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A Pubic Cutting

It was the day before they were to leave. Jason & Frances Sand had been

visiting for close to a week. My wife Agni had planned for us to do a group energy pull with them, but our friend who was to bring the hooks and needles ended up not making it over. Jason suggested then that we all do cuttings instead, which would be something permanent. Weonly had enough blades for one good cutting though, so I stepped forward with an idea that I'd had in mind since June, for a pubic cutting. Frances had done more cuttings than anyone else, so she offered to be the one to do the cutting. My original idea was to cut several vertical curved lines up & several horizontal ones crossing them, to make a screen-like texture there, & to then tattoo in the negative space with black. On the way to work the next day the full weight of it hit me. That wouldn't be much of a tattoo. Did I really want to decide between an intricate tattoo & an intricate scar? I didn't. so I began to think of a better scar idea, one that would leave room for some nice tattoo work later. I sketched up an idea on a note pad & thought right away that I likes it, the first sketch. I figure when it comes that quick, it's an inspiration not to be passed up. That day I took a marker into the men's room with me & sat down with the stall door closed & drew it on. I loved it. I went home & discussed it with Frances. This was a little more detailed a design, four symmetrical spirals intertwined, two on either side, & several triangular points for texture, but luckily Frances still was not hesitant to do it. She touched up the design a bit & we were ready to go. This was to be my first cutting ever, but for some reason I felt surprisingly calm. I never really got butterflies or anything. Not having a proper table exactly, we laid out several pillows, some old sheets over them to soak up the blood, & a couch pad under my back so I could partially sit up. First she drew the pattern onto my skin. We judged it till we all agree it was straight & even, then she took the blade & 'scratched' the whole pattern very carefully to put a groove there that could be followed if the marker smudged off or anything. Then she started cutting. I didn't think it would, but just the small pubic area she cut had a lot of variance to the way the blade felt. She started on the left side in the middle of the pubic area and cut very easily with little pain. It was really soft tissue. I breathed slowly in & out while listening to drums of Crash Worship in the background. I started to focus on the cutting sensations. I brought all of my attention to the point where the blade was & focused on the feeling. For me, the pain of a modification is your prize, your unique experience, so I fully enjoy the feelings when I can. I don't try to think my way out of it, or trick my mind into thinking it's not painful. Just know that no permanent harm is coming from it enables me to override the fight or flight instincts of my flesh, and somehow taking that kind of control over my body brings a nice high with it. As she came up from the softer middle part, closer almost to my stomach, the flesh seemed to get thicker or more leathery. The blade moved more slowly through it till she got used to the toughness there & compensated with more pressure. The whole time so far I was still surprised at how it was an almost soothing kind of pain. It was the most drawn out & slowest acting pain I've felt, so I think that must be what made it so calming. It didn't take on the burning sensation that tattooing does. It just felt like what it was, something nice & sharp moving slowly through me. Then she made it down to the lower parts just beside my scrotum & that was the most painful part. That flesh seemed rigid and harder, or thicker. The blade at first was very slow there & almost had to be jerked through. I could even feel it being impeded by bits of stubble & a scratching sound accompanied the tugging motions of the blade. After she finished that side came a cool wiping off, & just like tattooing, it was both refreshing & cool, reminding me part of it had been completed. While she & Jason & Agni took a smoke break I watched the blood fill the grooves of the cut. I like to see my blood so that was really beautiful. I knew I'd only see the cut like that once, so I stared & enjoyed the feeling of it filling the cut & dripping out a bit. She did the same to the other side & then noticed a few spots that were wider or thinner than others. She went back over those & that hurt a little more of course. The flesh was definitely sensitive at that point & it did feel a bit like a burning sensation then. Soon she was done & it was time for me to take a shower.....but the aftercare is another, much more painful experience.....I'll send that one later -Sasha Kudra 8/2001


submitted by: Anonymous
on: 24 Aug. 2001
in Scarification

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Artist: Frances+Sand
Studio: The+Kudra+Kitchen
Location: Portland%2C+OR

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