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My thoughts/story on ritual cutting

Ever since I can remember, I have hurt myself to watch blood. I have studied and wondered what is wrong with me for years... I remember being about five or six years old, standing in front my bathroom mirror and rubbing my fingers across the edge to cut myself. I would sob but smile at the blood, the pain was something I ended up looking past. The summer I turned seven, I decided I would experiment with my limitations. I stopped eating, and I am really not sure how I did it, but I did not eat for three weeks. ... read more

I felt so incredible after hanging

I wrote this in my blog for Myspace when I first did it. I wrote it out like I was explaining it to someone who didn't really like the idea and or didn't understand it that's why I have weird comparisons. So I tried suspension for the first time last night. It was awesome! That was the best experience I have ever had. The funny thing is I had more trouble when I tried to sell plasma then getting suspended. Just think about that before you start saying I am crazy. Since everyone has been asking me and I am ... read more

erste Erfahrung mit Pulling

Durch Zufall bin ich in den letzten Tagen auf diese Seiten mit den Berichten und der Bildersammlung gestossen. Da ich schon längere Zeit mit neuen Erfahrungen bezüglich meinem Körper am experimentieren bin, haben mich die Berichte und Bilder fasziniert. Bisher waren so temporäre Piercings mit Kanülen und dergleichen angesagt um den Körper in anderer Weise als sonst üblich zu spüren; auch TENS mit gestochenen Elektroden, sowie Injektionen von NaCl oder WfI haben in diesen Spielen ihren Platz gefunden. Da ich alleine bin muss all dies im selbst ausführenden Abtasten der möglichen Grenzen geschehen, das führt mit der Zeit zu einer ... read more

The Suspending Chef

The Suspending Chef. January 9th, 2006 I moved to Pittsburgh, PA from a small town in upstate New York. I missed my friends, I missed my family, but I really didn't miss the town at all. I spent about two months or so through the first cycle of classes (cycle is 39 class days), and all I wanted to do was come home. I talked to the suspension crew a couple of weeks before. I decided I wanted to suspend when I visited home, however, I needed a new set of hooks and I was broke, and it hit me. ... read more

"My God, do you learn...."

"Experience, that most brutal of teachers...but you learn, my God, do you learn..." C.S. Lewis As with many middle-class white girls, my first brush with self-mutilation occurred in high school...the combined stress of trying not to utterly fail algebra (which, truth be told, I hardly even bothered to complete my nightly homework...I simply didn't give two shits about the class...) and rejection after rejection from boys with whom I allowed myself to become obsessively infatuated....the problems were mostly of my own creating, though my narrow, self-centered perspective at the time could hardly bring me to that realization...from self-inflicted problems, I ... read more

It must be your skin, cause i'm sinkin' in

I had been flirting with the idea of play piercing for a while. I would get the urge but never had the money to buy needles, or the drive to go through with it. Then, a few weeks ago, I got my tax refund. I was in a really high point in my life, I felt wonderful, and so I decided to go for it. I ordered 100 27g needles from BME shop. I decided to go with the 27g out of inexperience and fear. They arrived a week later. I had a cold at the time and was upset ... read more

"in constant sorrow all his days"

Have you ever seen the movie "O brother where art thou"? I have, but it was a long time ago. I've always loved the sound track. I may not be all that big into country music, but there is something about bluegrass that tugs on my heart strings. Maybe it's my trailer park upbringing. I'm not really sure. I'm a music fanatic. The music that I listen to is a big part of my life. I was raised on it and I do almost everything while listening to music. Last year, I sat in this very same spot in my ... read more

Hung For The Very First Time

For thousands of years mankind has sought control. Control over its mind, control over its body, and control over the world around it. For just as long as we've sought control, we've known that one aspect of control depends on the others. To control the world around you, you must control yourself; to control yourself you must control your mind and heart. In India, Hindus celebrate festivals in which they pierce their bodies with skewers or hang themselves from hooks to show their devotion to a God. Several Native American tribes put hooks of one sort or another in their ... read more

Pulling @ polymorph ...

After New Years Eve this year where I did my first back pull, I was eager to try it again. The first time around I was very nervous, and I felt that I didn't enjoy the experience to its full capacity. So when Rob at Polymorph told us he was playing with hooks last Sunday night I jumped at the chance of being involved. I wasn't one hundred percent sure that I would pull on the night as I had been sick the week prior due to a skanky viral infection. I'm also one of those people who must feel ... read more

My favorite color.

Well, I generally do not think of myself when I think of people who cut. I used to know a girl, who would cut herself all the time, and then she would run to someone, and be as pitiful as she could. I would think to myself, gee, I never want to be bunched in with her. Today, I found that there are many reasons to cut. She cut to hide emotional pain. I cut partially by accident today and then solely because I loved the color that my blood was when it came out. Even more, I loved everything ... read more

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