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It took suicide to understand.

IWASCURED, simple as that. I could have never fathomed such a simple statement could sum up such an intense collection of thoughts, emotions, and physical feelings. If you haven't picked it up yet I am talking about my first 4 point suicide suspension courtesy of Mike (iam:poisonouspennington) and Craig (iam:blinded_by_fire). Before I get into this anymore I may as well fully enthrall you with the story of me. I am a 19 year old male living in Toronto, typical geeky student always searching for something more. I got through my first year of science studies at the University of Toronto ... read more

I'm finally back.

There are those people, and you know them well. The chunky bracelets, the eyeliner applied like a widescreen border. They never look at you, so you never know them. These people are the ones with gauges and gadgets, phenomenal poetry, great transcripts to get into ABC college, very peer-pressure, very overbearing parents, maybe a little marital incest, and the like. I hate these people, because I'm not these people anymore. That was me, circa 12-17, the happiest years of my life. I wasn't escaping, I was returning, and I loved my scars. I used to sit for hours in front ... read more

First Pulling Experience

It all started out one day when I decided I wanted to take my mind a step further in spirituality experiences. I wanted to test how well my mental state can endure pain. I decided I wanted to start simple at first and I had been thinking and planning about hanging weight from a hook and chain on my arm. It was not so difficult to go about doing specially since I had already been working with needles and pain for quite some time. That day I went out to the store to pick up some hooks. I went to ... read more

Chest corset - playing around in a club

In the summer of last year I was at a BDSM club in London with a few of my friends when I ran into a woman I knew by name from other clubs and online communities but had never actually spoken to myself. We got talking and after she mentioned that she had brought her play piercing equipment I started to consider the possibility of my partner and I engaging in a little needle play with her. My partner and I had discussed needle play before and although he was interested in the idea in theory, being a little scared ... read more

A Suicide to Remember

On what seemed to be a normal day four years ago, on October 22, 2002. I went to school and saw my friend Jimi. I was glowing that day because the day before I broke up with my boyfriend. Jimi said he had news that could top mine. His best friend Matt had killed himself; he hung himself. I was floored and shocked. Not because I knew him. I won't lie and pretend I did. I knew him only by association. I was just so shocked that someone besides me could want to die that much. He was only 15. ... read more

Woman hung like a man!

The first time I heard about suspensions was around 1996. It doesn't sound like that long ago to some, but I was only 14 at the time. I had social issues back then, and found myself delving into world religions as a teenager. I found it fascinating that there were such extreme differences in cultures from here to there, and I realized that my own culture lacked certain "rites of passage" that had obvious consequences on the populous growing up. World religions led me to information from all over (i.e. books, the internet, personal experiences). I kept up the interest ... read more

Anti-Gravity

Background: I'd always had a curiosity about suspension, but my curiosity grew into a desire after my Intro to Religion course. My presentation group was able to find a wonderful guest speaker from the Lakota tribe to come in and talk about the Lakota beliefs, and he also spent about 15 minutes talking about the Sun Dance and his personal experience. If you're not familiar with this ritual, I suggest reading up on it. Part of the ceremony may include a chest energy pull ending in ripping lose from the hook/rope. Themes of rebirth had been running through my head ... read more

Suspension #2, I was cured. And I want more.

When Badur said to me, after I was dropped back to the ground, « You can even post about this on BME », I thought to myself and said out loud, "No, I think I'll be all good keeping this to myself". I also thought It would be the stupidest thing to have to share something so intimate with a group of people online, that I don't even know personally. Now, two days after I went up, I suddenly feel this incredible urge to type this out, even if it's for my own understanding of this overwhelming experience and have ... read more

My First Suspension

So I go to the tattoo shop on Saturday afternoon to have my tattooist work on my leg, but he's not there. I'm on the front porch with Mute-One *piercer* and he looks over at me and goes "I'm bored. Wanna throw some hooks?". I was speechless, because he was dead serious. I had spent about an hour and a half earlier in the week talking with him about shit while I was at the shop.. Things like scalpeling, suspensions and such.. So he knew I was into the idea of suspension, I'd just never done it.. So him asking ... read more

I cut because I hate myself, I hate myself for cutting

I'll start this by saying that I'm very normal. I don't fit the traditional stereotype of self-harmers, I come from a 2 parent family, I did well at school, I have lots of friends and I have never gone through a massive trauma (such as abuse or neglect), yet despite this seemingly happy life, I cut myself. I don't remember the first time I did it but I must have been about 15, I remember times sat in my room feeling so alone and so horrible that I would drag scissors across my thigh trying to make the pain I ... read more

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