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the deeper i go, the better i feel

My mind races. And my legs twitch. I lye in bed trying to sleep. But my body is so tense I feel like I could run a marathon. I'm distraught. I try crying myself to sleep. It's worked before; but not tonight. Just as I think I'm about to scream, the thought enters my mind. A thought I haven't thought of in a while. To cut. It had been over a month since I last resorted to this coping skill. I try to dismiss it as my tears grow stronger and faster; drenching my hair and pillow. There's no avoiding ... read more

Learning to let go.

So there I was lying in bed as any Sunday, when my phone rings around noon. I already know what it means. The weather is poor, so we're going out to Detroit for the iHung fundraiser. I crawl out of bed about and hour later, my company for the day Robbie shows to my house, and we hit the road for the 1.5 hour drive about 2. We arrive at our destination around 3:30, just in time for opening speeches. We relax and start getting to know people around. After a few minutes, we get to see the first suspension. ... read more

A life changing experience

A year ago, I never thought I'd be hanging on hooks. When I was introduced to the idea by a friend, I have to admit that I was curious. After talking about it with him (a lot), I new this was something I was destined to do one day. Then I met my wife (through the same friend). She had been suspending for years. She opened my eyes to a lot of the facts and myths about it. We watched her videos and looked at pictures of her. She took me to a suspension event and it was then that ... read more

Geen gewone wandeling

Afgelopen weekend was het zover : mijn eerste Kavadi walk. Waarom nu dit ritueel? Hier kan ik niet zo dadelijk een antwoord op geven. Ik had natuurlijk al eerder foto's gezien en het internet een beetje afgezocht naar wat meer informatie. Ik wou het gewoon eens proberen, ervaren hoe het voelt. Aangezien je niet elke dag de kans krijgt om zoiets mee te maken, twijfelde ik niet om me in te schrijven op de events lijst. De organisatie was in handen van neetnek en het Truth Seekers Syndicate. Ik had al prachtige suspension ervaringen gehad met hen, dus ik wist ... read more

A More Personal Cutting

Cutting has always been something that I've enjoyed; yet never really had out in the open due to the taboo that goes along with the idea of self injury. I used to cut out of depression and sadness, but over the years I've advanced to cutting for the beauty of scars. To date, I have four "real" scars. When I say real, I mean scars that have a design to them, not just random cuts that form nothing. To me, scars are something that are very beautiful and have personal meanings and stories. My tool of choice is the Lance ... read more

When you stare into the Abyss, the Abyss stares back into you...

Rarely have I held a secret from the world, much less my friends, however I've little fear of them finding this here. I have always been an open book. "Ask and ye shall receive," tis merely a matter of discerning the proper question, yet I feel as though I should keep this to myself for a spell and allow time to lessen the severity. The moment came upon me yesterday from seemingly nowhere. Elements of my life troubled me. Guilt, heartache, and even the burdens of everyday life began to swell, but no one emotion held dominance, not one emotion ... read more

Lass Dich einfach fallen

Achtung! Die im Folgenden beschriebenen Aktivitäten sind stark risikobehaftet und gelten in Deutschland teilweise als Körperverletzung oder Schlimmeres! Bitte achtet sehr darauf, was ihr tut. Was lange währt wird schließlich gut. In meinem ersten Bericht Tu ichs oder tu ichs nicht hatte ich ja kurz von Sven erzählt. Jetzt haben wir es endlich geschafft, uns zu einem Playpiercing- Wochenende zu treffen. Wir trafen uns am Freitag Abend. Mit einem gemeinsamen Freund saßen wir in einem Café, haben ein paar Cocktails getrunken und etwas gegessen. Irgendwann verabschiedeten wir uns von dem Bekannten fuhren zu mir ach Hause. Dort ließen wir zuerst ... read more

Knee suspension - "sakta men säkert börjar jag hissa"

Februari 2005 begav vi oss ned till södra Sverige, närmare bestämt malmö, för att deltaga i Congrete jungle tribes suspension träff (Cherrybusting 2005). Denna träff var i huvudsak inriktad på första gångens hängare, men var naturligtvis öppet för de som tidigare avnjutit tyngdlöshet genom krokar. Jag tillsammans med mina färdkamrater tar oss in till den lokal som träffen kommer att äga rum. Vi möter upp med Iam:Bena, arrangören till suspension träffen, vi hänger av oss vårat bagage och slår oss till ro och vilar efter de 35 milen vi spenderat i bil. Dröjer inte länge innan man träffar på bekanta ... read more

This fucking idea was about as brilliant as stapling my head to the wall

Sometimes you do stupid things. Especially when you're in college, its exam week and you're sick of staring at Excel and solving triangles easily solved by calculator and hand. Oh, neat, there's something new on BME. Maybe I should try this? HA! Dermal anchoring. It looks good. I wasn't a big fan of the jewellery and I thought it wasn't a good idea. Maybe for the face, but definitely nowhere else. The jewellery needs some work as well. Who am I to judge? I'm the idiot that tried it with a bent 18ga nostril screw (high quality, gold at least) ... read more

Pretty Needles All in a Row

Originally, I was going to do two corsets for my second play piercing session, one on each top thigh. I wore a plaid dress, to make it easier (and prettier—I'd had yellow needles and red lace, and the dress is red with yellow lines in the plaid). Well, circumstances which I won't get into came up, and made that a impossible. Dan, IAM social irregular, offered to do a small play on my leg instead, which would give me the play piercing fix I wanted for the day, as well as prepare me for what it would feel like when ... read more

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