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Muy Bonita

I am going to be honest here. Since my boyfriend died, I have felt like shit. And who wouldn't? I have cut myself several times to try to deal with the pain I am feeling. This story is not about one of those times.

Being underage and yearning for a tattoo to remember your boyfriend by is difficult. I didn't even seriously think about giving myself a tattoo, for obvious reasons. After much thought, I decided that a scarification would be a good alternative because I could safely do it myself. Also, it would be deeply symbolic. The scar on my body would be representative of the scar that my boyfriend's loss left me with. I decided that the word "Bonita" (beautiful in Spanish) would be best to do because he used to always call me "Bonita Senorita". He always told me how beautiful I was, and that made me feel special and loved. I wanted a constant reminder that deep down, even though no one told me it anymore, I was still beautiful inside and out.

On the date three months after he died, I stayed home to have time to reflect and be by myself. I did a lot of writing, thinking, and remembering good times. I then decided that that day would be the perfect time to do my scarification.

I would like to add in here that I did this whole procedure with a clear head. I was not depressed. I was not crying. I was not suicidal. During the procedure I had time to reflect, and that, not the procedure itself, is what helped me.

Back to the story...

I tried to be as clean as I could possibly be, but I want to warn everyone that my way was still not the safest way, and I in no way endorse its use with others.

I thought that a razor blade would be the best tool to use to perform the cutting with, so I took a brand new pink leg shaver out of its bag and began thinking of a way to get the blade out of it. I used a serrated knife to saw through the casing (which I would not recommend since I cut my fingers several times on BOTH sharp objects). After the blade was out, I washed it twice with antibacterial soap and warm water, and dried it on a clean paper towel (since regular hand towels have too many lingering germs on them).

Then I designed my scar. I wrote the word in fancy(yet simple) handwriting on a piece of lined notebook paper using a pencil so I could erase if I made mistakes. I tried to make it curve perfectly since I planned to put it right above my pubic hair and I wanted it to flow with that. After I got my design just right, I cut the letters out of the paper using the razor blade. I then took a newly sharpened (to avoid eye bacteria) black eyeliner pencil, cleaned off my lower abdomen, placed the paper over the area to be cut, and traced the outlines of the letter with the pencil. After that, I checked it in the mirror to make sure that it looked even. I had to re-draw the A several times before I was happy with its placement, however.

After that all was done, I walked upstairs to the bathroom to perform the procedure. Basically, I just traced the lines I had drawn with the blade, applying firm but not too hard pressure, going over each line several times to make sure it was deep enough (but not too deep- it didn't even bleed that much). It did hurt, but it was nothing unbearable, and it was quite worth it. however, I found the razor blade difficult to maneuver with, to be honest, and it took me quite a while to finish cutting the whole design.

After all the cutting was done, I decided to rub toothpaste into it (with a brand new toothbrush), because I heard it helps to make the scar more raised. Maybe that works on others, but in my experience all that ended up doing was stinging.

After that was all done, I put a sterile gauze pad over my cuts and taped it on with athletic tape (not too tightly, mind you...).

For a few days afterwards, I had to be careful about how quickly and in which positions I sat, but besides that my new cuts didn't cause any problems. I took the pad off about two days after I did it, and tried to keep it extra clean and be careful with it.

I have since re-cut it about six times to make sure the design would stay, and now the scar is very light but still noticeable. It is only slightly raised. I am extremely happy with it and do not regret doing it one bit. It is, and always will be, a constant, personal reminder that, no matter if there is someone in my life to tell me it or not, I will always be Muy Bonita in the eyes of someone.

Details

submitted by: Anonymous
on: 10 Aug. 2002
in Scarification

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Artist: myself
Studio: bathroom
Location: portland%2C+oregon

Comments (1)

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Another outlaw torn
Tuesday, July 12, 2016 @9:21 a.m.
I love you girl you are not anonymous to me. I'm so glad I got to be there for you when you needed me all those dark years ago when we were young. . He's still missed. RIP S K

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