Diary... of my First Scarification via Cautery
At A Glance Author Chris Contact Chris@bme.anon When A week ago Artist Bestest bud Scott Studio My living room Location Lorain, OH Scarification, has been an intrest of mine, for sometime now. This isn't something I would suggest doing at the spur of the moment. There were so many things to decide on. *FIRST* -- Before you do anything... remember, you will have this FOREVER!! This is permanent! Take into account that, this will be with you until the day you die. Where are you going to put it? Are you going to love it as much today, as you will, 30 years from now? Are you going to be able to put up with Society... once you do it? People asking a million questions?!? They will... I found out, the second my brand was spotted! -- more on that later.
Second, you have to decide on what method of scarification... branding (if so... by strike or cautery... no bleeding), ...scalpeling (cutting, downfall... messy, blood and all)... or chemical. Then you have to think of the limitations of the tools being used. If you are looking for detailed scarring... it is generally not likely going to be achieved via strike. For more intriquite the work, I have found cautery best. Who is going to do the work? (If you are not going to a professional... is the person doing it, going to be able too?) If you do it without the aid of a professional, where do you purchase the tools? Will you be able to handle the pain? Do you need a numbing agent?
I'm not an expert by any means... but have done a fair amount of research on the topic. Also, I have many friends whom are professionals in body modification. I would never do anything without researching, and asking lots of questions. Helps to know the right people. ;-)
Me (by the way, I'm *Chris* short for Christina) and (my best friend/scarification artist/partner in crime)... *Scott*, (who will be mentioned many times)... put a lot of time and effort into all of this! Neither of us had prior hands on expierince with any of this. There was no doubt in my mind... Scott would be able to perform the cautery flawlessly. I trust no one more, then I trust Scott! For various reasons... (the decision of who would do it, wasn't... an issue at all)
ie: Scott is my best friend, kind of a kindred spirit. We had discussed this at length. We both have a love for modification. I have always enjoyed his artistic apptitudes. We share a very deep bond now... that I can't explain. It intensified when he actually did the 2nd brand. Explain more on that later.
We decided for the best result with the design work that I wanted and the detail, that I was looking for... it would be best achieved through cautery. Took a long time to decide on the design! The lines would have to be far enough apart... that they would not bleed into one another. Cautery initially... leaves a very thin line... if you are doing a brand... where the detail is spaced out.
**Technically I am documenting two brands... first was so minimal... barely worth mentioning... but for a better visualization... it serves it's purpose. The first one was performed on 6-9-02, the second on 6-10-02.
I chose a small design. 3 lines. Each line the length of an inch, the width of the tool. *** You have to account for this. I did not. It is healing, much smaller then I had originally intended. Because the lines are not far enough away from one another... they welted up, a little too much. But the design is clearly visible. The lines were to form an inverted triangle, on my right leg, above my ankle. We did take pictures, I will be posting them soon. It's easier to show... then explain. But... I am still quite happy with the brand. Though, I may redo or add to it.
This was the whole point in choosing something small, for my first cautery. Is... because I am not an expert. Nor is Scott. Still not sure, what the final result will be. But... will keep you posted, as the scars develop.
OK... the new pattern. Even harder to describe without pic's. But anyway. I initially drew the design in pencil on paper. It's of a tribal butterfly. Though still abstract. I drew it... in double lines... linking, almost everything, back together. It ended up being approximately 3 in. x 3 in. And I also added this one to my right leg. 3 inches above my inverted triangle.
Have to jump around a bit here... next had to find the tools. Finding the cautery pen was not an issue, thanks to BME! The pen being the main tool here. Lot's And Lot's O' Batteries!! If you have the pen I have... it used AA. And well... didn't take into account, I had only a few hear, and most were old! Not much else was needed. We initially decided against using a topical anesthetic. However, if I was to do it again. A design of this size... I would have used EMLA cream. Only because of the jerk reflex of the initial stirke of the pen. Detail would be better achieved if the skin was numbed.
Then the dilemma was... how do I transfer it, to my skin. Mistake on our part. (Part of the tools, we should have had.) Not a problem... I colored the design in, with a thick black sharpie, and then taped the design onto my leg, then had Scott trace over it with the sharpie again. The sharpie, transfered the design perfectly. All Scott would have to do it, trace the outline of my design.... So when he was done, he would get the double lined effect I was looking for.
On to the actual Cautery! Finally... We moved to my living room, turned on some music, turned cartoons on then muted the TV. (that's normal) around here, anyways ... hee hee Lit some inscence, I won't say that I wasn't under the influence of outside sources... but, felt pretty groovy. Got comfy on the couch, braced my foot against Scott's knee (reason... if I jumped, when he started... my leg wouldn't go anywhere) and we were ready to go!
First Strike... wow! The one word, I can find to describe the entire expierience as a whole is... INTENSE! I had idea's of what it was going to feel like. But, this was more then I had expected. Not the issue of pain, if you are thinking about that... don't bother with scarification, or any means of Body Modification! Sorry... My opinion. I think of it more, as... discomfort... then pain. The second the wire hit my skin, I jumped! Reflex... hard to avoid without numbing, which we didn't do. I had mixed emotions, as I had expected by the time, he had lifted the pen... he had covered more area then he had. When he had merely... begun. Wasn't sure, if I would be able to sit that long. Not sure, if I could endure that... for any period of time. But, at the same time... the look in Scott's eye's! He knew, once he started, I wasn't going to let him stop! Damn him! Not only that, in a sick twisted (only Scott and I can understand way)... I knew he was going to enjoy giving me the scar, as much as I was going to enjoy showing it off! Not to mention... once the pen is lifted from the skin, the discomfort is gone! So... the breaks in the beginning helped, until, I eased into my surroundings.
We press on, not able to sit still in the beginning. Slow process... being an intriquite design, and that I made him stop frequently. It was a bit much... (intense) as I said... the smell of burning flesh... the sound of the pen, the sizzle it made! WOW! You could hear it so clearly... even over the music. For some strange reason... I couldn't get the idea out of my head... that Scott, (for lack of a better word)... was *Fileting* my leg. That word... Arrggghhh! After about a 1/4 of the way done, I was able to relax. The only thing I could think of now... was the end result. I found that, if I didn't talk, or watch while he was branding, I was able to relax more. We started communicating via hand gestures. So I could let him know, when I needed a break. I leaned back closed my eyes, and zoned. He didn't work quickly. This took a long time... even after relaxing. Every now and then, he would stop. Pull back, and just take it all in.
(As I know now... being the one administering the scar, is an expierince in itself... as I did work on a scar for Scott later) The amazement, as you look down, and see what you are doing. At the same time... thinking... what the hell... is going on, in the other person's mind!
After awhile, it became kind of theraputic... relaxing realization. The thought that I wasn't going to be able to do it, was now... a joke. I was doing it reguardless! The music, was very comforting. Also, the thoughtfulness, and care of the way I was being treated by Scott. The fact that... I trusted him enough to do this. Usually, the two of us come off, pretty hardcore, but at the same time... we are human. I wish I could have counted the times, he asked if I was o.k., and the different ways in which he asked! Hee Hee... it was almost sweet! Hope he doesn't read this. He doesn't think himself sweet! Not Mr. BadAss... hee hee Yes I am rambling... but it's an expierience, I wish everyone could relate too!
After a long time... (not sure, didn't time it)... it was finally done! And there before me... was my scar! A beautiful butterfly, that I had designed... and my best friend, had permanently burned into my skin! That's something, that can never be taken away! I will never forget... it's a constant reminder. I love it!
After a few short moments, of taking in the Awe of my new scar, we decided that it would stand out much better, if we rubbed ash into it, and it would also work as an irritant! Without further thought... the ash was rubbed in, and it immediately added so much depth to the design! No Pain! More like utter delight! Yes, my leg was red, it was swollen a bit, it was hot to the touch, but not painful. Numb is a good word. I knew it was their... but the end result was so euphoric! That... I can't quite say, it was painful.
The last step... was to take pictures of it! Which we did! And I will have up possibly tomorrow.
It has been a little over a week now. And it is healing nicely. The first few days, I had to be careful, as... I kept bumping it. And well... yeah... then I was reminded of it. And another thing... the placement of it... I couldn't cross my legs. Big deal! lol The last few days... my only discomfort is the itching. As, everytime, I walk, turn, or twist... the skin moves. Causing it to stretch, and then it starts itching.
Responses to my brand.... mixed! Before I got it... I had spoke to people... and the response from the general public... first... is damn, that's gonna hurt... then... why would you want to do that... it's mutilation! So are breast implants... but doesn't stop women from getting them! I have been called an extremeist! Sorry... Not yet... maybe! ;-) However, the more and more people I talk too, in the modification community... the more people I find... are truly interested in it! They can appreciate what I do, as an expression of who I am. After... my brand... same response... only now... everyone see's it. I show it off proudly. And am willing to answer the insane stares from the less informed people. Most didn't think I would do it, now that it is a reality... they are all kinda of mind boggled. As I still am... still haven't found adequate words... but this will have to suffice! But the curiosity, in everyone's eyes... I do love that. As, you can see... I love to talk about it! I don't expect anyone to understand completely, why I did it. They all ask so many questions! Mostly... same old... did it hurt. But, I like the responses... from my mod friends... who go... damn! Where did you get that? Who did it? Where can I get it done? Some still think my scar, is extreme, yet at the same time, relate... because in one form or another have mod's of their own. ie: tattoo's and piercings.
What's next for me... who knows! I'll keep you updated! Pic's soon! ;-)