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a secret world of my own

It's not easy growing up; it's even scarier knowing that I'm not really even there yet. At only 18 years old I somehow feel younger than I ever have. It all started at 15. I can't really say why it happened, nothing traumatic occurred in my life. In the outside world I became more popular with my friends, I was the happiest ever. Yet as soon as I got home I would hide myself away, hide behind the computer screen...and cry. Something built up in me and it had to be released somehow, and I started by crying. This feeling ... read more

You know, just hanging out.

Most people (I assume) spend a fair amount of time deciding and thinking about doing a flesh pull or suspension. Mine was a fairly quick decision, but an incredible experience all the same. It basically came from a conversation where my housemate (Cat) told me that she and another friend of ours (iam:Krista) were going to do a pull, and that her boyfriend (iam:Poncho) was going to do a knee suspension. We discussed it a little bit, and I said that I really wanted to do one. I'd been thinking about it for a while and this was the first ... read more

Stichmania

My alias is Ayame, and I'm sixteen, and am new to body modification, although being interested in it for many years. Before I begin my story, my modification history is: two ear lobe piercings, four years of regular/ritualised cutting, but no other sort of biggish modifications. My story starts in my bedroom, a week or so ago. I'm not the newest to cutting (I have been cutting for four years now,) but I'd like to talk about my most recent cuts. These are the cuts that landed me in the hospital for stitches. I was feeling particularly upset and angry ... read more

Second chances

This is the story of my second attempt at a six point Vertical back (suicide) Suspension. My adventure began on Saturday morning as I set out for the 8 hour drive to Pete's property. Armed with not much more than a mud map and an idea of what direction to drive in I found my way, only getting lost a few times. Saturday evening was spent socialising and watching other people get drunk. I had decided my suspension preparation was not to involve alcohol as I wanted a clear mind in the morning and a hangover would have spoiled my ... read more

Returning to the Old Habit

Depression runs in my family. I can recall long periods of time when my mother was adjusting to new medication in attempts to control her mood disorder. This was complicated by the addition of anxiety disorder, and so as drugs were substituted in and out in the hopes of finding some way of complimenting without interfering, it was expected that there would be wild mood swings and irrational emotional responses. It's always been a fact of life. My older sister has escaped the stigma of mental disorder, but only by adopting into the line of thought that mental illness is ... read more

Never Alone.

There are very few people in today's society who dare to differ from the crowds and followers of "popularity". There are even less people who will truly stand up for what they believe in. Even in the U.S, supposedly the "land of the free" many people tend to be slaves to trends and traditions, never venturing out on their own to find new, unique styles. Perhaps that's one of the greatest faults of today's people. However, there are some of us braver than the rest, who will filter out into new-age groups, who are slowly bringing back individuality and independence. ... read more

Bent Hooks

A few years ago, I came across suspension at a concert. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I was fascinated! I never knew that the body could endure such things. I was amazed how strong these people were mentally to do such a thing. Right then and there, I determined that I could never do that, I don't have the courage to even try. At the beginning of this year, one of the guys I live with got suspended. Hearing him talk about his experience made me curious about suspension. After talking to him, ... read more

A natural high and a crackling head?

After procrastinating for about a year I finally worked up the courage to talk to Nic at Illicit on Krd about doing a suspension. I had read a few positive experiences on BME about him and he also seemed to be the only person in Auckland that I could find reviews on. Come Tuesday of the next week I was booked in to do a warm up pull in the afternoon. Reality of what I was about to do only really hit me an hour or so before hand when my heart was pounding so hard I could barely eat ... read more

A gentle introduction to the art of pulling

I first thought about doing a pull at the 'Hungover in London' barbecue way back in August 2002, but changed my mind quite late in the day, largely because I felt my lack of ability to discuss the pull, and my reasons for wanting to do it, with my boyfriend suggested I wasn't fully mentally prepared. When we did get round to discussing it, he raised valid concerns about scarring etc, and I realised I hadn't put as much thought and research in as I should have done. And so the whole idea went onto the back burner for some ... read more

Set of Silver Wings at Auscon4 - Hanged Man Team

My hook love at Auscon4 – 3rd December, 2006 Comparatively to my first suspension, I wasn't anxious; perhaps the frivolity prior to the suspension had something to do with it. I hadn't thought about my hanging for quite sometime, I knew it was happening just not at the forefront of my mind. The drive to Unkey Pete's farm for Auscon4 was longer then intended, though once arrived it all kicked off quite nicely. Getting into a bit of champagne probably killed the chances of me getting any nerves. Watching the suspensions before mine, with a 100% success rate, I was ... read more

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