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hooked on flesh works for me

Having dropped both of my children off we got back into the car. While driving to Tom Campbell hill I was nervous and excited. The feeling and energy kept building until we got near the hill when I asked to get out and walk, walking up the hill was tiring but I was so hyped up at that point. After I got to the park I was really hyper waiting. I went for a walk and just relaxed, the wind was cool the sun was warm; it was nice to just stand there and enjoy it. I meditated for a ... read more

The darker side of self-injury

I never thought that I would write something like this but after reading several of the entries in ritual cutting it became clear to me that many of the self-injurers or cutters are controlled. I have been a self-injurer for nearly 10 years and nothing that I have ever done to my body has been planned in advance, it is more like a trance that takes over my body and mind. I suppose that I am writing this to tell the darker side of cutting. Several experiences have left me lying in the bottom of the bath tub / shower ... read more

At war with gravity.

As a child I'd often dreamed of flying. I'm not talking about planes, or construction paper wings with my stuffed tiger. I'm talking about the freedom of aerial mobility. Floating above everything and everyone with a grin on my face that read "bliss." As you grow older you lose sight of many childhood dreams, but there are those that never die. I have never gone a day without hoping for this. There were even times I'd lay on the ground willing myself to levitate. I'm no David Blaine Street Sorcerer, or whatever it is that demon goes by, but I ... read more

A play piercing corset type fun

So I liked corset piercing. It may have been a bit of an s and m fetish thing but I liked the idea of it for an hour 2 hours a day a week a month anything. So I wanted it done. I was in a place where I worked where it could be done (Bolton Tat shop) and I trusted Alex would do a good job. I know her, I know she hasn't done it before but you know we all have to learn somewhere somehow. I'm chilled out for this kind of malarkey. Anything for a laugh, most ... read more

"Venus Rising" - a delicate new suspension

They say there is nothing new under the Sun, and this surely applies to types of body suspension. That said I would like to share with anyone interested an adaptation of a couple of old standards. The resultant hybrid I have termed "Venus Rising". What led me to suspension. I am a 39 year old British woman raised in a culture and profession (theatre) where any form of body modification or pain experimentation is deeply frowned upon and considered "well dodgy". At drama school we young women were instructed to avoid at all costs getting tattooed or cutting our hair ... read more

Venipuncture - Personal Detoxification

I have always loved the sight and feel of blood. Blood is so exotic and vital. I have always been drawn to the use of blood imagery in written and visual arts. To me, beauty can be seen in a deep crimson against porcelain white skin. I never intentionally cut myself growing up. But I did have a fascination with making myself bleed. I would absentmindedly pick scabs, reopen wounds, and most often would scratch my skin so much that it tore open. These habits persisted through my high school life, and only as I enter university I have begun ... read more

My lifelong journey as a cutter

I would like to open up my secret life with introducing myself first, therefore you can feel as though you know me personally. My name is Anne, I am a 28 year old mom of 2 who is soon to be married, this will be the first time in 19 years that I have openly and honestly shared my intense relationship with a razor. It started out as a hateful relationship and grew into something I love and can always count on in my times of need. I hope you will be as open-minded when reading my story as I ... read more

FUNNY THING ABOUT HOOKS!! - 2ND PULL

In my last story -"the Hooks Got Me!!", I mentioned we were working on a different type of chest pull. Funny thing about hooks, they are fiendish "little fellows" that command attention! They defintely let you know when they're thrown into you and become part of you - body and soul. With 30+ years teaching physics (specializing in force/resistance - mechanics), I thought of a simple rope/pulley combination for my chest pull. A dead-weight vertical lift through two inclined plane movements involving the ropes. Olympic weights at one end that are attached to ropes which then will be attached to ... read more

Freedom through scars

I found myself sitting on the floor, holding a razor in my palm, and asking myself if it was really worth it. I struggled to fight away voices that haunted my soul. And for so long, the only way to silence these voices was through pain. Allowing my eyes to stray from the razor, I looked at every detail of every scar. A tear ran down my face, and I refused to cry. Holding the razor with every ounce of strength I had, I gently ran it across my arm. Mere inches away from the veins upon my wrist. If ... read more

Blood art

I really can't remember when all this started, months, years ago... Probably when I was 14 and come to think about it it terrifies me. The first time I remember cutting myself was after a fight with my parents, minor cuts not scars at all. But somehow I got used to it. Kind of addicted. Every time I had a fight, every time I felt depressed and lonely I would run to the sharpest object in the room and jewel my arms with fresh scars. It was more of a habit. If you asked me "why" back then I would ... read more

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