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Sitting here with the blank screen, it's hard to know what to write! This is not the first time i've told someone about my cutting...but it's just as hard. I suppose a bit of background.....I was molested by my dad, my mom then raised myself and my brothers as a single parent, though she had a few boyfriends who, along with my brothers, seemed to take priority over me. I've always been quiet...I think painfully shy kinda covers it, so i've never made friends easily, this added to an already low self esteem. I know this will all sound like ... read more

Resurrection – suspension from hell!

The first time I caught sight of a resurrection suspension was a couple of years ago and the one I witnessed looked so painful that my intuition told me to never try it myself. The next two times I witnessed the resurrection was just a repetition of the first time and none of the boys trying it managed to get up in the air. After this I actually felt a little bit afraid of the resurrection. It seemed to be so intensive and painful, not to mention the totally unnatural position. It looked like it was not totally impossible to ... read more

Performing Nipples

While at school I was taking a performance art class, which is basically a reason to get naked and roll around in viscous fluid for a grade. Basically if you didn't make a grand political statement or else got nudie and touched yourself, you didn't do well in that class. And if you got nudie and had someone else touch you, it was even better. Might I add that my college is in the most rural uncle-dad quadrant of Northern New York, where piercings are still taboo and naked is a four letter word, and if you have visible tattoos ... read more

Perfectly normal

I know there's something wrong with me, I'm different, I'm not normal, but for everyone who doesn't know the real me, not the fake one that most people knows, I'm perfect. Perfect grades, perfect family, perfect hair, perfect clothes. But the reality is that underneath my clothes, I have scars; behind my smile, there are tears and inside of me everything feels like it was broken. It's been 5 months since I last cut myself and I'm writing this story because yesterday I talked to my boyfriend, he knows everything about my past, and how difficult it is for me ... read more

One cut a day keeps the shrink away!

Self mutilation, cutting, scarification, it all sounded bollocks to me. Nothing for me, just a stupid teenage thing to do. I grew out of my teens completely free from cuts.Then I got into the black metal underground scene where skarz are big, at least in France. Check out antaeus "cut your flesh and worship satan" to get an idea of it. And I still remained free from any cuts. And then one day it came, i did not understand why, or how. I got mad at my dad, for some stupid reason. Promiscuity probably being the main cause. I went ... read more

My First Suspension

I've been told I'm strong. I've been told that I've done something that the majority will never end up doing. I've been told I'm scary, for a girl, because of what I've done. I'd rather people acknowledge my passion, congratulate me for finding it, and refrain from glorification of any sort -- that just ruins it for me, temporarily. Body modification has been, and is, my only passion. A large part of my life is engulfed in the industry. I can geek on surgical tools, metals, and technique for hours on end, and still not be done. I'm constantly healing ... read more

My first "Coma" suspension

Click on thumbnails to enlarge Have you ever stopped and thought about how lucky you are to have an experience? I'm in the midst of one of those moments right now. I have followed suspension shows for the past year or so. I'm by no means an expert on the subject buy I have seen my share of shows. So to not only learn from some of the best people but to learn from the best people from all over the world and completely different schools of thoughts, well I suppose my feeling of being lucky is justified. For me ... read more

Losing my virginity

I had looked at pictures of play piercing on BME for ages and had decided it was something I definitely wanted to do. I found a very good UK based website www.medisave.co.uk and purchased supplies based around an 'essentials' list that an IAM friend had given me when I was asking her advice on the subject. I was apprehensive and not 100% sure quite what I was doing so I hoped I could find a friend who was interested too would be able to play pierce along with me. That was not to be. Months and months passed and the ... read more

Heart Strings

Some time last fall i had a spontaneous idea. I turned to my boyfriend Brandon, then bluntly came out and asked, "How would you feel about doing a flesh-pull for our one year anniversary?" He really fancied the idea, mentioning more than once that it would mean more to him than getting legally married. It meant more to me as well; having experienced an energy pull once before, I was aware of the spiritual journey we would be taking together. I was also aware of how much trust we had to have in each other to agree to this experience. ... read more

Do Not Bend - Suspend

When I told anyone about my intention to do a suspension, the first response was always "Why?" It's a difficult question to answer. I couldn't say what it is I wanted as I hoped to go in without any real expectations. Any explanation I gave sounded trite. But ever since reading Fakir Musafar's suspension articles for BME, I knew that it was something I had to try. One day. Lately, the time began to feel right. I felt prepared as a person and willing to accept the outcome, whatever it might be. I sent out feelers, just dipping my toes. ... read more

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