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The youngest cutter

I know that my title is a little generalized but hey. Like the start of a lot of these experiences I will simply state I'm sixteen years old and I am a cutter. Unlike most cutters though I don't remember my first cutting experience. I really don't. I remember cutting at thirteen. I know I cut before that but I don't know when it started it just comes natural. Before I start I do want to explain a couple things about who I am now. I am now proud to be a cutter. I am also a self-converted Buddhist who ... read more

Stay true

Well first off let me start by saying that this is not something for the faint of heart or someone who can't handle pain. I strongly do not recommend anyone doing this by themselves. I made a terrible mistake and I was lucky I didn't seriously affect me or any one I knew. There are serious consequences when it comes to modifying your body so be extremely careful. You only get one body; so don't screw it up by doing something stupid and reckless. When I was 14 I went through a terrible time in my life. This unfournantetly led ... read more

Probably the dumbest thing i ever did

I first found out about scarification on BME, I'd never seen anyone with it before so I wanted to know more about it.(Originally I'd wanted facial piercings but after a lot of asking and a lot of being told no and that it's barbaric, I started looking at scarification.) Since I was about eleven I'd liked tattoos and piercings, but at fourteen it was still another four years until I could get a tattoo, or a piercing without my parents permission. I found scarification to be one of the most beautiful things I'd seen people have on their bodies. After ... read more

Now I know it didn't smell like pork last time.

I did it again. The last time I branded myself I told myself that I would wait, and get my next one done professionally, but of course I have the willpower of a sugar-obsessed five year old on a pile of sweets, so it was inevitable that I came back, five months later, to do another. This one was a lot more important to me. Before I was still very much rooted in somewhat of a depression, and as such I branded myself alone, without telling anybody, and as such had a very different experience than I did on this ... read more

When is Cutting Self Injury?

I used to cut myself; it's something I've always been open about even though I'm ashamed of it, mostly because I believe it's a problem that should not just be shut away and forgotten by society. I remember feeling absolutely terrible even as I ran the knife over my arm. I felt I'd let myself down, I felt I was mutilating myself. I sought help and gradually weaned myself from it, not just by treating the cutting itself (which is just a symptom of something more troubling after all) but by improving my entire mental state and outlook. I went ... read more

Only I can Absolve my Sins

Background I'm not a Christian and I haven't been since I realized I didn't believe when I was only 9. I am however fascinated by Christianity. I spend a lot of time studying both the religion itself and different Christian cultures, the later of which interests me the most. I often discuss these topics with Christian friends of mine. A couple months ago I brought up an observation I had made. I didn't understand how Jesus could possibly die for our sins. How could punishing the only innocence individual on earth possibly have a positive benefit for the guilty? I ... read more

My Tribute to a Legend

Let me just tell you up front that it sucks being 16 and wanting a tattoo. Just imagining how my skin would look designed with the beautiful ink from a tattoo gun and knowing that that dream can't become a reality for another two years drives me crazy. Although I've never been anywhere near to getting a tattoo, my skin is the shelters a desire that makes my skin itch with a craving that words can't justly describe. So I decided that I'd have to settle for the next best thing: scarification. So this yearning for a tattoo had been ... read more

my little chunk of branded moonshine.

I guess you could say that I always had a fascination when it came to masochism, not the sexual masochism, more so the I-like-to-hurt way. Knowing this in a re modified shed on a cool summer evening with my best friend I decided to tell her about all it. You see I used to always have an obsession with stars. I'd draw them pretty violently on anything; paper, body, my shoes on a slow day at work,air, with-- anything at that; pens, pencils, macaroni,ice plants--it was an addiction. I would try to take notes in science class, but then my ... read more

extending the scars

I've been working on my leg scarification now for the past 3 years. For the first two cuttings Luis Garcia whom used to work at Infinite in Philly just did 2 separate scalpel cuttings. Man, that shit not only hurt, but what was even more scary was the amount of blood I lost each time. The first cutting I got done wasn't so bad, but the second time I thought I was gonna bleed to death. It was as if someone had stuck the proverbial pig-me. After I got cut a bunch of us went out to some club for ... read more

Understanding in a Car Crash

You probably didn't know (in fact, I'm sure you didn't) but I've been a cutter for the last three years or so. I never really thought that I was "bad". I'd seen friends with line after line of self-inflicted cuts up their arms; I'd read that angsty teenage poetry about sliding a razor across your wrist and watching the crimson blood splash on the bathroom floor. Neither of those were me, but still, I cut. It started right before my senior year of high school. Towards the end of the semester, a girl in our class was killed in a ... read more

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