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My first attempt at suicide....

Being a fan of body modification, both light and extreme, I've been tossing around the idea of doing a suspension for a long time. I've spent countless number of hours viewing pictures of all different types of suspensions. January 28th, I finally got my chance to go up....

That Saturday was a very long and stressful day for me, which wasn't good. I wanted a to go into this with a clear head and just let everything flow. I had to move out of my apartment that day which was the worst thing I could have done. The suspension itself is enough on the back, having to pickup air conditioners and boxes the whole day before doing it just made me think worse. Spent the whole day moving, didn't get done till almost 5pm! My appointment to suspend was at 9pm, in Brooklyn, NY. I live in NJ. Anyone who knows anything about this area knows it can take hours to get into Manhattan itself, never mind all the way to Brooklyn. To make things worse, I had invited a few people to go with me. Basically, I wanted people there that knew me and knew how much that night meant to me. The first person I had invited was someone I've known for almost 15 years! I found out the night before that he wasn't going to go because he felt he 'couldn't watch'. I considered him basically my best friend till this night. I knew he was squeamish so even him being there in the other room would have been fine for me. But he wouldn't have anything to do with it....

Thankfully no one else cancelled. So my g/f and two of my friends finally embarked on our journey to Brooklyn at almost 7:30!! I thought for sure I was going to be late. Anything outside of Manhattan I'm clueless about, and I didn't trust our map quest directions for anything. While I was driving in, I knew right then that this was 'the' night. I made it to the address in 40 minutes! There was absolutely no traffic at all.

Evan and Brian Decker, both from the Rites of Passage crew were scheduled to suspend me. When I got there Brian wasn't there which sort of made me get a little weird, but I quickly got that out of my mind. For the life of me I cannot remember the girls name that was filling in for him but her and Evan quickly made me feel relaxed and at home as soon as I got there. There was no pressure to do anything. They wanted me to relax and let them know when I was ready. After sitting down for a few minutes I told them I was ready. I will admit, nothing was setup when I got there but I quickly saw the eye hook in the ceiling and knew exactly what that was for.

Evan started setting the rig that would be lifting me off the ground. Watch this come together I was really starting to get excited, but as that grew, so did my fear. The biggest piercing I've ever had was 10gauge, and now I was about to get four 6 gauge hooks through my back. It was a lot to take in at once. The rig was completely setup and it was time to get the hooks in place. My back was marked for proper placement and the table was brought out for me to lie on. Throughout this process they were constantly keeping me calm and explaining everything they were going to be doing. No surprises, I liked that. Piercing needles are placed on the hooks, and are done two at a time. They were set to pierce on my second exhale. Being pierced plenty of times before, and being a piercer myself, I knew to make that second exhale very long and drawn out. The needles went through followed by the hooks without a problem. I enjoy the feeling of being pierced, so I pretty much knew that wouldn't be a problem. Now it was time to get up from the table.

I knew the hooks were there, I could feel them. I was already starting to get anxious. As I was standing there getting roped up to the rig my knees were shaking. I knew I had to go through with this but had my doubts I would even make it off the ground. Before I knew it we were ready to start. Evan would be the one pulling me up and I would be walked up by I think his g/f. Some tension was placed on the hooks and I really felt them pull. At first it was a complete rush and felt unbelievable. The more tension though, the more I felt the pain. It was now time to start 'walking up'. This is done by keeping tension on the hooks and the person walking forward a couple steps. By the second step I REALLY felt the hooks pulling. I was told this is the worst part; you just need to zone it out. I was trying but nausea took over. This was beginning to be all too real, and all too much to take in. I tried again, but by the second time I was set to walk forward I was beyond nauseas again. The third time wasn't a charm; again I had to sit down. Sometime during this period Brian had walked in so I now had him coaching me on too. The fourth time I knew I was just torturing myself by not doing this quickly. I walked forward and back a couple times and next thing I knew I was on my tippy toes with nowhere to go but up! I told Evan to bring me up and without any hesitation my feet were lifted off the ground. It was WAY too much for me and within seconds had to come back down. Sat down for about five minutes and was told everything I'm feeling is normal. I managed to get my feet off the floor one more time, this time I was up for a couple of minutes. I was swung back and forth a little bit and this relieved the pressure. The feeling was intense, almost unexplainable. All my worries, fears, and thoughts left. I came down pretty quickly but I feel like I really accomplished everything I had wanted out of my first time.

I will most definitely do this again, probably a different form but who knows. It was one of the best decisions of my life and I thank all who helped me and came with me that night. Without the people in that room I would never been able to do this.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 07 Feb. 2006
in Ritual

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Artist: Rites+of+Passage+-++NYC
Studio: +
Location: Brooklyn%2C+NY

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