I first talked to James several years ago. At the time he was a minor seeking answers to questions about heavy mods. In all honesty, I didn’t take him too seriously. I foolishly lumped him in with several other young modders that seemed to be more into the fantasy of obtaining heavy mods than the reality of doing so. In fact, I distinctly remember some photo editing of mods onto a picture of his face at one point which made it truly seem as if it was all just fantasy for him.
However, as years passed, it became obvious he was totally serious with his desires and he began to get all the mods he had previously spoken with me about.
Several years ago, he interviewed me for the now defunct youngmodders.com. Now it is time for me to turn the tables and interview him. So without further ado, I give you a conversation with the now 26-year-old James Keen.
Sean: So, James, tell us how you first got interested in body mods.
James: Funny thing how it all started, I had desire for things like castration and face tattooing at an early age BUT what got me started was me and my friends sitting around listening to the band Korn. This is when they released the album Life Is Peachy I believe. We were sitting around listening to Korn all day and I saw my friend’s poster of the lead singer and noticed he had 3 eyebrow rings. At the time I was about 15 years old. We were all chicken shit to even venture off into piercing even though I secretly wanted to be castrated.
A few days went by and the more I saw the poster, the more this primitive urge in me said “get your eyebrow pierced!” I admit, for me it was a big step, one that would change the outcome for me on everything. Including castration and the works. At the time I believe you had to be 16 with parental consent. But I knew I needed it, the urge was bad. The more I thought of it, the more I wanted it. We all had a mutual friend who knew a guy who did piercings for minors. This is obviously a no-no for anyone out there. Get pierced the right way! But for me, I took the risk. I went in, paid him 20 dollars and he had piercing needles. He even opened one up in front of me with a new pack of jewelry. At the time things seemed clean, but looking back there were obvious signs I shouldn’t have gotten it. But I don’t regret it.
He then pierced my eyebrow at a 16 gauge. My parents saw, raised hell, and we had The Long Talk. To my surprise they said if I waited until I was 16 they would consent for a simple piercing. I kept the eyebrow for a year before moving on.
Sean: And move on you did! By far the most attention grabbing modification you have is your extensive facial tattooing, why don’t you tell us about those pieces.
James: Facial tattoos go back to me being a kid. I’m sure as kids we all painted on ourselves to look different or for fun. I remember seeing a magazine where a tribesman had designs tattooed on his face. I thought that was just beautiful. As a kid I then started painting my face, but to my disappointment it washed off. Then later I moved on to markers and pens and whatever I could get my hands on. My parents could not figure out why I was doing it. To me it felt… natural! Later on I would end up with my face covered in tattoos. It started off with me testing the waters, a spur of the moment tattoo. On my forehead I had a bullet hole wound tattooed, Which has since been covered up. On my one cheek I had a color organic bio-mech piece, the other a black and grey rotting jaw reconstruction. Later I added line work for my chin which is an eye with tentacles. And my bullet hole was covered up by skulls and bio-mech type style work.
The cheeks represent a yin yang type thing, the color organic is to show people I am beautiful, I am nice and forgiving, and I have a good heart. The other cheek is to show that even though I’m good I still have bad in me like most do. The eyes and worm in it show I am human and my bad is a fault that will watch over me and feed on me until the day I die. The forehead piece actually is like a crude crown of skulls to show my imperfections. And the line work with tentacles holds everything together with the eye watching over all of me.
Sean: To an outsider, the facial tattoos would seem like the most life changing modification you have. However, knowing that you have been castrated, a modification which changes you chemically as well as just aesthetically, I would presume that is your biggest life changing mod. How did the desire to become a eunuch come about and how has life changed since the procedure?
James: At a young age and honestly, the motivation actually started with me wanting to be genderless. The feeling that I am not a male or female. At the time, I felt like my penis and testicles mostly didn’t belong. Though I never thought of just coming out and cutting them off. It was more of, “I do not like these, how can I rid myself of it?” This went on for years until I hit puberty. Then I really hated it. The sex drive is one thing I didn’t care for. Oddly enough I was having sex only to ease the craving I would get from the testosterone produced from my testicles. I then remember watching something about gender reassignment surgery. And then it hit me, maybe I could get my testicles removed and penis! At the very least my testicles!
I was young and for years I struggled with it. I felt like I was the only one. I then came across a site called the Eunuch Archive. And realized I wasn’t so alone. People have and wanted to get what I wanted. Most were going to surgeons to get this goal accomplished. It was then I learned full genital removal was like the city of gold, very few find it. So I made things reasonable for myself. Get castrated, and get it done so I could rid myself of what I was cursed with. In all honesty, I should have gone to a surgeon, but I didn’t. Instead I sought out a Cutter. It took a long time, but I found one. Once again I was faced with taking a chance, and I took it.
The cutter I will not reveal, or where it was done. However, I will say he only required the supplies to do the procedure with. He did the procedure, left a stint in for draining purposes and sealed the scrotum up. I remember as my second testicle was being clipped from the body, it was an experience I won’t forget! The feeling of YES it is finally done! I remember it all like yesterday. Months after, and I’m talking 3-4 months of not taking testosterone shots or anything, I started getting hot flashes. Basically going through what a woman does in menopause. After that I no longer have them, life is good. My body hair is finer than it used to be. I can say I no longer want my penis gone, Ill keep it only because now I can tell castration really made me the person who I was supposed to be. My only worry now is osteoporosis.
Sean: I know that you didn’t go into the castration alone, you did it with your then partner, luvpain. How was this relationship?
James: My relationship with luvpain was up and down, not his fault. Its just I had jealousy problems which put strain on our relationship. We shared everything, including castration. Once we were both castrated, sex died down greatly which was okay. We started to cuddle more, kiss, caress and for fun I would do sexual things to him just to see if I could make another eunuch get off. Sorry for the blunt image. He is a wonderful soul and I feel ashamed of how I treated him since he has passed on. After that, I was actually in a relationship with a girl. Which is super odd. At first she was like how can we make this work if you don’t use your penis? I gave mostly oral sex and it lasted a while. Until she wanted me to move with her, I couldn’t do it. So we parted ways and I told her I hope she has a fulfilling life.
I have no preference sexually. I love both women, men, transgendered and what not. Even genderless people. For me a penis or vagina doesn’t matter. I look beyond that. As a eunuch, I think I can.
Sean: You have also removed your nipples, how did this mod fit into the overall plan?
James: Well the motivation for my nipple removal was simple, I wanted a Ken Doll-like effect. Unlike my castration nipple removal was purely cosmetic. I remember getting both done and keeping the nipple skin as a souvnir. I cannot remember what happend to it afterwards though.
Sean: Trophies like that do tend to get lost over time. So you want a modded “Ken doll,” does this mean you have, or plan on getting a full penectomy?
James: I dont, I wish. I been trying to get a penectomy for years now. All I have is castration, a subincision and a head split.
Sean: “All I have”, haha, that is one way of looking at it! So is the penectomy on the long term plan? Are you just looking for a practitioner?
James: Penectomy is definatly still the plan, I once said that castration may suit me but I do want a penectomy. It’s who I am. I am not the type of person who wants a deep penectomy, one flush to the body will do me just fine. Getting a penectomy is like finding the lost city of gold, it exists possibly but very hard to get to.
Sean: Judging by what we have spoken about, and the pictures you submitted, you are extremely modified. Aside form the penectomy, are you done, or are more major modifications in your future?
James: As far as major mods go, I want a full body suit tattoo. I have a back piece going on with a full torso piece coming up. I want my left pinky tip amputated but that is to be decided. I have an amputation fetish. There is something about amputees, especially small digit amputations that really gets me going. Its more of a sexual thrill. I think a pinky tip missing is not only aesthetically pleasing but sexy at the same time. So it would only be in due time I would want the same beauty of what it offers unto myself.
Sean: I assume you have you seen the toecutter videos on BME?
James: I have! I actually have! It was something to see too! For me watching the toecutter videos is equivalent to a normal guy watching porn! I know it sounds strange, but like I said before, small digit amputation gets me going. I remember seeing him using a chisel on one of his fingers. It was amazing, beautiful and erotic! I remember seeing pics of his feet to. He definitely has a craft for it.
Sean: I imagine your mods have a huge impact on your day to day life, but what is your daily life like outside of the mods?
James: Well I work from home, pretty uneventful. Then I also have a second job which pays minimum wage. Washing dishes and cooking at a independent restaurant in my town. Lucky for me they know me and gave me a job and I work in the back where no one sees me. Then there is video games. I love video games. I actually own three video game consoles, the Nintendo Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360. Tons of games, and an HDTV to get the best out of my gaming experience. I also meditate heavily, I tend to meditate in calm environments.
Sean: One last thing, I distinctly remember you from is your work on youngmodders.com. Since most of our readers probably won’t be familiar with that site, why don’t you tell them a bit about it.
James: I remember youngmodders.com WOW I was young then! I remember when Shannon was running things and I came to him with ideas, he seemed to think it was a good one and set me up with a site. The idea was to have young modified people run a site for those who were younger. A place for discussion and without judgment. I did say that once you reach I believe age 18 or over, you pass the torch to another young modder to take over. Many people do not know I was involved in that, me and another fellow. It was a highlight of my life that I still hold high in regards.
Comments
88 responses to “Interview with James Keen; a young, heavily modified, eunuch.”
i really agree with Aloof.
if there is an expectation here that people are to understand and respect james’ extreme modifications as a deeply personal choice, there should be equal respect and understanding given to the deeply personal views and values that oppose/can’t relate/don’t understand what james is doing/has done.
shouldn’t everybody in the modified community understand this duality? have we not all been faced with opposition at some point or another, when a stranger asks you why you would “do that” to your body? when someone expresses disdain toward my modifications i don’t get upset because just as it is my right to do what i please with my body, others have the right to react however they please.
yes, body modification is motivated by the internal, but it resides externally, and inevitably, there will be a plethora of varying reactions and responses.
It’s really funny how people play the “mental illness” card as soon as someone’s body modifications question sex and/or gender. It looks like this is a line that can’t be crossed for some stupid people.
As a transgendered person, i just love reading interviews of people like James, people that push the limits and boundaries.
James, you’re awesome.
Dear James, I understand perfectly you wanted to take something out from your body, but I seem you have to work on it for a lot …
Bye Jim !!!!!
It’s not the sex/gender issues, Kira, although as you well know, gender dysphoria (more formally Gender Identity Disorder or GID) is also a psychiatric classification, and so is Body Integrity Identity Disorder (or BIID or Amputee Identity Disorder), in which people want to amputate healthy limbs or digits. I by no means think every body modification is problematic (I have tattoos and piercings myself, and I’m interested in them or I wouldn’t be here), and I certainly acknowledge some people’s views about the medicalization of our lives and iatrogenic problems (although I’m sure even those people don’t hesitate to turn to their doctor when they’ve got a sufficiently alarming medical problem), but the fact remains that medical and psychiatric issues are being dealt with on BME as “body modification,” and I think that’s problematic.
BME gives people on a wide spectrum a chance to come together and realise that as strange, disturbing or abstract some believe our ideas to be, there will always be people to listen and perhaps understand the direction of our thoughts. BME hard and extreme are only accessable by payment for a reason – and that is so that young impressionable people won’t wander in and go, “That seems like a good idea” and harm themselves in the process. This site was built for tolerance and sharing experiences but lately there have been a flood of negative people and comments.
I will concede to Wob’s point that not all body modification will stem from a good place, but I believe that people who immediately class a person as mentally ill for choices they’ve made should perhaps think more about what they are saying. Certainly in this case James has followed a path that has seemed right to him for many years, and long before he acted on those wants and needs.
In all, whether it’s a 18g nose ring or 6mm tunnels in a person’s nostril or something far more life changing, it is still a modification of a person’s body and it’s documentation belongs here. We won’t always agree with a person’s choice in aesthetics, nor will we always understand a person’s compulsion to do some of the things we see here, but I believe we shouldn’t immediately judge a person by a handful of pictures or words. We are given a glimpse into a person’s life and we don’t see the full the picture.
@ James Keen: thank you for commenting. I didn’t see your comment yesterday, didn’t see it until this morning.
I know there’s a distinction between mental and physical arousal. But I wasn’t sure if that was the case for you and I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.
It’s interesting to read that a physical arousal can be so annoying (for lack of a better term. English is not my first language and I’m not fully awake yet.. but I think you get what I mean) that one wants to eliminate the source of it. I personally don’t experience that feeling; so for me there isn’t such a clear distinction between physical and mental arousal. But from what I’ve learned from my study in psychology i do understand how that can work in the body and the brain. And the way you explain it in 3 sentences says it all. 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story.
I remember when I started reading modblog, there were never any negative comments, and if so they had substance and were critiques of the procedure. Sadly, it seems that BME is becoming more popular and the narrow minded have somehow snuck into the community. Please leave your negative comments somewhere else they are not wanted or needed. Keep the dream alive James!!
@Wob : As you may know, gender dysphoria was classified as a mental issue right when homosexuality got out of mental illness classifications. I won’t get into a debate on sex/gender, medical control, straight culture and the heterosexual matrix because that would be too long. But the fact is that medical classifications about what is healthy and what is not is to be analysed answering those questions : Who classifies what? Why? When? What for?
Medical knowledge and speech, as well as pretty much every scientific field, has an history that can be linked to class/sex/race struggles and culture. It’s all about power-knowledge.
Plus, I don’t get why getting a labia minor reduction surgery to fit a fictional woman body representation would be ok and healthy (it’s even one of the rare plastic surgeries that is reimbursed by social security in France, where i live in), but wanting a castration would be insane (this surgery is for example illegal in France if you don’t have a testicule cancer, even for transgenders). If this is not something to linked with straight culture and heterosexual matrix, then, what is it?
I kind of feel like I’m being the angry feminist person right now. That might be some kind of mental disorder too.
Is modblog updated monthly now ? ;-P
@mela: No, it’s BMEZINE.COM that’s updated monthly now. Geez, get your facts straight. 🙂
I kind of feel like I’m being the angry feminist person right now. That might be some kind of mental disorder too.
Oh yeah, I have it on good authority that it is 😉 Just adding a +1 to everything you said, Kira. Right on.
This was a fairly interesting piece, hope there will be more like it.
finally got the attention he wanted!
No more modblog on weekends? 🙁
Im sorry but this sucks. BME is my homepage and the first thing I do when I get on is check modblog and new pictures. I actually just changed it because Im sick of seeing the same shit. I know everyone’s busy but come on this is your guys website and there’s mass of you that are online everyday. Give us something!!!!
this site used to be constantly updated so i’d always have something to look at. i’m really disappointed with the lack of updating. definitely not my favorite site anymore.
oh& i will also comment on the actual piece. very interesting, more power to him for being able to look past the sexual side of relationships and actually love everyone while being genderless. very inspiring.
off topic, but nice to hear that korn was your inspiration! me and my siblings also used to sit around all day and have philosophical conversations while listening to korn, and we all ended up getting heavily modded at an early age (with absolutly no regrets!) –so rock on and enjoy life 🙂
Yes, BME is on the decline, slowly sinking into a pit of obscurity.
It’s funny because BME really inspired me to get so heavily into modifications.
I suppose it’s reasonable to assert that now, many years later, it has caused my utter lack of respect for the industry.
It gave birth to it’s own executioner.
Much respect to James for at least being open, but realy now…
I read his blog entries and I must say he is a very sad person.
It hurts me to consider how many people support his confusion and promote his self destructive behavior.
It does not take a therapist or a doctor or a shaman to realize how utterly unhappy he is.
Read his words for crying out loud!
Yet there are always “practioniers” who will exploit these individuals for profit.
Doesn’t seem much different from the average, Western type doctor who perscribes shit loads of anti-depressants to just about anyone who walks through the door with a problem.
What I want to know is how changing the surface of one’s flesh changes anything other than one’s appearance and other people’s opinion’s of said appearance.
True, the body modification culture has grown tremendously over the years yet still remains to be quite a tiny microcosm of culture, a miniscule fringe counter-culture that depends on mainstream money to pay their rent.
Body modifications seemed to morph into yet another competitive activity in which the participants battle their way towards total and complete alienation.
It is really no different from any other cult which succeeds in completely isolating and reprogramming an individual into being a person who can no longer fit in any other culture besides then it’s own.
Really now, think about it, 16 year old kids with 2 inch ears all blown out and hideous facial tattoos.
Are we as a community encouraging teenagers to live in their parent’s basements forever and work as dishwashers in resturants owned by their parent’s friends?
True, one could always become a piercer or tattoo artist, but that sounds an awful lot like indoctrination.
How many of you shop at 24 hour Walmarts so you can buy household products at 2 in the morning to avoid all the, “Dude, what the fuck, did that shit hurt?” question/comments?
Is that avoidant quality of life really healthy? Do you enjoy it? Does misery love company?
To each their own, but I cannot fathom any ONE person comfortable with that fate, at least any one rational and mature.
How many of us spend more time on a computer screen than out in public?
How many of us watched our parent’s squander their lives in front of a TV like zombies?
How are we different these days?
Because the TV is now “Interactive” and customizable?
I have a feeling you ALL have been lied to.
Aloof, I feel that your comment sheds light on nothing but your shallow and bleak opinion of modification. it’s a personal and spiritual life choice for countless people. Congratulations, you’ve just thoroughly condemned the actions and choices of an entire culture.
obviously, woo for you.
The guy is obviously mentally retarded, yet we have cheerleaders here for people who cut off their body parts lol amazing culture…
Modblog… :C What’s going on, guys?
@ Jeff — Retarded?! WTF? I think you have your terminology confused. There are several comments assuming that James is mentally *ill,* which is a completely different matter and has nothing to do with intelligence. He seems smart enough to me. I’m not qualified to say whether or not he’s mentally ill. Not just because I’m not a shrink, but because this one interview is all I know of the person. And all most of you have to judge him on.
Somebody get homeboy some chapstick already.
Life is for living. Don’t restrict yourself because of religious bullshit or society.
Good on you James. 🙂
I have avoided posting any comments on this particular post so far, but comment #64 (quoted: “The guy is obviously mentally retarded, yet we have cheerleaders here for people who cut off their body parts lol amazing culture…”) kind of ticked me off. I understand that everybody has a right to their own opinion but I just don’t see how this statement applies.
James has shown the ability to be coherent, which is a pretty good sign that he isn’t ‘retarded’. It also seems like he has the ability to take care of himself, especially when it comes to something as serious as surgical removal of something in an area that could breed so much bacteria (also include healed tattoos, stretched piercings with no blowouts, etc…)
As for the ridiculous ‘mentally ill’ debate that seems to be going on. That’s just a bunch of speculation based on a single article. Plus mental illness is extremely common, so if it is true which it may be, I’d rather somebody do all of this than turn to heroin and become a junkie and (possibly) live with Hep C, AIDS et cetera or die of an overdose in an empty room.
James,
If I had balls I would probably keep ‘em, but with that said, I’m backing you on your choices.
jeff “The guy is obviously mentally retarded, yet we have cheerleaders here for people who cut off their body parts lol amazing culture…”
i could say the same thing about you, saying silly things on the internet about something that has NOTHING to do with you, its HIS body, what HE chooses to do is upto HIM, some people will choose to “admire” him for doing what he does, the same way some people will “admire” paris hilton, same meat different gravy.
as for the “i dont like how tattoos look on overweight people” well, that was just irrelevant, tattoos look the same one everyone, just eveyone has a slightly different “canvas” to start with.
and for all the “hes mentally ill’ crap, let me put it this way, this guys found something he likes to do, hes a nice guy, he treats people well by what it seams, and sure, hes done some things that are quite far out there, hes not the one calling someone “mentally ill’ and “retarded”….. think about it
damn modblog is updated like every week now huh?
and bmezine.com seems likes its NEVER updated.
damn get on that shit mang before people stop going on it just sayyin’ 😉
and to the person that made that comment about going to wal mart at 2am and not going out in public and not getting good jobs FUCK YOU.i & all the people i know that are modified go out in public ..alot? 🙂
and i do know someone with a good jobs and who is coverd in tats and has plugs and dosent work in a shop.
….oh i like his lip stretching but honestly idk about the removing the balls.maybe he is mentally ill but i wouldn’t know
oh my gosh dose no one read the main page? THE MAIN WEBSITE IS BEING UPDATED NO NEW MEDIA IS BEING UPLOADED BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH WORK TO DO!
here is the new-looking site http://beta.bmezine.com/ go knock yourself out, if you’d like to see new stuff on modblog, send the posters an email with what you have, its not hard.
I woujld very much like to get ink on my face. I would like my sideburns tattooed with half a skul. I would like by chin tattooed, and the ae between my sideburn and chin tattooed with some Jack Mosher style ink. The I want a sailing ship on the back of my head the words “Convenion Bound” tattooed above the shiip. Then I want some ink from the ship to my bridge. When healed I want some dernal inserts. I find castration and amputation interesting, but definitely not my thing.
Best wishes, InkManLarry
Sean, you write “I distinctly remember some photo editing of mods onto a picture of his face at one point which made it truly seem as if it was all just fantasy for him.”
It requires much more effort — and therefore more commitment — for someone to do his homework and try to envision a mod on himself, rather than merely stroll into the mod-shop and say “Let’s do it.” I wish MORE people would photoshop a contemplated mod onto pictures of themselves in order to get a sense of how it will look on them — and hopefully realize that sometimes a mod just doesn’t work.
I spent months sketching and photoshopping cheek tattoos on photos of myself, and as a result my artist and I nailed it, if I do say so myself: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31139831&l=ec5523dc97&id=1280140865
that was a really emotional and moving interview,
one of the best modblog posts in a long time.
all the best james (:
If no body modifications were painful in any way to anyone;
Our ‘community’ wouldn’t be having this argument.
He should obviously be seeing a therapist. Saying that he’s had these thoughts from an extremely young age should indicate that it’s a long running mental illness, even people who just want to change their gender (not erase it) speak extensively with psychologists and counselors before they’re able to make the modifications. Many of you don’t seem to want to admit this but wanting to completely destroy what you once were physically and create a new form utterly outside the bounds of your natural state, or any human’s natural state, is indicative of a mental illness. It shows a lot of self-loathing, which he also touched on in his interview. Shame on all of you for not giving him the support he REALLY needs…
Good for you!! I’m jealous!!! I REALLY want to be castrated (and/or penectomized/have vaginoplasty?)……
+++HRT!!!
(note only read up to 54 so far, sorry I’d its been said)
Obviously he meets the criteria for mental illness, but so do a TON of people. It was said earlier the dsm is written by “normal” people based of the opinions of the general public, and it serves its purpose.
But SO WHAT, if he is mentally ill unstable he is still a human being who needs to live his life. It’s not like denying him the mods would “fix” him, he’d struggle with his mental illness and desires everyday just the same! What would those who criticise prefer, institutionalizing him? How is that better? He’s obviously happy and at peace with himself– I wish it hadn’t taken such extremes to achieve, but I’m happy he DID achieve it. Why, especially on this site be so negative towards him?
Not that I don’t see the other side this site does push thing to the limit. For those so inclined in can definitely be a trigger, like the aforementioned proana websites. But he’s not going through a temporary phase or fighting to figure out his gender issues. My only concern is those who haven’t thought it through all the way or have a chemical imbalance they can (and more important, they want) control with medications. Sane or not we are who we are and hats off to him for embracing it from an early age and finding peace and happiness!
Hay Guise! I chopped my balls off cus I was bored. I deserve an awared. Thanks.
In response to riley, post 85, I too feel that this is defiantly a case of mental illness. Not only due to the mods…just based on everything. The story, relationships, gravitating to a ‘community’. All of pieces of the puzzle are here. Without a doubt, this story will end in suicide.
I agree that doing extreme body modifications such as cutting off one’s own penis or testicles, or ampututating fingers/toes is not only a sign of severe mental illness, but also extreme self-hatred/ self loathing.
Sadly, alot of these people will keep modding and cutting off parts and more parts, until one day they look in the mirror and see what they’ve accomplished….and its still not enough and they still hate themselves and how they look.
Back to the cutting board…a never ending vicious cycle.