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Lover's Cross

There are times in our lives when we need something that we just can't obtain by ourselves. Whether it be acceptance, guidance, understanding, or even something on a more spiritual plane of existence. There are many ways in which we may be able to obtain these things with other's help, but one of the best ways I've found is through suspension.

Suspension isn't something to take lightly though. While some may consider it to be an unholy act, and others consider it a holy act. There are those who view it as a means to understanding themselves and the world in general in a whole new light. Some even gain a sense of spiritual existence that they never knew existed before. I am one of those people.

When I suspend, I find myself better able to think, and understand that which I do not understand. I have even found myself existing in two places at once. While everyone's experiences during suspension may differ. there is always one constant, and something to always remember. You may not get what you want from it, but you get what you need from it.

My first suspension was a suicide suspension, and I went in not knowing what to expect, or what to think even. So I entered into it with a clear head, and had one of the most heart-warming and beautiful experiences of my life. It was a life changing experience for me. So I opted to do another suspension, a crucifixion suspension, as my second suspension. Let me tell you, it has also had an impact on my life.

When I have a lot on my mind, suspension has helped me to work through it. When I chose to do a crucifixion, I had fallen in love with a married woman, and she had fallen in love with me. While I say she was married, she was going through a divorce, but sometimes even then, depending on how you were raised, you may feel and wonder if it's morally right. I didn't know at the time, and chose to suspend to try to get my head on straight and figure it out for myself.

She and I went to Toronto for a BME BBQ at Shannon's house, and I knew that I was going to suspend the day prior at Suscon Toronto. I never told her why I wanted to suspend that day, but I'm glad I did suspend. I gained a whole new insight into her and I's relationship.

I arrived at Suscon, unsure of whether I would be able to go through with the suspension or not. I was nervous because while she wasn't with me for my suspension, she was in Toronto. It also made me nervous because while I had suspended before, I had not researched anything about crucifixion suspension. I tend to research anything I want to try before I do it, but was afraid I would psych myself out of doing it if I did research it. So I get to Suscon and fill out the necessary paperwork, and ponder for a moment what type of suspension I was actually going to do. It took only a moment, but it felt like an eternity. I went to Suscon planning to do a crucifixion suspension, and that was what I was going to do.

The hardest part of suspension is knowing that the hooks are coming. Some prefer to know exactly when, while I prefer to just do it when they take the notion. If I know they are about to insert the hooks, I'm more likely to tense up and mess up the placement of the hooks. For a crucifixion suspension, hooks are placed in the back like they would be for a suicide suspension, but hooks are also placed in both arms. The hooks in the arms are the hardest part of the suspension. Your arms just dangle while you are suspending, and they grow weak and tired rather quickly.

It only took a matter of moments to be hooked up to the suspension rig, and then it was off the ground I went. It wasn't long before my arms became tired and sore, and the thought of coming down soon crossed my mind. I managed to stay up for approximately five minutes before I couldn't handle the pressure anymore, but it was the best five minutes of my life.

During the five minutes I was suspended, I came to realize that we weren't doing anything wrong by falling in love, but were doing what was right for us. While I had been separated for several years, and her a matter of days, we were doing what made us happy, and that is what life is about. Making ourselves happy instead of everyone around us. This suspension helped me to realize this, and all it took was a willingness to attempt and follow through with the suspension. We have since gotten married, and are happy as can be together.

Thank you to all who have helped me accomplish so much in a short period of time, the IWasCured crew for helping me perform the suspension. Shannon for giving me an avenue to help with my self expression. Ed for being there for me and pushing me to do what I feel is right. And most of all, the IAM family for teaching me that it's ok to be myself.

It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for you're not.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 15 Oct. 2002
in Ritual

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Artist: IWasCured
Studio: +
Location: Toronto

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