Self scarred hearts
From the first time I saw scarification on BME I really liked this type of modification. I have always liked the look and feel of scars, I think they can be very beautiful. However I didn't know if I would ever get any done personally and was very scared about the prospect of someone cutting me. After considering it for a while I decided I wanted to do scarification on myself. I would be much more comfortable cutting myself than having someone else do it because I have self harmed for quite a few years so I feel I know my body quite well and know how it heals etc. I wanted to put a scar on myself for a positive reason, rather than negative reasons like when I self harmed. I wanted a small simple design so that it would be not too difficult for me to do. I finally decided on two small hearts, one below each hip. This design is simple, has positive connotations to go with the image and I like the symmetry of hearts. I knew this wasn't going to turn out perfect or as good as if
I went to a professional but I wanted to do it more for the experience than for the finished result.
After doing some research I ordered a number 11 scalpel, some sterets and a surgical skin marker and waited for them to arrive. I made a paper template of the heart that I could draw round so the hearts would be as even as possible.
When my equipment had arrived and I was ready to do it I first gave my hands a good wash and then wiped them with a steret. I did this because I hadn't been able to get hold of any gloves so thought I would just clean my hands as best as I could. I placed the scalpel, other sterets and skin marker on a piece of kitchen towel on my bedside table. I left the scalpel and marker in their packaging for now as I didn't want to open them before I needed to. Then I had the task of marking up and trying to make the hearts even. Firstly I wiped the area with a steret to clean the skin. Then I positioned the template on the right side how I wanted it, taped it in place then drew round it with the skin marker. Now the difficult bit was trying to get the heart on the other side even. I drew a line vertically in the centre of my stomach and then measured how far away from this line the bottom point of the right heart was. It was 2 inches. So then I measured 2 inches from the left of the l ine and put a dot. This is where the bottom point of the left heart should sit. I then positioned it so it looked even and drew round the template. This sounds quite complicated; hopefully I should have some pictures on my IAM page so you can see what I mean! Once I had drawn them both on I examined them and one seemed to be higher up so I repositioned the right one and it looked better.
Now for the cutting. I did a practise cut on my leg first to get a feel of the scalpel. It wasn't as sharp as I was expecting it to be so the cuts aren't as deep as I hoped but never mind, I could always go over them! Or the scalpel probably was sharp enough, I just don't know the techniques that professionals use and I'm not used to using this kind of blade to make cuts. I found the curves quite difficult, it was hard to stay on the lines I had drawn but I think I did quite well. I had to keep going over it a few times as it just wasn't cutting very deep but it didn't hurt or bleed too much. I'm slightly disappointed that I don't have more gory photos to show everyone! I'm going to irritate it with lemon juice and keep pulling the cuts apart to stimulate scar tissue growth.
The first time I applied the lemon juice it stung quite a lot because the cuts were very fresh but after the first time it wasn't too bad. I put the lemon juice on twice a day and then pulled the cuts apart gently. After about 5 days I stopped doing this because they scabs were starting to come off, I just picked off the scabs. After about 10 days all the scabs had come off and I am left with a nice pink scar, but once it fades I don't think they will be very noticeable. It actually turned out better than I thought it would after doing the cutting as I hadn't cut it as deep as I wanted. The curved parts at the top of the hearts haven't scarred as well as the straight lines because I had a bit more difficulty cutting these parts but overall I am very pleased with the result and am quite proud of myself for doing this. You can see pictures on my IAM page. I think this was a very worthwhile experience for me.
Disclaimer: Although this was a positive experience for me I would advise going to a professional for scarification. If you really want to attempt it yourself please do your research and use sterile equipment!
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 21 Dec. 2009