I have always been interested in body modifications and markings. When I was young I was attracted to scars, stretch marks and wrinkles, I think because they were silent and powerful signs of the passing of time. But the first time I saw a tattoo I was truly entranced. Here was a mark that was deliberately made - here was a way of telling a story without speaking. I was also drawn to the idea that pain had to be endured to make these marks; even at this young age I realized that pain is one of the most defining sensations that humans experience.
At A Glance Author nnunn Contact nnunn@ualberta.ca IAM nnunn When A week ago Artist Danny Gordie Studio Ink Machine Location Edmonton, Alberta My first tattoo was partly an act of rebellion and partly a statement of wanting to join the ranks of those who deliberately change their bodies. My next two tattoos were more refined attempts to mark myself. But after my third tattoo I decided that I would not get another tattoo until I could afford a real piece of art. I wanted a tree on my back – I knew that much. I satisfied my cravings to modify my body with various piercings, all the while dreaming of the day I could get my first large piece.
I waited over six years. In that time many things in my life changed. I fell in love, got a real job and went back to school. I did not usually talk about my desire to modify my body, mainly because I did not want to have to explain it to people. This was a desire that was deep inside of me, one that no longer had anything to do with belonging or rebelling. My boyfriend and I briefly talked about the tattoo and he was casually derisive. He did not understand why I would want to get something so big and so permanent.
I refined the idea for my tattoo over time. I started looking at different styles. I was particularly attracted to biomechanical tattoos - I love H. R. Giger's artwork and I really liked the idea of combining the organic and the mechanic. It was a reflection of my life – I feel an intense connection with nature, but I have been shaped and influenced by technology, especially computers. I have worked in the computer industry for years and I have had intimate relationships that are mediated by the computer. In many ways I consider myself a Cyborg. I am a "cybernetic organism, a hybrid of machine and organism, a creature of social reality as well as a creature of fiction ... resolutely committed to partiality, irony, intimacy, and perversity - oppositional, utopian, and completely without innocence."(Donna Haraway The Cyborg Manifesto)
One day I woke up and decided I needed to get my tattoo. I had the money and I was tired of waiting. It was a brisk January day and I walked all over town. I went to four different shops, each one was interested in the project but I could not find an artist who had done the kind of work I wanted (Edmonton, Alberta is not a Mecca of tattoo artists). Finally I walked into Ink Machine, as soon as I saw Danny Gordie's portfolio I knew I wanted him to do my tattoo. He was very interested and he had experiencing drawing Giger inspired designs. The only catch was that I had to wait 6 months for the drawing and possibly another couple of months for that actual tattoo. It was worth the wait.
Two month later my boyfriend and I ended a seven-year relationship. I will never know if I decided to get the tattoo because subconsciously I knew that a major life change was coming. Nevertheless, this tattoo took on even more meaning - it marked the end of the longest love relationship in my life.
I could go into detail about the actual process of getting the tattoo, but I don't think that is necessary. I sat for 13 hour in total and it did hurt. I actually passed out after the second session (I had not eaten enough – stupid me!!!). But the pain was nothing compared to the joy I feel when I look in the mirror; the pain was nothing compared to the knowledge that I have a piece of art on my back that not only represents me, but is me. And the pain was defining, in a way that I find hard to articulate, the pain made the tattoo mean more.
My back piece is not finished yet. It will be a couple of years before I have the money to add the moon and moonbeams that I want to surround the tree. But I have finally got the tree that I have always wanted, now I just have to find somewhere I can dance naked under the stars and my life will be complete.