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Self Scarification Star

I have been into scarification and cutting for about a year but so far, all my "marks" have been ultimately meaningless. Aside from the slashes on my arms that help remind my about a part in my life, nothing has had a true symbol attached to it. After discovering BMEzine.com, I was constantly looking at all the pictures and decided I wanted a star tattoo between my boobs. Well I am underage and cannot legally get a tattoo in my state so I decide I would do the next best thing. I'd carve the star into my chest all by myself.

Late one night after everyone had gone to bed I decided to begin my star. I searched all over the internet trying to find a star that was just the right size. Finally, I found one and printed it off. I had recently thrown away all my razors and did not have any way of getting a new one at the time, so I started the annoying task of taking apart a disposable razor. After a few scratches on my fingers, I had everything I needed, a star and a nice sharp razor. I proceeded to trace the star on with a sharpie (probably not the best idea but it was all I had) and I was so excited that I could not wait to do it. Then suddenly I was scared, see I live in Arizona and in the summer, it is rather hard to hide things due the revealing clothing, but I figured that I had successfully hid everything else so far, so what was one more thing?

I started to carve the star and was surprised by the amount of blood. At first, it was just a little but it gradually began to increase. I think it was because my blood was thin due to the high amounts of aspirin I had ingested through out the day. Anyways I was beginning to fell light headed, not that I had lost a lot of blood or anything, I was just really nervous since I had not done anything like this in a while. I stopped for a while and then began to carve a second star inside the first one. When I was done, I was so happy because I was finally proud of a scar on my body and it actually made me like my boobs a bit more. I could not wait to show it off.

The next day after I took the bandage off, I realized that the stars were not that deep and I should go back over them. I was not as excited about the cutting this time but I knew that if I wanted the scar to last it had to be deeper. Well this time the cutting did not go as well. I had never had to go back over a cut before because I usually do them deep. So I tried to stay on top of the first cuts as much as possible but this was kind of difficult. I thought I had done pretty well so I cleaned up my chest and put a band aid on. A few hours later, I decided to take the band-aid off and see how my precious stars looked. I was so disappointed! I had not done a very good job at going over the same lines and my star pretty much looked like crap. It's kind of lopsided now and some of the lines don't match up. I'm not to sure what to do until I can get it tattooed. Maybe I will try again and hopefully succeed. Frankly I don't care all that much what it looks like because it sti ll stands for what I want it to stand for a light shining in the darkness, considered a symbol of truth, the spirit and of hope.

Like I said before I was kind of scared about trying to hide the star but most of my shirts covered it up so I quickly forgot about trying to hide it. The one thing I should not have forgotten about was the big pink rectangular mark my band aid had left. This showed above my shirt while I was out to dinner with my family. My mom noticed it and asked what it was. I could not think fast enough to come up with a good lie so I just said that I did not know, maybe it was a rash. This made my mom seem kind of worried so I told her it did not itch or anything and quickly changed the subject. Not only do I now have a screwed up star on my chest but my mom is suspicious.

I know many people have stars tattooed, cut and burned into them but mine is different because it belongs to me and helps me to always remember that somewhere out there, there is hope and truth and I will eventually be able to find it shining in the distance.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 07 July 2004
in Scarification

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