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my experience with self harm

I am not entirely sure why I took the path of cutting or why I still do it but I do know that it helps me battle my own mind and what its telling me. I have read other people accounts of their cuttings and why they have done it. Many made me feel guilty as my problems don't compare in the slightest, I am just not good at coping with anger and depression and cutting seems to be the only way of releasing these feeling so I don't need to cope. The first time I decided to cut I ... read more

Lotus suspension in a circus tent

I've wanted to experience suspension for almost a year now, so it was so exciting to discover that there's a suspension artist in Israel. I feel like Israel's alternative culture is always disadvantaged by size, but then again – the people that ARE into something are usually very friendly and open. Captain Howdy was holding Israel's 3rd Suscon by the time I found out about it, and it was to be held inside a circus tent. Strange as it may seem, this really psyched me about the event as I love circus-aesthetics and also I've never been to the circus! ... read more

a beautiful experience

I plan to talk about how and why I did my recent cuts, but here is a quick background as it were of previous cutting and mods. I have 9 piercings to date, 2 ½" lobes, 2 2ga lobes, a septum piercing, 2 nostril piercings, 2 labrets. I have been harming since I was about 10. When I was younger, I was so shy and didn't have any real friends...I was overweight and so desperate to fit in, I would follow around the popular people in my class even if it lead to ridicule and jokes being made on my ... read more

64 Point Play Piercing

A couple months ago I my friend randomly decided to get a labret and asked me if I'd like to tag along and maybe get something pierced. I'm always down for a piercing so I went along and got a second hole in my ears and 2 surface piercings below my clavicles. While I was getting pierced my one of the staff I was talking to the owner of the shop about how I really enjoy the piercing experience and not just the end product. He suggested that I look into play piercings. I had NO idea what play piercings ... read more

5th time up; 1st time chest

The weekend didn't go at all as planned. First there was nowhere for me to sleep; the couch was pre-empted by a thanksgiving strangler and I was chilly; I didn't want to spend the night before my most difficult physical test to date on a dusty hardwood floor. Initially I was to hang on Saturday; Emily was to come out with me. Then we were to crash at the copperworks and have a vegan thanksgiving festival on Sunday. But Emily was not able to make it out until Sunday, and even then, was not even all that able to make ... read more

Wings of steel (or - when routine goes adventure)

Some may ask "what is so special about doing your 6th and 7th body suspensions that warrants another experience for BME?" Furthermore, I did this in the superman position again, my preferred way of "flying" and a suspension I've done and described three times already. It had almost started to become routine. A well loved-routine for sure, but would it be worth another experience? Definitely yes – particularly since these ones were different - routine became an adventure again. I was even more nervous than before the very first suspension I did - and I think that's telling A LOT. ... read more

Self-discovery in cutting.

My experiences with cutting began over 7 years ago. Back then I was young, I didn't fully understand why I cut, and every single person who found out about it kept telling me how wrong it was. I never quite understood why it was so wrong. They always described it as damaging to myself and hurtful to my loved ones. I was told it's a poor way to cope with life's trials. Well, now as I'm embarking on adulthood, I can see just how misinformed most of those people were. It frightened them and worried them, but for illogical reasons. ... read more

A Razor Blade to Set You Free

It was a long time before I realised that I was a 'cutter'. It was an even longer time before I allowed anybody in my life into my experiences in any way. The first time that I realised that I enjoyed inflicting pain on myself, I was 12 years old, scraping a piece of glass into my leg. I remember being fascinated by the blood trickling down my leg, and by the feeling of my flesh ripping under the force of the broken glass. I remember being confused and scared when my mother told me that this was the behaviour ... read more

Crazy knees!

I had decided I wanted to do a 4pt resurrection. Tried it, failed. I was bummed. So I decided to do a 6pt. I told Tye this. Tye knows I change my mind every 5 minutes, and was surprised when he went to mark me up, that I wanted to do my knees. 4pt. I can't tolerate hooks in the top of my knees, so 6pt (really no need in someone that weighs under 110lbs!) was out, and so was 2pt, as I've tried before, and hated. So, 4pt it was. Allana was there, and so was Chris. Tye marked ... read more

Conquering fire with my feet

First off, some back story. I was in Thailand for the Phuket Vegetarian Festival in 2007 and 2008 (and hopefully for many years to come!) and male participants in the ceremony are allowed to walk on fire, after the mahsong (spirit mediums entranced by the Chinese Emperor Gods) have done so. This is one of the most "involved" parts of the ceremony for people who are not mahsong, which only a small portion the Chinese Thai devotees are, so getting to participate is in itself quite an experience. We have been graced with being more involved than most foreigners as ... read more

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