MY Cutting Destiny
My name is Kim. Like many of the stories here in the wonderful world of bme I will start off by saying i a cutter. While I don't find anything wrong with cutting under certain circumstances it can be a pretty bad situation for people that are unable to handle it. So this story is to give information on my experiences. It is in no way a guide on how to do a cutting. Please do not cut, unless you are certain you can handle it. The procedures I took where very ignorant and should not be repeated.
The reasons that I cut are many. It started out as depression reasons a way to take my mind of some stuff that had happened in my life. When I started wanting to do it more and more even when I was happy I realized that I cut because i like to and it makes me happy. Once i discovered BME I couldn't get enough scarification. I had always been into piercing's but there was just something very intriguing about a sharp object slicing through ones flesh.
OK! For a little history: I am 18 years old, currently have a vertical bridge, eyebrow, lip, quad belly button, and genital percing. My ears are gauged to 00's and I have other multiple peircings on each ear. I've been a cutter since I was 15. Never anything to serious. Most of them went away after a month at the latest. I had recently decided to stop doing it because of my job. Some of co-workers got a little curious and I figured that I should take it a bit slow.
My plan to slow down my cuttings failed after something terrible happened. Me and my family where involved in a horrible car accident. I was unable to walk for months. This sent me into a major depression that made my cuttings alot more frequent. It seemed that cutting was the only thing that could make me happy anymore. Most of it was meaningless lines, pictures, words etc.... Eventually my boyfriend found out (he hadnt really known because I mostly did them on my hips and legs) and he asked me to quite. I love him and I love cutting so I told him that I would do one last serious cutting (kind of like closure I guess) and that I would stick with not doing them as much or as serious. He agreed to it.
I wanted to do something that meant alot to me. Something that I could look at and remember the good times as well as the bad. I choose to do the word DESTINY. Im a strong believer in the fact that everyone is put on this earth for some reason and that everything happens for some reason. I figured that it was my destiny to be a cutter and that it has changed my life.
I decided that I would do it myself. Ive always been the one that cut myslef and I didnt want that to change. I also wanted to have my boyfriend there to share the experiece and to help me out if I needed it. I had a friend that was working at the hospital so I got her to get me some scalpels. I choose to do it one evening when both me and my boyfriend where off work and I had the next few days off.
The Procedure: I put on some good music (AFI all the way), I got all my materials ready in my living room. We laid out towels, and made sure that I had everything that was necesary to do as sterile of a job as possible. I meditated for about half an hour before I started. I choose to do it below my navel. It wasnt the easiest place to get to but I really wanted it done there.
The first cut felt pretty sharp and stung quite a bit. After the second or third letter I relaxed and it didnt feel as bad. The S didnt turn out as perfect as I would have liked but it was good enough.The whole thing went really smoothly. I couldnt have asked for a better experience. Once I was done I poured some rubbing alchohol on it and wrapped it in gauze. I had to clean up everything to make sure I didnt leave any blood anywhere.
The after care was a bitch however. I scrubbed it with a toothbrush and a rag when I got out of the shower. I put just about every irratant I could think of on it to make it scar better. Lemon juice, rubbing alchohol, peroxide, vodka, etc.... the more it hurt the better. I guess that fact that I love to pick at scars helped it also. Thankfully it didnt get infected and scarred very nicely.
So here I am sitting here 3 months later reliving my wonderful experience. It scarred absolutely wonderfully. It is now a serious of lines that spell out a word that changed my life. My experience was a lucky one where everything went smoothly and nothing got infected. If you feel that a scarfifaction is right for you and you have thought it over many times.....I say go fot it. It was very rewarding and like nothing else. Just be extremely careful and only do it yourself as a last resort. It is much better to have it done my a professional.
Good luck in your life journey. PEACE!!
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 10 Dec. 2004