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Reclaiming myself

little bit about me, before I start. I'm a girl, living at home in Texas with my mother. I've got facial piercings, odd hair colors, and I dress "funny". I'm fairly easy to get along with, but since people are so hooked up on appearances, I'm not usually approached. I've got quite a lot of people that know me, but I don't really know anyone else. It's one of my problems, I guess. I can't remember someone unless there's something extraordinary about them. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm not my own person, that I'm not the one that's in ... read more

Scars that heal the spirit

ntly went through the first part of my scarification experience. There are many reasons for leaving the world of "clean skins" behind, mine are intensly personal and have to do with dealing with a number of abusive situations at the hands of other people. One, a family member, was the most horrific. But I write to you today to tell of the actual ritual and not my reasons for undertaking said ritual. The process itself began on a Friday and took a total of three days to complete. On the first day I began the process of physical and mental ... read more

That Feeling That Makes You Sick

always hurt myself-for as long as I can remember. When I was little I'd sit for hours at night, picking at my skin, opening wounds, masturbating until I rubbed the skin off myself from feelings of guilt. I was always crying, always anxiety ridden, always feeling like a horrible person. I was NEVER abused, physically or sexually. I was popular in school (minus everyone's hellish 7th & 8th grade JR. high years.) I came from a family once removed from abusers. My mom grew up raising herself-lots of alcoholics, anxiety/depressive disorders, schizopherenia. My mom got us out of that and ... read more

pain as an aphrodisiac

ivide this up into several parts since i am encompassing a lot of stuff in here. obviously first comes the introduction.......... since i wrote "a star is born," i haven't cut myself with the intention of releasing anger, punishing myself, or just being bored. since i'm home from school for the summer, i have to be careful about my "extracurricular activities" being visible, if you know what i mean. my mom and i had one of those really shitty, embarassing heart-to-heart talks a little while back and i know she's on to me...... my "getting scratched by tree branches" story ... read more

various ramblings of a scarred up girl

ook down at my body i see a time line of my existence marked by various scars and burns; each with their own story. Only a few have an actual shape, most are just random puffy scars accompanied by little dots where suture thread used to be. I don't notice them anymore, sometimes when i'm handing people their change or showing my I.D. to get sigarets people catch a glimpse of my arm and give me a startled look. Sometimes compassion. Unneeded of course. Sometimes fright, disgust. It's all a part of me. I'm used to it i suppose. I ... read more

MY BODY CUSTOMIZATION MOVES ON

ear, I wrote an article for BME about all my tattoos and piercings until then. But the story of my quest to express individual identity through body decoration and adaptation goes on... Branding and scarification was an important angle of my "BME travels", and much of the published material was fascinating. Although I didn`t see an actual design of interest, certainly both the emotional and physical experiences of others was, to some extent, an additional inspiration. In January, I contacted Patrick of the London Piercing Clinic who was very approachable and professional. For many years, I have had a cultural ... read more

Scars of a Vampyre

So you want to know my story? Greetings BME readers.My name is Starla. The expierience you are about to read is about scarification. Now I would typically just tell you about my cutting with a razor as to entertain you, and in your hope as for me to hit a nerve and be in horrible pain, but I strongly feel I should tell you more about myself as so you will understand my ways better. Let's begin, shall we? To first begin, I am 15 years old, too young you say to have piercings or to cut ones self? on ... read more

Hot Metal and Teen Angst

y to keep this short as I'm sure it wont be a riveting tale. To preface: I am a "normal" kid, I'm not depressed, and I fit in well at school. I don't have a history of abuse. I am an attractive, middleclass white male. I don't get teased. I'm well accepted by my peers. I'm everything normal and i don't have any troubles (maybe that's my problem). This wasn't about mental escape; this was about the beauty and the experience. I'm new to the whole body modification scene but it really interests me. A body is god's work of ... read more

God, Who Are You?

st true ritual scarification experience came at one of the lowest points of my life, when I needed honest answers to my deepest and possibly most profound question about existence. I began by boarding up my house so that no one could enter without a blowtorch or a bomb. I told my friend that I would be "going in" for about a week, and asked him not to let anyone disturb me under any circumstance. I then proceeded with ceremony by shaving off all my hair. I said prayers and placed the hair on an alter I had built in ... read more

writing...

st people have heard of "cutting" from the sudden increase of awareness programs on the news and stuff like that. But it really is not considered an artform. People who cut are basically "issue-ridden wackos expressing a cry for help." right? Personally I didn't understand scarification, but I wasn't disgusted by it or anything. People simply enjoy different things. My experience was pretty spontaneous. I'd been going through a tough time, dealing with the aftermath of being raped. So I suppose this stereotype applies to me. I was proabably pretty issue-ridden but I do not consider this a cry for ... read more

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