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Half a pint of blood

I am 18 years old and a senior in high school. I have been a masochist since infancy. I started cutting myself around the age of six. I started with whatever I could get my hands on, broken glass, kitchen knives, razor blades, etc. I started using needs a little earlier but, that another story entirely. I used have to hide my cuttings or pretend they happened accidentally. As a result I chose poor locations to cut for example on my hand or groin. I never tried to scar myself though I always thought it would look really cool and it would be an unmistakable expression of my personality. As I got older I realized that I was not normal and I would have to hide what I am if I wanted to fit in. I never did fit in I am to much of an introvert. I never told any one what I get off on until last year I told my best friend. He was a bit disturbed and not very supportive of my taste for pain. I decided I don't want to hang around with people who don't accept me. I found a new friend wh o has done some cutting herself. Now I don't feel I have to hide it from everyone. 
 Anyway this brings to my first scarification. First I showered to get my arms and chest as clean as possible. I had all my supplies laid out on the table clean and ready to go. I cleaned the site just under my right nipple where I planed to cut with porvidone-iodine then 91% isopropyl alcohol. Then I put on my latex glove. I  had rinse them to get the power off. Then I rubbed the gloves with  alcohol to sterilize them. (I should get surgical gloves) I then took my forceps and picked up a new razor blade. I soaked the blade and forceps in alcohol. After they had soaked 5 minutes I  held the forceps near the blade like a pencil. I held the blade at a low angle to my skin and dragged it horizontally with even pressure for an inch and a half. I held cup agaist my chest and leaned forward. I was disappointed with the amount of blood in the cup(I love the taste of blood) after the blood began to clot. I poured alcohol over the cut (Ahh that feels so good!) once the cut was clean  I could see that I had barley cut through the dermis. I decided to cut again this time deeper. I chose a spot on my fore arm over the flexor carpi. I sterilized everything again. I cut more slowly this time and paid more attention to the  sensation of cut different layers of the skin

I cut diagonally two and a half inch across my arm. This time the cut was partly into the hypodermis. It start to bleed more profusely than the first cut. As I watched the blood run down my arm into the cup I started to feel warm, and calm but aroused. I took a sip of blood. It is like mothers milk to me now. I instinctively brought my arm to my lips and began sucking the blood strait from the cut. The longer I sucked the more excited I got. Then the blood started to clot. I became frenzied with blood lust. I cleaned the anterior surface of my left deltoid. I didn't clean the razor this time. I made short cut so I could suck on it harder. This cut was a little to deep. It went all the way through the hypodermis and in to the muscular fascia. I started sucking on it immediately I was getting allot of blood. I sat down with my feet flat on the floor and knees to my chest. I started to rock back and forth. After a while the bleeding slowed. I started biting at the wound forceing out more blood. Then I stuck my tongue into it. It felt like a French kiss but much more intense. I could feel a cut in the fascia with the tip of my tongue. I drank until started to feel light headed then I stopped and cleaned my wounds(Ahh more alcohol on free nerve endings) .I put povidone-iodine in the first cut and held it shut with a butterfly bandage. Then I taped a 2x2 gaze square over it. The second cut required three butterflies and a 4x4 folded in half. The cut on my deltoid was much harder to close because the hypodermis is not very well attached to the fascia. This allows the to severed edges of the hypodermis to slide apart leaving me with a gapping hole in my arm. I would have put a staple in it but I didn't have a stapler at the time. I used two butterflies and allot of tape. It held up pretty well for three days. Then I when to a party with some of my old friends. One of them was quite drunk and he was going around greeting people punching them in the arm saying "Hey man how is it going". He punched me in the left arm and popped my cut open a little bit. I got pissed off and took him outside and showed him my cut. It still had a huge hickey and bite mark around it. He kind freaked out and told my other friends and his mother about it. His mother has acted really strangely around me since then. It is kind of funny to see how ignorant some people are about such things. This friend of mine drinks to much and has had to be hospitalized. I have never even had an infection because of a cutting . Two months have passed since then my cuttings have healed into beautiful scars. I will definitely be sending pictures next time. I ordered some equipment from BMEshop and it works great but that's for another post. Farewell and happy cutting comrades.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 10 Jan. 2002
in Ritual

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Artist: Me
Studio: My+house
Location: Maine

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