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Why I Am Stupid

I am not a real big modification expert, and I hope that this qualifies as scarification. About a year ago I met this girl named Jean. I suppose the matter of how we met is irrelevant, so I won't go into detail. The point is this; Jean is the cause of the entire story and actually the entire reason I even want a membership. Jean is a really swell girl. She is really into all kinds of modifications. Piercings, tattoos, henna, you name it. These are all things I have learned over the last year. Over the months, we became very close, indeed. She told me her problems, I told her mine. We did all that mushy stuff. Most of her problems had to do with school and stress. Jean is a tremendous over-achiever. On the other hand, my problems were mostly really dumb shit like drinking and possibly being gay. This has a point. It will come into play later in the story. As we grew close I thought it would be great to pierce something for Jean's sake. I mean, she's a really cool friend, and I'm not the kind of guy who really gives a crap about his body. So I got my ear pierced at Claire's at my local mall. This isn't the story of my piercing. That would just be too boring. Well, I got my ear pierced, and of course, Jean, being the great person she is thought it was wonderful and I felt all warm inside, like a puppy receiving the gratitude of it's master. Time passed by and she pierced more and more of her own body and that was cool, because Jean was cool. She was so interested in this stuff that she made a web site. That was great because now I could see pictures of her and her piercings from the comfort of my computer chair and I could see what has happened in her day in case she forgot to tell me. Actually, I wasn't real worried about her forgetting to tell me anything because we talked on the phone at least a few hours a day at this point. Throughout the months her problems pretty much remained constant, because that is the way school is. The only real solution is graduation or dropping out. My problems, unfortunately, got worse. I started to grow angry with Jean for no reason, possibly because of the numerous drugs I was taking. I can't remember why I did the things I did, I only remember regretting them. But I would snap at her and tell her that I didn't want to be her friend anymore and a few days later call her apologetically asking for her forgiveness. Anyone who knows Jean, knows that she isn't the type of person that would allow herself to be walked on. What this meant to me is that I could only push my luck so far. She was actually quite tolerant with me; I guess I should have taken that as a sign of her deep feelings for me. But I didn't. I pushed her further and further. I would call her in the middle of the night drunk. I would say mean things on a daily basis. Finally, after one final event, Jean couldn't take it anymore. I won't go into details on this, because it really is personal, but I'll tell you, if you knew the truth, you would most definitely not want to be my friend. We had one last conversation. She cried. She cried a lot. I didn't even try to fix what I broke. I told her that she was being stupid and blowing things out of proportion. She told me not to call her the next day and I didn't. I guess maybe a week later, reality kicked in. I tried talking to her. She wouldn't listen. I couldn't blame her. At first, I became depressed as hell. (I'm finally getting to the point.) I didn't eat for a week and I did many things to inflict pain upon myself. One of them was to carve her name on my left shoulder. This may seem like the act of an irrational, dumb kid. But, odds are, you probably just don't understand me. In my logic, I had taken a year of her life away from her, and that was more than worthy of a small space on my body. This would be a constant reminder of my mistake and of how I felt at the time. I haven't talked to Jean since. I still care about her so much, but we have no common friends. Her web site is the only way I have of knowing that she is okay. That is why I am sending in the story of my modification and why I am hoping that this qualifies and I can get a membership. (Which, as far as I know, is needed to view another member's web site.) Once I finally get a web cam, I can send in a picture.


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 04 Sept. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Myself
Studio: Well..+I+did+it+at+my+school..
Location: Garland%2C+Texas

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