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Symbolism and enlightenment

Ritual cutting... The phrase has a rather tribal ring to it; summons up thoughts of rites of passage, beginnings, endings, spirituality, becoming closer to that which you want to be. Well that's what it means to me anyway – ask some other people and they will say that it's a way of doing self harm and that you are either mad, suicidal or both. Fortunately this is a place where I can tell this story safely and not feel as though I am being judged or in need of defending the reasons behind my choosing to imprint not only my ... read more

Our link between hearts...a teardrop.

This is the story of my scarification...my teardrop. First of all I'd like to say that while I know some people may resent me for doing this as a part of a relationship (and a young one at that), it does have a much more spiritual meaning, and I'm never going to regret it (I'll explain later). I had been going out with my girlfriend (who's name I won't mention here) for about two months, and it was awesome, everything seemed to be going perfectly until I did something. Something I'm not very proud of, and I won't go into ... read more

My Morning Star

I remember the first time I heard about cutting. I was watching a news special filled with pale, angst ridden girls. Their pain both amused and disgusted me. Amusement came from the fact that their lives were so damn good. Most were wearing expensive clothes and were very pretty. They came from nice neighborhoods and obviously had a good family...they got them on TV didn't they? My disgust came when I realized just what self-injury entailed. Bleeding, ripping of flesh, chance of infection. I was turned off by it. My immergence in middle school found me confronted with cutting more ... read more

Best of Both Worlds

Disclaimer: This, was done by myself. I choose to, fully aware of the responsibilities and consequences. This experience could have gone very wrong. Things like this, should NOT be done by yourself, especially considering the fact that you do not have the right materials or enough knowledge. For the past 4 years, I've been into body modification. Very strongly. ever since my first piercing. I've contemplated the tattoos, but I'm not very sure of my own descions and would like more time to REALLY decide what permanent ink piece I'd like in my skin for the rest of my life. ... read more

Zen Branding

Chris had been my piercer when he began a ruckus in State College, PA where he petitioned the local board of health to begin branding. It launched into a huge campaign with his face even appearing on the front page of the local newspaper. Chris won in the long run and was able to safely begin the procedure on his own, not associated with any studio due to the insurance liability. I asked Chris to brand me as a twenty-first birthday present to myself. I chose the celtic trident design (I did not steal it from "Charmed" I had dreamed ... read more

DIY Stitches scar

I have always admired the look of a scar, which has the tell tale signs of having stitches littered around it. I don't know what attracts me to these scars, but I think they're great. My Granddad has a huge one on his left forearm as a result of the war, perhaps which is what attracts me. I have been planning on getting one of these scarred on me for quite a while but have never seriously given it real thought or real effort. I did plan on getting it placed on my left calf but my circular brand now ... read more

Betta Fish Etching

When my best friend handed me the scrap sheet of paper she had hastily (and drunkenly) sketched about a dozen little betta fish all over I immediately saw something right in the center of the page that caught my eye. A small betta fish (also commonly known as Japanese fighting fish) outline, with an odd little star scribbled right in the center. I'm normally someone who thinking for months before getting a modification, especially a permanent one. I agonize over the pros and cons, and research the aftercare making sure I understand as many of the possible issues I might ... read more

A wierd way to start.

I made the mistake of joining a fraternity in college. I hadn't done anything of note in high school, and yet I somehow ended up joining the crazy frat who seemed more like a criminal organization. While I don't really think that was the best choice I ever made, I did end up with one positive thing. I love my brand. I had wanted it for a while. A few of the brothers had them, all of whom were older. It was not a common practice, just something for the crazies. I wasn't one of them, so I understand that ... read more

Survival and Recovery

I thought for a while about sharing this but I feel that it's something that may help others or just be of interest to them. This week it is exactly 10 years of survival for me, 10 years since my abuse began and cutting has been a way for me to reclaim my body, to be able to feel it as my own again. I know that anyone looking at my age will quickly realize that if I am 17 now then I was only 7 when it started. I was too young to realize what was happening and I ... read more

My Wrist is So Beautiful

I was alone, waiting for the train, smoking a cigarette. The vendor I bought them from said, "What's a pretty girl like you smoking for?" right guy, don't ask questions that you don't want the answers to. I can't tell you why I bought them, I didn't smoke. I just bought them to have them, for security. Why? What type of security? Well, I wanted to destroy myself. If the intense depression or anxiety or paranoia crept up on me, I would have a self deprecating method with which to ease my pain in the form of smoking a cigarette. ... read more

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