I'm very lonely again and not surprising. I think about returning to college but to what avail? I could use the student loan to buy a car but why? It'll just eat up my pension. The hopelessness is becoming insurmountable. I'm just no good for anyone. I'm going to thrust the 2g chopstick thru my cock tomorrow. Then I'm going to buy a padlock. I'm tired of masturbating. I want love. I'm going to leave it on for one year. That's my 2017 resolution to not ejaculate for one year. Maybe that way I can build up some psychic energy to approach another woman. And I want to get it to at least 0g during that time.

A female doctor suggested I let my piercing close. I had gone to ER for a kidney stone two weeks ago. I gave it a try. The color around the hole gained some pink color. But I just couldn't let it close. I'm too kinky and I can't get turned on without it. So I put my 12 gauge industrials back through what appeared to be closed. But a ton of gunk came out. It was like dead skin.

So I plan to get my 6 gauge G-spot ticker back through. I actually visited my ex-girlfriend and am repairing the friendship. Hopefully I'll get to eat her pussy soon and fuck her for my reward. If I'm super lucky she'll give me a blowjob back. I really loved this girl. It's a shame a powder keg went off and she's leaving for a job soon out of state. She's a sweetheart.

The 2 gauge wasnt't healing well so I took it out to have sexual intercourse with my ex girlfriend. Affer sex, I couldn't get it back in the tunnel as it had swolen shut. Plus it was mildly infected sore. As I had torn it wearing a padlock for 48 hours, then kept a 2 gauge stainless steel barbell, it just never healed after tearing and abrading the glans. It's just fine now after almost a week closing shut. I notived it oozing white pus or dead skin cells.

THIS IS A PERMANENT PIERCING. Allowing it to close will form a solid thick scar plug. This blocks the cock nerve unlike an open piercing which transmits nerve energy. The 6-gauge almost slides right in so that's my permanent minimum size. I love my cock piercing so much! I can have any sexual experience I want including self chastity and sadhu mind altering states of prolonged weight.

So after cleaning earlier this morning, I napped. When I awoke my penis was visibly swollen. I went back to the shower and removed the curved barbell. It slipped out easily coated in pus. I was able to get a Q-tip thru my tunnel this time. I showered and put the cleaned barbell back thru with the 6g ball tip. Right now the penis is still red and swollen. The barbell is slippery and moves easily. Tomorrow I'll repeat the procedure to drain it. This always happens when I tear the tunnel by accident.

As I had ravaged my tunnel with a nickel-plated padlock, then ripped it back open with a steel chopstick taper, with my girlfriend watching, naturally I caused bleeding then plugged it with a 2 gauge curved barbell. But the laceration inside remained. So within hours of reinserting the 2g barbell, I was in pretty great pain. As I have had experience with this, I knew I'd have to remove the jewelry and clean the thickened blood knowing full well it'd immediately swell shut.

So I showered and used a Q-tip to clean the bloody ooze after removing it slowly and painfully. It was so sensitive that I couldn't insert the cotton swab thru. Then I went in the shower again and screwed the 6g small bead onto the 2g barbell. This 6g bead is the same diameter as the 2g barbell. That created a smooth tip that wouldn't cut or jam as I forced it back thru the swollen hole. And in the hot shower in 15 minutes I was able to slowly stretch the hole back open.

This morning, the pain having subsided since sleeping, I noticed a little more ooze had come out. As it feels better now I'm sure the lacerations are knitting well. In a week or two I should be ready to wear a padlock with a 1/4" inch diameter shank.