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It's No Lie

The first time I ever intentionally harmed myself was in my grade seven math class. I had recently been reunited with my best friend from grade three, and I found out his mother - who was like a mother to me too - had died of cancer. I was thinking about her in my class, and I found myself overcome with sadness and regret that I hadn't been around to see her at all before she died. I then decided that I needed to do something to remember her by, while I was thinking about what I could do, I ... read more

Cutting Experience

Well. I'd be Girl # 2. Though I'm young, I've experienced a lot. Yes, actually. If you're going to be judgmental I'd ask that you don't read this, because I thought that I'd share a part of myself not for you to pick me apart but perhaps to create more open-mindedness. I feel like I have to tell 'my story' before telling how I started cutting.. so it might be a bore to you. Anyways.. My parents [my biological mother and my stepfather] split in late January of '04. Which wasn't bad because my stepfather was mentally abusive to my ... read more

Body Language

True Love Never Dies. A phrase some seem to think I stole from the very popular movie, The Crow. But just so you know, I didn't steal it at all. As many great ideas are thought of by more than just one person, so was this phrase. And so I begin in telling you, that it may not seem unique to you, but it is indeed quite unique and very personal to me. Oh yeah, and plagiarizing ideas in any form... [like getting someone else's tattoo done on yourself without their permission] is never cool, and I would never do ... read more

Chosen Scars

My ears are pierced three times, one in my left and two in my right. These are the only way my body is modified where it was my choice. However, eight years ago, I was in an accident where I was pinned between two cars. I broke my pelvis, tibia, and femur in my left leg. As a result, I have scars going down the side of my leg, a scar on my side, puncture wounds by both of my knees, and a scar on my right temple. My body was transformed, but I did not have a choice in ... read more

The Little E That Couldn't

After I started play piercing, I looked for a forum on IAM that I remembered Dan (IAM social irregular), used to frequent: iam.playpiercing.I read through the last couple pages of posts, and a shirt was being made to say BMEZINE with one person making each letter on his/her back in play piercing needles. The final E was still open, so I posted that although I hadn't been there before, I was interested, and I'd like to have the E if it was okay. IAM repeating who had gotten the whole thing together said that he'd consider the letter mine. I ... read more

The cutting club

I first started to cut myself when I was twelve years old. At the time, it was a way to release anger and stress. At first it was only paper-clip scratches - then I moved on to burning myself with matches, then more severe burns, and finally back to cutting, this time with razor blades. By the time I was fourteen, the cutting had become extremely severe - I was cutting my breasts very deeply, sometimes losing dangerous amounts of blood, coming very close to large veins, etc. At one point I sewed up a cut using a sewing needle ... read more

Looking into the eyes of purity

One Hook Chest Suspension So this is how is all goes you see....Throughout the day I clean my whole apartment from top to bottom. Or is it bottom to top? After this I have a bath and a shower to shave my body from the neck down to enhance my sense of touch/feeling. When everyone arrives here I am listening to Tool - Lateralus and just get into the right mood for this. I bring out all the suspension equipment, piece by piece. I clean my hands with Isagel first off and wait for them to dry. I put on ... read more

I've been HACKED - second suicide

I've been interested in trying out a suspension since the beginning of the year, after having become more aware of it through reading stories and seeing pictures on BME (as well as the odd superficial media coverage). Moving to Sydney at the beginning of the year, I knew that in terms of modifications and rituals I'd have a greater opportunity to explore such things than previously, having lived a relatively sheltered life in South East Asia. I didn't realise that I'd be able to try out a suspension as early as August in an event aptly dubbed "HookLove" carried out ... read more

hooked for my b-day

The Poem: Birthday It's all moments when you're swinging all in what your toes can touch and where they can send you next and yet I am uncommonly aware of you sitting there watching me and the sun is singing against my skin and the water is cool and quick as I push off and spin around and around as fast as I can trees and sun and dogs flashing by like blinking like blinking but always with the knowledge of your presence right there perched on that rock with the sun in your eyes and with the wind in ... read more

Not just an ordinairy walk

This experience is a translation of a Dutch experience which can be found here. Last weekend it was time to do my first Kavadi walk. Why this ritual? I cannot really answer this question. I had, of course, seen some pictures and browsed the net for some more information but I guess I just wanted to try it, to feel what this experience was like. It's obvious that you don't get an opportunity to try it every single day, so when I saw it on the events list I didn't hesitate for a second to sign up. neetnek and the ... read more

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