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Stay true

Well first off let me start by saying that this is not something for the faint of heart or someone who can't handle pain. I strongly do not recommend anyone doing this by themselves. I made a terrible mistake and I was lucky I didn't seriously affect me or any one I knew. There are serious consequences when it comes to modifying your body so be extremely careful. You only get one body; so don't screw it up by doing something stupid and reckless.

When I was 14 I went through a terrible time in my life. This unfournantetly led to cutting. I started doing it because at the time it just felt right. Putting the blade to my skin was an overwhelming experience it just seemed so natural. I did it as self-mutilations for a while until I realized it was not the way I should either deal with my problems or release my anger. I quit for quite some time until recently. I started getting more and more interested in it again and decided to start cutting once more. Except this time it was leaning towards body modification rather then self-harm.

For as long as I could remember I was fascinated by piercings and other things that had to do with pain. I've always been interested in pain itself and how much of it I could handle. I stumbled upon the bme website recently and found it very intriguing. I had never seen such different examples of body modification before in one place. I hadn't done much research on it before so my spectrum of this art was very limited.

I myself have 8 holes in my ears including the bottoms ones which are stretched to a 00 I have my eyebrow, naval, tongue, and nipples pierced. But I decided that it wasn't enough. Since I had already been involved with cutting my self the aspect of scarification was very fascination to me. The cuts that I have done in the past where just either slashes or little meaning less marks. I wanted something that was very symbolic and something very dear to me.

So after quite a while of contemplating it I decided to go with the carving of the word TRUE into my skin. I choose this because I've always found many people in life to be fake or "posers" but I prefer someone to stay true to themselves and I feel that I have. I also wanted people to understand my true dedication to this incredible art form. I couldn't let my parents know about it and I didn't have the time, money,or resources to get it done by a professional. I had no other choose but to do it myself. This was a big mistake. I could have caused serious injury or death upon myself. One night when my parents where gone away I decided I had the perfect opportunity to do my carving. I had to pick a spot that wouldn't be visible to my parents at any time. I choose right above the leg my hipbone.

We didn't have any scalpels or anything like that, that I could have used to do a better job. So I got a knife from the kitchen, a couple towels, rubbing alcohol, peroxide and a big bandage. I went into my room and sterilized everything that could possibly be sterilized. After I made sure I had everything I went to work drawing the word exactly where I wanted it with a body pen. Then I started with the actually cutting. The T wasn't really hard to make since it was rather simple. I made the cut deep enough to make the scar last for a while but shallow enough that I wouldn't hit a vein and end up killing myself since I was home alone. The pain had subsided after a while because the area pretty much went numb. I went on without a break going as carefully as I possibly could because I wanted it to be perfect. I finally finished up the letter E and wiped up all the blood. There was quite a bit of it and i got rid of the towels in a place hopefully where no one will find them. I put the bandage on the area as carefully as I possible could and went to bed.

The next morning I got up and the area was quite sore but I didn't mind. I was anxious to see what it looked like so I took the bandage off and admired my wonderful work in the mirror. It was perfect I was so ecstatic. I had done it facing me so if anybody saw it they would see it upside down. But I didn't care it was my art that I did for me

I was very lucky with my self-scarification it turned out how I wanted it and it's doing really good so far. If you have a problem with cutting its best to share your experiences so you can get help because it could possibly become a life threatening illness. I hope my experience has helped you in some way!! Tootles

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 14 Aug. 2004
in Scarification

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