stomach, ease the desperate loneliness (and the hunger). The first time was the scariest. ... read more

a little pain was needed.....

So, through the day do to many circumstance I was feeling depressed almost on the verge of crying. And I'm tired of crying all the time so, I though of the options that I had to avoid feeling the way I was. My options were to get drunk which I did earlier this week and I didn't really want to spend the money on it. I could've gotten high, but the weather has been way to warm and there's a drought with weed so I wasn't able to go that route either. So I decided to utilize a box of ... read more

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