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fun with fire

That was until earlier this year when me and two friends were bored and playing around with enscence sticks. One of them took an enscent to their wrist and jokingly pretent to burn herself. Suddenly it turned into more. She tried to do it but just couldn't make her hand move the last inch. So or other friend quickly offered to help. He held her hand down as we all watched.

The second he pulled away it looked as though her skin snuck in before a small white spot rose to the surface and quickly spread leaving a red area on her lower wrist. Next I wanted to try and she let me. I made another dot across from the first but this time it went straight to leaving a red spot.

We all left for a while to go eat and while we were out we talked about making it into something more. We decided on a heart, filled in. Excited we hurried back. But when it came time to actually do it, let's just say a lot of stalling. We all knew we wanted it and knew it was going to happen but actually saying I'm ready and facing it is the hard part. It was all mind over matter. Truth is it doesn't hurt much, just the idea of having someone burn you again and again and again is a little scary the first time.

But one by one we faced it. I went last but I think it hurt the least for me. Took me the longest to do it but that's because it took me back to tattooing and everything that had happened with that.

Anyway the first dot was the hardest. After that I realized the pain was only bad if I though about it as pain. All you have to do is think of it as any other feeling (like a tree branch tapping you or a comb in your hair) and you'll be just fine. He did the outline of the heart which must of took at least 20 dots then asked me it I wanted it filled in. The most painful part of the whole process was going over it all again. You would think the skin would be dead and it wouldn't hurt anymore but that was not even close to the case. Still when it was over I wanted to do it again or to keep going over it. In a definitely strange way you would never believe how much fun it is.

Still for me things like this are different because I blackout. Or at least that's what I call it when everything goes black from the outside in for just a minute then in reverse everything comes back again. That happened to me about ten times during my burning and my friends said that when they looked at my eyes they could tell it was happening.

Sleeping with it that night was very hard. If you ever consider doing this know that the pain of doing it really isn't that bad but the after pain is pretty hard to live with. Ever time I moved my arms my sweater would move and I felt a sharp pain. People even tried to use it to make me do things. One day I was after school I was waiting alone in the hall and this guy (he's a different story) who had somehow heard about it grabbed my arm and threateningly put his thumb over my burn as he tried to pull me into a room. This is a good example of a time when blacking out did not help me because as soon as he jerked me to turn around I blacked out. Even friends would use it against me and try to make me follow them and whatever else they wanted.

Whenever I do anything like this I know it's for me not anyone around me, plus I don't want it to get back to my parents so I don't tell many people, not even all of my close friends know. I generally refuse to go anywhere with out a sweater so hiding it was usually easy, except in cooking class where we HAD to keep out sleeves up. It was hard to hide and I still don't know if my group knew. I always had to avoid them seeing me when I washed my hands because with the angle my hands would be at was near impossible to miss and I avoided doing a lot of the work in order to hide it (my teacher didn't really like me because of that.)

This all got pretty annoying but I loved it anyway. Sadly my skin heals too well and it has faded away. You can still tell that it is a heart if you look at it but I had hoped it would come out darker, which is why I think I'm going to have another friend go over it. I would do it myself but I am too afraid I would blackout and leave the stick on my skin while I'm blacked out.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 22 Aug. 2007
in Scarification

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