A cut above the rest...the Linkin Park Experience
As some of you may no, or if you don't know, the band Linkin Park are a huge part of my life. Why you ask? Let me tell you. I have been battling depression now for early 2 years, during that period of my life I stumbled across the music of Linkin Park and was instantly hooked. Was it because of there looks? No. Was it because not many people were aware of them? No. They affected me in a way that nothing else had.
When I was feeling down I'd listen to there albums, and found it comforting and relaxing. A release. Combined with the vocals provided by Mike Shinoda and Chester Bennington and the guitars provided by Brad Delson and David "Phoenix" Farrell, the scratching and samples provided by the bands DJ Joe Hahn and the amazing drum beats by Rob Bourdon, I'd found another way to ease the pain other than hurting myself.
Listening to the painful, angst ridden lyrics made me feel like I wasn't alone and the words and emotions that were found in the lyrics that I up until I heard them couldn't describe and convey. Listening to them helped ease the pain in the worse of times, and even though I don't personally know any of them, I felt like we had some indescribable connection. I cannot wait to finally meet them when they start touring again for there up and coming album which is set to be released next yr, I want to thank them for providing me with an alternative to hurting myself, they saved me from myself and gave me a reason to live. Each day I wake up, put on a brave face, smile at those 6 people on my wall and remind myself of what they gave me. I'm living right now for them, I know that one day I will meet them and thank them for what they did, and I'm hanging in there for that pivotal moment.
So back to the reason for me posting this.
This morning at 8:45, I felt ready. I was going to turn my negative self harm experience into a positive experience. It seemed like the perfect day to try my first scarification experience, not just any old cutting like I used to do, one that means something, and one that I would be proud of and feel proud to tell people about, a complete contrast to what I would usually do.
I found my supplies: a razor, compass, tissues and camera. I washed my hands and my leg, the area I would be working on. And sat down in front of my computer and put on the Hybrid Theory Linkin Park album. As soon as it played it confirmed that what I was doing was right. I felt and instant calm and felt relaxed and at peace.
At first I mucked around and drew up a few designs on my leg with a new sharpie, which didn't look very good. I then just thought of doing a simple "Linkin Park" and went from there. I started the first letter, so far so good, not much bleeding. I didn't feel any great pain, just a rush which was wonderful. I continued to cut and the rush continued through out the whole cutting process as did the calm, only a mild burning was felt despite of what I was putting my body through. I made sure to pace myself and be careful of how deep I cut, and also being a diabetic I made sure I had eaten sufficient food before hand so as not to run into any complications. The whole time I was cutting I was humming and singing, finally feeling the happiest I'd been in months.
When I had finished cutting "Linkin Park" into my thigh I took it once step further and added "= Life". Just having Linkin Park didn't feel whole. Feeling extremely proud and happy, I went over the whole piece a few times to define them more; carefully wiping away the blood and making sure my letters were formed right and were deep enough.
When I was finished I took some pictures which can be found on my live journal site, admired my handy work and prepared for the painful part, the agitating. I rubbed salt into the wound and it instantly started to burn, I sucked up the pain and agitated it a bit more then I quickly and thoroughly washed all of the salt out of the wound. It hurt bad and was actually the most painful part of the whole experience but was worth it in the end because I don't want a dodgy scar.
Over the next few days I will agitate the wound more by picking at the scabs (gross I know), rubbing more salt into the wound and going over it and all that jazz. And the end product will hopefully be a raised scar that's nice and even and still readable.
And then here I am typing this. Looking at my piece and seeing how much I've over come and how far I've got. I graduated Year 10 on Monday; I never thought I'd see that day. But I did, thanks to Linkin Park.
So you're also probably wondering about how I'm doing now? Very well, I haven't hurt myself in weeks and feel on top of the world. I never thought the days would come where I was happy and free from cutting. It's like a new lease on life. I owe my life to Linkin Park.
I personally would recommend finding the right supplies for the job, scalpel etc... My method probably wasn't the best. Also make sure you are super clean to avoid infection and other complications and remember to read other articles and what not before hand and be aware of your anatomy so as not to endanger yourself. Severed veins wouldn't be cool. SAFETY FIRST!
submitted by: _linkinpark_punk_
on: 22 Dec. 2005