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Cutting deeper, my first flesh removal

When I first found out about scarification I thought of it as one of those mods that I, myself, would never have done. It always apeared for too much, too hard core. "Cut a piece of my flesh off! Are you nuts?" was the usual response from me when I was new to the practice. Over time, thanks to my good friends and BME, I was exposed to scarification and flesh removal in a way that was beautiful to me. I saw what were true works of art cut into peoples' bodies. I then began to toy with the idea of getting something done, maybe in the future. I never was able to come up with an idea of what I would really get. Many conversations were spent between myself and friends discussing what would be something that I could get done.

One day I was sitting around with Craig and Tiff and I started on my usual ranting about how awesome Germany is and how much I love the cars and especially the autobahn. I had always wanted the autobahn sign tattooed on my body somewhere but never could come up with anything too good because I have very specific plans for what I will be doing with tattoos. That's when Craig came out with it. "Why dont you get it cut?" It made sense--that would be perfect and on top of that, it is a good design for a flesh removal. After probably two or three weeks of tossing back and forth ideas of where to get it and what size to do it, I came up with getting it done on my ribs and having it actually be pretty large for my first scarification. Despite quite a few sugestions to put it somewhere less sensitive or to do it smaller I still went with the famous line "go big, or go home" Pain has never really been an issue for me. I am always trying to find ways to push my body further and find my limits, the point that I have to say stop I that just can't continue. This was going to be a good test of that.

After making the design and getting placement, it was still two or three weeks before Craig (iam:darkncrazy) and I were able to come up with the extra time to sit down and get the cutting done. I spent this time reading experiences and just learning anything that I didn't know before. Research has always been something that I do a lot of before I embark into a new mod. As the day came rolling around, I became nervous, very nervous actually. I have had a past of depression and cutting myself, so I knew what to expect as far as the outline went but the flesh removal was what was eating at my thoughts. What was it going to feel like? And will I be able to take the pain of having pretty much the majority of the flesh on my right ribs removed.

The night had come and on my way to Craig's. I drove with the music cranked up high. I was deep in thought and my type of meditation just going through what was about to happen to my body and thinking about how I would be at the end of this night. When I came in the house, I wasted no time and wanted to get it all started while I was still in my zone in my head. I stayed pretty calm for the prepping and the placing of the autobahn sign on my ribs. I laid on my left side and started breathing nice steady deep breaths. I closed my eyes and waited for that first cut. Time went by very slow for me that few seconds before the first cut was made, it seemed to drag on and on forever. Then with cameras flashing and video cameras rolling He made the first cut. I gripped Tiff's hand tightly as I felt the blade cut threw the skin. Thankfully, the blades were very sharp and the first few cuts were not that much worse than a tattoo.

Then Craig started to remove the first piece. The pain was intense and overwhelming. I could feel my body screaming for it to stop. This feeling has never stopped me in the past and I just kept breathing. Every cut was torture, and I could feel the skin being lifted and the blade cutting--cut by agonizing cut to remove the flesh. The first of five sections of flesh to be removed was over and I got to sit up, drink some water, and look down at the progress on my ribs. I didn't want any more than a minute or two break between, and I wanted to get back to work and get it done. The next section to be done was up almost in my arm pit. This was to be the most sensitive area. I knew if the first session was bad, this was going to be that times ten. I was not wrong. The pain was at least twenty-fold. I was deep in pain, with my eyes closed I could still see every cut. I could feel every cut nerve. The pain became so much that I could no longer talk. To even muster one word was impossible. Every breath was pain, with every inhalation the ribs would stretch the freshly cut skin, and it became harder and harder to keep my breathing steady. Then section two and three were removed.

My mind started to go someplace it had never been before. My reasoning became strange and I could not even now recall anything I said. My body was going through some of the worst pain it had ever experienced. Between starting the last two sections, I once again sat up and took a few sips of water. My hands were sweaty and I was shaking a little bit, but I didn't want to stop. This break was a little longer then the last three. None the less, I wanted to get started as soon as I could have. I laid back down and Craig started on the largest and last two sections of flesh began to be removed.

My body was spent by this point the adrenalin had worn off. These last two sections were almost too much. I was sweating and screaming in my head. Every single cut felt very deep and painful. I could hear only some things. I remember people saying I was doing good and I can remember Tiff telling me it would be over soon. For me, every second felt like an eternity. I will admit that this last section was almost too much for me. I was clenching my eyes so tight that sweat and tears built up around my eyes and I could feel the drops roll down my nose. Cut after cut he continued only, stopping to change blades. Every part of me was screaming for me to yell out "stop" but I just kept pushing further and further. "How much more can I take?" I remember thinking to myself. My adrenaline was done, my body was exhausted, I had nothing left but the support of the people around me keeping me going. I can remember them counting down the last five or so cuts. "It's almost done, Miyagi—almost--just one more cut" Then it was done. I sat up in a daze that I had never felt. Everyone was so proud of me and I could feel their energy. At this point that was pretty much all that was keeping me conscious.

I knew I had come this far, so why not go little further?  That's when I asked for one of the pieces of flesh that was removed. And yes, down the hatch, and I ate it. It really didn't taste like anything, just alittle chewy. Not that I think I really could have tasted anything at this point.  My body was beyond any sore feeling I had ever felt, but it was done. I had once again pushed my body to a new level. I couldn't have been more pleased with the experience and the cutting itself. Craig (iam:darkncrazy) did an amazing job. I would not trust anyone but him to remove that kind of flesh off my body. After getting cleaned up I looked up at the clock. The entire cutting took two hours--two hours of pain, two hours of learning just alittle more about myself and my body. I was asleep within twenty minutes of getting bandaged up and I was in the most satisfying sleep I had up to that point in my life. I am truly a blessed person to have the people I had there because they are what kept me going when I actually thought about quitting. Thank you so much Craig (iam:darkncrazy), Frank(iam:frank_prov), Lisa (iam:gracebudd), and of course Tiff (iam:secksihoar). They are all a constant inspiration to me. They are my family and my support. I would be nothing and nowhere without them in my life.

In the end, I am beyond happy that I went along with the cutting. It came out beautiful and it is even more beautiful to me just knowing what I went through to get it. I will always look down on my scar and remember this time that I tested my limits and how I went further. I am stronger then I ever thought I could have been, but my strength comes completely from the love and support of my closest friends.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 19 May 2005
in Scarification

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Artist: Craig+Werner+%28iam%3Adarkncrazy%29
Studio: +
Location: Providence%2C+RI

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