Dick Piers blog. IAM genital play piercing since 1996 and bought first edition of BME Modern Primitives. 

MODS: 9mm coronal halfadravya / 75 mm subincision / 25 mm head split / auto circumcision

Retired: 12 mm industrial ampallang

INK: none

Diary

taper falls out, back to two barbells
4/6/2016 | 0 comments

I used a bench vise to push a 6 gauge taper thru my established 10 gauge apadravya. It hurt. The next day I noticed tears around the holes when I cleaned it. I wasn't able to replace the taper yet. So I fell back to 14 gauge barbells. I slept with three (one was a sweing needle) but the next morning it began to run. I cleaned it again and noticed the three barbells left an undesired stretch pattern behind the ridge.

As I had been stretching the hole with a bungee, the night before, I replaced just the two 14 gauge barbells. I squeezed them to get them flat and parallel. I prefer lateral stretching parallel to the corona ridge. I tied the barbells flat and stretched this morning. The sensation was phenominal. However, thinking about Shannon Larratt, how his family treated him, and comparing has me feeling down.

I struggled with mental health challenges my entire life too.  In fact, I would blame Modern Primitives for corrupting me in therapy sessions. All I know is that book changed my life. But it was my going into the closet, hiding my sexual fetish, that did the worst harm. Even Freud writes about sexual repression. So for twenty years, rather than embrace my BME fetish, I let it eat away at me like Gilbert Grape.

Fast forward. My life is stable and I don't rent anymore. I don't have to work to survive. I live in paradise. But Hilo is so fucking small a town. There's no nightlife. And I have this massive penis fetish. I never tried to ask a pretty woman out because I feared she's judge my cock. So I'd date less attractive, crazier, and/or larger women instead.. Rather I should say ten. And wouldn't you know it? Even women who ostensibly have flaws rejected me every time.

Now approaching thirty eight, I'm in a position to have a relationship. I've tried every dating site. I even joined BME this April. Maybe I've taken my CBT too far because I just lie in bed all day. I used to talk a bunch of shit. Now I don't even care to share my thoughts. I'm just saving every nickel until Summer to buy another car.

I've decided I'm going to grow up. I've never gone to bars or places where women go. It's time I accept my body. I know that women even with copious amounts of ostensible flaws can have exceedingly high self esteem. Even they will judge. So I'm giving up social networking. Computers have been a crutch my whole life. It's time I go into the real world and approach people I like. 

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