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the cutting

The cutting

Before the experience, I would like to give a brief history. When I first moved to my current house I didn't have many friends. I was about 11 and I was new in town. When I decided to go exploring around my neighborhood, I met some very interesting people who soon became my friends. Most of them where older then me but it didn't matter. I started hanging out with them more and more until going over just about everyday. One day one of these people lifted up their sleeve and I saw the most appalling thing ever, they had cut a design in their arm. At that time I found it down right disgusting, but all the while completely fascinated.
After a while I started taking things that where sharp, enough to scratch good but not actually cut, and I started scratching crosses into my arm. Well one day my mom saw it and asked me what it was, when I told her she continued to tell me how it was not safe and that I shouldn't defy my body in such away. As you can imagine I, like most other regular 11 year olds, went against her word and continued doing so. I am now 15 and that simple scratching has evolved into cutting. I usually do the cuttings because of my beliefs, I feel that I am in control of my body and by doing this I can become closer to myself, and that only I can put a design on myself in such away.
I was on I am one day and was feeling the need to do some sort of mod to myself, which happens a lot I might add. Now I knew my mom had surgical steel scalpel blades and that they are sterile.
I decided I would do a cutting. It was not the first time I had done this though, but in previous times I had only dared to do something small. I headed for my bathroom and tried thinking of what to do, for you see I don't just do meaningless slices all over my body, all though some mite consider it such. I decided on doing a pentacle, a wiccan and other type witch craft symbol, not a pentagram which some confuse it for. I took off my clothes, because I didn't want to get them all bloody and have my mom see it, and started marking different areas where I might want to do it. After doing this for about five minutes I decided it would be better if I did it free hand, because of the fact that I don't do it for scars but for reasons listed above. I started to clean the area where I planed on doing the cutting with alcohol, so that there would be a less amount of germs. I then washed my hands so they would be clean. I opened the package with the scalpel blade in it and took it out. I held it in the area where I would make the first incision and looked in the mirror to make sure it was where I wanted it, sure enough I was good to go. I slowly started to make the first cut a path of blood beading up behind it. Going down until I felt it was long enough. The next cut was the same way but I had to go back to touch it up a little bit. Now as you can imagine the blood was starting to fill in the cuts quickly, so it started becoming a little more difficult than before.
The next cut was fairly easy because it was going horizontal, compared to the slightly angled vertical lines. Now this is when it started becoming tricky. The next two cuts were going at angles right through the previous three cuts. Well as you can imagine it was a little bloody in this area of my stomach. I proceeded on with the cutting, trying to ignore the fact that they were completely uneven.
When I was done with these cuts the wounds were so bloody I couldn't even see where I had made the incisions. I took some toilet paper and wiped off the area, to my surprise it was pretty even, considering the fact that I did it free hand and was trembling nearly the entire time. I looked at it and thought it was missing something, but what? I took the blade and after much thought decided to make extra lines, going along the path of the others. I proceeded to continue with the extra outlines if you will, and finished with no problems what so ever. Now comes covering it. Before I started with any of this procedure I had to come up with something to cover it when I was done, because of the fact that this was not my first cutting I knew exactly what to use, new skin a liquid bandage that when put on a cut and mixed with the blood basically makes an instant scab when it dries.
Well it's been three days since the cutting was done, and it is healing up fine I will continue to do cuttings because I feel relaxed and in tune afterward. If you would like to see pictures of the cutting freshly done you can check out my I am page and see them for your self.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 08 Dec. 2001
in Ritual

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Artist: myself
Studio: my+bathroom
Location: my+house

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