Last night I was given the greatest gift I never knew that someone could give. My second branding: two bands around my arm, the first just above the crease in my elbow and the second roughly three inches about that. But i'll start this story about 4 months ago when I decided to get my first professional scar.
At A Glance Author oji Contact oji@bme.anon IAM oji When It just happened Artist Tanya Studio Ritualistics Location Edmonton Late last year I found myself in the awkward position of having to leave the life I had been living for the last decade and move back home. The IT bubble had burst and I was one thousands of the people who hadn't survived. Along with hundreds of friends I found myself out of work and unable to even find a retail job in the largest of Canadian cities that had been my home as an adult.
I'd been having a recurring dream ever since work had started on my first tattoo (a sleeve), that I would have a full sleeve on my right arm and that my left one would be covered in scars. Beautiful raised scars with a fine web connecting and intersecting them. I already had a love for the feeling of a sharp blade being pulled across my flesh and I'd assumed that the images in my dream would be cuttings. I'd already read about some African rituals where cuts are packed with mud to create raised scars when the body forces the mud out of the wound. I'd also gotten to know a few people in the city so I asked around about a shop where I might be able to get cutting done. Everyone mentioned the same name, Ritualistics. The same place I'd been driving past for months on my way to the bar. The next day I called them once I'd woken up after a particularly late night at the bar. "Ritualistics." "Uh, hi. I was wondering if there was anyone there who did cutting." "Oh yeah, y ou'll want to talk to tanya, just a sec."
We talked briefly and she told me to come in and she'd talk to me. I was stoked, and excited. The next afternoon I stopped in on my way to the bar. Stepping inside I was witness to something I'd never seen before. The place was filled (ok, it might have only been the staff, but the impression was something else) with incredibly beautiful people, covered in facial piercings and healing scars. I asked if Tanya was around. When I laid eyes on her something about her way made me realize that this was the person I completely trusted to carve up my body. The instant we made I contact I was certain.
One thing I will give credit to Tanya, the staff, and the studio, was that everyone was incredibly sceptical. They said everything they could to put me off getting any scarification work. Tanya also said that she only does branding, not cutting. Branding. Intense. Something about the absolute certainty of my conviction and the growing complete trust in this woman (mostly because she was trying to convince me not to do it)... in the middle of listening to her I opened my mouth and interrupted, "I completely trust you." I was at a loss for words, and embarrassed. All I wanted to do was ask her when I could come in to get it done. Thankfully she saved me the time and asked if I was free the following week.
I was stoked and very happy. Everyone at the bar I worked at had already seen me talk about the tat work I wanted to get. Then one day I showed up with the outline work done, now I was only a few sessions from completion on the sleeve and I was about to start (what I now realize is) another journey. I was happily bouncing about (it's a treat, you should see me, I actually bounce) and confiding in everyone about my pending foray into scarification. I was deliriously happy in my oblivion and naivety.
I had tried to research aftercare before the session, looking up everything I could on aftercare for brands. The information was scant to say the least, so I decided to rely on the knowledge I already had on caring for 3rd degree burns... only this time I really did want it to scar.
The supplies:
A fresh toothbrush (stiff, to scrape off the scabs and create nice big forever scars), Band-Aid(tm) foaming antiseptic wash (to fight off nasties for the first few days), one family size container of antiseptic liquid soap (for after the explosion), gauze (just in case but now I recommend against it), saran wrap (to protect clothing and wrap the brand in after I'd packed it with...), vaseline (to pack the burn once it exploded), surgical tape (to hold everything together), polysporin (because it's still petroleum jelly but has pharm-co goodness in it for infections), zinc 50mg tablets (to boost my immune system: Echinacea is good, but after a major wound you absolutely need zinc), Hydrogen Peroxide (not to use, but just in case), and a family pak of paper towel (to soak up the inevitable mess as it ran down my arm and to pat my arm dry after I'd finished scrubbing the scabs off in the shower). I was set.
When I walked into the studio Tanya and Dave (who I hadn't met before) were finalizing the design. When she'd asked me what I wanted done, I'd decided on a pentagram. Something powerful to symbolize a belief system I have held for my entire life, and a faith I only see myself growing into. She showed me into the studio and I was struck by something I hadn't seen before. For every step of the set up she would change her gloves. By the time her tray was set up and she was ready to start the first pass on my arm she must have gone through at least 6 pairs of gloves.
I was nervous, but remembered my training. Simple but very effective: remember your breathing, concentrate on your breathing and everything will pass. She warned me that she would only do a very small pass so I could adjust to the sensation. I took a breath and she started the first pass, about 5 seconds. The mantra in my head got louder: breathe, evenly and slowly, concentrate on breathing evenly and slowly. Intense? Yes. Painful? Probably beyond anything I thought I could feel and live through. Honestly, when I laid down on that table I was a wimp. I was cooked on endorphins within half an hour when I'd been getting some work done on my arm only a few weeks before. Still, I didn't flinch; something within me realized that if you did it would only get worse, but it quite literally felt like my mind was exploding with the sensation. And that was the first five seconds.
In all the session lasted just over two and a half hours, with a couple of breaks to let the cautery pens cool off. The sensation never decreased, but I noticed that after a few minutes of concentrating on even breathing I all but completely relaxed. After about 15 minutes I was chatting to both of them and marvelling at watching me go up in smoke, literally. There was something else too, with my concentration on breathing I never noticed the endorphin rush I'd expected and become familiar with, nor did I notice the adrenalin high a few people had warned me about, after seeing how poorly I dealt with sitting for a tattoo. Although the breathing definitely helped me relax, the sensation was so intense that I did lose all sense of the passage of time, and it did take me about 15 minutes to be able to sit up after Tanya had finished. I can only assume that the intensity and duration of the sensation had left me a little disoriented.
Everything was fine for the first few days. At the end of the second day I noticed that my lymph glands in my armpit and around my neck were starting to swell and I was starting to experience a lot of stiffness. I started doing stretching and mobility exercises, not a lot but for about 10 minutes 3 times a day. With luck keeping the area stretched out during the healing process should help prevent the stiffness so common with 3rd degree burns. Tanya had told me to leave it uncovered and to not worry about doing anything other than keeping it clean until after it 'exploded,' so I didn't. Initially I found it fairly easy to forget that I'd had anything done at all.
Exploded, I had been hearing that word a lot, and maybe I hadn't been paying close attention to the experiences I'd been reading... well, I now know that I hadn't. One morning, after seeing pretty little black lines carved in your flesh you wake up and all your flesh has separated. In my case it had also wept a great deal and made a mess all over my sheets, in fact the morning I woke up after my brand exploded my arm was stuck to my flannel sheets. Pulling the brand off the sheets was a careful, though not very painful process, and annoying as hell. When I saw the mess I realized that it would probably be a good idea to wrap a pillow in Saran Wrap and use that to prop up my weeping limb when I went to bed.
The explosion also told me that it was time to start the second step of the scarification process. The problem was, that the cute burnt lines on my arm now looked horrible. The dermis had completely spread apart and now my arm looked more like road kill. It was also the moment, standing there, looking in the mirror at the hamburger my arm had turned into that I realized there was no going back. Damned if I wasn't going to scrub this for all it was worth, but from the way it looked... the prospect wasn't appealing. I knew the healing process was slow, so I waited a few days. Using my morning shower to soak the brand and using my fingers to massage the antibacterial soap into the wound. By the third day I thought I was ready to try the toothbrush. I genuinely flinched when I started scrubbing the wound, fully expecting the same sensation I had felt when I was getting the branding done. Even though I had been told that the area would be numb I was still genuinely surpr ised when I found out that I could only feel the sensation of pressure. So I scrubbed the living daylights out of it.
That night I could hardly move my arm. I had clearly been way too enthusiastic. Every time I tried to move my arm the pain was excruciating. Still I had to work through it and started forcing myself to pour and hand out all my drinks with my left hand to keep my arm moving through the pain. The pain didn't ease up but the constant motion helped distract me. Towards the end of the second week the area around the wound started to swell and turn a bright red. The pain went from being sharp when I moved my arm, to being a deep dull pain, which would throb even when I wasn't moving my arm. The second day after I noticed this new swelling, the area around the brand was already quite a bit more puffy and the redness had started to spread around my shoulder and down my arm. It felt and looked quite clearly like a cellulitic infection, an anaerobic infection I could have avoided if I'd been using Hydrogen Peroxide. I wasn't using that because it tends to assist my body in pr eventing the production of scar tissue. For the next couple of days I didn't scrub the wound, but I did keep up the regime of cleaning it out three times a day and this time added two hydrogen peroxide rinses at the beginning and the end of each day after the wound was freshly cleaned. I also increased my dose of zinc to 300mg/day with plenty of water and OJ or Grapefruit juice. After 3 days of rinses the infection had subsided and the pain went from being the dull, deep pain that had been worrying me to the sharp pain I was becoming so familiar with.
I kept up the scrubbing, once a day, every morning and then packing the wound with vaseline and wrapping the area in saran wrap for about six weeks. I'd leave the packing in for 4 to 8 hours depending on my schedule and then clean out the area with antibacterial soap, pat dry with single use paper towel and let air dry until the following morning, never forgetting to put fresh saran wrap on the pillow.
I never expected the process to involve so much dedication, but I have been rewarded far beyond my expectations. By and large the keloid tissue is even and nicely raised. The brand as it turns out is also the most sensitive part of my body. Not only do I have full sensation, but also it's a lot like having a pet. It gets moody, prefers certain types of weather to others, people too, and loves attention: if it gets enough attention it'll reward me for days.