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Candid Second Thoughts

A little (or maybe a lot, I didn't particularly pay attention to when this happened) over two years ago now, I got the itch. You know, where you just HAVE to do SOMETHING, no matter what it is, to some random body part? Well, one day, I decided to sit down, pull out a sketchbook, and begin to draw. I'm not sure how I ended up deciding that scarification was for me (it could have been related to the fact that I was immensely poor at the time), but somehow I came to the conclusion that I wanted this rather large – actually, more like huge, abstract-looking thing sketched out on the top of my right thigh. Of course, I SHOULD have had something professionally done, or at least gathered the right supplies, thought about it for longer than twenty or so odd minutes, so on and so forth ... But, I didn't. I found a razor and got to work.

Looking back on it, of course, I do wish I had been a bit less impulsive. And, had I gone to someone professional, or at LEAST just thought it over a little bit more, I probably would have had less of those little mistakes that drive me nuts to this day. But, like I said ... I didn't.

Anyway, this thing took FOREVER. And it bled a ton, which I was expecting. (And, come to think of it, I remember realizing I had messed up quite a few times.) I got some oh-so-sterile paper towels and kept on, somehow managing to do the curvy pieces (although, one side looks quite different from the other, it was meant to be symmetric). If I had thought it through better, I would have, perhaps, done it in parts. Not done it at all, even. But ... Yep, you got it. I didn't. And, whenever it would start to hurt particularly badly (which is strange, because it didn't really hurt, and I'm pretty sure it should have at least had a twinge or two) or when the blood obscured what I was doing ... Ice cubes work wonders, let me tell you.

I don't particularly remember much from immediately after I finished it, besides thinking the bleeding had stopped, falling asleep, and waking up to a sight that was quite disturbing (Don't wear your favorite pajama bottoms during this process!). I remember realizing that bits of it were much deeper than I had intended. Seeing as I did it all at once, and it pretty much covers the ENTIRE top of my thigh ... Well, needless to say, that leg got pretty stiff, and when I forgot about it, which happened surprisingly often, and did any sort of spontaneous movement, the scabs would just sort of pop off, and the bleeding would start all over again.

It took what seems like a year to actually look like scars and not semi-fresh cuts (more or less, like I said, I wasn't really paying attention to the time period). The first person to see it was my boyfriend (now fiancé, so he must not have thought too badly of it), who, being "in to" body modifications himself, promptly fussed at me for doing it myself. (Which, ironically, this occurred BEFORE I actually got "in to" body modifications and the like).

But now, I do have to admit the scars themselves are rather nice looking. Of course, I do have an odd addiction to scars, but these turned out much better than I expected. They're still very noticeable, which in some cases is bad, since, of course, being the sporadic person that I am, I have probably changed my mind about what I wished I had put there instead of what is actually there over a million times, at least.

All in all, if anyone out there is like me, all I have to say is wait. Seriously. I've heard some friends say things like, "Oh, it's just a scar, you can make them go away." Nope. I've tried it all. All those fancy lotions and oils that SWEAR they'll work. Yeah, they don't. At all. (Of course ... I do tend to forget to apply them regularly, as directed. But still, don't do it until you're sure!) If you still don't trust my advice, and you HAVE to have it, draw it out and just stare at it for a week. No, a month. Just stare at it. Because, chances are, you'll more than likely change your mind about the design completely, decide a part of it looks silly, or so on and so forth. But if you're SURE ... use sterile stuff, please. I was lucky enough to not get an infection or any sort of nasty side effect, but that's just what it was – luck.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 02 Nov. 2009
in Scarification

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Artist: Myself
Studio: My+Living+Room
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