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Why I modded myself...

life I've been fascinated with body modification, yet I never really knew it as such until I stumbled upon BME on accident one day. Also until I saw BME it never really occurred to get anything done because everyone always told me it was self mutilation and thus bad. Unfortunately though, I still couldn't get anything professionally done because I'm not quite yet eighteen and my dad will not take me... so I decided to mod myself. Now of course this was a bad idea and I have thus stopped (currently) and am waiting out the last few months, but the experiences and the feelings (along wish a few scars and marks) will always be with me. All of my mods so far, except the minor scarification, have been self done pierces performed with a safety pin, which was probably not the best idea because it's not very sanitary and very blunt compared to a standard piercing needle. Anyhow, my first attempt was my earlobe... but I don't count that as a "real" mod because I numbed it with ice first, and I consider that to be cheating, because it is not allowing the full experience to come through. My conscience tells me that unless one has the complete experience, it is not emotionally "kosher". My second self mod was the webbing between my index and middle fingers. I picked the placement because it was a location I found easy to keep steady and in my sight, I also was fascinated by the placement. A third and more important reason was the fact that I have been stabbed in the palm of my hand before and had to have stitches... I felt that it would be very fitting to begin my modding career with the hand also. The prompting to do any pierce at all was originally because I was curious whether I could bring myself to do it or not... and what the pain (if any) would be like. It turned out to be easier than I anticipated and the only hard part was getting through a callus on the face of my hand. The whole operation took only a few minutes, and I was done before I even knew it. I was also shocked because the pain was so little... I expected for it to hurt a lot, but I barely felt even a pinch! Also I left this one in longer than I have left any of them in since. I left it in for probably a full 36 hours and then took it out only because I was enlightened about how unsanitary it might be, and I took it out before any infection could start. After that it healed up well and I miss it a lot... I want it back.. I consider this my most meaningful because it proved to me what I could do and that it did not scare me off... not to mention I loved the way it looked and felt in my skin. After that all the pierces have been less meaningful because they have just been holding me over emotionally until I can get a professional and permanent pierce. With this mindset at hand I have pierced successfully my labret, cheek, nipple (behind the areola), navel, and bridge. I have tried unsuccessfully to pierce my tongue (too squirmy), ear cartilage (too hard), eyebrow (too hard to see properly on oneself), and the actual nipple portion of my nipple (too elastic). Yet I hope to get all those pierced one day. What all of these self inflicted piercings have taught me is my mental ability, pain tolerance, and how things might look when actually professionally done. It has also sparked a sort of interest in learning to become a professional piercer myself, yet I'm not sure yet if that is something I will actually persue... Along with the piercing I did a little scarification. For the most part this has been rather light cutting with a razor blade not deep enough to scar. For one of them right where my watch sits I cut very deep and that has left quite a large pink scar. I don't yet quite know what the meaning behind it for me... I sense it is important but the full meaning has not fully surfaced yet. I think that since it was done in a deep depressed daze It will forever remind me how far I can go... but I'm not entirely sure yet... Oh well! In this experience I found that I like scarification, yet it is a bit too bloody and messy, and it seems a lot harder to explain to people what happened and why. For now I just have to wait a few more months before I can be correctly done... and I cannot wait... but I will always have the memory of these self done mods, and I will now most likely never be afraid sitting in the chair to get any mods done to me by someone else... and I will always have the mental state that I found during the first Hand Web...


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 15 Dec. 2000
in Surface & Unusual Piercing

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Artist: Me%2CMyself%2C+and+I
Studio: Alone+in+my+room...
Location: Madison%2C+Wisconsin

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