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A little sunshine.

    I've written a few of these and the first line always seems the hardest. It would seem foolish to jump straight into the experience with out a little background on my self. I dot think I've ever been ok with my appearance. I was the youngest of four children and received very little in the way of parental support. I tried extremely hard to get the attention of those around so I wouldn't feel so lost in the shuffle. That brings us to this experience.

I have always been a fan of body modification. But I've always believed it was something to take slowly so you got what you really wanted. And not just what you thought you wanted. I was fortunate to meet a lot of great people really early on and they helped me form my opinion on body mods. I always took as much from each moment spent with these people as I could. One of the earliest things to catch my eye was scarification. it was amazing the way that people took control of their appearance, and

bodies in that way. I wasn't quiet ready for that sort of commitment at that time.

Flash a few years forward and I started to be more comfortable in my skin. Not closer than I had ever been before. After sitting through a fair share of piercings, some I kept and some I retired. I was ready to be in control of my appearance, and not be afraid to show the world how I saw myself.

I knew it would have to be scarring of some sort and it would have to mean something and just be a pretty design (no offense to people who want pretty designs.) It had to be the way I pictured it always being. One of the people that I met that had an impact on my thought process was Jon Cobb. He has an amazing presence. He talks to you in simple terms yet not like a child. We had a few talks at random times but we never could manage to get our times straight. And having access to all the tools I would need due to my job at a piercing shop I decided it was a process I would be wholly comfortable with doing my self.

Now I don't recommend anyone doing work on themselves unless they feel they have all the know how ahead of time. This is not the sort of thing you want to figure out as you go

I had a drawing of the design I was going to do. It was a tribal sun consisting of eight straight lines and a dot in the center. I really felt it represented my way of doing things and living. I figure the sun rises and sets on its schedule and isn't affected by needs and wants. It was also a small part tribute to Jon for influencing my new way of thinking.

I sterilized all the equipment that I would be using at work using the autoclave. I was sure to autoclave some gloves as well so the work would be as sterile as possible. After stocking all the equipment I went home and proceeded to light some candles and than set things up. I have to admit I was sort of out of it while doing this. In hind site I feel like I was very robotic and not in control. Everything was being set up in front of me and felt as if I was only watching it be done.

After cleaning my chests with a surgical scrub I but a pair of gloves on and proceeded to open the surgical marker. After that I removed the surgical marker from its pack and started to sketch the design on. In all honesty I didn't try and get it "perfectly" drawn because I wanted it to sort of "flow". After the few initial sketches I switched to a new pair of gloves and opened the first scalpel.

Taking a moment to take a few breaths to ready myself I made the first cut while looking in the mirror to examine what I was doing. It was a slight burn at first but than settled in to feeling really like irritation but nothing that I couldn't handle. Then the blood came. The funny thing about the bleeding was it didn't start till after each line was finished. Almost a delayed reaction on my bodies part. I could get over how sharp the scalpels really were. It seemed like a strange thought to be having. So I quickly refocused on the task at hand.

After all the line work was done I looked at my chest and decided to not go much deeper because I only wanted thin line work. After dabbing the blood off of my chest I picked up the dermal punch that would be making the circle on my chest. I looked at the punch for a few seconds taking in its design and unsightly green handle. But hey it's not a piece of art it's a tool so I moved on. It was probably the oddest feeling of the whole experience. The twisting of the punch wasn't painful just strange.

When everything was finished I cleaned myself up and took clean gauze and sat it on my chest to make in imprint. When I removed the gauze their was my chest cutting in its glory on this gauze. I quickly thought to save it for sentimental reasons and sat it on the dresser. I cleaned up the things I had been using than sat down to enjoy a bowl and some reflection time.

Trying to sleep that evening was a little uncomfortable, but definitely well enjoyed. The first shower burned liked you couldn't believe. I used a facial scrub and peroxide to clean and irritate it in the shower twice a day. Forcing my self to scrub and clean it when it was sore was all part of the daily schedule.

I have to say that things turned out nicely. I really enjoy the lines that I managed to produce but have been thinking about widening them up a little bit. It wasn't for the faint of heart but I advice it to any one who has issues with their own inner person. It's beautiful and the experience was a well-taken journey.

I hope this experience although long was worth the read for any one who sat through it in its entirety. I apologize if it skips around in its reading but it's a small part of me and hopefully a small part of you as well.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 08 March 2002
in Scarification

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Artist: self+done
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