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Worth Something

I'm what is called a cutter. This was the first time my cutting turned into art. I've had a few other occasions when I had a real design in mind, but the first time it was spontaneous. I started cutting when I was thirteen years old. In middle school, everyone had started being adventurous and trying dangerous things at the beginning of middle school, but I had tried to stay "good" for as long as possible. "As long as possible" ended as soon as I realized that staying "good" didn't make my life any easier. It just made me more ... read more

The difference between cutting and cutting...

At the age of 13, I experimented with self-piercing and play piercing with some friends and loved the endorphin rush. It was an almost spiritual process for me. I liked having control over my body and over the amount of pain and pleasure that I felt. I was very big into meditation, and I began meditating after play piercing and found that it was a higher experience for me. I carved a pentagram on my ankle with a friend as a kind-of lame "bff" thing. Fast-forward one year. My father, who for most of my life was absent, returned. And ... read more

Dead Cat or Spit Roast?

3rd time round I had no intentions to suspend at the event which would soon take place with the Hanged Man Team. When heading into the studio to pick up tickets for viewing I was kindly offered a helping hand. If I wanted to suspend. I had grown comfortable to thinking I wouldn't at this event. But then I'm just not the sort of girl who would give up such an offer. Walking into the studio now knowing I would be suspending in just a few days gave me the empty pit feeling in my stomach. After discussion I decided ... read more

Crucify Me

"Why?" The question becomes predictable, almost routine when someone enters my car. They immediately seem to notice the polished steel hook hanging from my rearview mirror, and inevitably want an explanation. Each time I hear that annoying three letter word, I'm almost compelled to launch into some sort of horribly graphic and disturbing explanation. One that might circulate and prevent any future inquiry as to why I choose to do so. I know you're asking yourself the same thing right now. I've always been fascinated by suspension, and only recently chose to pursue it. A little under a year ago, ... read more

At Home Microdermal Mistakes

In the past six weeks or so, I've pierced my nipples, navel, outer labia and installed a microdermal. This is how I did the microdermal, and the mistakes I made and hope you won't repeat. I've wanted a Madison piercing since the mid 1980s, but knew instinctively it would reject. After watching a hand web migrate out (the guitar lessons didn't help) I knew I didn't want to place a piercing that would become a source of displeasure. Regardless, I toyed with the idea for years, debating whether or not I was willing to accept the scar for the temporary ... read more

My life as a cutter

Disclaimer: What follows is my life as a cutter as I feel like telling it. I've done some stupid things in my life, so don't do what I did. I'm an emotional cutter, and damn proud of it. Normally I'd cut when I get really angry or sad. I'm highly introverted, but very emotional, so I find my feelings bottle up inside like a raging cyclone. When I let loose, I'm normally too scared of the ramifications if I lash out at someone else, so I just cut sick on myself (no pun intended). I've tortured myself in as many ... read more

An experience with sutures and sewing

About a year and a half ago I discussed the possibility of attaching zippers to my forearms with a friend of mine. He loved the idea and we talked over some of the details, equipment, and issues and agreed to try to make it happen in the near future. A little over a year ago the dream I've had for years became reality. I ordered medical sutures (half circle curved needles attached to 18" of black monofilament nylon) and bought some black (~8") zippers from a fabric store. We set a date and about an hour or two after starting ... read more

Hooks in Knees - take it as it is.

For my second suspension I had decided that I wanted to try one from my knees. I remember looking at pictures of others doing them before and thinking that I could never pierce my knees, let alone hang my whole body weight on them. I don't know why exactly, but after doing a 4 pt. suicide suspension it just felt like it wouldn't be that bad. I know that the lessons I learned from my first experience definitely helped my second one go much smoother. Russ Foxx organized another indoor suspension event and I was stoked to go up. The ... read more

Think Very Carefully

I'm sure that you all have your own very different and unique reasons for cutting, as do I. But in this experience I intend not to focus primarily on the reasons behind cutting, but the act of and the consequences of cutting. Partly because I do not wish to share it and partly because I want to use this experience to try and communicate with people who have not cut before and are thinking of doing so and also with people who are trying to stop. I will start off by giving you some background information on myself. I am ... read more

KAVADI no Brasil

Meu nome é Alexandre Montealto ,conhecido por Peco,28anos ,conheci o kavadi atraves de livros do Fakir Musafar a anos atrás e fiquei encantado inicialmente pelo visual e depois fui buscar o por que daquilo. Usando a internet tive um pequeno conhecimento do que se referia o ritual. Um dia por conta de uma comunidade de modificaçao corporal ( IAM-BME) conheci o Korn ,um ritual performer Holandes que havia construído seu próprio kavadi frame em 1992,e ele tornou-se meu grande amigo. Nos escrevemos por muito tempo,ate que ele veio ao Brazil e aproveitou para auxiliar-me em meu primeiro ritual ( suspensão ... read more

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