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Coal Dust Tattoo

Before this experience, I never connected up my recent love for tattoos with an earlier life of self-injury, although I think I found it less intimidating to start permanently marking my body with ink when it was already marked with scars. I cut myself between the ages of 14 and 17, with very rare lapses since; I started getting inked on Valentine's Day 2004, when I was 18 years old, and I booked an appointment for my fourth tattoo this morning. I've never really looked outside tattooing in terms of body modification, although I respect those who do. I've always ... read more

Some wear their hearts on their sleeve....

To begin with, I do have a history of being an angry teenager. I do have a history of using cutting as a form of self-injury. But before you discount this as the work of an angsty youngster, please know that recently, I have also discovered it to be most effective as a form of art. I became interested in body modification just over a year ago. At the time, I was really looking for other self-injurers. However, I came across BME and it caught my eye. Here were people who did things to themselves for the sake of beauty, ... read more

More than just a hobby

About Three years ago I probably made the biggest mistake of my life. It was a Thursday afternoon and I was at school. My history teacher was talking about god knows what, and I was sitting at the back trying to concentrate. I opened my pencil case to get out a pen when my protractor caught my eye. At that point I lost all interest in my school work and decided scratching a star into the desk would be much more interesting. After about 10 minutes of scratching I had only accomplished a small, barely visibly line in the surface ... read more

From Pain to Peace

Okay, so I've never written an account of my modifications or my past with cutting before, but I figured why not, it might help somebody out in the long-run, or even just give me a little more insight into myself. For years, I was a cutter. I started when I was about 13 when I branded myself with a cigarette lighter. I was going through so many changes with school, my family, my friends, and everyday more and more stress seemed to be piling up on top of me. I was so calm after I had burned myself that all ... read more

My First Scarification!

but totally not my last. After about a year of research and referrals from modded local friends, I finally decided on the name I heard mentioned most and in the highest regard. Brian Decker. I had heard his name about 900 times in the past year. I felt like he was going to be some stuck up pretentious guy, cause I'd heard so much about him, so many people singing his praises saying he was "the best" and this and that. I was a little intimidated to say the least. I contacted him first through BME, actually because I was ... read more

Changed again; for good

I was lucky enough to be in LA for work at just the right time, sharing a hotel room and car with a coworker I had met the week before. I told him I needed the car for the night. And not being a good liar (actually, I have an agreement with the universe not to lie at all) I had to tell him where I was going: And then I had to explain it to him. Twice. And then I had to explain myself to him. I only tried that once. I am going to skip the formalities at ... read more

self branding with cutlery

I am 17 and pretty much your average teenager... which of course means that I am nothing like what most people would call average. Like most kids my age I am slightly self destructive but this is the story of how I took that to the next level. Not a lot of young people I know have gotten into branding... its painful, permanent and pretty stupid if you don't know what you are doing so of course I had to try. I have always been interested in body mod but I have become more so in the last year. My ... read more

No regrets.

A few months ago, I was feeling a bit down, I hadn't been having a good time with my girlfriend, my parents were pretty upset about the fact they'd found out about my cutting 'self-harming' problem; which had meant I'd had to calm down a bit, which wasnt proving good, as withdrawl was sending me a little... Mad. Guess addictions not good for you though:P. As a result, I found myself, sitting in my room, having just got home, curtains closed, with the heater on, door locked, staring at a razor blade I'd taken out of my disposable razor. I ... read more

Strength for the Journey

To be honest, this modification began a few years back, and was really never intended to be a skin removal. However, as the years passed, I began to take notice of the beauty of flesh removals, and decided on it. I had seen a symbol for 'strength', and had felt that certain, curious familiarity with it. At that point in time, I was recovering from cutting and some mental health issues, and having this symbol on my person felt like the perfect way to remind myself that I am a strong individual, having come thus far in life. I made ... read more

I love Virginia so much, I'll carve it into me.

When my piercer first started experimenting with cutting (or scarification), I was adamently against it. I thought it was lacking the tough look of piercing and the aesthetic beauty of tattooing. I'm always interested in letting him experiment with modifications on me, though, so I did some research. After I saw the work of xPUREx, I changed my mind. His work is amazing, and the visual effect is much different from tattoos. Scars look like a natural part of the skin, not bright and bold like tattoos, and the detail you can achieve is shocking. So after a bit more ... read more

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