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um... like... come on, man...

it all started when Matt and Dan decided to pierce each other. They both have multiple body piercings, and had been into the "scene" for quite some time. They understood how piercings were done, and THOUGHT they could do a few themselves. On thinking of a suitable location to pierce each other, they decided on the septum, as it was an intense piercing, and could easily be hidden. They should have realized that they were not piercers. They really should have. They obtained a pair of 18 gauge piercing needles, and two 18 gauge niobium septum retainers to match. They talked to a piercer who not only promoted the piercings, but gave advice on how they should be done. However, he mentioned that it would be a tough piercing, and that they might end up in a state of, and I quote, "Um... like... come on, man." Foolish Matt and Dan simply laughed about that, and decided that they knew best. It is also worth noting here that the piercer suggested that they pierce into something, like a cork to keep from getting a half nasalang. Once again, foolish Matt and Dan laughed. Oh they would not be laughing long. They day of the "Big Stick" arrived, and Matt and Dan were pumped. They locked themselves away in a dorm room, and prepared for the ordeal. It is worth noting that even though it was a dorm room, they tooki sterility very seriously. Dan decided to get pierced first. Matt spent about 30 minutes trying to figure out the exact location for the needle. They decided not to pierce into anything, because they wanted the piercing to be straight and were worried about the cork interfering with the process. Dan laid down on the floor, and Matt pointed about three seperate lights directly up his terrified nose. Matt lined up the needle, held his breath, and pushed it through. The needle went through instantly, the only delay being when Matt had trouble fitting the retainer into the end of the catheter; at which Dan stated "Um... like... come on, man." The comic relief eased the tension. Seconds later, Dan had a perfectly placed septum piercing. It was entirely painless, and again, perfectly placed. Dan flipped it up into his nose, and began to relax. Pretty good for a couple of amateurs! They both agreed that the piercing was over-rated in terms of pain and intensity. They also concluded that Matt's would without a doubt be just as easy... An hour later, it was Matt's turn to have the lights aimed up his nose. Dan lined up the needle, turned up the music, and pushed. For some reason, when Matt pierced Dan's septum without a cork, nothing happened. When Dan pierced Matt's, oh boy. The cartilage moved, and the exit hole was directly through the ridge of tough tissue, in NO WAY lined up with the entrance hole. "No big deal," thought Dan, "just get the retainer in, and no one will notice." As Dan followed the catheter back through with the retainer, all hell broke loose. The catheter seperated from the retainer and fell out. On seeing this new state of affairs, Dan quizzically stated "OH FUCK! OH FUCK ME!". Matt got up and looked in the mirror only to see the retainer halfway through his septum. He could see the entrance hole, but the retainer would not go through. He calmly commented, "I am going to throw up." He removed the retainer, and tried to stop the blood which was now beggining to leak out of his nose. On seeing the damage he inflicted on his friend, Dan started to shake. Matt turned to Dan, laid down on the floor, and said "Do it again. Just pierce it again and get it over with." Feeling sick to his stomach and shaking like a speed junkie, Dan lined up the needle. Again. Not wanting to pierce the cartilage, he tried to go in a bit deeper. He pushed the needle through. Dan did not perform a septum piercing, he performed what Matt and Dan now refer to as a "deep brain piercing". It was the worst thing that either Matt or Dan had ever seen. Matt pulled it out with watering eyes, and again calmly said "I am going to throw up." Dan "freaked", and simply watched as Matt attempted to shove the retainer back through the original crooked hole. He succeeded in getting the retainer in, but could not push it through to the other side. After about 45 minutes of pure hell, the retainer popped out through the other hole. Matt turned to look at Dan and calmly said, "That was the most horrible experience of my life." The next day, Matt abandoned his retainer, as the piercing was too crooked. He is waiting for his nose to heal so he can get it re-re-pierced proffessionally. Dan apologizes for "thinking he was a fucking piercer" every hour on the half-hour. Dan's septum on the other hand, is fine. It isn't sore, and is healing quite well. The moral of this story? Inexperienced percing ordeals can go one of two ways. Feeling lucky? Got a needle? Good luck.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 25 Nov. 1999
in Nose Piercing

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Studio: 3122+Elkton+Hall
Location: University+of+Maryland

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