Dick Piers blog. IAM genital play piercing since 1996 and bought first edition of BME Modern Primitives.
MODS: 0 gauge 5/16-in 8.3 mm apadravya behind the corona / halfadravya / reverse PA
RETIRED: 6 ga Prince Albert to subincision, 12 gauge apadravya to head split, 12 gauge ampallang
5/3/2016 | 0 comments
Basically it began with a smaller size needle for sewing. As others more medically inclined can tell you, the meat just behind the head in that groove is tough. So I'd leave the needle in a few days, let scar tissue form, then repeat when I felt the urge. All sessions were cold turkey and did hurt. After awhile I got some syringe needles fr
4/8/2016 | 0 comments
I think it's kicking in but I still get erections from the increased histamine. I calculated the combined diameter of the stretch is 4.8 mm. I lost my 8 gauge taper so I improvised. I prefer the sensation of a parallel stretch. But I need to increase the sizes very soon. I'm bored. I'm stretching my cock now.
I had to take a break streching to pressure wash my orifice, massage my organ rapidly, and ejaculate to ensure circulation. Then I replaced the two barbells. I taped two tooth picks linear to brace the piercings. They've migrated nicely into position. The upper and lower tears are healing well. Next time I won't force the taper in with a vise. It's not a rally car race.
4/7/2016 | 0 comments
Dear BME Community,
I have struggled with mental health challenges stemming from an unhealthy home as long as I recall. The one thing prevalent all along was a desire to have someone to listen. I never had that growing up. Today I still have no friends or family to listen. They've written me off as crazy like was done to Shannon Larratt. And I cannot blame any longer Modern Primitives for affecting me. That would be like blaming the author. And I see posthumously that he had to confront a similar challenge.
I stumbled upon the Wikipedia article, Asexuality, and realized I'm basically asexual, semisexual, or Gray Ace. That didn't surprise me. It was an enlightening article. Then I saw a blurb that made me question: Researchers Richards and Barker report that asexuals do not have disproportionate rates of alexithymia, depression, or personality disorders. Some people, however, may identify as asexual even if their non-sexual state is explained by one or more of the aforementioned disorders.
Alexithymia? I looked it up. It means the inability to identify and express verbally emotion. Long story short, theory says when someone experiences emotional trauma so great that it threatens the identity, the mind pulverizes all emotional processes. War veterans also have this frequently as do autism spectrum disorders, eating disorders, substance use and trauma.
Alexithymics can't describe what they're feeling. So much emotion gets locked away inside. That's not healthy. Unable to use words to cognitively cope, they can develop bizarre sexual behaviours to release. Now I see given my health conditions that's what happened in my case.
So it's not book's fault, or BME, for why I'm this way. I happen to have mild autistic spectrum disorder, and health conditions, and environmental, that predisposed my brain to develop alexithymia. That's why I literally can't describe what I'm feeling. Even my thoughts are lost recently.
That's not good news. Well, it is what it is. Now I know, when I go to a bar, WHY I physically can't talk to anyone. I can't process what I'm feeling. So I come off as distant and aloof even though I'm really sensitive. How am I ever going to make an emotional connection if I cannot process emotion?
That explains my relationships. I feel so lost. I'm gonna stretch my cock. The pain mixed with pleasure helps clear my head. That's the problem. I'm too Zen.
4/6/2016 | 0 comments
A little history about my body modification saga, I was exposed to BME Modern Primitives book as a minor around 1996. It deeply moved me and some might argue possess me. Nevertheless I became addicted to the genre. My first piercing was a sewing needle thru my ex-foreskin around age 16. As I wasn't circumsized, my first mod was piercing and stretching my frenum. Not long thereafter I snipped the frenum to expose more glans.
I remember doing ampallangs with a sewing needle, just play piercing, letting it bleed and heal. I remember the popping sensation of the needle penetrating later after layer inside my glans. I even started with fire play and cauterized the ampallang. That's why you see a scar on both sides of my glans. But I let the amp close and haven't opened it since 2001 but I'm planning it.
Then I became obsessed with Prince Albert. I started small and tapered it with large sewing needles. Then let it close. Play piercing. But eventually I cut the PA wide open with a jeweler's file. From there I had a permanent PA I kept tapering. But I found it was difficult to piss. The pressure would spray in two directions.
The head split began around 2010 when I used a bench vice to push three darts thru my glans. I kept the center hole thru my glans above the established Prince Albert. I tried to keep the apadravya but it kept getting infected and swollen. Nonetheless, now I was pissing in three directions up at my face under the high pressure! So I made the decision to split my head and subincise my urethra to move the opening.
I should mention sometime around 2010 I also circumsized myself with a film canister. I left extra so there's a partial foreskin.
I began with a meatotomy. Ah, using the scissors the first time, no clamps, the fear. I just made little cuts. I'd let them heal. I'd cut again. Keep in mind I'd only read Modern Primitives. I was ashamed of my fetish. The secret ate away at me. I'm only now accepting it. So I'd never heard of clamping the meatotomy into paper. I kiind of liked the bleeding.
I kept going father back with the meatotomy until it became a subincision. The apadravya had become fixed. And I could pee straight. But my fetish had to keep going farther. I wanted the split cock I'd seen as a boy. So using a straight razor, I slowly cut above the apadravys until pop it split. The bathtub was a mess. I'm sorry I didn't document my transformation.
So now I have a split head with subincision but no piercing. The thing I had feared most was the shaft piercing. The coronal apadravya. I'd read about it on the recent Internet. And I got obsessed with having it myself. So I began with sewing needles behind my head. It was play piercing so I'd leave it a few days, let it heal and start over. That's because I was freehanding. It''s very hard to push a straight needle freehand thru a thick piece of flesh. I failed at least twenty times using my split cock as a pin cushion.
I cauterized my apadravya in 2015 using a lighter and a barbell. I kept the lighter on for 60 seconds. I could hear my glans sizzling from the inside. Eventually I couldn't feel it cooking anymore.. The sensation was the most intense of my life. I had wanted to reduce or eliminate my ability to climax. The nerves grew back. Although I can cum it's entirely a different sensation. It takes a while and usually I don't finish during intercourse.
Finally, some four years later, in 2016, I have a permanent deep shaft apadravya behind my corona. I've accepted who I am and love it. In March I opened up to the world on BME. I stretch my penis every night until it hurts. Just this April I tried a double barbell stretch and loved it. Today, March 5, I tapered my halfadravya to 6 gauge using a potato wedge and a bench vice. The main thing is that I keep the ability to have an erection and/or orgasm. So I plan to stop at 0 gauge and let the tissue adjust.
4/6/2016 | 0 comments
I used a bench vise to push a 6 gauge taper thru my established 10 gauge apadravya. It hurt. The next day I noticed tears around the holes when I cleaned it. I wasn't able to replace the taper yet. So I fell back to 14 gauge barbells. I slept with three (one was a sweing needle) but the next morning it began to run. I cleaned it again and noticed the three barbells left an undesired stretch pattern behind the ridge.
As I had been stretching the hole with a bungee, the night before, I replaced just the two 14 gauge barbells. I squeezed them to get them flat and parallel. I prefer lateral stretching parallel to the corona ridge. I tied the barbells flat and stretched this morning. The sensation was phenominal. However, thinking about Shannon Larratt, how his family treated him, and comparing has me feeling down.
I struggled with mental health challenges my entire life too. In fact, I would blame Modern Primitives for corrupting me in therapy sessions. All I know is that book changed my life. But it was my going into the closet, hiding my sexual fetish, that did the worst harm. Even Freud writes about sexual repression. So for twenty years, rather than embrace my BME fetish, I let it eat away at me like Gilbert Grape.
Fast forward. My life is stable and I don't rent anymore. I don't have to work to survive. I live in paradise. But Hilo is so fucking small a town. There's no nightlife. And I have this massive penis fetish. I never tried to ask a pretty woman out because I feared she's judge my cock. So I'd date less attractive, crazier, and/or larger women instead.. Rather I should say ten. And wouldn't you know it? Even women who ostensibly have flaws rejected me every time.
Now approaching thirty eight, I'm in a position to have a relationship. I've tried every dating site. I even joined BME this April. Maybe I've taken my CBT too far because I just lie in bed all day. I used to talk a bunch of shit. Now I don't even care to share my thoughts. I'm just saving every nickel until Summer to buy another car.
I've decided I'm going to grow up. I've never gone to bars or places where women go. It's time I accept my body. I know that women even with copious amounts of ostensible flaws can have exceedingly high self esteem. Even they will judge. So I'm giving up social networking. Computers have been a crutch my whole life. It's time I go into the real world and approach people I like.