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pain for the sake of life

My Cutting/Rubbing Experience Please dont copy me, I was stupid, or do it properly at least :) I grew up with a normal life, a normal person with normal parents... nothing interesting. I started piercing my ears twice and three times when i was 15 and dyed my hair outrageous colors from 16 and still do from time to time. Its almost as if thats my way of expression, and if i make a mistake or it looks messy, thats like 10 bonus points. "perfection is imperfect always perfectly"... Its just a matter of realizing how to express your imperfections ... read more

kill me now or forever hold my piece

As I sit here in September 2006, age 17. I've been cutting myself for approximately two years now. Not because I think I'm fat, or because I want people to have sympathy for me, but because of a little thing called depression. The doctor just says it's a stage I'm going through, but for me, it's something I strive to overcome. Lets rewind, age 15, tenth grade, unlike everyone else I was very unsettled. I became moody, withdrawn and stayed away from everyone. I locked myself in my room, I screamed, I slammed doors, I ignored people, I told my ... read more

A word about self cutting

I've always loved body mods, from my mom's piercings and tattoos to my dad's really cool ear piercings (double lobe, daith, and a "bolt" in the other), bod mods have always fascinated me. Even my sister had her ears pierced (it was a standard earlobe piercing done by my mom with diamond ear studs). All these mods made me want something of my own. Something that no one I knew had. But what? Too young for ink, didn't want a piercing. Whats left? Not much, so I left the idea alone for about 3 years. One day I saw a ... read more

My Hand Cutting and Skin Removal

This all really started two years ago when a vacuum cleaner fell on my right hand leaving two triangular scars. For the last 6 months the fact that the triangles weren't even, and there were only two of them (not balanced) has really been pissing me off. When I joined IAM I started thinking about ways to balance it out and fix the old triangles. Then I had an idea. What about a skin removal/scarification. I looked at some galleries and checked out a few experiences and decided to speak to Wayde Dunn (Quaid on iam) and ask him a ... read more

Two First Timers...One New Mod

As a current body piercing apprentice I have been interested in all forms of body modification for quite some time now. Recently I was introduced to the movie Modify by my teacher (who is an amazing body piercer) Spider. This movie is amazingly informative and extremely interesting to watch might I add. I had heard of a few different ways to perform scarifications and brandings but had never witnessed any of the procedures until viewing this movie. I had at one point thought about venturing down the path to a brand new branding for myself but after seeing the end ... read more

Therapy through branding

I am not one to complain about my life. i am usually always content with the situation I am usually in. Even when I am not, I find a reasonable way to cope with it all. Some don't think body modification would be a reasonable way to deal with such things, but as of a few months ago, I have reason to believe otherwise. I, too, thought scarification was foolish for the longest time. I have since then seen what a good thing scarification can be. My gateway into scarification opened up about six months ago, when the sh*t was ... read more

Scalpel Lovin'.

Getting branded was a huge turning point in my life. Intentionally scarring my body while spending years trying not to leave a mark seemed counterproductive. However, I love scars. I love the stories they tell and the fact that scarification is a form of body art that, in my opinion, is the purest form of body modification; the results are a product of what your own body produces (with the help of the scarification artist, of course). I have always been in awe of the work Brian Decker has done. I've gone to him for work before, and wished to ... read more

My self-done brand, one month and all is well

Since around this time last year I've had a fascination with brandings. the way the look, the rush of adrenaline described, and their primal origins. However, living in a rural area, I was shy There is a something I must confess to those reading now, that I was a sexual abuse victim until I was 12 years old from when I was a small child. I won't go into irrelevant details. It's not a part of me anymore. Yet, consequently I have never felt in control of my own body, having an essential tremor (shaking hands) doesn't help the feeling ... read more

My DIY ink rubbing

First off, I would like to say that this was probably not very smart and I would recommend that no one else attempt the experience I am about to describe. It was stupid and was probably just a whole lot of pain for nothing at all, as I really doubt that it will heal properly because I did not make the cuts deep enough. I had been wanting a tattoo for a while, and had drawn my latest idea for a tattoo (a heart with wings. pretty lame, I know. but I like it.) onto my lower right stomach using ... read more

Everything fades.

The knife cut into my arm, leaving thin red lines. Parallel lines. Blood slowly seeped from the shallow penetrations, and I enjoyed the escape from everything – reality, life, problems. I am a young girl. I'm very average. I'm your cookie-cutter citizen that stays out of trouble: white, middle-class, teenage, average grades, average school, average life. I had no reason to be anything but pleasantly content. And yet somehow I found sadness, emptiness, a void. I was dissatisfied with my life and with myself. I felt trapped, I had no freedom. I did and do, however, control my body. And ... read more

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