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Three little lines in my arm

  When I started looking at BME a few months ago, I had only a vague idea of what scarification was. I knew that there were people that were considered to be "cutters", people who cut themselves to escape reality, hell I used to be one, but I had no idea how beautiful scarification for body modification really was. When I was becoming obsessed with body mods, I started looking at the scarification galleries on a daily basis and started to read every experience that I could. I soon fell in love with scarification.

I used to cut myself when life got to hard for me to handle. I used to cut my wrists apart, never deep enough to cut a vein, but deep enough to bleed. It was my escape from the world. Then, when my life started to improve, I cut less and less. At the same time I started looking at BME and became obsessed with body modification. Suddenly, I wanted to cut myself again, but not because I was depressed or angry, because I wanted to decorate my body.

I chose my design, three horizontal lines, stacked, on my upper arm. Yes, it is a very, very simple design, but to me it was and still is perfect. Finally, one dark and rainy night I decided that it was the right time to cut the design into my body. I got out a new razor blade and boiled it for about 10 minutes, which is not the best way to sterilize, but it was the only way that was available to me. When the razor blade was ready I swabbed my arm with rubbing alcohol (once again not the best way to sterilize but better than nothing), and pressed the blade against my skin. When it finally sunk in and the warm blood began to flow down my arm, I felt the most amazing feeling ever. For the first time in my life, I was cutting because I wanted to not because I had to. I felt like I had released everything bad that was dwelling in my soul.  I repeated the cut two more times and I was finished in about an hour. I looked in the mirror to see three perfect straight lines in my uppe r arm and I was so happy. I carefully cleaned the blood away from my cuts and cleaned the cuts with rubbing alcohol and bandaged them up before going to bed.

In about two weeks the scabs had come off and I could clearly see the scars, but I felt that it needed more work. In some areas the scar was lighter than the rest (because the cut was not deep enough) and the lines were a little to short for me. So the other night I sat down once again and repeated the process. I went through the same process of "sterilizing" and careful began to go over the scars with the razor blade. This time I paid very close attention to the detail of the cut, making sure that the lines were even and deep enough, and I took my time cutting, making sure everything was perfect to me. This time I finished in about two hours. That was only 2 days ago so the scabs are still there, but from what I can see it will scar beautifully.

I love my scars so much but unfortunately for the time being I have to keep it hidden. If my parents were to see they would probably flip out and send me to a mental institution. Also, although the majority of my friends love body modifications no matter what they are, there are some people that just would not understand.

I believe that scarification is a very personal experience and I think it is a lot more meaningful when you it yourself, but this belief is not to be taken lightly. You have to be extremely careful and have knowledge of what you are doing. You can't just grab a knife and start to cut; expecting that nothing will go wrong. Trust your instincts. If you think you are going to screw up or you just don't know what you are doing at all, go to a professional! I could have done my scarification a lot safer than I did, and I am very thankful that nothing has gone wrong. I have promised myself that if I ever want to add another scar to my body that I will buy sterile scalpels and make sure that everything is as clean as it can be. For right now I will continue to look after my current cuts and baby them till they heal. This was great experience for me and I am very happy with the results. If you would like to talk about scarification or have any questions for me, feel free to email m e!

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 17 Jan. 2003
in Scarification

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Artist: Me
Studio: In+my+bedroom...+on+my+bed
Location: +

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