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Taking Further Steps

After reading Shannon Larratt's fantastic article entitled Shooting the Messenger: Why it's important to let young people cut, I took a step back into myself and looked into why I did it myself.

Three bars, meaning Mind, Body, and Soul-- these meant a lot to me at the time. It was there where I felt this foundation was solid, and the only thing I could do was go forward. I couldn't jump, so I suppose, scalpel in the hand of someone I still think fondly of even now-- I had to crawl. "It was the most intense thing in my life," was what I wrote and typed it in various places, and to this day I still feel it is. However, finding something that brought tears to my eyes just a week or two ago makes me smile now. I found something to take that part of my body back.

Again it was in my head, and it wasn't going away. I was going to work to remove the scar.

At that time in my life a lot of things were happening including college, an engagement (which has since been absolved), and a whole world spinning faster than I could keep up. It was to be my sixth modification to myself that year. I still call 2001 the 'year of mods,' because in a way it was also a very funny year for me. I suppose in some ways my father was right about losing most of my sense and gaining more of my senses. When my mother caught sight of it a few months after the 'deed' as she put it had taken place, she saw it the first time. "Branded like cattle" was her terminology, and I certainly feel that way now. I was the biggest idiot in the world-- and though I didn't think it then with a high and mighty attitude, I feel it now.

Years later I could still run my hand down my back over those three well done bars and sigh, wondering if this was really my choice in the end or not-- but then again, it was my choice. The relationship I had was dead due to terrible communication, threats and accusations. I couldn't change that, no matter how much I wish I could. What I did then I did it out of feelings, and as I write this now, I do the same thing.

Leaves and Roots Inc, a little shop that has the knowledge of ages in it sparked my interest when a friend of mind asked if we could go there. I said fine, after all his car was in the shop being worked on and we had some time to kill. On a little shelf off to the side, where no one would really bother to look, was the thing that has been working for me to start afresh, and to really and truly move on with being the adult I'm currently trying to be... trying being the keyword. It was a small vial of oil-- 'scarification oil' was how it was labeled. I looked to my friend, and he to me. I muttered something and tears welled in my eyes. Instantly his hand went to my back, giving me a big bear hug as always. He had known about it for ages, and he said I might as well ask. It never hurts to ask, so that is exactly what I did.

The gentleman was extremely friendly from he moment we had come in, and finally approaching him after 20 minutes of browsing-- and eyeing the small bottle of scarification oil every so often-- he had no trouble explaining to me the healing facts of this little potion that he had made himself. It wouldn't cause the scar to flake off, or burn or anything else you'd associate with modern age healing. It would take a while obviously, since the scar was old, but I could use as much as I liked as many times a day as I would see fit. I wanted to kiss the man.

With that, I went ahead and purchased a few other things I needed for ritual magick, and went on my way.

The smell of the oil is a rather pleasant lavender with a few other choice herbs to make it work. Offhand I can't recall the mixture, but knowing it was made by a person who has a degree in "herbs and flowers" as he put it, and takes all of this very seriously was a comfort-- especially in this day and age.

With that I've been doing in for almost three weeks now, and I can feel it healing away and starting to disappear. Granted, this folk healing stuff may work differently on everyone, and some of us may never want to erase our scars in the end. However, one thing I do recommend is having the faith that no matter what happens, good or bad when it comes to scars, there is always a healing process. Good luck with whatever you set your mind to. In the end, all I want you to be is happy.

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 16 July 2004
in Scarification

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