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sweet scarring

My thoughts of body modification began when I was 15, I began to look at rituals of tattoo's, piercing, stretching, and extreme body enhancements and the history behind it all and ended up full of new knowledge which was more interesting than other things kids my age were doing. I had my ears pierced at 6 years old with a gun like most kids but it was after i turned 16 that I started experimenting with other parts of my body. I started off with piercings and grew good friends with piercers in my area. At 18, I looked into designs for a tattoo but decided to draw my own and began the process of having my body inked and turned into a decorative piece of art.
Then after a few tattoos, I turned to look for new ways to decorate my body and decided to look further into cutting, I did lots of homework and took time reading peoples experiences just to get an idea of what the process involves. After a few month of research and preparing myself for what I was going to do, it was time for me to add new work to my body.
I felt I was challenging myself and pushing myself a bit further and this gave me a real buzz. I was doing something which I could do in my own time and really focus on my body, through talking to people and spending a lot of time thinking about the cutting and all the reasons behind it, I became closer to myself. I started opening up new doors and finding out about myself and how I wanted my body to look and found a great happiness through this. So the time came for me to add a new modification, I had a fresh surgical blade and gloves with some wipes and a clean patch lied on a table and I was ready to go. Feeling very excited, nervous, happy, a mixture of emotions were building up and I had to calm myself down, music seemed a good idea so I played my Red Hot Chilli Peppers album and soon chilled out.
The transfer paper was ready and I drew the pattern onto my leg, focusing and with a steady hand, I slowly began to scrape my skin, deeper and deeper, the blood was seeping out quite a lot so I kept wiping my leg and starting again. It was painful, as I expected it would be, but it never feel like i expected. It did sting quite a bit at first though. I could see every bit of skin been removed and could see the pattern developing. It was a strange feeling, it was a bit like been tattooed, the scraping sensation but as I got deeper, it stung more than anything else. I was half way around my pattern when I realised I was achieving the goal I had set myself for so long.
I began to feel a lot of emotions and my head was rushing I tried to carry on and control myself but I had to stop for 10 minutes and calm down, I wiped away the blood and cleaned the blade while I sat and I began to take control again. Second time round. The first initial cut was the most painful this time as it was nearer the inside of my leg, as I got to the sides of my thigh, the pain grew, it was a different feeling to what the cutting near my knee cap had been. I had been cutting for almost one hour now. I persisted with the pain and carried on, I was going to finish this. The pattern was developing and underneath the blood I could see the outline of my design. My hands were starting to shake and as I got to the end of my piece, I just stopped and an overwhelming feeling of achievement grabbed me.
I put down the blade and began to clean up my leg, I put a bit of pressure on it to calm to blood flow and raised my leg slightly then stared down at my new, decorative leg. I was so bloody proud. I started getting another head rush and felt quite dizzy, probably because I was staring down for so long and concentrating so hard but it was a good feeling too, knowing I had finished it after months of preparing for it.
Yes it hurt, yes I felt it, yes it took a lot of time to prepare and to cut but yes id do it again. This was an experience I took part in of my own accord and did in my own company, I have plans for other people to do some cutting on my back and this will be another different experience because it will be intimate with someone else so im quite excited for that, but the experience of cutting myself was a success.
A week later and the scabs from the cutting have gone, it was itchy and from scratching it, the scars have raised. Im left with a beautiful, white colored scar across my right leg and I couldn't be more pleased. Some people ask me why I do it and why I put myself through pain, but to me its not putting myself through pain, its seeing what my limits are, how far I can go to achieve something and I can grow on that. After cutting, the beauty of modification became more clearer to me. Not everyone understands the reasons behind body modification and I cant share my experience with them, but for the people who do understand, its a great and intimate thing to share with you.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 06 June 2003
in Scarification

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Artist: myself
Studio: my+house
Location: stockton

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